I have to make this quick as I have an appointment with a counselor in an hour and 1/2 and need to shower etc.
We are in the middle of a heat wave here hotter than hell and no money for a fan in the boat there is one built in but there isn’t power throughout the boat none of the lights work never have; the power plugs work but for some reason none of the wired in things like lights. I use lamps to light the place. No one knows why the lights don’t work and I get by fine using lamps for the most part but the bathrooms are dark. No biggie, if I had a fan I could plug it in but that is the least of my problems right now anyway.
I am really down, and I am sick of being down, I am sick of not having money, my laptop has not worked right since it crashed, my cursor has a life of its own actually my laptop has a mind of it’s own. I have been applying for every job I can do and applied for some I would love to have, would be perfect for me and nothing.
Like I said I am sick of being down and I am sick of talking about it. So I am going to bring you up to date and then things are going to change around here.
Wednesday is welfare day, I had a $1.16 in my account Wednesday morning and was just heading out to get groceries but thought I would check and make sure my money went in my account as usual. Nada, I still had $1.16. I called the hotline and was told I needed to talk to a worker so I called the office and waited for over an hour before I was told that I was being investigated and I had to call someone named Tina, the investigating officer. I have placed 4 calls to Tina and had no reply. I am out of food, dog food, everything. Quite literally, I have no food in the fridge no gas to get anywhere. I called my mom and she put $100 in my bank account, I went to withdraw it to buy food and they had taken my car insurance out, which is $85 a month, so I have enough money for gas to get to the counselor.
I live so far out from the centre of town that I can’t get the food bank or welfare office without gas. I have not heard from my mom since, no email asking how I doing, nothing. I sent an email to my brother saying I didn’t get my cheque and I would not afford to pay my rent this month and heard nothing back.
I am now getting paranoid. This is all very coincidental again, with everything else that went on that now for some reason I am being investigated, which means someone must have called welfare to get me in trouble.
I am going to change the blog, clean the posts up and try to organize it so it;s easier to get around and I will still post when I can but I am changing my email and will not have any contact info on the blog whatsoever, I will be moving and I won’t be saying where. I don’t know where at the moment my car seems to be the only alternative. But I won’t be talking about my personal life and what is going on, nor posting pics. I refuse to take the blog down and I refuse to change any of the information I provide. If James thought he could bully me into shutting it down, he is sadly mistaken, if anything he has made me more determined to keep it up. I never started the blog as revenge, or even out of anger. In fact I have always had a hard time being angry at him, hurt, devastated, yes but angry no. I have a hard time being angry, always have, one of my flaws I guess. I don’t even know if I am angry now, I am fed up.
There is nothing more he can do to me. Nothing more he can take from me. I am thinking I will have to get rid of Stella, as much as it will break both our hearts but with no money I can’t keep her. She deserves a place to live, decent food.
I have to get in the shower and get out of here.
I am sorry I am not doing well. I truly am sick of talking about it, I am sure everyone is sick of listening to me complain. I know my mom is and I don’t blame her. She is 75 and never dealt well with problems she can’t solve with money. She just wants everything to be ok, she worries, I know she does and she can’t deal with it. My brother has his own problems and my kid, well; he doesn’t deserve to have to worry about his momma. He has his own life to live and just started an exciting new job.
I am out of here. Gotta get ready HUgs to you all. wish me luck.