I can tell from reading recent comments that there are some new members of the blog who are still lying to themselves. They may be putting on a strong front to everyone on the blog and to people who know them; saying they have been no contact for how ever many weeks, even though it is killing them they will NOT let the N treat them with disrespect any longer.
Maybe they are meeting the N for some reason and plan on being strong or perhaps they have come up with some excuse to need the narcissist for some problem that only the narcissist can help with. They are telling everyone who will listen that this time you mean it, you will not be going back, he went too far this time.
But if they are honest, there is this tiny part (or large part of them) that is secretly hoping and praying that the narcissist somehow begs enough or lies good enough that they can go back without everyone telling them they are being stupid. You see if he lies good enough, then they can lie to themselves and if it turns out that he is lying once again, the victim is off the hook, it can’t be their fault they got hurt again if he lied to them! right?! I mean how can it be their fault if he lied and they believed him? He is such a convincing liar after all.
It can be the victim’s fault for getting hurt again because you know the truth now, you know he is a pathological liar who can convince and Eskimo they need a freezer. What is that saying, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” How about fool me 27 times over the course of 10 years or more? who’s fault is it then?
What makes me so smart, how do I know what you are feeling and thinking? that is awfully arrogant of me! I know because I was you, I forgave and believed and went back so many times I was a joke among friends and I remember praying he would tell me a good enough lie I could lie to myself. I didn’t know about narcissist at the time, but I knew he was lying, abusive, cheating asshole. Did I really need to know he was a narcissist?
I remember coming on the site a year after leaving James and crying, “Why does he keep hurting me?!!” and a couple of ladies, (because I only had a couple of followers at that point) Tic Tok and Coach, said, “Because you let him.” I was offended. How could they know, I didn’t ask him to hurt me, he lied!! They both told me to run and never look back that I was playing with fire and my life was in danger. Eventually they both told me their stories. They had both been in abusive relationships and they both ended up in a life and death situation with their abuser because they kept contact, they kept hoping and kept believing the lies and ignoring the danger they were in. One of them ended up fighting for her life because her ex asked her to go for a drive with him and he pulled a gun. The victims who are continuing contact are playing Russian Roulette with the devil. These guys are NOT normal, they have no remorse, no conscience, no guilt, they are toying with you and when they tire of you or you push them into a corner they will turn on you.
Here is a link to a post I did in 2012
I was still talking to him and he was still hurting me and it was a year and a half after we split.
What you don’t realize right now, (because you are still talking to the N and still fresh out of the relationship); is how twisted your thinking has become, how dysfunctional the relationship really is and you won’t until you cut him from your life. Believe me, you feel you love him this much because you haven’t broken away from him. Once you get some distance for a good period of time, not a week or two, I am talking months; you will start to see things clearly and see exactly how sick he is and how sick you both had become. You will see how you assigned him emotions you thought he should be feeling instead of taking him at face value.
Yes, it is good to educate yourself about narcissists so you know what you are dealing with but you must stop trying to figure out why he does what he does, what he means when he does this or says that, why he called, why he doesn’t call, if he is happy with the new woman, why he won’t leave you alone, because the answer is………. he is a narcissist and they don’t make sense! then you have to ask yourself why even though you know he is abusive and a cheater and a liar, why you keep going back. You HAVE to break the invisible ties he has on you and trust that once you are away from him long enough you will see reality differently.