If It Wasn’t So Sick It Would Be Really Funny

I can not believe it but James still lurks about. i have had a rather strange occurrence I thought i might as well share now that it has all unfolded. I was waiting to see what he was up to before I said anything.

A couple of weeks ago he started lurking on my blog again, his town came up on my Statscounter almost every day for over a week, one day over 20 hours. I was thinking either it was him or her looking for answers, but I really don’t care what he does or what he reads any more, I really think he needs to get a life. He probably got fired again and needs to be mad at someone and I would be the prime target because I am the only ex who hasn’t “played nice” with him. I really think he thought I was going to be waiting by the phone for him the rest of my life like Karen did, and finally die by drinking myself to death.

you know that saying, “What other people think of you really is none of your business”? he needs to take it to heart (ooops, i forgot, he doesn’t have a heart teehee) He knows I am talking about him on the blog, so what? I am not talking to his friends, I am not phoning his boss, or his new woman. I am leading my life and he really can’t tell me what I can and cannot say about my life. he is badmouthing me I am sure, I know for sure he is, i don’t care, he still has his blog up slandering me, big deal. No one reads it so it has fallen so low on the Google search no one will ever see it anyway.

But he has an ax to grind and doesn’t have a life, i guess.

Anyway, what happened besides him lurking? Well, he lurked and then last week i got a call from his step dad. I hadn’t heard from him in well over a year and just assumed our relationship died of natural causes. I never really expected to remain friends with his mom and step dad, blood is thicker than water and really, I didn’t want to take the chance of hearing how wonderful his life was. There was no need to stay in touch. I thought too that maybe he had convinced them I was the bitch he said I was, but I really didn’t think too much about it. But then his step dad called a week ago, saying he had been going through business cards and came across mine.

I trust his step dad, I don’t think he would ever do anything to hurt me but it seemed a little strange because he asked where I was living now and I told him about the boat and how I couldn’t keep the cabin at Hatzic Lake and as soon as I said that he lost interest in hearing anything more and really had very little to say when i asked how he and Cauline were. I got off the phone with a funny feeling in my gut.

Then my brother was here this week to pay the moorage and the marina guys told him they are going to move my boat back a few slips. Apparently someone has complained about Stella barking. now I would not find that strange at all, if Stella ever barked. When my brother told me I know the shock showed on my face, he said, “They only had one complaint, they weren’t pissed off or anything, just thought moving you might appease the person who complained”. I said, “No, I am not worried about that, i don’t care if they move me or if someone complained, the thing is Stella NEVER barks, never, someone could break in and she wouldn’t bark, she doesn’t bark when other dogs bark, she doesn’t bark at other dogs, she doesn’t bark at cars or people, Stella never barks.” He looked puzzled and shrugged.

I immediately was reminded of when I first moved into Everglades and they got a complaint about me arguing with my boyfriend in the middle of the night keeping the neighbors awake. Only problem was I did not have a boy friend, I had not had any company period, so not even any one to argue with, i didn’t even have a TV that I might have had on too loud. I asked the neighbors and no one had heard me fighting and I lived on a dead end street, I only had 3 neighbors. It almost got me evicted, until i  told the management board to tell the person complaining to call them when it is happening and they can come down and hear for themselves. i added to not worry about being woken up in the middle of the night, because there was no fighting going on. That time James had put a tracking device on my vehicle and tapped into my phone and was trying to make my life hell.

when I moved here I had this strange feeling he was lurking, that I was going to run into him, i think I was sensing he was going to do something to make trouble in my life again. It is so juvenile and really scary that he hasn’t gotten on with his life yet.

I went on the net and found a recent picture of him and printed it off, I am handing it out around the marina so if he shows up the police will be notified. I have to go to the office and verify whether the complaint was made by phone or in person. I can;t see anyone here complaining about Stella and if someone is thinking she is barking I want to set them straight. But i really don’t think it is anyone here.

i just shake my head.

33 thoughts on “If It Wasn’t So Sick It Would Be Really Funny

  1. So Sad

    Hi Carrie 🙂

    Isn’t it funny how they all follow the same pattern . My ex has practicality stalked me in any way he can other than actually turn up at my house . He’s hacked & deactivated my original fb account, tried to hack others ( unsuccessfully ) He’s stalked the forums I post on & just back in April came onto one of knowing I was online ( he was watching ) and posted a tirade of untruths about me in an attempt at character assignation unfortunately some people who I thought were my online friends believed him , not that I care but this was another of his attempts to control me .
    I often wonder if No Contact really messes with their heads, lets face it they’ve had full control to do as they want for years & then all of a sudden the controls taken away when we finally say enough. Many people said to me at the start ” The best thing you can do is let him see you’ve moved on with your life ” and I think there’s a lot of truth in that , I AM moving on and he can see that, it must be gnawing away at him inside and similarly to you and James he keeps throwing stuff in my direction to see if he can get a reaction, what surprises me ( or did initially ) is the incredible amount of hate he has for me , when he was the one that walked out for another woman ! I’m still trying to work that on out ..

    Good luck with the Marina guys and stay safe x

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      So sad, they don’t want to see any of their exs happy or involved with anyone else. I still believe no contact is the best thing for the victim. The truth of the matter is; they are toxic dangerous people and the longer a victim is with the N the more likely they are to know stuff about him he doesn’t want revealed so he tries to keep tabs on the victim, keep control. The other thing is, in their mind they have not “won” unless they leave the person destroyed, if they leave the victim anything to go on with, in their mind they lost out on something.It is sick but that is what makes them narcissists. As for James, he hates that i have this blog and he wants me to stop writing, he wants me to fall off the face of the earth I am sure.
      The thing is, no one he knows would ever see it, no boss would ever find it, so what does he care what I say? I know he says shit about me and i figure i don’t even know those people so what do I care and if i do know them and they believe him they weren’t my friends to begin with so no great loss. But I am healthy, he is sick and he will not be happy until he destroys me or he dies trying.
      Let him die trying.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      heyeldi, Thank you. He is a nutjob, this isn’t anything new though.
      Every time he got fired he would go years writing letters to the employer, threatening law suits, he would get obsessed with it. He even started a few court cases but never followed through. He just hates being revealed to be the asshole he is, everyone is supposed to believe his version of himself and not ever make him responsible for his actions.

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  2. Jen

    Yikes, Carrie. I agree, that’s a long time to continue to mess with someone else’s life, especially when you continue getting no reaction. I think you are right, though, you are different in that you haven’t continued to “play nice” and that is something he will probably never get over. 😦 I hope this was it and it doesn’t escalate any further.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Jen, as I have said in reply to other comments, i have an inner peace he can’t destroy. I am taking all the precautions I can and not losing any sleep over it. I know he is dangerous and I won’t ever relax I don’t think but it doesn’t affect me living my life, I refuse to cow down, he can flex all he likes, he intimidate me for the last time years ago and I know now that my reputation and my way of life doesn’t fit with his story and people just don’t believe him, things don’t add up. Like stella barking, I told my old neighbor that someone had complained about Stella barking and she laughed out loud. It is so absurd.
      I took Stella for a pee at 5:30 am a couple of mornings ago. I didn’t have my contact lens in because I had just gotten up and she really had to go. I threw on my coat and off we went. Right when we got to the top of the ramp a semi with a flat deck came around the corner and stopped. Semi’s come through here once in a while but it struck me because it was a truck like James used to have, almost exactly. I called Stella because I didn’t know what the truck was going to do and she gets freaked by vehicles and I didn’t want her to run out and get hit.
      The truck pulled a little past me and then backed up, I just stood there with Stella, it backed right past me and as he passed i could see the driver gave a little wave. But I couldn’t see what his face looked like. He was bald like James. But whoever it was I didn’t react and just walked with Stella down the road and the truck took off. It was empty so it wasn’t delivering anything and certainly hadn’t just dropped off that early in the day.
      If he was in the area I can see him driving down here to check it out and not expecting me to be right there when he turned to corner.
      Kinda gave me a funny feeling.

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      1. Ellen Bulnes

        My x Psycho drove by my house all the time! There are other ways to get wherever he was going, so he was going out of his way to monitor me.This went on for months, it was really scary.
        His boundary busting and intrusive behavior was really scary!

        He showed up at the bus stop, had this really angry look on his face, i was standing with a friend, i said Ruby that’s him, he then proceeded to stand right in front of me almost touching me, i walk out from behind him and got away from, him, I went to the Police again. He had gotten on the bus, sat across from me, and said “its all your fault”! UGH

        I said “whatever”, he had to blame someone. After the cops went to his house, told him I would have him prosecuted if he did not leave me alone, he was out in front of the house raging like a mad man! He is dangerous, who behaves like this?

        Things have calmed down now, have not had any NARC sightings thank god, he is a miserable, angry hostile man.

        There is no doubt that I’m sure I would have endured being beaten up if i had stayed any longer. NC and perseverance is the only way out.

        There were times that I tried to talked to him about his explosive behavior, all circular conversations.. I dont know how any times i broke up with him, lost count!

        Got tired of walking on eggshell, tired of the verbal abuse,words of endearment to him, were, whore, slut and the C Word!

        When you have had enough you have had enough, no fixing him. I was very kind, loving and generous to him, he took all my wonderful quality’s and made a mockery of them.

        Much better off alone, i have never had a relationship like that in my life with a man.If I ever meet another man that wants to get to know me I will never ignore the red flags! One red flag waved and im outta there!

        Peace,

        Ellen

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  3. maryleemorgan

    Yikes! Having mine be so computer illiterate was frustrating while I was with him, but in the end I know it will be a blessing that I don’t have to worry about getting hacked like that. He could always find someone to help him, though, so it’s not like I shouldn’t think it’s impossible. Sorry you are having to go through that, Carrie.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Marylee, don’t under estimate him! There are Spy Stores every where. James loved that kind of thing. He used to buy stuff all the time from Spy Stores. A person can put a tracking device on your vehicle just by walking past and slapping it on your car. I could not believe how small it was when the mechanic showed it to me. It had a magnet so nothing to attach. The mechanic told me it would take seconds for someone to plant it. My ex had a camera that he planted in the house to watch what I did while he was out of the house, I found it while I was dusting.
      There is an app that they can get that hacks into your cell phone. I know exactly when James hooked up to mine. I never answered numbers I didn’t know and I didn’t have good cell reception where I lived anyway. I got a call one morning just after starting my new job so thought I had better see if it was a customer. I drove down to the Husky station where I knew I had phone service and checked for messages. There weren’t any so I called the number back, not even thinking it might be James, we had been split for over 2 years and I had not heard from him in well over a year. When I got his voice mail it was like an electric shock went through the phone line and I dropped my phone. I immediately hung up. I was thinking, why would he call and not leave a message? and I called back within 1/2 an hour and no answer? I wondered what he was up to. apparently all that has to happen is, they call you, if you pick up they are immediately hacked into your GPS on your cell. If you don’t pick up, as long as you don’t get any calls after he called when you call him back he is automatically hacked into your GPS.

      I took my phone to the Rodgers store and asked them to check it for bugs and they said it was fine and no one could hack into your phone. I didn’t believe them but wasn’t going to argue. I later met someone who knows about these things and he said that once they hack into your phone they not only know where you are, they can hear everything you say and see you, read all your texts, see all your photos, they have full access to your phone. scary!!!

      Then my boss got an anonymous phone call saying I had been seen in broad daylight at the Husky station doing crack cocaine and drinking mike’s hard lemonaide. I knew exactly who must have made the call. Coincidence that i was sitting at the Husky when I returned his phone call and that was where I supposedly was sitting doing drugs; which also happened to be only 5 minutes from where i had recently moved to. I said to my boss, “why on earth would I sit doing drugs and drinking when I was 5 minutes from home and could have just done it in the privacy of my home?” I asked him who called him and he said it was a man of the law. I said, “And he saw me drinking and doing drugs and didn’t arrest me? in fact let me drive away?”
      He just looked at me and I could tell he knew I was making sense. But you know, when someone gets a call like that they think, ‘why would someone call if it wasn’t true.” my boss didn’t know I had come from an abusive relationship and even then people just don’t expect someone to do something like that. Once I gave my side of things it all made sense to him and we were fine but the stress of it all and my ex had also been calling trying to get me evicted and knowing he had put the tracking device on my truck and he had blogs slandering me, I had my second heart attack and was left with heart failure.
      So his plan didn’t work the way he wanted but it still had the desired effect, I could no longer work and lost my home.
      My case is extreme I know, not all narcissists are going to go that far for revenge but I share it so people know it is possible and another reason to have no contact whatsoever.
      Just be aware and careful, better safe than sorry.
      Hugs

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  4. Ellebelle2015

    He found a new woman after I went on No Contact. He did everything to let me know he is happy and isn’t interested in my children and granddaughter anymore after 33 years. Now I have heard he is going to live together with the NGF. I must say, it was for me a kind of punch in my stomach.
    He is not going to live with her in another town, but in our old house nearby me. I am wondering if this is his revenge, because I left him all of a sudden two years ago, when I found out, what the problem was with him.

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    1. Ellen Bulnes

      Ellebelle,

      I fell badly for you! You can look at things this way, he is not your problem anymore!

      The NGF will endure that same crap you did, he may even be worse to her.You deserve a man
      that’s whole, not some piece of human refuse like him, he will never change. The only thing they
      bring into a persons life is chaos, mayhem and stealth abuse!

      I’m sure she will be on the receiving end of all this soon! Count your blessings!

      THEY ARE PRETTY MUCH ALL THE SAME.

      Remember its him with the BIG problems, not you!
      Ellen

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  5. Alice

    This is just another way to make you break No Contact. I very much recommend that you

    1. BANISH the crazy-maker:
    Very good advice on how to do that here >>
    http://www.kaleahlaroche.com/2014/09/29/banishing-the-crazy-maker-a-tough-love-approach-to-regaining-your-sanity/

    2. End the power-struggle by dropping your end of the rope:

    Great advice here >> http://www.kaleahlaroche.com/2015/02/16/the-power-struggle/

    Please take the time to listen to those radio shows by Kaleah LaRoche on http://www.narcissismfree.com or on http://www.kaleahlaroche.com where they are also made available (via sedonatalk radio and blogtalkradio). They are free and they are excellent tools for healing narcissistic abuse! These radio shows have really made a difference for me!!! There are plenty of them in the Archives (and all of them are SPOT-ON):
    http://www.kaleahlaroche.com/category/radio-shows/

    I hope that it is ok that I share those links in your blog- I think that victims of narc abuse should know about them because listenig to them really helps!

    X Alice

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Alice, thank you for the links, yes they are good and could be just what someone needs to make the break. it is the same message I keep trying to convey to victims, the only way to deal with these soul vampires is to not deal with them at all.

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. kim

    carrie it is a constant fear they never stay away even if they have left us they work through family and try to mess us up even more i keep hearing his motorbike all different times its so hard to relax its good you are vigilant carrie its more crazymaking stella sounds like a lovely companion stay safe carrie xxx

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Kim, I wish I could say my case is rare, although it is extreme; so many times I hear from people who say the narcissist will pop up years later, like nothing ever happened. They seem to think they own you once you have been involved with them.
      All victims need to be aware that most domestic homicides happen within the first 2 years after a split, in not just before the woman leaves. Most victims would start to relax after a year or more of the ex not doing anything and I guess that is why the abuser strikes that long after the breakup. Narc’s can hold a grudge for a long long time. As much as it is a scary thought and we all wish they would just fall off the edge of the earth and let us get on with living our life, evidence shows that they won’t just disappear.
      Stella is a geat companion and my saving grace, she brightens every single day and makes me laugh every single day. she brightens everyone’s day. There is a couple of picnic tables at the bottom of the ramp where residents gather to have a beer or coffee and chat. (living on a boat people don’t have much room to congregate and this is where they do it) it is kinda nice, like neigbors chatting over the fence in a normal neighborhood. Anyway, Stella acts like they are all there to greet her. She runs up and says hi to each person separately, tail wagging to beat the band and once she has said hi to everyone we carry on with our walk. Coming back it is the same routine before we go to our boat. simply everyone loves her to death. But one of my neighbors, Richard, was going to his storage container and asked if she wanted to go for a walk with him I said sure she would love to get out of the boat. She loves Richard, he always talks to her and plays with her but she had never been out of my company with him. They got half way down the dock and I heard all hell break loose. She bolted and his wheelbarrow almost tipped all his stuff out on the wharf. She came running back to the boat and when I opened the door she jumped in. She doesn’t want to be out of my site for a minute. i went and walked with her to his storage container and she was fine, sniffing all over the place and happy as a clam to chase a ball if he threw it. As long as I am there with her someone would have a hell of a time stealing her, which is good. She is my girl through and through, we would be lost without each other. I am blessed to have her.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      threekidsandi, that is what scares me, I am sitting on top of 500 gallons of fuel and he loved to blow things up. But the marina is very well populated, everyone lives on their boats and everyone is very aware of who comes and goes and watches out for each other, plus there is security 24/7 driving around. i really couldn’t be any safer than where I am. When my son still owned the boat I went to do some cleaning for him and I wasn’t on the boat 5 minutes and the guy next door was out on his deck having a smoke. I opened the sliding door and put something outside and then he recognized me (we had met once) and he sighed a big sigh of relief and said, “Oh thank God it’s you, I was just gearing up to go over there with my baseball bat and deal with whoever was in there and I was not looking forward to it.”
      And most of the guys down here have no problem taking someone down, a lot of them are ex military, navy or fisherman; and bar room brawlers and there is a real camaraderie and loyalty to one their own.
      Still creeps me out and I watch my back.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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      1. threekidsandi

        That sounds like a great place to be, makes me feel tons better. I just remember all the tampering you went through with your truck. I hope passing out the pictures brings you a ton of support, that will probably give you a great peace of mind.

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      2. Ellen Bulnes

        Hopefully the Idiot James will leave you alone, after i got the police involved, things have quieted down. This doesn’t mean you should become complacent! I know i wont, i don’t live in fear of what he will pull next, I live my life to the fullest!

        Its really pathetic that they always come back and pretend like nothing happened. That happened all the time when i was with him, my stomach was always in knots always on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop, WHO NEEDS THAT!

        Its was not a relationship, It was a reign of terror on his part. Very sick.

        Remember, you did not cause him to become like that, they are never like that in the beginning,
        its was like the wonderful man I knew in the beginning has disappeared, gone Poof!

        The one that replaced the good man, was a monster and a headcase!

        Its sad, no amount of hoping and praying and waiting will ever bring the good man back.

        I felt sad when i went NC on him, but I think all he felt was rage, and anger towards me, not capable of any introspection. I guess he figured that his crazy behavior was ok, and to treat me like dirt was ok too! NC is the only way to survive them, I pity any woman who ever gets involved with him, I would feel sad for her, knowing first had what she will endure!

        I’m just glad I got MR. TOXIC out of my life, thank God all of us here did!!! Once the mask is off, you truly see Evil thats the only word I can think of to describe him!

        Have a great day!
        Ellen

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  7. Army of Angels

    They just don’t stop…I never would have believed it if I wasn’t experiencing it too…it’s like,”what???” Watching your back, wondering what crap they will do next…stay safe Carrie!

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Army of Angels, I have learned to watch my back, even after we split and all the things he did while we were together I still didn’t realize how vindictive and evil he can be. After the episode at Everglades and my job, I put nothing past him. It doesn’t ruin my day, I don’t sit in constant fear but I take precautions to stay safe and there will be no second chances, I will have him arrested if he comes anywhere near me.
      Thank you Army, i know you understand and that means so much because people who haven’t been there tend to look at you like your paranoid, after all, what psycho would carry a grudge for 5 years? a narcissistic psycho is who.
      Hugs

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        1. Carrie Reimer Post author

          I think that is why the victim is not believed, it sounds too much like something from the movies and not real. Even the victim thinks they are being paranoid. I used to tell myself I was letting my imagination get the better of me. It is such crazy behavior, but crazy people act crazy.

          Liked by 1 person

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  8. Ellen Bulnes

    Carrie,
    That’s scary! I had a number of things happen covertly and I know my x-psycho was the culprit.
    A year and 1/2 after our final breakup I came home and found a large bag of trash in my driveway, then i have these hooks on my porch for hanging plants, one was gone and the other was unscrewed and left in a hole on the porch railing, next the eagle on the end my american flag disappeared. this would involve coming up on my porch unscrewing the eagle from the end of the pole and to do this you would have to remove the flag from the holder!

    One of my neighbors saw him parked across the street from my house last summer when i was at work, looking up at my apartment, that made me sick to my stomach. He was a rampant stalker, big time abuser, had to get law enforcement involved to get rid of him!

    My neighborhood is very quiet, no crime, family oriented, so those activities are out of character for this area, but not out of character for a Psycho. It made me sick to my stomach
    when these things happened.

    I personally think that he is just kinda telling you he is still around, maybe his latest mark dumped him, he is angry, so lets go fuck with Carrie! They never go away completely, just be careful. Mine was really bad like yours, scared the hell outta me.

    They surface from time to time just to mess with you, be safe my friend!

    You and Stella have a lovely time on your boat, you are truly an amazing woman, we all are to have survived their shit!

    Best Wishes,

    Ellen

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Ellen, thank you, Stella and I have a good life, even with all the struggles financially; I live every day to the fullest and live true to myself. All survivors of narcissists are strong, lovely people and deserve a medal. I think you are right, once you have been with a narc, forever more they like to let you know that they are lurking in the wings and they can carry a grudge like nobody’s business, for years! I have never been the kind to seek revenge, I have always just gotten on with life but it used to amaze me how he could dwell on something for years and then he would do something covertly in revenge. If I wanted revenge I would want the person to know where it came from, but if I am angry I come right out and tell the person so it is a mute point. Every time he held a grudge against someone it was always when they had told the truth about him, he would get caught stealing from where he worked and get fired, but he would dwell on how he was unjustly fired for years. They are crazy, plain and simple and that makes them scary. I know for the rest of my life, anything that goes wrong in James life will somehow be my fault, before me it was Karen, but she is dead now so I take position of head bitch in his life, the one who ruined his life.
      Thank you Ellen, I know you understand and that means a lot.
      hugs
      Carrie

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