Why Did The Narcissist Dump You and What To Expect

If you have some illusion that you can stay friends with the narcissist, you are sadly mistaken. It doesn’t matter if he has stayed in contact with his other ex’s, all that means is they are drinking the kool-aid and hanging on; thinking they will get him back. You could be thinking, like I did and like I am sure James’s new woman thought, “He can’t be that bad if his ex’s want him back, he must be telling the truth that she was the one in the wrong, otherwise why would she want him back or even stay friends with him?”

For the same reason you can’t let him go; you know he was abusive, you know you were miserably unhappy and walked on eggshells for most of the relationship but you keep hanging onto the hope someday he will realize what he had with you, and appreciate all you sacrificed in the name of love.

The narcissist has a unique way of bitching about his ex and blaming her for everything and yet still making the new woman feel insecure about being as good as his exs. Let me explain, even though they were wicked evil bitches that broke his heart, they had some unique trait that he just can’t seem to forget or you can’t seem to match.  Out of the blue he will reminisce about the ex after filling the new woman with stories of what a bitch she was. It is another way of keeping the new woman in line and on her toes. She is determined to not do that things that put you in the category of “psycho bitch” but at the same time starts to feel inferior because of some trait he can’t seem to forget. If you continue to communicate with him, allow him to pop in and out of his life all you are doing is enabling him to further hook his new victim. You become one of his players in his orchestrated life. Another reason that no contact is so vitally important; unless you want to help him hook the next victim.

The absolute best way to get revenge on the narcissist is to not play the game, walk away and get a life without him; anything else only gives him either:

A: ammunition to call you a psycho bitch

B: Helps him prove to the new victim  that he can’t be all bad, or why would you be so upset to lose him?

C: Gives him narcissistic supply while he is on his best behavior with the new victim.

D: Opportunity to hurt you even more

* Whether it was your idea or his – after the breakup it will be all your fault and he will be the victim.

Depending on who he is talking to the story will change, and the story he tells you will change to his mood at that time, hourly, daily; from you bailed on him, leaving him heart broken and alone, to; he finally found the strength to leave YOU after years of abuse.

If you have read up on narcissists at all you have probably read that once they are done with you there is no getting them to change their mind. Which is partially true; most articles don’t tell you when exactly they will be done with you. If this is the first time you have split from the narcissist, more than likely he is not done with you yet. Don’t get your hopes up, I don’t mean that there is a chance that it all might work out, What I mean is; a narcissist gets bored very quickly in a relationship and needs to spice things up and he doesn’t get his pointers on how to spice up a relationship from the latest issue of “Cosmopolitan”. His idea of spicing things up is to dump you abruptly and as cruelly as possible and then suck you back in by saying you misunderstood him, are too sensitive, or deny ever saying anything remotely like he wanted to end it.

The first time James and I split he told me he wanted me to move out, that I needed to find out what it was like to support myself, he was sick of carrying the load in the relationship. (which made no sense to me seeing as I had been a single working mom for my son’s whole 17 years). He said that I had pushed him into living together and he had never wanted a live in relationship. I thought maybe I HAD misinterpreted his actions and words, even though I had asked him directly when he got the job in a different town if he wanted to move alone and just date. And a month before we bought the house he had proposed to me and told me that being with me was the best he had ever known. All I knew for sure was that he treated me like he loathed me and spent as much time away from me as he could and I was very unhappy, so I started to plan my move.  As soon as I found a place to live etc. then all of a sudden, “I was leaving him, bailing! giving up on the relationship.” and I couldn’t get rid of him.  I was totally confused and ended up going back, well; it was like we never broke up.

it happened often like that, he would want to end it, I would believe him, he would cry and say I left him; I would love him and never would have left if he hadn’t told me to, so I would go back.

In my rational mind I tried to make sense of what was going on. I knew he had been hurt in the past (all those psycho ex’s you know) and I though maybe he was afraid I would leave him so he was going to leave me first. Or maybe he was afraid of commitment so he had to sabotage the relationship and keep it from developing into something more serious. After a while I could see a pattern (or thought I did) where every time we were living in some hell hole or hadn’t paid the rent for awhile he would want to break up; I would go and get a place to live and next thing you know he is so sorry and wants to try again. Or comes to use my shower and never leaves and never apologized at all, was just as miserable and distant as always. Then I would get angry and demand he leave, HA! he would refuse to leave…….. if I put his stuff outside, beside the road, begged, pleaded, refused to let him bring anything into the house whatsoever, he would not leave, he would sleep in his truck in the driveway. AND he would call me during the day like everything was AOK. Ask me if I wanted him to bring home dinner, or offer to buy me dinner. He would get a job, start to shower again and next thing I know I let him spend the night and “here we go again!” Almost immediately he would revert back to his miserable, unkept, cheating self and I would end up moving to get away from him. He would sabotage my truck and I would call him to rescue me or he would have an accident and I would nurse him.

After 10 years of this dance I truly didn’t think we would ever really split for good. It was just the way we were, the way he had to have the relationship, so when he dumped me for real! and found another woman to be his soul mate. I was devastated, crushed, broken. Not that I hadn’t been for many  years, All that breaking up, making up and being discarded year after year takes a huge toll; you don’t realize because it is a way of life for you. You don’t realize how he has been whittling away at your self esteem and literally sucking the life out of you.

So, if this is your first break up with a narcissist; that is what you can expect, it can go on years and years, after birthing many children; and it never gets better. The abuse gets worse and you get weaker and more broken. But no matter how long you have been in a relationship with the narcissist, who does the breaking up or if he even has a new partner; it will be YOU who has to go no contact.

That is right, even though he/she has found their new soul mate and is happier than they have ever been; they will still pop in and out of your life, professing their love or to remind you what a bitch, loser, asshole, psycho you are and that you are to blame for the relationship failing. You would think that they would be so happy to be free of you that they would ride off into the sunset with their soul mate but nope, they have to rub your nose in the new relationship, they have to make sure to destroy anything good that comes your way. You are such an evil person you do not deserve anything good, ever. They will expect you to spread your legs anytime they want a little bit on the side. After all you are supposed to be so happy whenever they grace you with their presence that you gratefully fall into bed with them, so that immediately after sex they can tell you that they can’t see you anymore because they feel too guilty lying to their new woman. Or they will tell you that the new woman is so upset that they still are talking to you that he has to end all contact. (after you ignored 215 emails and text messages for 3 months, the first time you finally give in and respond he seduced you and dumps you in one fell swoop) Gotcha!! that was good for him, was it good for you?? Didn’t think so.

Be prepared for him to slander you to everyone, your family and friends, your boss, well, anyone who will listen. They will hear all about all the money you spent, how he did everything in the relationship and you were sitting on the couch all day eating bon bons and drinking. (that is what James said I did all day) and demanding he make more money. I was a black hole that he sunk all his money, love, and affection into for 10 years and he was so happy to finally be away from the constant drama and trauma of being with me.

You can get as mad as a hornet and try to tell people the truth and it won’t do any good because you were loyal and didn’t talk about him behind his back and he has already told everyone how vindictive and spiteful you are. To get angry will only prove his point, that you are a psycho lying bitch. Unbelievable?! oh you bet!!

But wait, that isn’t all! There is so much more!!

You know that special trip you always talked about taking? He will take it with the new woman.

I always wanted to take the Rocky Mountaineer Train, (it’s an old train that takes a scenic trip up to Whistler. Only a couple of months into their relationship James and Marissa took the Rocky Mountaineer to Whistler. I bet she paid for it because he wasn’t working at the time, he was “retired”. If it weren’t for me he could have stayed retired, but he had to go back to work to pay off all the debt I left him with, poor soul, lucky he fell in love with a widow with money who was more than happy to prove she was nothing like me.

All those things you begged him for, to show some affection, to even mention you on his facebook, to stay home at night? Well, he is doing them all with the new woman and of course plastering all over facebook and instagram, twittering about how in love he is and how he has met his soul mate. When you were with him he acted like you didn’t exist, you kept checking his relationship status on FB to see if he was listed as single because he sure acted single.

Every once in a while he will make contact, he will be so pleasant and sweet and make sure to fill you in on how happy he is now, how committed he is to the new woman and how wonderful she is.

You won’t recognize him, things he hated before are now center stage in his life. Never wanted kids – now he is with a woman with 6 kids and he is babysitting them while she is out. He never went to church? now he is in church every Sunday and praising the Lord. Never used to cook, now he has dinner ready every night. He used to spend all night watching porn and never come to bed? now he sits on the couch and watches TV with her and they go to bed together.

All of a sudden he is Mr. Honesty, he would never even think of lying to his new woman. I remember James guarded his FB with his life, and after we split he comments that him and Marisa are going through his contact list and he is telling her how he met each of them etc. Oh gag me!! bet she didn’t know he had two facebooks, one for family and friends and one for the women he was flirting with and screwing.

Breaking up with a narcissist is nothing like any break up you have ever experienced before but then that stands to reason because dating a narcissist was nothing like any relationship you ever had before, so to expect an amicable break up is delusional.

One thing you can be sure of; he will not be fair. Hire the best lawyer you can afford and get everything in writing, child custody, visitation, division of property, filing of taxes. Do not let him stall you, intimidate you or manipulate you into anything, get legal counsel on everything. He will pretend to be agreeable only to suck you into giving him something. He will not ever have your best interests at heart. It has always been about him and it always will be.

In every single break up with a narcissist I have heard about, he moves on with insulting speed and the very next victim is the love of his life, the one he has only dreamed, his soul mate. You are heart broken that he can move along that quickly but you must realize that although you were in a committed relationship and thinking of it as forever, he never was. Sure he said he loved you and would never leave but narcissist will say anything to get what they want.

For you to commit to someone you have to mean it so you think everyone operates the same way but a  narcissist can say “I do” in the afternoon and screw the maid of honor that night. Like James said, “I meant it at the time I said it.” or “I love you today.” and that is the way they think. They have no problem making promises because they have no problem changing their mind. They are never committed to anyone or anything; every man or woman that crosses their path is a prospect and if that person seems like a better option than you; they will have no problem dumping you. If you allow them to come and go out of your life all that is happening is, they are testing the waters, seeing if they can hook someone better than you, if it doesn’t work out they come back. Eventually there is going to be someone better because every time you take them back they lose more respect for you and you lose respect for yourself. With time you either shut off all your feelings or you become an emotional basket case; either way you are of no use to the narcissist any more and he has to find fresh supply.


93 Replies to “Why Did The Narcissist Dump You and What To Expect”

  1. I was with a Narcissist for over 20 years, and we lived together a few years shy of 20 years . He moved in with me twice and gave me the cold shoulder 90% of the time. He is ending our relationship due to someone that he works with who acts like she is a narcissist too. I was told that he needed 12 months to decide what he wanted, and that I should date other people too. But I think that they may have gotten engaged very recently, so this is probably a (timeline of hope) lie. Or not– only he knows for sure what he will go through with and who he really wants to be his long term or short term narcisisstic supplier. I need to heal and befriend normal people, so if he never comes back then so be it. But he has said things to make me think otherwise and to hold out hope.

    He even made sure he left his phone out for me to view the Text messages from his GF the 1st night he decided to openly go out with her. The truth is that he had been working ‘long hours’ for the past 8 weeks. I once intercepted a call from a ‘woman’ calling his cell phone when he was outside mowing the grass. Saying that she worked with my BF and asking me if I would tell my BF to call her ASAP, but not telling me what she wanted. I got a very awkward, silent and negative vibe from this woman. It is just rude when a woman calls to speak to your man and won’t say what she wants. So I gave the message to him and when I asked who it was, he just said it was someone he worked with who wanted to trade shifts with him.

    I have been gaslighted by being told that he does not work with her when he clearly does. I am hoping that this tart gets what is coming to her. She would call our home with me there. And text or call at 4, 5, or 6 am. Or he would call and talk to her with me there like I wasn’t there at all. And he would say whatever he wanted to say without holding back knowing that I could her the conversation. He also would lie and say that he had told her not to call him anymore when he was home. To be honest it might have been planned by my BF or both of them to get rid of me. But she has does not respect the most basic of boundaries. And could care less how much it hurts me overhearing what he is telling her. I even had to beg him to silence the ring on his phone from his GF calling so often. He clearly enjoyed hurting me.

    Some of these ladies who are in your face about the relationship with the person you love and are sharing a home with are astoundingly selfish and inconsiderate. And I will not shed one tear for her when she gets taken for a ride, and used, and verbally abused and manipulated and controlled. Better her than me. And the truly bizarre thing is that she is a twice divorced religious fanatic who told me that she is praying for me and will continue to pray for me all the while she has a torrid affair with my BF right in the open. He has even stopped coming home at night, stays at her place all night. I know I should cut all ties with him after I move out.

    By the way my Father had NPD so I see this disorder through a lens of deep love and great empathy and respect, now that he is gone. After pouring over countless articles on different websites, I have come to realize that Narcissists are more or less infantile in the way they view the world. I believe they were probably preconditioned to behave this way from childhood. Maybe due to being overly pampered by a parent or due to the parent being strict. Some say that abandonment can also come into play for some with this disorder but perhaps it is not known with any certainty. Whatever the case may be, men with NPD see women as objects to use and project a false image onto. It is purely a coping mechanism because they do not love themselves. They can never have a mature and mutually satisfactory relationship based on respect and the normal give and take of both partners. The supplier of energy is seen as the enemy. And it is an endless cycle of manipulation and control. I was my boyfriend’s Personal Assistant the entire time we were together.

    Sad but my BF even told his new (or maybe not so new) GF that he was never my BF from the start. (Which is astoundingly accurate. I was just used and abused.) That is what his GF texted me back with when I politely asked her why she was dating my BF. That is why I am hoping she gets what is coming to her from the Hollywood actor extraordinaire. I over heard them talking about going shopping for rings at a fine jewelry store. And even though I cried harder than I ever cried after hearing their plans, and they still met up as planned at a mall. Karma is a funny thing that never sits still.

    Good luck Geri and everyone else reading this blog who got their soul stolen and ran over and your heart broken! You will make it. We are an exclusive club of survivors from a hell storm. But if I got together with another narcissist, wow I could not handle that. No way. There are red flags to pay attention to.


    1. Hi Carrie. Thanks for taking the time to respond to my long post. My BF cut off all ties with his ex wife, and only child after they moved to another state, as was planned before my BF and me first met. But that decision to not have any contact was not because of me. I actually encouraged contact. But that is how he chose to deal with it. I don’t know what the future holds. I am very sad and a little scared, but at least I have one friend. Hope you are doing well. Many thanks for the insightful blog. I am learning so much from all of the websites and blogs I pour over. The pattern of being cheated on (with 2 people) seems to occur right after I pursue a job that will allow me to support myself. Thanks for allowing me to vent. I do hope my experience can help others who are hurting badly and struggling to make sense of a narcissist. God Bless.


    2. Revenge Your Ex

      Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
      variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
      Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
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      So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
      nude photos of her and so on.

      The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
      life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
      past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
      enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
      that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
      them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It’s much
      better to show you are indifferent and don’t care.

      According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
      helping men find young beautiful foreign women, “The best revenge is to date
      or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
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      woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
      or more successful.

      I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
      Russia.” says Agee, “The client told me that two days on our tour was better
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      you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

      I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
      a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
      that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
      thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
      with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
      pounds. I don’t look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
      who saved me from my ex and years of suffering.” This is the best a revenge
      when you win without lowering yourself.

      Other sites like “Get Over Her Now” give practical advice and tips for
      getting over a past relationship.

      Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

      Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
      young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
      game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
      opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
      environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

      Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

      Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your

      Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don’t let a break up effect
      your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
      with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
      and help attract better quality women.

      Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
      depressed, don’t sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
      something that will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Take a
      class, go hiking, fix something you’ve been putting off.

      Don’t start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
      life. Don’t drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
      one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
      something, don’t drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
      someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

      Don’t sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
      can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
      up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be

      Don’t binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
      and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
      attracted to.

      Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
      realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
      someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
      seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!


      1. Hi Joseph and everyone! I love your practical tips and advice on how to live a happier, healthier life and how to get your priorities straight so the healing can begin. While leaving room in your life to meet nicer people in the future so you will not be alone, and get the support you need if you don’t have a small support system in place. It really is about learning to like yourself again which is easier when you look and feel your best before anything else.

        You will learn to let go of all the sadness, confusion, disappointment, shock, grief, betrayal, deep pain, lonliness and sheer madness if you remember that a narcissist is a tortured soul who goes through life hiding like a child behind their true, authentic self because of the way they view the world. They also wake up in the morning despising themselves and their lives, and often deal with depression and suicidal thoughts due to their made up- always acting- delusional life of not being able to have any real feelings for anyone because they lack the basic, necessary skills to develop a real relationship.

        I have read a lot of N blogs by mental health providers and survivors of N’s like this one, and the never ending circle of abuse and it has helped me stop hating and resenting as much as I use to.
        Narcissists are relationship con artists and soul sucking vampires. I am happy to no longer be in my N’s line of fire even though I miss him. I felt verbally assaulted by him, and it was done to prevent me from being financially independant. After all, how can you leave your N if you aren’t able to support yourself? Some N’s demand all of your time and energy.

        I am learning to forgive my N, and feel sorry for him as well as the new person in his life who is sure to be in for a very rude awakening. These people are so insecure and distrustful to the extreme, and have no business starting a relationship with anyone until they get the therapy they so desperately need. Just be careful not to attract and fall for another N. And remember that even though forgiving others is easier said than done, learning to forgive allows you the gift of healing every part of you that is broken.


        1. I was in a bad relationship with a narc for the last six years, we had a great time the first three years I was recently divorced he was much older attractive with money, took me out to fancy dinners I was in for the excitement I fed his ego and sex life like no other. He loved to party to be in with the big wigs. I have kids so I couldn’t always be available. long story short he ended up cheating on me I was devastated I thought this was the man of my dreams, I moved away. He has cheated on every woman he has been with, his wife 4 times and every woman since that. he contacted me a month later begging for me back. I accepted, now we were in a long distance relationship for the last two and half years. Everything was always on his terms, he made me feel so worthless would always be accusing me of cheating or what not.. This last year has been so toxic, I have found things on his computer, woman texting him and he had an excuse for everything, he made me feel like I was crazy. Like I said before he liked to drink so I would drink with him and when I would find these texts or sites I would lose it, throw things break things. I became this terrible person. He sent me an email with this pretty blond bartender huge tits told me she is so much better I am ugly blah blah, I’m very attractive well since he has done this I became this obsessed crazy person for a couple days sending 100’s of emails making a fake Facebook profile of this woman that of course he engaged with. I felt guilty and embarrassed of my behavior so that has stopped. He replaced me in a week he is 55 and she’s 33. I’m young as well it was just a complete slap in the face. I fought so hard for his honesty and love and allowed so much abuse, all the other woman the lies being put on the back burner. I just want to know if anyone else has gone this crazy when a person with NPD does this to them?? He wont contact me because of course I have nothing but terrible things to say and he’s involved with his next victim. I just need suggestions. I have always had good relationships. I feel like such a psycho for not being able to control myself.


          1. Casey: try to take a deep breath and look at things from how a N views things, including women. Which is what I did in order to ease the grief I felt. I had many nagging questions from my confusion and pain, so went searching for answers on Yahoo search and found some pretty surprising answers to my desire to know what makes a Narcissist act the way they do, and what is the long term outcome for them? At front and center seems to be a problem they have with not having the most basic of skills to form bonds with others, that we take for granted. Which leads them to seek out people to date and sometimes marry, but mainly for the purpose of using. Which hardly ever works out in the long term. They then turn to alcohol and drugs as a way to escape the feelings they have of being lonely, depressed and even suicidal. From a therapists viewpoint, they all share a common thread of waking up in the morning and finding it difficult to live with themselves. So there is some mistruth to what they say about all narcissists being stone cold and having no feelings whatsoever. They do have feelings.

            So just learn to heal and eventually forgive. Because it will be the same outcome with whoever he meets next. A N is not able to show his true self. Prefers to hide behind a facade. I know that for me personally, understanding a Narcissist’s true mindset helped me keep my jealousy, anger and hatred in check. I have come around to forgiving my N and will not let him use my pain, misery and grief at they way he treated me, to feed his fragile, maladjusted ego and extreme insecurities. It’s all one big vicious cycle for both people involved in the relationship.

            And to answer your last question. Yes. I was with a person who has NPD for 20 years. He was not happy unless he gave me the cold shoulder, blamed me for everything, put me down, called me the most profane names known in the English language, and occasionally wished that I would die. Our cat got more attention than I did most of the time. And when he would drink too much hard liquor (which luckily wasn’t all the time,) I lived in fear of him. Good luck and God Bless.


            1. Wow!!! Thank you so much, I am finding so much help in realizing the person he is. I’m going to pray for his new girlfriend, I’m sure she’s just as excited and happy I was to have this hunk. I’m finding peace in knowing I don’t have to worry anymore. That I am okay. I’m away from him, but at the same time I want him to come crawling back so much can reject him. I have to stop contacting him. I’m so thankful he lives far away. God bless you as well!!


  2. My experience with my N proves you are 100% correct in everything you just said.



  3. Wow. You just described my last two years. Thanks for the great article. I needed to read that. Traditional breakup articles seemed so inapplicable somehow. You nailed it.


  4. Thank you. This was like reading about my life for the past 17 years. Yes, 17 years of living in insanity. It wasn’t until I sought out therapy that I slowly came to recognize what was going on. I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 years and I still question myself and his abuse. What helps is reading blogs like yours. Your experience is scary spot on to mine.

    Thank you for sharing such painful experiences, because it truly helps others like me to get my s* together and refocus on better self care.


  5. Keeps coming back after horrendous arguments. He threatens suicide but hasn’t the balls to do anything about it. I wish he would. Don’t answer texts, emails. He is one sick, dysfunctional nutter . I am worth a damn site more that what he has to offer. They should be painlessly put to sleep as you would a sick dog. Mel


  6. I saw a testimony about Dr Mack of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and marriage counseling problems and I just thought it was fake but I thought i should try it out*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted Dr Mack..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, his consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters and scammers ripping people off their money..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a new direction,it was and is amazing…I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope he could help other people too like he did for me…I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back*his address is -dr_mack@yahoo. com,,


  7. I really enjoyed and needed to read your post. Like so many others my life is eerily the same as yours. I have been in and out of a relationship with a narcissist for 17 years. I have “tried” to break up with him many times and move on with new relationships only to have him ruin them. Maybe the people I was in a relationship weren’t strong enough to deal with a narcissist and I honestly can’t say I blame them. He will go to extremes to ruin the relationships especially if he Is threatened by them and thinks that the new person is the one for me. My mind right now feels like it can blow up because there is so much I want to get out and share after a 17 year run with a narcissist. I am not the same person that I once was. He truly has managed to make me feel like the lowest person on the earth. What’s funny however is I’m smart enough to know that he’s wrong and how he treats me isn’t right. I know he’s not the one with a narcissist. I am not the same person that I once was. He truly has managed to make me feel like the lowest person on the earth. What’s funny however is I’m smart enough to know that he’s wrong and how he treats me isn’t right. I know he’s not the one for me. However it’s hard not to go back sometimes when they go to a extremes with proving them self. It is all just a lie and a sham because they are a manipulative beings . Probably the best reason I always go back is because he has managed to pull me away from anyone who is close to me. I know with all my heart I’m the better person and so sadly I hold out for karma. He broke up with me today because he said that he didn’t want to deal with my health problems anymore. I guess it’s a good thing that I gave the engagement ring back twice because if we were married he would have not stayed with me through sickness and in health. I mean is if I can control my health problems. Honestly, a few of my health problems have been a exasperated if not caused by the insane, twisted, toxic thing we called a relationship. Many times I’ve had that strong moment where I wanted to break up but I honestly get exhausted of even thinking about trying to break up with him because I know it’s going to be a lot of work to keep them out of my life. Right now I am not sure what to do with myself. He has somehow managed (without me realizing) me to isolate myself and become the opposite person I was to doing nothing and going nowhere. As I was driving back to my house I knew that this was the best thing, that this is what I’ve been hoping for so many times and this is truly what I want. But I am slowly alone without him. He’s the only one I talk to, go with, or do anything with. I have been through a lot in my life and I’m still standing so I know I can get through this. But the question is will he let me get through it. I know it’s as sure as I’m sitting here that this is not over and his mind. In fact every time I’ve broken up with him and moved on to other relationships I what is considered a cheater by him and everyone else he knew. we truly broke up but in his mind we never did. He has been a toxic person that has tried to come in between me and my family and it angers him that he has never been able to nor will he ever. I apologize for rambling. I keep all this bottled up and talk to no one. In the past I have tried to get him to see my point of view but I know a narcissist can’t. And if they say they do it’s just to get you back or appease you. I have been depressed for a while and frankly I know he likes me being depressed because he doesn’t have to worry about me meeting someone else. The bottom line is that I no I have to prepare myself for another exhausting, drama filled, Fight for my life. The reason that we broke up today was because lately I’ve been standing my ground and respecting myself and he doesn’t like it because he’s not in control. Because I didn’t respect myself before and taken the blame for everything I now have to deal with fighting to get my life back. It scares me because when I respect myself and stand my ground I know that I’m in for a fight that takes an incredible amount of energy that I don’t have at the moment. I do fear sometimes for my life because of the extremes he has went before to hurt me. Pray for me as get ready to fight this battle. Thank you for your post. It honestly helped to know that I’m not crazy and that others have went through this. Take care peace an thank you for your post. It honestly helped to know that I’m not crazy and that others have went through this. Peace, love, and Godspeed.


  8. For two years anniversary a week ago I’ve been in what I thought was a relationship with a guy I now realize is a narcissist. Been reading articles blogs anything I can these past two days trying to wrap my head around how I got to be this person I’m looking at in the mirror. This isn’t me I’m a mess confused feelig crazy second guessing everything paranoid I walk on egg shells constantly I play detective with everything he tells me cause almost everytime the whole thing or part of what he says is a lie. Started when three months in he was always messaging on his phone when I asked it was his best friend hadn’t talked in a long time. Well doesn’t he have some best friend at all times he hasn’t talked to in so long I’ve figured out they’re obv sleeping with him or he’s flirting or something either way they aren’t aware of me his supposed gf. Three months in this old best friend became pregnant didn’t he feel badly her ex was so mean leaving her in that state on and on he’d talk about it then he admitted he’s the dad that she’s due in a few months it happened before he met me. Well of corse I believed him we made plans he even asked me to help him with the baby he moved in all seemed good then the due date came and went now his story changed that we had been in a fight for a week don’t I remember that he helped her move got drunk made a mistake he used a condom pulled out doesn’t think it’s his begged me to forgive him beginning the gas lighting I didn’t know was a thing. She became a bitch worst person ever had me block her on everything cause she’s crazy will try to make me believe her lies so of course I was in love so I followed whole heartidly. She did message wanting to know why I was calling her bf of course he says she’s crazy trying to scare me away that eve if she did he’d never be with her. So it calmed down for a bit then he started the gas lighting more moving things denying things id heard him say eve saying the messages I had proving he’d said things I had faked using a app of course he knew about which I hadn’t at all it was so bad id apologize for misunderstanding then cry wracking my brain asking did I hear him maybe I’m wrong. We got in a huge fight I fell down the stairs cops were called he admitted to punching a wall so he got arrested for domestic. We weren’t to have cot act I was devistated heartbroken of course pleasing with cops he didn’t do anything it’s my fault. The charges were eventually dropped after him spending a ton on a lawyer being arrested for breach his baby calling cops to tell then he was at my place. Well I should’ve left the now were almost nine months in he starts bringing up everything when we argue always turning it around so it’s my fault. He is so good looking I couldn’t risk him leaving me so id do anything I could to make it better looking back it makes me sad how quickly I became someone else to make him happy feed his wants unknowingly. So summer comes he has his son which I’ve still never seen in person we stopped talking for a bit me of course a depressed sad lonly shell of who I was messaging him begging him to come back he replying enough to keep me on a string. Three months later he sex messages me cause let me tell you that was never a problem he’s the best I’ve ever been with got me to open up in that way tried everything instead of flowers he’d buy me things from the love store I thought it was our thing didn’t know he was sleeping with who knows how many others. So he wants sex I drop everything cancel all plans clean up make myself look like I hadn’t fallen apart. Then he’s right back to normal doesn’t mention the kid hardly bashes the mom of course we keep going no one knowing I exist other then maybe I’m his best friend to someone else asking who he’s talking to I still don’t know. So this continues like this for another ten months till now. Keep in mind during this time he’s ripped me and my mom off lied stolen abused me mostly mentally some hands on he’s broken me down taken my self esteem made me feel like I’m so luck he’s around do I know how many ppl would love to have him so I should start treating him better. So here we are now I had to drop out of school got evicted from my place my car is sitting broken thanks to him I can’t afford to pay for it or fix it so it’ll be repossessed soon I think all of this from him draining me in every way possible. Still I allow him in my life. Then about three weeks ago he starts acting off more then usual accusing me of scratching his truck while he had been watching me that is stolen stuff from him that is been cheating on him all he’s so sure he’s right about that I start to wonder if he was that I’m actually crazy. Then he falls asleep with his phone out something he never does so I of course go in it well for about a year he’s been I don’t know what to call it with someone that’s almost fiftee ears younger. I freak confront him he’s got a answer reason excuse for every message even for him tellig her he loves her. Her brother is a bad person I did know of him so here’s my bf that’s apparently a informant that he’s bee pretending with her never once sleeping with her to get info on her brother that he’s never had never will have any interest in her he so desperate young not his type he loves me I’m crazy that it’s not my business on and on. He had mentioned her she was one of the friends he hadn’t talked to in a long time. So I of course contact her she’s angry doesn’t know what to believe he even trying to get revenge for me confronting him or to make me look crazy to her or I don’t know why calls the cops tries to have me charged with fraud something about a stolen etransfer from a client yes he owns his own landscaping paver business if you can call taking the clients deposits doing a half ass job that takes him six month or never gets done having a business so the thing was frozen never got send or deposited anywhere he had the wrong dates time all of the info was off the cop was angry about the wasted time said he’d be charged if it’s all lies he left haven’t heard a word since so must have bed dropped. Now all this I’m still begging him not to leave so he over me one last chance to chance stop all my drama and be normal last week. So all last week id drop everything run across the city to him at work being him anything he asks keep in mind I’m broke living at home again no job waiting to be out on disability cause of my ptsd then I carry the bipolar gene which shows in my anxiety which can be traced back to my previous two about ice relationships I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to the previous one arrested for beating me up he admitted it did his sentence. This current one of course isn’t to blame at all. So I run to help him tells me things like I’ll love you forever if you do this so I do nothing seems to change he’d take away being exclusive we went from sex daily to nothing in two weeks he’s never shown affection we made out once when I was drunk a year and a half ago no cuddling unless he falls asleep first and I cuddle up to him so I’m starved for affection of course I do all he wants. Then fri he sleeps here ovr missed it so much we have sex best in a long time all seems ok then sat he quickly comes by to pick up something rushes off says he’s gotta be home or he’ll be locked out yes he lives with his dad still whole other story. So he’s on the bus he tells me I ask if you’re locked out you gonna come back swears yes then turns his phone off doenst reply till almost twelve sun. Says he fell asleep sorry excuse story lies. Well I lost it how convenient that he turns it back on at check out times for motels that the girl he’s been so called pretending to lead her on was back messaging him that he’s been distant giving me crazy tasks things to do to make this I’m at fault for better. Well then he demands I come right this min or it’s done knowing I’m in te middle of something I can’t drop so I tell him I’ll be on my way half hour I get a reply no now or to bad since then about half a day he’s turned in to this person I don’t know saying hurtful mean things blaming me bringing up things that we’ve already figured out log ago I don’t know if she’s with him or if it’s part of his narcissist game. So I don’t know if he’s done with me if she got my emails warning her if he’s already got her in his web of lies I’m crushed broken sad lonly upset angry I don’t want to lose him he’s been my all for so long he’s done exactly what every site or article I’ve read says he’s a poster boy for the narcissist. My brain knows it’s all been a game not real for him or real when he needs it to be. What do I do from here this is the first time I’ve felt it might be done everything says there’s many of these times so any advice would be appreciated. This isn’t me I’ve lost everything bak to square one no home car job school friends self esteem self respect self confidence all lost I’m not depressed I’m confused hurt angry I don’t know how to let go or rebuild or get over all of this he’s making me look crazy jealouse angry. So I will be ok I will be better I will be happy I’ll remember I’m worth it I’m good lookig smart funny I’m going to find love for real it’s still so hard to understand how anyone can do this to someone they claim they love they purposly drive someone crazy then blame them for it then look me in the face swear on his son there’s no other girls at all then leave here to go see one I’m still unsure other then his sons mom how many if any girls he’s slept with it upsets me to much to even think about. There should be more info about ppl like this help for ppl dealing with dating them groups to talk about it help ppl get back to normal. Thanks for letting me talk about my story. Should add he’s a meth user he smokes daily has since we met I didn’t know about it a while in then of course that was part of it he’d want to quit make me feel good needed wanted trying to help him sick for days the some stress would make him use add the no affection or kissing the cheating lies abuse me it made me this person I don’t know non of my friends really talk to me cause of him I’m not completely innocent I think his changing me was why id do crazy stuff contact the girls he cheated with tell his dad he did meth so he could get help told his kids mom about the meth cause I didn’t want it around the kid he tells everyone else I’m some monster that’s ruined his life when it’s the opposite even the friends of his that know me know nothing of other girls it’s so hard since I think he said it’s done two days ago I’ve been I’m bed since any advice. Thanks




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