I can’t deny it, I have been having a very difficult time lately. It is nothing to do with James pursey, although it does track back to him but really it is the incompetence of the government workers I have dealt with. As is typical of narcissists they will use any means to bring the victim down and often times that means family, friends, the victim’s boss, landlord, or government officials, the police, child welfare; anyone they can suck into believing their lies and doing their dirty work. I believe James is behind me getting cut off but that does not excuse the funding board and their screw ups, I never wanted to be on welfare to begin with; I wanted funding for school and that is where my focus still lies.
Anyway, it has gotten to me, I have come so close to just giving up, i had no idea that moving here would be so expensive, the fuel and being so far from everything makes it so i have to drive everywhere, it has taken me away from my friends, so there is no just popping over to visit someone or have them come to visit. It has been isolating here as much as I love living on the boat it has made my life more difficult and although I have made new friends, they are not close friends, not friends I feel comfortable discussing personal issues with, you know? A person can’t talk to just anyone about the narcissist and the repercussions of life with him/her.
I got up yesterday morning wondering how I was going to make it through the week, no dog food, no food for me, I was having a pity party for one and checked my emails and started to cry. There were two donations notifications sitting there. i have sent private thankyou’s but I have to once again thank everyone who has donated throughout the life of the blog, without you I would not have made it this far. It seems whenever I feel like throwing up my hands and saying “I give!! you win!!” someone writing to tell me what a difference I have made in their life or someone donates and I can’t help but feel everything will be ok somehow.
After I checked my email I noticed I had a message on Messenger and it was James’s son, Allan, he and his family were camping not far from me and would I be able to meet them. I haven’t seen Allan since the day I helped him back and called friends to take him to safety. We have talked on FB and text messages but we haven’t seen each other for 6 years and i would’t have missed seeing him for the world and now I had the money for the fuel to do it! God does work in mysterious ways.
So last night I drove to see Allan and of course I got lost, I always get lost but I was not going home until I found him. They were camped in an RV park about an hour’s drive away. I messaged Allan’s mom when I got there and she said Allan was out looking for me and just then he came flying around the corner on his bike. He shouted when he saw me, threw his bike down and I threw the car into park and jumped out. We hugged for a long time, he was shaking and I said to I him, “You’re shaking,” and he said ,”I am so happy you came, I can’t believe you are here, it is a dream come true.” it was a dream come true and like he said later last night ,it all felt so surreal that it is still sinking in and I am crying now thinking about it.
His mom and I have talked on the phone and on Facebook but she came out of the RV and gave me a big hug. His little sister, a real cutie pie gave me a hug. I felt I was with family, like I belonged there, a distant cousin maybe or auntie? Allan and I got a few hours together, even though there were lots of people around we mainly talked the two of us. I kept marvelling at how tall and handsome he is, 20 years old now, a manchild, still the same tender hearted kid he was when I first met him but a young man none the less and there I was sitting beside him. We both kept saying how we couldn’t believe we were actually there, able to touch and talk eye to eye. We discussed a little bit about his dad, he had a few questions and I answered best I could but we didn’t dwell on it. Much better things to talk about. We were both happy to see each other doing well. The first thing he asked me was “How are you?” and when I said I was great (why worry him) he sighed and said that was all he wanted to hear.
Once I got to know his mom (because of course James’s version of their relationship was totally different than the truth) I have always thought she is a great person, great mom, beautiful inside and out and I was not disappointed when I met her in person. She has a great boyfriend and blended family who were all there. She looks great and seems happy all the kids came on vacation with them, which says a lot. Another example of a woman who survived a narcissist and went on to love again and have a happy life. I am seeing more and more proof that Yes Dorothy there is life after a narcissist.
We drove to the wharf in White Rock and the whole family and Stella walked to the end, laughing, hugging, talking, reminiscing, and then we all carved our names in the dock before we left and we said goodbye. More hugs, I hated to leave, I want an invite to their next family reunion. haha
Another thing good that came out of the relationship with James, certainly not because he promoted it, in fact he did everything he could to destroy that too, but he didn’t. There are some things that a narcissist can’t destroy no matter how hard he tries, as long as we remember that and not let his toxicity into our life