One of the things that causes so much self doubt in the victim is the narcissist blames them for the narcissist actions or twists the facts, or tells the victim their way of thinking and feeling is wrong. James used to say that he could not handle my warped views, that I viewed life through a different lens than the rest of the world and I was basically whacked.
I told him I wasn’t afraid of being wrong, but I was not going to take his word for it. I challenged him to find one person, any person he chose would be fine with me, it could be a guy off the street, it could be his best buddy; bring them to me and in front of me tell them exactly what happens in our relationship and then ask them if I am wrong to be hurt or angry. If they say that I am totally whacked and out of touch with reality, I will get help and I will change. If you are so right and I am so wrong; prove it to me. He never did, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to find one person who could say he was right and I was wrong, not even his best buddy would be able to do it and he would never have admitted to anyone the things that he did. He knew it was wrong or he would not have hidden it or lied about it.
If a person knows they are right, without a shadow of doubt, they don’t hide what they are doing, they don’t expect you to not tell other people. James also used to accuse me of only telling people the bad things he did and never telling them the good things he did for me. I spoke very little about the bad things James did because I knew people would tell me to leave and think I was crazy for staying so I didn’t tell people what went on behind closed doors. I was ashamed of what I tolerated. But, even if I had; whatever happens behind closed doors in a relationship should be able to be talked about publicly; I am not saying you should share all your dirty laundry with everyone, somethings in a relationship deserve to be kept private. But with that said, there should never be a need for secrets,
If you feel bad telling someone how your partner treats you then you need to look at the relationship closer, are you settling for something you know is less than what you deserve?