Don’t know if it is just my mood today but Scott’s post today resonated with me today. i bet it does with a lot of people. life can really suck, But it can be pretty fricken awesome too as can we. Suck and be awesome, I mean.

From my office window I can just read the bumper sticker on the back of one of my colleagues cars. It is a quote from Laurel Thatcher Ullrich, “well-behaved women seldom make history”. There may be wisdom on that Honda. History is replete with this magical tale – the misunderstood hero who, against all odds, finds true love/kills the dragon/beats the English/champions a lost cause/stands up against oppression, etc. etc. etc.

People who had never heard of Enigma or advanced mathematics now love Alan Turing because of The Imitation Game and it’s sympathetic re-creation of a maltreated genius with bonus Asperger’s diagnosis. Who among us cannot weep with the downtrodden, the marginalized and the underrated; especially if they happen to be as pretty as Benedict Cumberbatch? Everyone loves a Cinderella ending, or a sad clown, or a misunderstood genius.

David and Goliath. How To Train Your Dragon 1 and 2. Brave. Frozen. The Santa Clause…

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5 thoughts on “Freaks

  1. Sami

    I’m trying to leave the N I’ve been since I was 16 my dad was a N and left when I was around 16/17 and I am 31 now with 3 beautiful babies under 3!!! I am desperate to leave I have only discovered what is wrong! I’m getting finances everything in order… I don’t know how I’ll do no contact when I have kids?! Any advice! I loved your blog. Since knowing what he is I’m addicted to reading and understanding.. I’m more so addicted in helping ME!


    1. kim

      hello sami just to say its hard to go completely no contact when you have children i have a daughter she is older than yours 24 but still he tries to go through her i stay firm in refusing to let this happen this stops them to a certain extent but they still try because you have young children its a good idea to get out now i wish for my daughters sake and mine that we split up when she was younger i kept on trying to please him for in all 30yrs longer you are with them i believe just from my experience its worse all round my daughter said just after he left me for other women didnt go right for him by the way but she said i think you had a destructive relationship i was oblivious to what she thought for years but she was right its good you are putting money aside i was advised to do this years ago by someone but i didnt believe what was to come with young kids of course i would try and have minimal contact and stick to your boundaries just my advice hope it goes well for you it is hard but i really believe youre doing right by the kids and yourself this is such an eyeopening place to come and amazing support too xxx


    2. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Sami, have you downloaded the safety plan at the top of the blog? The most dangerous time with an abuser is just prior to or just after the victim leaves. They know they are losing control and they can resort to anything. I hope you haven’t told him you are leaving. As hard as it is to not tell him I really advise that if all possible you leave while he is at work or something because he will do everything he can to stop you. Do you have a support network? friends who will help you? Have you talked to a woman’s shelter? Make sure you plan your exit well and covertly so you get out safe.
      As for the children, make sure you get custody settled and legalized ASAP, everything has to be legal and binding. Then you will have a leg to stand on when he wants to mess with your head down the road. Keep a journal, record any time he is a no show for the kids, he is late or tries to manipulate you, any times he tries to turn the kids against you. And make notes of what you and the kids do, what money you spend on them, take lots of pics as proof. it is no uncommon for them to try to get custody knowing it is the one sure fire way of bringing you to your knees. Expect the worse from him and pray for the best that way you are not caught off guard.
      Try to talk to him as little as possible, discuss things by email, but if everything is laid out and legal there shouldn’t be a lot to talk about. If the children are sick you have to notify him but other than that the pick up and drop off times should be all laid out in the visitation agreement. It is not up to you to remind him and do not bend on any of the rules laid out. if you give in once he will totally take advantage of it and turn it back on you. you will not get the same courtesy.
      Child support should be all legally laid out and paid when the judge says it should be paid. If he doesn’t pay on time don’t try to chase him down for the money, notify the courts and let them deal with him. He will try anything to get a reaction and you have to do the Grey Rock method. Be like a grey rock, boring, no emotion, no anger, no smiles, monotone voice, bare facts, no personal info, do not take the bait when he tries to pull you into a confrontation. Calm cool collected and dead pan. No reaction = no supply.
      Don’t let him in the house when he drops or picks them up and if you are the one picking them up stay in your car in the driveway and let him bring them out. Do not be alone with him ever!! I he HAS to talk to you, do it in a public place never alone.
      come here as often as you need to rant, for advice, for a shoulder to cry on. You are not alone.


    3. Eveg

      B very careful especially with your babies
      Your soon to b ext will use them
      Please please please please down load
      A Kidnapped Mind and read the book
      With all your heart, and realize the system
      Failed this little boy and the system failed
      My daughter to, It will B all about money
      And not saving your children. My
      Daughter s ext has damaged her son
      To cruel evil hatred of her . Her ext is a
      Narsist sosopath , Educate your self to the
      Fullest knowledge you can to fight this


  2. brookn hart

    It’s been 3 weeks since he had me in court. I still thank God every day that the judge saw the BS and tossed it out. Every day I sit and wait for whatever else is going to show up for me. I know from experience with him and his attorney that they would attack the ex , let her settle down and punch her with something new. Psycological warfare I guess is what you would call it. Thank you for each and every post you make. I am better this week. I have new meds and life is like a whole new experience. I have hope and am not crying with every trigger. I love him and miss him but I will never go back. You know, that just doesn’t sound right. When you love some one so deeply, how sad it is that you are left with nothing but pain. Meanwhile, he has new monkeys and I doubt he ever thinks of me. That makes me so angry. As crude as it sounds, he treated me like a piece of tissue that he wiped his a** with and flushed me down the toilet. Thats what being discarded felt like. He loved me at 9 pm one night and by 10 am he was swearing felony charges out on me. Funny thing is I saw him at 2 pm that very same day and he didnt bother to tell me about the charges he swore out on me just hours before. He gave me a 100 bill and said go rent a car. I may never understand it. I hope he brings home one of his whores and that it will take his mind off of me and maybe he will leave me alone. His divorce that has been going on for 4 years should be final very soon. He wont have to worry about what the ex thinks, so it is highly likely that he will fill that spot in bed next to him quickly. I have been asked out several times now and I am flat out offended each time. Somehow ,every man that looks at me appears to only want cheap sex. I may never trust again. I have doctors appt’s this week and look forward to seeing what he may have gifted me with. I am too damn old for this crap……….. From now on, it is all about me me me me .



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