Taking A Break For Awhile-Laws of Attraction My Ass

I am taking a break for awhile folks. I have reached another brick wall and just can’t even think straight. I don’t know what I am going to do and feeling very defeated.

Laws of attraction, I don’t think the people writing about laws of attraction have ever been in the position of having nothing, my nothing, is probably a whole lot different than their nothing. You can’t turn nothing into something with positive thinking. I have tried. I have read all about limiting beliefs, self sabotage, and I have to be one of the most positive people I know. God to have gone through what I have and still be smiling and kicking has to prove that and I keep getting kicked back down. Everyone has their limits

I have done something to my ribs and am in excruciating pain, I can barely breath, it is cold and damp in the boat and I have been sneezing and coughing which certainly doesn’t help the rib situation. In 4 and 1/2 hours the boat is being shown to prospective buyers and I have to find a way to clean it. It has been a few days since I did anything in here because I can’t move. There is no running water and to boil water to do dishes seemed like too much work but now I will have to find the energy to do it. I hate spiders and the boat is full of them, every night they make another web, I kill them and the next day there are more. Did I mention how much I hate spiders?

I was so hopeful last week. Spending time with my son has been the best and I was facing life with a new found optimism and planning to move to Whistler, start my “rent a Mom’ business and stay with my son until I was up and running and able to afford a place to live. Rents are phenomenally expensive there, like $1000 for a bed with 4 sharing a room in a house. That is 4 people in one bedroom. It is ridiculous, people are so greedy. Businesses are closing down because no one can find a place to live on the wages they make.

But my son had a great place to live with a bunch of great people and i was welcome to stay with them, one of the guys, the one who lives in the loft said I could use his bedroom while he is gone travelling for 2 months. I had applied for a bunch of jobs from cleaning to office work and was hopeful something would come through. If i moved to my son’s place I was going to be able to paint (I haven’t painted since I have been in the boat, it just isn’t big enough) I was going to have a desk to sit at to write my book, Stella was so happy there, with her momma to play with everyday and I loved taking them for long walks in the forest.

I came home and told my brother I would be off the boat by the end of the month and I was going to take a leap of faith and move up to whistler. I was feeling so positive about it all, I just knew it would work out some how.

But, as is typical of my life lately it seems, things were not meant to be. My son was notified he and the guys have to be out of the house by Dec 1st. The owner’s husband has moved into the room I was going to be using and is starting to do some repairs on the house because they are listing it for sale. My son doesn’t know where he is going to go and might have to quit his job because it is the absolutely worst time to try to find a place to live in Whistler, the middle of ski season.

If I got rid of Stella I would have had my pick of two jobs with accommodation but I can’t, I just can’t part with her. But then if I have no where to live and no job, how can I keep her? She is such a sweetheart, so loving, it would break my heart to give her away.  But is it fair to keep her when I have no where to live?

My son would not see me on the street but does he need the burden of worrying about putting a roof over my head when he has a daughter and debt of his own plus now he might be jobless and without a place to live.

I have no income since I got cut off welfare and as hard as I have tried to get work, nothing has panned out. My office experience is almost 20 years old, my banking experience even older, my age and physical limitations are really working against me. No one wants to hire a 57 year old woman with a heart condition and out of date education.

I did buy a laptop with part of the money that was donated, and I joined a writer’s course on how to monetize your blog. I bought the laptop from a friend of a friend, it was supposed to be “new”, I specified it had to be at least 4G RAM. It needed a charge cord and I have a universal one so got it cheap, $250. I got it home, plugged it in and it had 1G Ram and slower than molasses. I called my friend and she called her friend and it took a week but I got my money back. But by that time I had spent the rest of the money going back and forth to Whistler for job interviews etc and my phone was about to be cut off. So I never did get a laptop, I lived off the money instead and now it is gone and I am broke again and unable to work because I can’t move.

I can’t type any way, no where to sit properly and the pain in my side is too bad to sit typing.

It is the end of the road. For the first time in 5 years I admit defeat. I have no fight left, no idea what to do next and no money to do it. I am sick of asking for money and refuse to live off of other people any longer. No one owes me a roof over my head. Today’s economy is to blame for a lot of it, the Canadian government who has let me down at every possible turn and ultimately my own pride and stupidity.

that’s the thing with strong self sufficient women, they always think they can recoup, they give and give thinking they will find a way to make it by. I always thought I would do what I always had, find a way. all I had to do was work hard and things would be ok. But as you age you can’t work as hard and if you have nothing left you have nothing to fall back on.

I haven’t decided what to do with the blog yet, I am still hoping for a miracle to pull me out of this but right now I am in too much pain to think of anything else. And I have to clean this damn boat. I think I am going to just throw the dirty dishes away.

I just want to say to everyone; learn from my mistakes. Don’t think that you have nothing to lose by going back to him. James didn’t destroy me, but he certainly put me on the track to destruction. You are not invincible, you always have more to lose and the older you get the harder it is to recover. It may seem like you can’t survive without him/her but believe me, you can, but you might not survive the devastation they leave you in eventually. The times tick by at a phenomenal speed.

I am proud of this blog and what I have achieved here and I love and care for every single one of you. You have all helped me heal and find my purpose. It breaks my heart to walk away. I had planned my future around the blog but it just does not seem to be meant to be.

I am going to take a break and heal my ribs and decide what to do.

So I won’t be around, comments are open, I will try to moderate those messages that go for approval. FYI If you put links in your comment it automatically goes to moderation.

Take care all. Big hugs.

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31 Replies to “Taking A Break For Awhile-Laws of Attraction My Ass”

  1. Carrie, please don’t walk away, I understand you are at a low, been there done that, I lost my husband and was left with nothing but my 3 young kids to raise and fibromyalgia to deal with! Boy I had it bad, some days I didn’t have enough energy to raise my head 😦
    4 years later I met my narcissists, 4 years later I was destroyed, devastated and had to start with nothing all over again. And then I found your blog that has been a life saver for me through the worst time of my life. So please Carrie I want you to know that I may not be able to help you financially but I’ll be always be grateful for the support you provided for me and hopefully I can be of some help.
    I know that once you’ve hit rock bottom the only way is up so please don’t give up!
    Love and hugs,
    Kathy xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Carrie…

      Its Suze from Australia. I can feel you from here. There has been many people that have walked this earth that had nothing… lived how you are right now.. and myself.

      Please think about this for a moment.. You are a tiny step away to your soul self…
      I have a program called” Narcissistic Recovery Program ” by Melanie Tonia Evans. I know this will align with you. Make it your first priority to Google it when you get a free couple of dollars. If you don’t have computer money i will send it to you for computer time…. Take a breathe in and out.. be in this moment. ..

      You are one of the bravest, couragest woman that is walking our planet. You have supported and validated many around the world including myself.

      I’m not saying don’t feel. But its our ego and logic mind that keeps us in this spot. We can only heal through vibrational energy shifts. I know you know my language.

      I believe you are going through a major shift… and just when we want to throw the towel in… a tiny little bud is just about to make it through the surface. This os the beautiful you!

      Please look at Melanie Tonia Evans. I didn’t have the corouge to show my work over 20 years ago… due to my FEAR if letting people know my gifts of Energy healing. . As the partners i chose over the years abused me so much that I suppressed myself. It was me that chose these partners unconsciously so I could get back to partnering myself.

      Carrie you are supported. .. Please dig deep.. and stand still.. pray if you have to.

      I believe you are not far from your sanction. But I respect your decision.
      .Carrie I will be sending you a 1 hr healing for your ribs.. and whole body.

      Remember “You are the ripple and light worker that has come here for your soul purpose. And I know this as I am with you.

      Light and love to you.

      Suzan Ozturk
      Xx

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      1. Carrie

        I just had a thought…. Do you have an organization over there for House sitting? Looking after people’s houses while they are away? We have one called “Lions Club ”
        I can look up some info for you? What town are you in? State etc.

        We are going to do an intention tonight. It’s a perfect time.. i know you could not be buggered. . But I have a great feeling. It’s a new moon. So with the hand that is not in pain… get some paper and write it out where you want to be. Then the universe knows. .. and it’s direct. That is working with universal law. And plus I will be the support and all of us behind you. Maybe we can all write it down together sane time.. or day…

        If all of us are putting it out for you . You and your boy.. ( dog ) will be in your new space.
        Sorry I’ve forgotten his name.

        Let me know what you think?
        Action we need to take.

        Light and love to you.

        Suzan xx

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  2. carrie i am so sorry you are going through hell life can be so unfair but i really think maybe with your sons help and your mum and the doctors referral you should apply for benefits again they have a duty of care to not leave you homeless and ill please dont give up maybe you could stay with youre mum for a while till you feel better also your heart condition and the fact you feel too ill to work please try for disability benefit can your brother take you in until you feel better you would do the same for them maybe he could put off selling the boat and arrange for some heating in there we all need help sometimes carrie from other people i wish i had money to help but im in a dire situation too may have to move in a year again i will deal with that when and if it happens please concentrate on your health and insist you need help from the doctor you are in no fit state to work at the moment anyway even if they help temporarily until you feel better i am only advising carrie as you have helped so many of us you are only human dont give up you have some family that need to pull together and help you i know you will be ok things will be ok lots of love to you and stella i wish you all the luck in the world i will pray for you we are all here for you if you need some friends xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. just wanted to add because of the strengh you have given me i spoke on a radio show today as a caller it was about abuse and fetishes i have never done something like this before but they were making light of the subject and i felt i had to say part of my story to warn otherpeople in situations like ours could of been on there all night but think i got my point across i hope i helped some anyway thankyou for all your support have a rest get better dont give up on the blog let us know how you get on we care about you xxx

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      1. ps hold on to stella shes a diamond you will be fine sorry so many comments love your way hope you feel better soon care for yourself carrie please rest dont clean the boat who cares if they dont want to buy i would make it as messy as you can to delay it your health is more important good luck carrie xxx

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      2. Hi..

        Do you think you would be able to contact the radio for Carrie? And ask them for a slot so Carrie can share her work?

        Are you in the same area as Carrie?
        So you know anyone that can assist Carrie in accommodation for housing?

        Let me know what you come up with?

        Suzan

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Carrie — I hear you loud and clear. I agree with you that “you can’t turn nothing into something with positive thinking.” I hope many will consider the possibility that Law of Attraction cannot work when nature is dismissed due to the manufactured chaos created by those with the most political power who create systemic dysfunction. Everywhere we look, the greed of sociopaths in power in various countries and corporations across the globe, is causing a lot of human suffering.

    It extends beyond the individual and what different people do or don’t do in efforts to improve their lives.

    Sociopaths use systems primarily for their own benefit in efforts to maintain power and control. This results in more people being locked out from having access to resources they need to live. Many people are awakening to how systems are dysfunctional as a result of sociopathic greed due to the lack of compassion shown for diverse others.

    A critical mass of conscious people needs to help change systems in order to honor and support humane values. Life is sacred. When enough stop supporting systemic oppression in any form, we will all be better off so that systems become more responsive to human needs, not just to those with the most power or wealth.

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  4. Hello everyone. I wanted to let you know I have read all your well wishes and thank you very much. I was extremely touched by them all, you are all so sweet and supportive. I would respond to each and every one but I am in such agony I simply can not right now. I can not believe how painful this is and I have been told i have a high threshold for pain. It has made anything but laying flat on my back all but impossible. I can’t even think straight.
    Stella has been a sweetheart, only begging to go out when she can’t hold it any longer and I haven’t put her on a leash because I can’t handle any pulling at all but she stays right by my side the whole time.
    The boat sold yesterday and I have until this Wednesday to be out. Just moving the little bit I did yesterday all but killed me so I can’t see packing and moving stuff off the boat. I don’t have much and if I had to leave it behind I really don’t care at this point but my mom said she would buy me rubbermaids for me to put stuff in and then my brother can move them to his garage when he delivers the boat. That works for me. Like I said, I would leave it all behind because I just can not even force myself to work through the pain.
    I go back to the chiropractor tomorrow and I pray I will feel a lot better after that.
    I will apply for disability benefits again but can’t until I have an address. Isn’t that typical of the government? you have to have an address in order to get help but what if you can’t afford to get an address? I don’t hold a lot of hope for help from the government because they have not been much help so far, if anything they have made things worse.
    only me, yes Canada’s medical system is not what it used to be that is for sure. If not for my mother’s help I would not have been able to go to the chiropractor because it is a $50 charge for every visit. I don’t know what people do who don’t have someone who can help them. Suffer and die on the streets I guess.
    My only option at this point is to go stay with my son. He knows I have to be out by Wed and he has not contacted me. I know it is more on his plate and I hate to burden him with worrying about me but it is his place or my car. Who knows his landlords may not let me stay there. Then it is my car. Right now I am just focussing on getting through today and getting to the chiropractor tomorrow.
    Thanks again to everyone. I do appreciate your support more than you could know. I can’t believe this happening now, at the worst time possible but it is what it is and there is obsolutely nothing I can do about it right now.
    Keep the positive thoughts coming.
    Oh and Suzan, I have read Melanie many times , in the beginning she was one of the few people who wrote about narcissists, she is very good. I have read all about law of attraction form many experts on the topic and I agree with the whole principal. And I really do not feel I need help getting over my ex, I have inner peace about everything in my life and I think if I can get rid of the pain I will find renewed optimism, but right now, right now I just want someone else to take care of things for me. I don’t have the energy to be positive or to even really care about where I live or anything else.
    I can’t write a book, I can’t sit or think.
    I am going to snuggle my puppy now. God bless you all
    Love and hugs
    Carrie

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Carrie. The trouble with helping people that have been abused by a narcissist is that the N has left so many of us broke or too broke down to make money. I feel like that’s part of why you weren’t getting regular donations for your blog. We are all so broken.
        Please keep Stella I am sure she needs you as much as you need her. You’re a good dog mom. Also I don’t think you should feel guilty if your son helps you. How many times have you helped him? your a good mom to your human son too not just your dog kid. I am sure we all wish we could help somehow. Please don’t feel guilty if you need to take a break from the blog. You have saved so many of us but you have to take care of yourself right now.
        Love and hugs

        Liked by 2 people

  5. carrie i know what extreme pain feels like having fibromyalgia and arthritis in spine i know you are going to the chiropracter but first maybe get your doctor to arrange an xray first to find out the cause and how to treat it chiros can do more damage this i found out years ago with my experience they twisted my neck and i had an awful sensation down my spine and have experienced dizziness on and off ever since i put a formal complaint in at the time i dont want to scare you but having an xray first would be wise im so sorry you have to move its a shame your brother couldnt put them off until you feel up to it is therean option of staying with your mum i dont know your situation if you can i hope you feel better soon carrie love to you and lovely stella xxx

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  6. Carrie
    I am praying for you,I am so sorry for your issues, you have helped so many people as well as myself I could not have gotten to where I am if it were not for you. I know you feel defeated but God has not forgotten about you. I pray for God to give you rest,peace, favor..
    Hugs
    Cj

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Please take care Carrie…I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. I will be praying for you. And for whatever it’s worth, please know that you have helped me and so many people. Yes, take that much needed break…but try to find your way back. If not to us, come back to your dream. Don’t give it up. The devil wants you to be defeated…that’s why he’s bearing down so hard on you. You are a threat to him. There’s an all out war against women and he is delighted with how things are going. We are his enemy. Your blog/posts have liberated so many women and it still is. Not disowning men here, I hope she’s helped you too. You’ve helped me so much in these last three months since I’ve discovered this blog. Your posts, comments and others’ comments would keep me going, keep me determined and motivated. You have led me to other sites/blogs that have given me strength and knowledge. So please take care of you, the best way that you can. We will all miss you and will send numerous good thoughts and prayers.
    Wow…I didn’t expect to read all what you are going through. So now let us pray for you.
    I am going to send you a bit of change. I wish it could be more…I just learned my job will be eliminated and so on and so on…alot of not-to-pleasant things going on in my life right now. But again, it’s certainly not much but it’s all I have and I know it’ll be good for at least maybe something you’ll need. God Bless you Carrie.

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  8. It’s the full moon, wrecks havoc every time.
    Take it one step at a time, breathe deeply into your diaphragm, and look forward to better days ahead.

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  9. Dear Carrie,
    I am so sorry that you have to go through this long, dark tunnel. I wish I could help you financially as I said I would (on a regular basis). I so wish I could, but I simply can´t, because I have been struggeling with money issues myself lately… .-/ and I have been working so very hard over the last year to get my financial situation back on track in order to buy new clothes for my two children and fund their school stuff. Please apologize for not keeping my promises to you!
    Nonetheless, I will send you what I can afford as soon as possible anyway. If everybody sends a small sum this could help you at least psychologically.

    That being said:
    I think the MOST important thing for you is to NOT be homeless, and to get a JOB that suits you and gets you back on your feet financially. So I truly think what you do need is to secure a regular income, and a safe place to stay at. And as cruel as it sounds: If this means that you have to seperate from Stella and re-locate her for a while, then I think that you have to do it! It must not be forever, maybe she could stay at your brother´s place or at your mom´s place or wherever until you have re-settled, get started with one of those two job opportunites, and until your new employers know you better and can trust you. Then, they will allow her in one day or another. Please be aware that you can´t save Stella until you save yourself, with the help of your Higher Power.

    Please do consider the possibility to accept one of these two jobs, as soon as you feel a little better physically. Meanwhile, you have to either stay at your son´s place, your brother´s place, or at your mom´s place. They are your family and it is their DUTY to help you, just as it is your duty to help them when they are in need.

    Wishing you all the luck and strength in the world to go through this!

    xx Alice

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