As I have said before, I always learn something from my kiddo and the other night was no exception. I am learning so much so fast these days I can barely keep up. Life is so amazing.
My son rode with a friend of his to Kelowna, the friend was getting a tattoo and my granddaughter lives near there. My son and his buddy both used to live in Kelowna and it was going to be a busy weekend of meeting up with friends, time with his daughter and even dropping in to visit some family. Kelowna is known to be a tough town, a lot of young partiers, and I was happy when Kris moved away. I am always nervous when he goes back for a visit.
We were discussing how tough Kelowna is and the friend said “Yeah! we were only in town 45 minutes and Kris got punched in the head.” My stomach lurched. My son hadn’t told me anything about it. I looked at his face, there was no sign of a fight.
I said, “You were in a fight? 45 minutes after hitting town? You never said anything.”
Him and his buddy started to laugh and tell the story. They got to town and hit the liquor store. Leaving the liquor store my son ran across the parking lot and accidentally ran in front of a car. The driver of the car slammed on his brakes and started cursing out my son, got out of his car (they said the guy was big, at least 250 lbs.) The buddy thought “Oh shit!” The guy ran up to my son and punched him square in the head. My son laughed and said, “That’s it?”
When the guy realized; he had given it his best shot and my son was still standing and laughing; that maybe he had bitten off more than he could chew and ran back to his car and drove off.
End of story.
But not really. There is a much deeper story to tell. You see, my son used to be a real fighter. Not long ago he would have pounded the guy but he has learned that his life is more precious than that, the assoles of the world are worth his time.
If he would have pounded the guy it would have lead to the cops being called, my son being charged, it would have screwed up their weekend and for what, to prove a point?
There is a lesson there for anyone dealing with a narcissist. Some people are just not worth your peace, they don’t deserve the energy you expel dealing with them. They steal your precious time, they ruin your good times, and they are running on ego and power tripping.
They will walk up and give you a punch in the head (figuratively or physically) and then wait for your reaction, they want to reaction, they feed off of your reaction. If you just laugh at them they run away because they can’t handle dealing with someone in control of their emotions and impulses. By not engaging with them you are showing them how pitiful they really are, that they are not worth your time and energy and they are laughable.
The whole scenario could have played out in two different ways, two egos battling it out and the weekend ruined, my son dealing with the law (and God only know how that would play out!!) and it undoubtedly would have dragged on for months and there would have been a court trial etc etc
The victim refuses to engage and walks away. it becomes a humorous story that will be told more than a few times and the asshole looked like the asshole he is.
Do not engage with the narcissist, laugh and walk away; that will hurt him way harder than anything you can say or do. Don’t feed his ego, don’t take the bait.