A Day In The Hospital On A Full Moon

I spent yesterday in the emergency room of the hospital, memo to self – Avoid at all costs going to the emergency room on a full moon!!

I should have known better, I took this picture Monday night, how beautiful the moon was! The picture just does not do it justice at all.

full moon

I was in so much pain, I had been to the chiropractor Monday and he was very surprised I was still in that kind of pain, but he checked and my ribs had shifted up under my shoulder blade again. He really gave me a working over, adjusted my neck and ribs and advised I see my doctor because he thought it could be my heart causing the trouble. I had an appointment booked with my GP the next day already so I went home.

All night I was in horrible pain that radiated to the center of my back and down my right arm. I didn’t want to go to the hospital and was so tired I went to bed and snuggled Stella. Before I went to bed I wrote Kris a goodbye letter just in case I didn’t make it through the night.

The next morning I was awake at 6, the mechanic was supposed to be here at 8 and I had done nothing as far as packing goes and I was in no less pain than the night before. I really didn’t trust myself to drive the 2 hours to my doctor and I knew he would just send me for tests anyway so I called the non emergency number for ambulance.

I explained that I have had two heart attacks in the past and was having shoulder pain but it was not an emergency. Well within 5 minutes I heard the sirens, not even enough time to do my makeup. LOL and wouldn’t you know a fire truck filled with “Fireman Calendar Candidates”  showed up. I was surrounded by these gorgeous hunks of male specimens and the ambulance arrived with sirens blaring and two more guys were checking me out; (not in the way I had dreamed in my younger days, only to see if I was dying). The ambulance took me off the the hospital and that is when things got really crazy!

Every lunatic for 50 miles was in the hospital emergency room I am sure.

The end result after being poked by needles, x-rayed, CT scanned, EKG’d, ecg’d, and poked some more, and wheeled from room to room; I was released and told that i was not having a heart attack BUT I may need a pacemaker and to see my Cardiologist and GP.

They actually think I have pulled some muscle behind my shoulder blade. Go figure!

I think I am having anxiety attacks.

I thought I would give everyone an idea of where I live now, where whistler is and where I am going because most of you have no idea of what I am talking about.

map of BC1

The red circle at the top of the map is Clearwater, population 4,000. About the middle of the map is Kamloops, the closest big city and it is about a 2 hour drive. My son is presently in Whistler, population varies on the season and that is about 2 hours away from me where I am now, which is waaaaaaaaay down at the bottom of the map, let’s just say Vancouver because I am 10 minutes from downtown Vancouver basically. The X by “Google” is where my mom lives and that is about an hour and 1/2 from me now. The arrow is approximately where my grand daughter lives. So from where I am now it is about a 5 hour drive to my grand daughter.

To where I am going it takes about 9 hours driving from anywhere. There are only back roads from Whistler to Clearwater, it’s called the Duffy Lake Road, but it beats driving all the way back down to the coast and then driving back up north.

There are more remote place in BC that is for sure and there is a lot more north country, Clearwater is about right in the middle of BC.

Someone suggested I go after one of the two jobs I didn’t get because of Stella, I don’t know who it was now but I hope this map will explain why that isn’t possible. For one thing my son is leaving the area totally, so why would I move there? it is extremely expensive, and nowhere near anyone I know. The pay was not great but it was close to my son so I would have taken it.

It is 9 hours from where my son is moving now.

Someone suggested the first thing I have to do is get a job and that I should get someone to take care of Stella for awhile in order to take one of those two jobs. There is no one I know who can take Stella, my mother is not an option, there is no way on God’s green earth my mother would ever take care of my dog. My brother has two dogs, the sister of stella and a little terrier who rules the roost in the house, Nigel. Nigel goes nuts when the two big dogs are in the house and it is enough to drive a sane person crazy.

Stella is sensitive and my brother is very vocal and swears a lot. The minute she sees him she pees, without fail. It is the only person she does that with and every time she is at his house she goes up to his bedroom and takes a shit, without fail. Don’t know why, but it most definitely is not an option; beside my brother has to move in 5 months and he won’t find a place that will take 3 dogs, he also leaves his dogs in kennels and goes away and I will not have Stella kennelled. My son had a hard enough time finding a place to rent with one dog, let alone two. All my friends have dogs of their own and can’t take another one.

Even so, it is a mute point because had I taken either one of those jobs I would be out of work now anyway. I was working at jobs I shouldn’t be doing, trying to get by, obviously I did too much.

I can not do what I used to do. I have always worked, done whatever it took to get by and pay the bills. When I was a single mom with an office job I took a paper route to help pay for a new car when my old one broke down. I have always landscaped for extra cash. When I had my truck I worked 7 days a week and was back to work 2 days after being let out of the hospital for my first heart attack, possibly why I had heart failure a year later.

The problem is not that I am unwilling to work, the problem is I am unable to work and the government refuses to agree with my doctors and will not pay me disability or retrain me.

I don’t really have a good feeling about going to Clearwater, it is so far away from my mom and she is not young and my stepdad is not doing great lately but I have tried to make it here and run out of options. I am going to call the government again because it is ridiculous that I worked for 40 years, paid taxes, was a homeowner and business owner and now I can not even get disability.

Well, I have a lot to do today and it is half gone already. I will check in again in a few days. I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes. Keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming please.

Hugs

Carrie

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13 thoughts on “A Day In The Hospital On A Full Moon

  1. Aw , so sorry to read that Carrie & yes my thoughts are with you as always . Anxiety is shit .. descends on you when you least expect it.
    I hope you get to see your cardiologist soon beautiful lady … Sending you a huge ((( HUG)) I know it’s virtual ,but comes from my heart x

    Love . So Sad xx

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  2. Hi Carrie, I live in South Surrey and am on disability. I was very lucky to get on disability because I went through a place in Vancouver called BC Coalition of People with Disabilities. It’s free too. These people will stand by you and will fight for your rights until you are receiving disability benefits. Honestly they’re really good people and know how the crazy system works and they don’t take any crap. They will get you the disability benefits you’re entitled too. The phone number is 604-872-1278. Website: http://www.bccpd.bc.ca

    There is no way that you should be going through all this crap. The lady I dealt with was Ashley Silcock.

    I feel so sad for you and you’re such a kind person. Please take care. Big hugs…

    Sincerely Vickie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Vickie, thank you. I took the number down and website addy. i will definitely give them a call. I called my Ombudsperson and they promised to get right back to me but they have had so many complaints they can’t deal with them all.
      It used to be that people abused the welfare system but the government has gone so far the other way now people that deserve it and need it are denied.
      Thanks so much for the info!
      HUgs
      Carrie

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      1. You’re welcome Carrie! I’m so glad. And I can’t wait to hear the day that you are on disability and free at last from all the crap you’ve been going through. You don’t need this stuff on top of everything else you’ve gone through.

        You’re right about so many people abusing the system and as usual it spoiled it for people like us that have genuine issues and really need to be on disability. I was also told that one of the reasons people are denied is because the forms aren’t filled out the way the Ministry likes and that’s where the Coalition steps in. They know exactly how to word everything on the form.

        If you have any questions I’d be happy to fill you in. And once you have an advocate at the Coalition they’ll stand by you too.

        You’re in my thoughts Carrie, gees I wish there was more I could do. Please take care, I’m sending a whole bunch of positive energy your way! Thank you so much for being here! Big hugs
        Sincerely Vickie

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  3. carrie you aqre going through rough times keep cuddling stella the poor thing sounds scared stiff of your brother im pleased you went to get checked at hospital maybe the hospital could write a report too about you cant work and need a pacemaker they might take more notice i hope everything goes well keep trying to rest dont overdo things stay well carrie lots of love xxx

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    1. by the way lovely picture of the moon i saw the eclipse it was amazing a red moon noone in the street a huge fox looking at it eerily silent dark outline of a tree it was truly magical i had a thought that i would remember this sight forever i woke my daughter to see it she said it was cool then went back to bed a nice moment in my troubled life you have a gift for taking beautiful photos carrie xxx

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  4. Carrie,
    I’m happy everything checked out okay in the ER. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you continue to struggle. I would love to see you catch a much-deserved break and be able to enjoy life without stressors like what you have had up to this point. Much love and support to you! ❤

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  5. Carrie we should all be sitting under the moon somewhere and not in the ER. A glass of anything would be nice and that does not include, needles, IV’s or other hospital equip. Take it easy. What would I do with out you?

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  6. Carrie,
    I made a small donation via the donation button. I hope it went through this time.

    Wishing you all the best – please apologize if I misjudged your current situation – it ain’t easy to estimate things another person experiences from afar sometimes…

    You sounded so happy and positive about those job perspectives not long ago so I thought it would be wise to pick on of those (only when you feel better physically of course!)

    The anxiety is a heavy burden for sure. I am currently working a EMDR-therapy with a psycologist and it has proven very helpful and efficient in interrupting the pain, obsessive thinking and anxiety. The constant back pains have disappeared, I was able to think straigh again, to work in a focused manner and stop the thoughts about the N. That is exactly the moment when he hoovered (after 5 months NC) and tried to sneak his way back into my life… via the ‘can’t we just be friends-card’ . We had a 1 hour phone conversation last Sunday. As difficult and painful as it was, I managed to keep my guards up and enforced all of my boundaries.

    I know that all of us can heal. The no. 1 most important step is to truly focus on ourselves and love ourselves first (as cliché as it sounds). Please get yourself the psychological and medical care you need – you do need to rest, to be taken care of and to be nurtured with good things. It’s not a out moving around here, or Stella or some Job somewhere. It’s about you, your health and your life. Sleeping in your car is no option!

    You are worth being taken care of – by your family, the medical care System, the welfare system and yourself!
    This Crisis and the way your Body screams at you in pain is the way life/the Universe/Higher Power tries to show you that you do need to “surrender” and get help. Ask for it, you are worth it!

    If you were living nearby, I would instantly offer you a Shelter from the Storm under my roof. But I believe there are wiser options than traveling to Germany for you. Disability welfare would be an option it seems, if working Must be excluded for health reasons. But first of all, you need some safe place to stay and someone to help you fix the health issues.

    Sending love and energy your way
    Xxxx Alice

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    1. Alice, thank you, no offense taken, but that is why I put the map up, to show what I am talking about. It is so hard for anyone who is not from the area to understand the distance between these towns. BC is a big province with an enormous amount of undeveloped land, once you leave within 100 miles of Vancouver you are in remote country.
      My son is prepared to do whatever it takes to keep a roof over my head even if it means quitting his job and moving to where the rent is cheaper. He was going in today to ask for a raise, if he gets it he will stay where he is and be able to afford a place for both of us.
      I pray he gets the raise because he is so talented and deserves it but I also don’t want him to pass up such a great stepping stone in his career. His life hasn’t been easy either and he is deserving of a break also.
      But like he said, “I can’t lose my mom now on top of everything else.” He and I have always been there for each other. small family, him and me and two dogs. 🙂

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