I know whenever I broke up with guys before I met James I would hurt but I would be sure of my decision, I would go along in a relationship and at some point I would know, “This relationship isn’t going anywhere” and I would be able to walk away. But with James every we broke up I doubted myself and my decision.
It hurt! like I had never hurt before in any other relationship I had ended; and if it hurt this bad, then maybe I was making a mistake breaking up with him. If he was that bad, why did it hurt so much? And then there would be the friend whose well meaning advice or concern would give me reason to doubt my decision. “If you are this upset maybe it is a mistake” or they would mention they had seen him with another woman and they seemed so happy and I would think maybe it WAS my fault.
I just watched this Matthew Hussey video where he discusses this exact problem of self doubt.
In the past, often times I did stay friends with my ex’s, or have second thoughts, go on a few more dates and realize I was right to break up with them; but with the narcissist it is a different ball game. In the past I had dated “normal” guys, guys who may not be my type, or annoying, or lazy, or whatever the reason was for me breaking up with him, but he was not sick and twisted, they didn’t have evil intentions. When you are dealing with a narcissist, you are dealing with a sick individual who makes no sense, we try to figure out why he does what he does, and we assign him human emotions when he has only rehearsed and memorized emotions and only intends on causing us the most pain and confusion he can in order to feed his sick ego and need for control.
The pain is normal, it does not mean you still love him or made a mistake leaving him, it means you need to take time to heal and in the case of a narcissist that includes no contact. You MUST keep reminding yourself that you are not dealing with a normal person and stop assigning him emotions and feelings he does not have.
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