If A Person Was The Paranoid Type

I was sitting at my bar counter in my new comfy Captain’s chair with my laptop at the ready waiting for Eddie to call on Skype for our interview. My notes at my side (which I didn’t look at once through the whole interview), I checked the clock and it was 5 minute to 5, he should be calling any minute. I noticed a humming type sound, like a weed whacker sound, I wasn’t sure how long it had been there but it wasn’t going away and like you know, I live on a boat, my neighbors don’t use weed whackers. I looked out the window and couldn’t see anything but I definitely could hear something, I looked left and right and there was no one out there that I could see and then I looked up and there was a drone, right outside my window. I could see the camera on it and it was pointing right at me, now there are dozens of boats here, but it was right outside my window and I am closest to the shore, there is an empty slip behind me, no one lives on the boat in front of me, I kinda stand alone.

GETTY_1715_Drone
This is pretty much what it looked like. I didn’t think to take a picture of it looking at me until it was gone of course.

When I looked out the window it took off, I followed it and it disappeared, I searched for the operator and couldn’t see anyone. I didn’t want to leave the boat because I was expecting Eddie’s call. I have a 360 degree view in my boat and in the distance I saw the drone coming back, this time it came from the front, straight down the line of boats and sat directly in front of my boat and hovered (last time it hovered on the side) it sat there for a few seconds if not minutes and then darted off again.

I noticed Eddie had messaged me on Facebook so I checked and he had tried to skype me and it had not worked. I struggled with Skype for gee, I bet 1/2 an hour if not longer and could not get it to work. Nothing worked on my computer, I was signed into Skype, but I could not do anything, Eddie tried to give my instructions but it just kept wanting me to download it again and again and I could never get in because it said wrong username or password. Eddie assured me it was not just me, he has had trouble with Skype every time he used it.

We never did get Skype to work, he suggested i try to video call him through Facebook and that failed also, it said I had to open it in Chrome, but I was in Chrome already, it kept wanting me to download Chrome. I was laughing but getting frustrated by now. So Eddie called me through Facebook and it didn’t come through on my computer but my cell phone rang. We did the interview over the phone and I think it went well.

Eddie was a great interviewer (or whatever you call a radio host, radio talk show host seems long) of course I got off the phone an hour later and all night thought of all the things I wish I would have said but the hour just flew by so fast!!! It was just like talking to friend on the phone. A great first experience being interviewed! Thank you Eddie for putting me so at ease!! He said he will let me know and provide a link but figured he would broadcast it next Tuesday. He said he is interviewing two comic writers and then another two comic writers and wants to put our interview in between them. I said, “Yeah, can’t have things to light and fun, let’s bring everyone down for variety.”

I hope it went as well as I think it did. I don’t think I did much ummmming, but he said he can edit that sort of thing out anyway.

My laptop seems fine today, I haven’t tried to Skype mind you.

It just seemed so strange that the drone showed up right at the time Eddie was scheduled to call and then my laptop refused to work properly, if not for my cell the interview would not have happened. coincidence? who knows. i can’t count how many times when I was with James I told myself, “Oh it was just a coincidence that he was crawling out from under your truck when you went to go work and your brakes failed that morning.” “It was just a coincidence that he text messaged to say “Be careful out there” only minutes before I blew a front tire on the freeway and had to fight to keep the truck on the road with no brakes or power steering because the tire blowing had taken out my brake line. I had just enough brake fluid to get it stopped, all 16,000 pounds of truck and scrap.

BUT I am not a paranoid person, and if by chance James was flying a drone around the marina (and it is something he would do, he loves techie type stuff and always had the latest gadgets) there is not much I can do about it and the interview went ahead as planned just a little later.

Today I have a doctors appointment, I haven’t said anything because it might not be anything but I have something on my arm that they think might be skin cancer and I am getting it cut off and tested today. I have had moles taken off and tested many times, my body is covered in moles, but this one looks different and I am a little nervous about it. Of course I have had to wait a couple of months to get into the specialist and it has gotten bigger and uglier in the meantime. I am sure it is nothing just like all the other times but positive thought certainly never hurt.

See you all tomorrow and in the meantime some reading material, here is a link to Lovefraud’s newest post about the narcissist/sociopath, psychopath popping back into your life claiming to be a changed man.

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10 Replies to “If A Person Was The Paranoid Type”

  1. Oh…my…God, Carrie! I think you are right and it is not a coincidence. As you know, I have been dealing with stalking behavior as well. I was just thinking, hmmm, it’s been a couple of weeks since anything strange has happened and over the weekend, I started having problems with my vehicle. He has a key to my vehicle and it is exactly the kind of thing he would do. Unfortunately, when in this type of situation, there isn’t the option of brushing things off as “coincidence”. I will never be the same again which is the most frustrating part of it all. Stay safe. I’m glad there are others around you to keep an eye out. I worry for you…and me!

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  2. Carrie,

    Drone, you have got to be kidding, OMG!
    Well here is my two cents.
    I think when you gave his step father the information on where you were living, he told the NARC-PSYCHO!

    Plus the bullshit when you were walking Stella, you could not see him because of your contacts were not in. Sounds like some stalking going on.

    Good Lord, I prayed for you on the way to work, this makes me sick, why after 5 years is he doing this? Well we all know as well as you that he is nuts!

    Thank God my X-Psycho was TECHNO Illiterate, or I’m sure he would have pulled pulled the same crap! Make sure your phone is on speed dial with the cops. HOW FRIKIN INTRUSIVE!
    WHAT A PIG!

    Tell people at the Marina, marina people are very clannish and protect each other.
    I live in up state NY far away from you…..if i were your neighbor Id sit outside with a shotgun!
    BRING IT ON JAMES=SCUMBAG ASSHOLE!

    Just you and Stella be safe, I’m pissed about this latest crap, BE CAREFUL..BE SAFE!

    I think he got dumped by his latest mark, and is jealous of you and where you live.

    Sick!

    I wish i were your neighbor I’d hunt his ass down, give him a tastes of his own medicine!
    Terrorizing, Nice!

    God Bless, stay safe and keep us posted! Typical sociopath behavior!
    Hugs,

    Ellen

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  3. That is awful Carrie; what is good for you is that you stayed on track with your interview mission. I completely understand this zone, being 6 months into separation from ‘that person’. Someone once said – I’m sorry, I don’t recall who – that there’s a fine line between vigilance and paranoia. This is one of the central challenges in dealing with a narc/sociopath (or whatever you settle on calling them) once you see the reality of it. A lot of what they do, I have found, is not in fact calculated, just reactive. But in amongst that is also very calculated or momentarily focused stuff. So how do you know? It’s analogous to their conditioning in the relationship: after the honeymoon period; they cunningly drop a scrap now and then, and it keeps us in. They don’t need to do much more (and that’s what we have to look at and work on, in ourselves). Their manipulation, distortion, sabotage and control tactics are pervasive but ultimately random and opportunistic, but because they’re driven that way at all, we end up questioning everything, simultaneously, which is devastating psychologically, emotionally and physically. A friend recently reminded me to be aware of ‘false positives’; that is, evidence that might not be evidence. These words come back to me often. We end up on permanent high alert, and can find patterns that actually aren’t there – but they might be. It’s very hard to let go of the desire to catch them out with proof, given that they specialise in perpetrating and evading detection, and that we know the degree of injustice and abuse, but can’t prove it or have the validation and protection we feel we need. One’s whole life could easily be dedicated to to this pursuit of ‘joining dots’, but it’s no-win in that sense; we don’t want to lose ourselves to this. From the start, as I see it for myself, the task is to return focus and energy to me – it’s the whole point, really. But hard. I have to create a whole new foundation for my way of being in life, as a mature adult, springing from exhaustion and financial and personal annihilation – that’s very hard, especially as I am a good person (of course, not perfect, but fundamentally good) and have done nothing wrong. What we don’t want is to end up becoming the paranoid irrational person that the narc has claimed and publicised that we are – then they have won. The only way is personal, spiritual growth. Easy to say, I know. Thankyou Carrie. Here’s to vigilance! xxx

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    1. Obi, in the past i didn’t let my mind go there, i really didn’t think he was capable of the things he has done. I always gave him the benefit of doubt because; who wants to be paranoid, it will drive you crazy. The thing is, whenever i have suspected him of something he has done worse. than i could have ever imagined. I thought I was being paranoid until his sister came to live with us and she started picking up on things without me even saying anything. i would much rather be wrong and aware than to be taken by surprise. A person doesn’t have to be irrational to be safe, i think too many of these women who get murdered by their exs probably felt something in their gut and ignored it because they didn’t want to be paranoid.
      I would rather be called paranoid than dead.
      I found that James was very calculated in his revenge, he rarely just reacted to a situation, he plotted his revenge and it could come days or weeks later. When he ambushed my son and I he had been planning it for at least a week or more, he had glasses made exactly like his own but without prescription lens in them so if they got knocked off during the fight he could still see. he had me sign transfer and tax forms way in advance because he knew he was going to steal my truck at some point. Some of the stuff he did was reactive but the really evil stuff was well thought out.

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  4. An updae for you all. I decided to check on his youtube to see if he ahd posted anything new. I haven’t check it in I don’t know how long and he had added a bunch of videos. One of them was his new semi, a white long nose Kenworth, very similar to the one he had with me only a bit older, but exactly like the one I saw here the other morning. Now I am sure there are a ton of white long nose Kenworths around but it did send a chill down my spine.

    I did ask the group that congregates at the common area every day if any of them had complained about stella barking and they all said no. I told them why I was concerned and they all said that if a stranger comes around every one keeps an eye out for everyone else. I know they do and it makes me feel a lot safer.

    After talking to them for awhile I went back to my boat and one of the guys who was up there lives across from me and he called me over and said he had to talk to me. I guess his wife called because she works graveyard shift and when I first moved in Stella refused to get on the boat a couple of nights and i was coming and going at all hours. He said he felt bad and she jumped the gun and she was too shy to talk to me personally but he didn’t want me worrying it was my ex or that anyone hated me at the marina. I thanked him so much for telling me the truth, it was a relief. i still think it could have been James in the semi especially now that I saw that he has one exactly like it and it had a flat deck on it just like the one I saw. The one he had with me got repossessed so i am not surprised to find out he got another one. He has a thing for long nose kenworths. But i have told everyone that i have reason to be concerned if he showed up here so they will keep their eyes open now. it doesn’t hurt to be safe.

    As for the drone? who knows, i know it was sitting outside my window for a long time.

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  5. Carrie, Just be safe. I’m glad your group at the marina are looking out for each other and you!

    Whatever that freak James is up to the hell with him, you are a very smart woman! He is a moron, and a subhuman. Lets him play his stupid games, you and Stella enjoy yourselves.

    If my XPSYCHO were to start his shit again and stalk me, Id have him locked up! Most of these subhumans like to mess with people that dumped them, onward!

    Have a long Holiday weekend away from work, very chilly here, going down to freezing tonight.

    I’m making my brother and his wife some of my home made baked beans, he is a sheriff, very proud of him! He said he would stop by after work, I have an American Flag for him, got it making a donation to the USO.

    My flag flies proudly at home every day! My hanging baskets of Petunias are here inside i will put them out tomorrow midday and bring them in at night, they are so beautiful!

    Be safe, know that you are loved by all the right people!

    Hugs and Blessings

    Ellen

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  6. You can’t help but be paranoid (at least that’s true for me) after being in a relationship with a sociopath/narcissist. I also went through having my vehicle tampered with…..and my children and I could have died………. so I get it. And I will probably never let my guard down again unless I am with people who have proven themselves beyond a doubt.

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  7. OliviaRose I don’t know if I would even call it paranoid or maybe we have always been too trusting and now we are watching out for our well being and just being smart. What is wrong with waiting until a person proves themselves trustworthy before we automatically give them our trust? We have no problem proving we are trustworthy, because we have nothing to hide.

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