After I wrote that letter and Monday came around and it had the desired effect and people were being so nice to me I felt like something shifted. I have had inner peace about how I live my life, but I obviously was still hesitant to stand up for myself and the wounds were fresh enough still from James that my wounds bled when the scab was ripped off.
But Tuesday I woke up with no pains, refreshed, lighter, freer, and more confident and just more at peace. Then the neighbor offered to keep stella if I ever needed extended care for her and I had just been worried about what to do with her the night before. There was nothing earth shattering that happened just little coincidence? karma at work, laws of attraction? who knows but I felt more myself than I have in many years.
One thing that should not be noteworthy but is;
I want to live, I don’t want to die and I care about whether I die or not. I know that sounds depressing or morbid but there was a time not that long ago that I wanted to die in the worst way, then I decided to live but I was not real happy about it and if I was in an accident and happened to die, it was fine by me. Then I got to the point where I was excited about life, didn’t want to die but if I did I was content to go. But this week I really want to live! I am excited about the future and eager to take some chances and throw caution to the wind and let life take me wherever it decides I need to go.
I went to visit a friend in Mission last might, dropped off some stuff at my brother’s and gave him a hug and said I love you because he is going to be out on his boat alone for a month with his two dogs. He said I looked great!! and I felt great. When I got home I went on the blog and as usual I checked my stats for the day and had to take a double take. I checked to make sure I was on the right blog (like how would I get into anyone else’s?) I had the most hits I have ever had yesterday by A LOT!
My best day was almost two years ago and it was the day I reblogged someone else’s post so I have a hard time taking credit for that; I got around 3700 hits. I average between 1500 and 2000 hits a day normally and yesterday I got 5185!! My Law Of Attraction post got over 3200 hits alone!! Rather interesting seeing as just the other night I looked at my stats and thought, ‘I wonder what it will take to break my last best day? I am happy with the traffic I get but it would just be nice to get the thrill of breaking a personal record again!
and BOOM !! it happens. haha!! too cool!!