Someday’s Coming

I sound like a broken record saying “Scott Really Nailed it in this post” but he did damnit!! One of his best I think and one that many of you can use right now because you are moarning the loss of your innocence. It’s ok to moarn (am I spelling that right? my spell check says no but the other way is like “day break” and I am meaning like funeral, the death of a dream, a future you were counting on). I wish I could have told myself where I was going to be in 5 years when I wanted to die and when I didn’t think I could make it a day without talking to “him”. But had I known what those 5 years were going to hold I probably would have chickened out. I look back on my life now and wouldn’t change a thing. nothing, because it brought me here and made me who I am; a work in progress. As are you!

Someday.

I remember a moment captured in time. I was making breakfast at my restaurant, The Bad Dog Grill, and I realized I hated my life. It was 7:30 am and I wanted a beer. If I cut my hand one more time, maybe I can go home today. I just knew I would never get out of that kitchen. Then one day I was.

I have spoken with people in prison, or doing time in a bad relationship, who have been convinced I was wrong. This hell is never going to end. I will never meet someone who loves me. I will never want to live again. I can never move on from this. Then you do, though rarely like on television. We sincerely need to have a conversation some time about what recovery really looks like. God never sent me a thunderbolt and one day I didn’t wake up fixed…

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One Reply to “Someday’s Coming”

  1. Hi Carrie I liked your post that I just read and it gave me hope that I too one day will be over my N and there will be life again. It’s been three long months for me since I left. I am trying so hard to move on with my life in a new province and city that I hate. I am trying to think positive and look at the good things in my life but it is not easy. My daughter tells me life is not easy like she would know so much at 44 yrs. old. She was just never with a partner that was a N . I have my own apartment and have bought some furniture but miss my house and my dog and friends so very much. I want to go home so bad in my heart but I know in my head that if I did it would only be worse. He would disrespect me even more and know that he got away with treating me so mean and cruel and I stayed over and over till this last time which was the third that I left and if I stay strong and have no contact it will be my last. I keep praying for the day that I don’t think about him anymore. Please tell me that day will come. That’s why I liked your post today because it gave me hope that one day I will feel no ties to him emotionally anymore and won’t think about him anymore. I am angry with him right now for putting me in this position .It was not the way it was suppose to be. I loved him with all my heart. I have to keep reminding myself of all the mean and cruel things he did to me emotionally. Of the humiliation he made me feel over the things he had done and blamed me for so that he didn’t have to be accountable . I could go on and on but it would do me no good. Just wanted to thank you for your post today. I have a friend that tells me that if I keep thinking and rehashing the past in councelling that I will stay in that place. That I have to put it in the past and do things in my life to move forward. I am getting so much advice like this from well meaning friends and family but they don’t understand what my life was like and how I feel. Everyone thinks just get over it and move on. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me that I can’t do just that. Even after all the reading I have done on N I still feel like there is something so wrong with me that I would still feel anything for my ex. Normal people just would not feel this way.

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