Every day someone new finds the blog, usually through the Page, 3 Stages of a relationship with a narcissist. Every single person asks the same question, “How do I go on, how do I survive this?”
As much as I like to answer everyone individually, I end up repeating myself over and over again when the answers are buried in the many posts I have done over the years. While searching back in order to supply some links for another new commenter I realized how old many of the posts are, going back to 2012; but they are just as valid today as they were then and well worth reading.
There are many more, and I fear some of them are basically just a repeat of something I have already said; after all you can only cover a narcissist so much before you start to repeat yourself; yes it is possible to have said all there is to say about a narcissist! As much as we all feel we are the only ones going through this, that we loved the narcissist more than anyone could ever love someone. (I actually remember thinking when reading on some blog years ago, “Yes but, you don’t understand, I really love him! we have a bond you just don’t find every where, a once in a life time kinda love.”
I found out much later that we had nothing, I may have never loved like that before, but there were many people out there thinking they also had something special that you just don’t find every day and don’t “just walk away from”. I also used to think, “He will never find a woman who will love him like I did, who will put up with all I did.” and was proven wrong again. I am sure his new woman loved him every bit as much as I did and is as hurt and confused as I was. Narcissists are experts at deception and manipulation; after all they rely on deception to survive and have all their lives; we are NOT experts, so don’t know how to deal with it and are devastated by it.
Below are some posts I thought may be of help to some of the people who are just now starting their journey of recovery. The key things to remember are;
- This is going to take time, there is no quick fix. If I knew of one I would share it, believe me.
- No contact is the ONLY way to heal. If you think you can wean yourself from the narcissist or stay friends you are only kidding yourself
- It was/is not your fault, BUT you must do the work to heal yourself and that is going to require you look inside yourself and fix some things. There is something inside you that made you stay, even once you knew what your were dealing with. Why you went back, are still with the narcissist or why you find it so hard to break away.
- You are broken, you feel broken for a reason; don’t think you can walk away from this and be ok or that jumping into another relationship is going to fix this for you. YOU and only YOU can fix yourself (with the help of a therapist, support group or understanding community like this)
- As I said above; jumping into another relationship is NOT the answer and will only complicate things.
Now here are the links
and this one from when I was only 5 months out of the relationship https://ladywithatruck.com/2011/05/19/self-doubt-and-wishful-thinking/
and another oldie https://ladywithatruck.com/2011/08/25/no-contact/
Every post as a couple of related articles linked to it and please read the comment section because there are many good comments from other victims and there might be something you can relate to in them or my replies to comments. And please leave your own comments on any of the posts and someone will surely answer.
You are not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Baby steps, just keep looking forward and not back.