The Bluest Blue Eyes

I was talking to my son yesterday, absorbing him after not seeing him for 6 months. He has been gone from home long enough that I don’t miss him much, he has often lived far from me; we talk on the phone often and time flies by, and then when he is home it is usually busy with family dinners etc. So it is not often that I get to sit back, chat and just appreciate him, soak him in.

I am sure I am no different than most moms, but I was looking forward to this time together more than other times because it was not going to be a short visit with him flying off the next day. We were sitting in his living room, and I couldn’t help but notice the whites of his eyes were pure white and the blue, the deepest most beautiful blue. I had to interrupt him to say how blue his eyes were and he said he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. Do you know what that does to a mother’s heart? it fills it to overflowing. his eyes have always been like a mood ring, deep blue when he is happy and grey if he is sad.

I met his boss, his roomies, some of his co-workers and it was just so relaxed, so pleasant, so normal.

he took me out for dinner and the people he shares the house with came along, we were waiting in line to get a table and having a lively conversation. Kris was just standing back listening when a professional photographer took his picture and then approached him for permission to use his picture in exhibits or whatever and said she would send him a copy. I can’t wait to see it. He had the fore sight to ask her to take our picture together with his phone. Her and her husband took a couple with their cameras also and will send us copies.

I have maybe 6 pics of Kris and I because being a single mom there wasn’t anyone there to take our pic, but this is the best one ever I think. I am so proud of my boy.

kris and I July 17thkris and I whistlerJames tried to destroy my relationship with my son and it is a horrible feeling when you know there is someone out there who hates you so much that he would want to destroy anything good in your life.

It is shocking and really sad that people live on the earth who take pleasure in destroying the happiness of others. It is absolutely disgusting that I have to worry that if given half a chance James would try to do something to ruin my son’s life even now. I don’t tell my boy anything about James because I don’t want that toxicity to hang over his life. He grew up into a wonderful man despite all the shit James pulled, my son and I are so far past all that shit now, right where we should be, living proof that a person can survive the narcissist and go on to live a happy healthy life.

I ran out of fuel on the way home, stuck out in the middle of no where, with no money, at 2:30am, I got lost and ended up driving around until I ran out of fuel. I didn’t panic, if I had to sleep in the car I would have but a lady cop stopped and drove me for fuel and took me back to my car. Nothing could dampen my spirit last night. I am truly blessed.

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37 Replies to “The Bluest Blue Eyes”

  1. You are so lucky that your ex didn’t
    Turn your son to hate you. My daughters ex
    Turned her son so curly against her , he will need de programming . He is fighting
    Leukemia and her Ex along with the
    BC children’s Hosipital are denying her
    Information about her sons progress.
    It’s horrible to see how this system has
    Failed my daughter . Cherish your son
    I cry for my daughter for her sun.

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    1. Eveg, i thank God everyday for my son. I don’t know if it was intentional on your part that you spelled son s.u.n. at the end but my son is my sun!!
      My son was 16 almost 17 when I met James and I had been a single mom for most of his life, we had such a bond formed by the time I met James I don’t know what could have broken it. James certainly tried, not to win Kris over but to just drive him away period. It was a horrible time and I carry much guilt over it and kris packs much hatred. it is the one part of my time with james i find very hard to talk about.
      Have no fear, I cherish every second I have with my boy and would gladly die to protect him from any more hurt.
      What your daughter is going through is so common with narcissist. What better way to break a person, a mother, than turn her kids against her? My prayers go out to her and you.

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    2. If a psychopath has 10 children he will pick 1 of these to turn totally and completely into his victim. I had 4 boys and my now ex worked real hard for many years to turn my now 21 year old son against me. He has succeeded. I am 56 and have COPD. My son use to take me and throw me around like a ragdoll. It would get so bad I would have to get on oxygen to be able to breath after these attacks. My sick ex would just stand there and watch with this horrible gross swear on his face. I finally had to call the law after several of these episodes. I don’t blame my son at all. It is what he was taught. I told him a 21 year old boy had no business on top of his Mother for no reason He has never touched me again. His dad continues to work real hard to make him hate me.He will lie and cause some type of drama when he sees that we are getting along.He knows how close we use to be and how much alike we are, and I think this is why he choose him.I may never get my son back the same.I know I want. He works but lives at home.He works with my other son. He gets paid on Monday and by Tuesday my son said he is borrowing money from him to get a drink. His dad takes all his money. My heart breaks everyday for him but no matter how much energy or time you put into it you cannot change or beat a psychopath.

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      1. Teresa,you are right you can not change them..your husband is dangerous and you son is lost in his dad’s crazy world.You need to get OUT! And fast your life is more important than being abused..I will pray for you..God answers prayers..

        Jean

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  2. Oh, Carrie, you’re so genuine and precious ~ and you look lovely in your new dress! I can fully relate to your feelings toward your son (as I’m sure many do). This is my first comment – because I couldn’t resist sharing in your joy – but, as a reader of your blog, I feel like we’ve been friends for quite a while…Thank you for keeping it real! Hugs!

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    1. Annie, what a nice comment!! thank you so much. and thank you for taking the time to comment. Often times I feel like I am sitting in a cozy room with a bunch of friends chatting and supporting each other. isn’t the internet wonderful? how it can bring all these people together to support each other from every corner of the world. Now the victims of narcissists have a chance, prior to the internet they never knew there were others out there going through the same thing. Now we don’t have to suffer alone.

      Like

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