I had a comment on another post from someone asking if they were they only one who’s narcissist literally gave them garbage with such flair that the narcissist expected the receiver to be forever grateful for their generosity. I had to laugh because it brought back so many memories, awwww the memories of times spent with the narcissist in his fantasy world where black is white, wrong is right and garbage is gifts. And don’t you ever point out that it is garbage because then you will be called an ungrateful bitch!! So the victim finds themselves thanking the narcissist for their generosity and raving about how lucky they are to have such a generous partner, who lavishes them with garbage.
it is like the visual proof of what they are doing 24/7 from day one of the relationship, feeding you garbage and expecting you to believe it is real.The very first time I experienced this generosity was when we hadn’t been dating that long. He had a BMW with fancy low profile tires and aluminum rims and totaled it in a multi car crash. He had just talked me into buying an older Prelude (another story where I got screwed in the deal but none the less I did love the car). He got it in his head that seeing as he had those practically brand news wheels and tires he should put them on my Prelude, along with the stereo he had in the BMW. I was hesitant because we hadn’t been dating that long and what if we broke up, then I would have to give them back and expressed this to him. We were driving at the time and he pulled over, looked away for a moment like he was trying to compose himself and he spoke while he looked out the window. “I know I am not going anywhere, but if you decide to break up with me”, he turned to look me in the eyes with tears welling up in his eyes and continued, “anything I have given you or put on the car is yours to keep. I would never take back a gift.” I felt awful, I said that I just was used to being self sufficient and it was so extravagant. He said that if it made me feel better he would get the tire shop to store my old tires and rims so that if we ever did break up I would always have them there. So i agreed. A decision I would regret many many times over the time I owned the car.
it wasn’t until we were living together and my old tires were long gone that he decided I owed him full price for the wheels and tires. (It was included on the invoice he gave for all the money he had spent on me from the very first date.) I finally ended up selling the Prelude and paying him just to get him off my back. I gave him the money and he agreed my bill was paid in full, and then 2 weeks later he was saying I owed him still. I was just starting to learn you can’t win for losing with a narcissist.
He used to give me things he found in the scrap cars he hauled, once it was a broken china sugar bowl, another time some cat and dog ornaments that he had found that had chips out of them, some half burned candles he got from somewhere. I would always thank him so much! Didn’t want to appear ungrateful after all. He would give me things I never wanted, never asked for and didn’t know what they ever were; but he always knew what they were for and would end up taking possession of them. He often bought me gifts that he himself wanted.
When they repossessed his semi he stripped the exhaust pipes, the wheels and tires and anything else chrome off of the semi before they took it. After that he kept wanting to put the pipes on my truck and the wheels and tires, which of course would not fit unless he cut the fenders so the big tires could fit. I refused to let him put the rims and tires on but he put the straight pipes on anyway. I had this feeling his was planning on taking possession of my truck eventually anyway so he was just getting it to his liking ahead of time. he included them on the invoice he presented me for truck repairs totaling the value of the truck. I am sure he thought if he could present me with a bill that was equivalent to the trucks value I would just sign it over to him. Not on your life!!
About 6 years into the relationship every time he offered me a “gift” I would ask, “Is it a gift or are you going to expect me to pay for it? because if I have to buy it I don’t want it. if it is a gift then thank you.”
He would steal all my tools, wrenches, screw drivers etc and then when I didn’t have any and go to him looking for them he would give me some of his because he always had lots. I started painting my tools with bright florescent orange spray paint, he would paint his tools with blue paint. he wouldn’t even take care to cover all my orange paint, just spray blue over top and take ownership and then give me my own damn tools back as a gift. I had a ring with a pearl in it, it disappeared, about a year later I got the ring back, minus the pearl, as a gift. He gave me my own radio as a gift.
He would buy himself dinner out at Red Robin, eat until he was full and then tell me he bought me supper and hand me the takeout container with his left overs in it. I would refuse to eat it and he would shrug and say up to you, I bought it for you, but it would be the Whiskey Jack Burger, his favorite that I didn’t like and never ordered. Valentines he would buy chocolates on the 15th half price, eat half of them and then present me with what was left like he was the most generous guy around and so thoughtful.
He was great for telling you what he would have gotten you, or telling you it was being delivered and it would never show up. His family still haven’t seen their Xmas gifts from 16 year ago that were supposed to be in a container coming from Saskatchewan. When his son was living with us, he took the boy out to shop for his xmas gifts, luckily I decided to buy a bunch of art supplies and stuff just in case James didn’t come through. I meet up with them at Sears and his son is so happy, his dad bought him a great big tool box on wheels and everything. They went to the loading dock to pick it up and what do you know…….the loading dock was closed and it was Christmas Eve, nothing they could do now. damn! you guessed it, the kid never saw the tool box and in fact his dad stole the tools he did buy the boy. But like with when he stole my tools, his answer was “Why would I steal your crappy tools? I only buy the best, I don’t want your crappy cheap tools.” So one time I went through his tools and pulled out all the cheap crappy tools that he admittedly would never use. He was furious, I said they had to be mine because he never bought crappy tools. He just stole them back.
He used to leave his garbage on the back of my truck and it would stink, I asked him so many times to not do it but every single day I would go out there and there would be garbage on my truck. I don’t know what it was, why???
He used to always say that he wasn’t into giving gifts on special occasions because he gave gifts all year long. Hahaha yeah. ok.
What are some of your most memorable gifts from the nacissist? oh and i can’t forget the ‘gold’ wedding band that the gold washed off two days later.