With a show of hands; how many of you have said or thought, “It’s like he put a spell on me, I can’t resist him, even when I know he is toxic.” ?
You might be closer to the truth than you know.
Quite by accident, early in my relationship with James I discovered he had downloaded a book off the internet, “How To Get Any Woman Into Bed”. He had been frantically printing it off before work and when it stopped printing, he grabbed it and went out the door. Later that day I went to print something and the printer was out of paper, I reloaded it and it started to print page after page of this instruction manual.
Of course, me being me, I confronted him on it the minute he got home and he said he had downloaded it for work. “For work?? you are a mechanic!” I was pissed and indignant. We had just moved in together, he certainly didn’t need a manual on how to get me into bed, so there was only one other explanation. I said, “And how many women are you trying to seduce at work?” He said the techniques could be used in business also, it was all about influencing people.
I asked, “Have you ever heard of the book, “How To Win Friends and Influence People?”
I had read the part that printed off and it was all about how to seduce any woman, wherever you happened to meet them and I threw it away. It was months later I was in the bathroom and one of the drawers wouldn’t close all the way. I pulled it out to see what was stopping it and there was the complete manual stuffed under the drawer. So I read it.
Right on the first page was a disclaimer stating that the techniques in the manual were covert and deceitful, that a man should never use them on a woman he wants a relationship with, only women he wanted to bed for a night. So the author had some morals and boundaries, but was rather naive to think that a guy who would use the techniques to seduce a woman would have the moral fibre to not use them on a woman he wants to see more of. But that is beside the point. The point is, there are sites out there that offer this information, whether a psychopath/narcissist studies up on how to manipulate women or comes by it naturally, I don’t know. But any man who would utilize the information has got to have some serious issues with respecting women and setting moral boundaries.
How would a man hypnotize a woman without her knowing it? there are many ways apparently, subliminal messages, putting them into a trance, power of suggestion. The main components of hypnotizing someone is; isolation, relaxation, repetition, trust. Remember the many hours you spent with the narcissist/psychopath staring into each others eyes, his voice soft and almost trance inducing? how he repeated over and over how much he loved you, how you were soul mates, how at first you weren’t event that attracted to him but over time you couldn’t live without him?
I remember part of the manual talked about stroking the palm of the woman’s hand in circles while repeating something, so that whenever you did the same thing or said the same thing she would automatically want sex with you and not even know why herself.
When a person goes to a professional hypnotist show, say in Vegas, the hypnotist can get people to cluck like chickens at the snap of their fingers but at the of the show he reverses the trance he put the volunteers in so that they don’t spend their lives acting like a chicken every time someone snaps their fingers. But what if someone had the ability to hypnotize you to love them and want to have sex with them and never reversed the spell they cast on you? The only way you would be able to break that spell or control they have over you would be to have no contact with them. Right?
As with most victims of a narcissist I broke us with James many times; I am sure you can relate when I say, I was determined to never go back, he had done it this time, this time he had crossed every boundary and there was no way I could ever go back. But the phone would ring and when I answered and heard his soft, sensual voice call me Babe, all my resolve would fly out the window. Or I would run into him somewhere and think, “He’s not even that good looking, I don’t even know why I was attracted to him. I am safe to talk to him, he can’t get to me any more.” But within minutes of being in his company all my resolve would have melted away and I was putty in his hands again. I often felt I was under some sort of spell because it didn’t make sense, it was like I had no control over my logical, rational mind.
I am not saying that all narcissists hypnotize their victims, but I am saying it could be possible for someone to do that to an unsuspecting victim if they wanted to control them. And is it not conceivable that a narcissist is so adept at manipulation that he inadvertently developed the ability to hypnotize people without even really knowing that is what he is doing? Call it hypnotize, mind control, brainwashing; it is all the same thing, it is mind control, making a person do what you want them to without them knowing you are doing it. It is used daily in advertising, the army uses it, people use it to quit smoking, get over phobias, etc. It is nothing new.
It is much easier to hypnotize someone who is willing and open to it and most of us would have been sitting ducks for the covert narcissist looking for his next victim.
I know that during my time with James he had some control over me, how he did it, I am not certain, but I do know this, it was only when I was in contact with him that I lost control of my own feelings and actions so I chose to stay away and with time grew afraid of the power he once had over me. Even now I have no desire to “test” myself to see if he still has the power to make me go against everything I know to be true.
Society is reluctant to believe believe the victim of a psychopath could be hypnotized or brainwashed, it sounds so sensationalized and theatric; not something that could happen to an everyday person like them. I think that is why the victims of abuse have such a hard time being believed or finding someone who is sympathetic to their pain. Everyone wants to believe that it could never happen to them, that the victim must be to blame in some way for their own abuse. To accept that a person could be hypnotized, brainwashed, controlled in some way against their will or without their knowledge is a very scary concept and would make everyone vulnerable to the evils of the world.
Patty Hearst is a famous case of a victim saying they were brainwashed and society refusing to accept that defense. Now I know that I would not have robbed banks for James but I did accept a lot of activities I would not have prior to meeting him, which was totally out of character for me.
I am not saying that all victims of abuse have been hypnotized or that all abusers are narcissists or psychopaths either. I think there are many reasons why a person may end up being abused and just as many reasons why an abuser is an abuser; that is a topic for another post.
I only present this angle as an explanation as to why some victims find it so hard to break away from the narcissist and again, why no contact is so vital to the victim’s recovery.
While researching this possibility I came across something else very interesting called the Halo Effect, you can watch the video on it here which is also a form of mind control if a person knows about it. The narcissist definitely uses it to his advantage, whether he realizes fully what he is doing or not it is always part of the narcissist’s tactic to hook his victims. It goes a long way to explain why we stick around even after their mask drops.
Tell me what you think in the comments below.