If He Was So Bad Why Does It Hurt So Bad?


I know whenever I broke up with guys before I met James I would hurt but I would be sure of my decision, I would go along in a relationship and at some point I would know, “This relationship isn’t going anywhere” and I would be able to walk away. But with James every we broke up I doubted myself and my decision.

It hurt! like I had never hurt before in any other relationship I had ended; and if it hurt this bad, then maybe I was making a mistake breaking up with him. If he was that bad, why did it hurt so much? And then there would be the friend whose well meaning advice or concern would give me reason to doubt my decision. “If you are this upset maybe it is a mistake” or they would mention they had seen him with another woman and they seemed so happy and I would think maybe it WAS my fault.

I just watched this Matthew Hussey video where he discusses this exact problem of self doubt.

In the past, often times I did stay friends with my ex’s, or have second thoughts, go on a few more dates and realize I was right to break up with them; but with the narcissist it is a different ball game. In the past I had dated “normal” guys, guys who may not be my type, or annoying, or lazy, or whatever the reason was for me breaking up with him, but he was not sick and twisted, they didn’t have evil intentions. When you are dealing with a narcissist, you are dealing with a sick individual who makes no sense, we try to figure out why he does what he does, and we assign him human emotions when he has only rehearsed and memorized emotions and only intends on causing us the most pain and confusion he can in order to feed his sick ego and need for control.


The pain is normal, it does not mean you still love him or made a mistake leaving him, it means you need to take time to heal and in the case of a narcissist that includes no contact. You MUST keep reminding yourself that you are not dealing with a normal person and stop assigning him emotions and feelings he does not have.

If you need help with self doubt and getting past the narcissist join us in my new blog “No Reim’er Reason” just click on the donate button and pay $15 for a life time membership, price is only good until the new year and then new members will be paying a monthly fee. We have over 20 members now, come join us!! See you there! Live support from 11-1 Monday to Friday.

7 thoughts on “If He Was So Bad Why Does It Hurt So Bad?

  1. brookn hart

    carrie, I know he is evil. I do not want him back. He broke every promise he ever made to me. I am broke and have no hope in this moment. I have to ask him for help. My sons wisdom teeth are coming in and he is in terrible pain. I have no resources left to help my son.the good Doctor.is my only option. I hope he is feeling superior and will help him. Rescuing me may make him feel in control and prove that I am a piece of shit. If it gets my kids teeth pulled it is worth the hulmiliation. I love my son and will stoop as low as needed to help him. I feel like a piece of shit because I cant do anything. I had to pay the taxes on our house to keep it current. He adores my daughter. She will go and try to manipulate this issue. I am not proud. My sons pain breaks my heart..


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Brookn Hart, I know you would do anything for your child. There is no shame in getting the help your son needs by any means, but you need to change the way you are thinking about it. It must be very hard to go to him now but please remember your own words “I love my son and will stoop as low as needed to help him.” you have to stoop low to talk to the ex because……..
      You are not the loser in this picture!! HE IS! He is the manipulator, the lousy father, the one who doesn’t live up to his responsibilities, NOT YOU. You are putting his lack of decency onto yourself. STOP IT right now!!

      Liked by 1 person


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