One Of Those Days – Or Weeks

I have to make this quick as I have an appointment with a counselor in an hour and 1/2 and need to shower etc.

We are in the middle of a heat wave here hotter than hell and no money for a fan in the boat there is one built in but there isn’t power throughout the boat none of the lights work never have; the power plugs work but for some reason none of the wired in things like lights. I use lamps to light the place. No one knows why the lights don’t work and I get by fine using lamps for the most part but the bathrooms are dark. No biggie, if I had a fan I could plug it in but that is the least of my problems right now anyway.

I am really down, and I am sick of being down, I am sick of not having money, my laptop has not worked right since it crashed, my cursor has a life of its own actually my laptop has a mind of it’s own. I have been applying for every job I can do and applied for some I would love to have, would be perfect for me and nothing.

Like I said I am sick of being down and I am sick of talking about it. So I am going to bring you up to date and then things are going to change around here.

Wednesday is welfare day, I had a $1.16 in my account Wednesday morning and was just heading out to get groceries but thought I would check and make sure my money went in my account as usual. Nada, I still had $1.16. I called the hotline and was told I needed to talk to a worker so I called the office and waited for over an hour before I was told that I was being investigated and I had to call someone named Tina, the investigating officer. I have placed 4 calls to Tina and had no reply. I am out of food, dog food, everything. Quite literally, I have no food in the fridge no gas to get anywhere. I called my mom and she put $100 in my bank account, I went to withdraw it to buy food and they had taken my car insurance out, which is $85 a month, so I have enough money for gas to get to the counselor.

I live so far out from the centre of town that I can’t get the food bank or welfare office without gas. I have not heard from my mom since, no email asking how I doing, nothing. I sent an email to my brother saying I didn’t get my cheque and I would not afford to pay my rent this month and heard nothing back.

I am now getting paranoid. This is all very coincidental again, with everything else that went on that now for some reason I am being investigated, which means someone must have called welfare to get me in trouble.

I am going to change the blog, clean the posts up and try to organize it so it;s easier to get around and I will still post when I can but I am changing my email and will not have any contact info on the blog whatsoever, I will be moving and I won’t be saying where. I don’t know where at the moment my car seems to be the only alternative. But I won’t be talking about my personal life and what is going on, nor posting pics. I refuse to take the blog down and I refuse to change any of the information I provide. If James thought he could bully me into shutting it down, he is sadly mistaken, if anything he has made me more determined to keep it up. I never started the blog as revenge, or even out of anger. In fact I have always had a hard time being angry at him, hurt, devastated, yes but angry no. I have a hard time being angry, always have, one of my flaws I guess. I don’t even know if I am angry now, I am fed up.

There is nothing more he can do to me. Nothing more he can take from me. I am thinking I will have to get rid of Stella, as much as it will break both our hearts but with no money I can’t keep her. She deserves a place to live, decent food.

I have to get in the shower and get out of here.

I am sorry I am not doing well. I truly am sick of talking about it, I am sure everyone is sick of listening to me complain. I know my mom is and I don’t blame her. She is 75 and never dealt well with problems she can’t solve with money. She just wants everything to be ok, she worries, I know she does and she can’t deal with it.  My brother has his own problems and my kid, well; he doesn’t deserve to have to worry about his momma. He has his own life to live and just started an exciting new job.

I am out of here. Gotta get ready HUgs to you all. wish me luck.

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20 thoughts on “One Of Those Days – Or Weeks

  1. carrie im so sorry to hear of this what are they investigating you for i would sak them you have done nothing wrong it might be the wrong thing to do in running away right now the welfare system is hard to deal with i know my benefits have gone down and i dont know why different every month they dont know what theyre doing it might be as simple as that have you explained to the welfare that you have no food or lights and you have a heart condition and live alone and cant find work surely by law they cant stop your welfare i would speak to your doctor to write a letter to them to say you have a heart problem and dont feel well enough to work i would stay where you are carrie i am worried by running it doesnt look good you really have done nothing wrong i would find out what they are investigating through the anxiety carrie maybe phone your mum again and ask for help or your son he may have his own life but you are his mum dont feel ashamed families should help in times like this this is what i would do your mum and your son maybe brother need to know you need money dont be hasty in giving up stella you need each other i can only give advice as to what i would do i wish you all the luck in the world carrie if you need me please dont hesitate to email me i am also there for you lots of love carrie xxx

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    • just had another thought maybe ask a neighbour if they can lend you some money to get food for you and stella desperate times call for desperate measures if you were my neighbour i would help you just a thought carrie love to you let us know how you get on its hot in england too probably cooler here than where you are its ok to feel fed up its horrible having no money never feeling secure with moving and renting all the time i know how you feel keep as strong as you can youll get through we are all here xxx

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    • Kim I am not running from welfare, I just don’t want James to know where I am. And as far as a doctor’s note, my doctor has written no less than 6 letters and filled out a HUGE questionnaire where he went into detail about my health issues and said I am not able to work, not without some training and he has ok’d me to attend school to become a life skills coach.
      Thanks for your concern. hugs

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  2. Kim I don’t know anyone here well enough to ask. I managed to sell a few of my things today and got some food and dog food my mom called which made me feel better. She just can’t help any more. It is what it is.Thanks for caring

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    • i really feel for you carrie what about asking your son im sure if he was in such a situation you would want him to ask for your help just a thought carrie i hope things get resolved for you with everything im glad you got some food good luck let us know how you get on xxx

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  3. I sent you a little bit of money. I’m sorry it could not have been more. Sometimes, I know that if you see that others care, it can renew one’s strength and determination to escape depression and hardship…just knowing that others feel your pain, and care about what you’re going thru can do amazing things for one’s morale..

    Definitely, you need to be careful what you post as there are trolls out there, and James could be one of them. He’s shown evidence of being a dangerous, malicious man. It’s possible he could also have flying monkey minions willing to do his bidding. I’ve seen and also been tormented by my ex’s minions from all over the Internet. There’s always idiots out there who admire psychos and are willing to serve and protect them imagining we are somehow some dangerous to these psychos. They get all caught up in the psycho’s phony charm, and see us as the villains!

    I wish to God I could have access to your laptop for a few minutes to see what’s going on with it. I don’t claim to be a real high tech person, but my computers never see the inside of a shop with things go wrong with their programming! I keep my own machines humming!

    By now, I can usually figure out the problem in short order when something goes wrong. I’m thinking some malware probably got installed at one point without your knowledge or permission. Happens all the time if you let your guard down! Drone’s I don’t know about, but it’s possible your fears are justified. Can you do a reformat of your hard drive? Do you have the OS install disks? It’s extreme, but sometimes, the only way!

    Good luck to you honey! I wish I could help you more. You’re such a sweet person, and its about time for luck to change for the better! Hugs and best wishes!

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    • Only Me I have done it all wiped out the hard drive and reinstalled from the disks. It is better but still not right. I am just living with it for now. At least it is functioning, which it wasn’t before. With this heat I think part of it could be that.
      Thank you for your donation I sent you an email. I are a doll, I know times are not great financially for you either. You are right though just knowing someone cares makes such a huge difference to a person’s mental state.
      hugs my friend

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