Just For Shits And Giggles

I have not been around much and I have missed you all!! No internet where I am at and I have to drive up the road to hook up to the campground WiFi. I have popped in occasionally but never get past reading a few comments.

I have to do an update post on what is going on, time has flown by and before I realized it a month has passed and it is almost time for me to move again!!

I wanted to do a short post though for the new people who have found the blog. I see a lot of people asking the age old questions; “Why does he hurt me?” “Doesn’t he care he is hurting me?” “Why does he keep coming back?”

The answer to all three is, “Just for shits and giggles.” it is what narcissists do for fun and to feel superior. They get off on your pain! they like it! they do it because it shows them that they are powerful enough to bring you to your knees with pain and make you crazy with their gas lighting, cheating and lying.

It is a game to them, they do not have a conscience, they do not care about hurting people other than the shot of ns they get from it. They think it is funny! Everyone thinks a narcissist needs someone to idolize them, that if they love the narcissist well enough they will be able to keep him satisfied, but that is not the reality of their world. Sure when he is love bombing a new victim he gets off on the fact that he is playing a role and sucking her in, he gets strokes from that but what he is more excited about is, he knows he is going to abuse her down the road and the anticipation of THAT is so exciting he could piddle like an excited puppy.

A narcissist hates being nice, he is not a “giver” he is a taker; he only gives for as long as he has to in order to hook the victim and then every once in a while to keep her hooked. There is no “good side” to a narcissist, he is toxic to the core, any emotion or caring you think you witness is an act.

You will never get him to admit he has a problem and PLEASE! the absolute worst thing you can do is tell him you think he is a narcissist!! He will use it against you and next thing you know he is accusing you of being a narcissist and telling everyone you know that you are a narcissist. He will not care that you think he is a narcissist, it will not make him go, “Oh my God, how horrible!! she thinks I am a narcissist.” and start soul searching, feeling guilty or try to change.

As hard as it is, you must face reality, I am giving you the information would have had years ago.

There is nothing you can do that will change the relationship or him

There is nothing you could have done differently, all women are interchangeable to a N.

He does not have the capability to feel love, compassion or guilt.

He gets off on your pain. Attention is attention for him. He doesn’t care if it is attention from love, fear, hatred, anger, or happiness; as long as he is getting attention and the longer you are with him the more pain he has to cause you in order to get a high from it. Whereas in the beginning you might have been hurt if he had a personal ad, after awhile that gets old for him so he has to ramp it up and go on a date, then he has to let you find him in bed with her, then he will leave you for her and then come back to you and leave you again. He will make you accept things you would never have accepted before, he will ignore every single boundary you have and push you to your absolute limits and beyond. It only ever gets worse because like a drug addict he has built up a tolerance to your pain and so have you. He HAS to inflict more and more to get his fix.

And the whole time he is feeding off of your emotions you are losing more and more of yourself, your self esteem, your confidence, your money, your support system and you are investing precious years you will never get back. Years you could have been loving the people who deserve your love and attention, people like your children, friends and family. You are wasting your health, because all this stress takes an enormous toll on your body.

Please, I beg you all to educate yourselves, read the posts here, it will give you something to do while you are trying to not pick up the phone and call him.

But there are posts on that too!

You are dancing with the devil!

You have been emotionally abused and you are not thinking clearly, you can retrain your brain, you can find the sun light again, that black cloud that hangs over you will go away when you cut the narcissist out of your life completely. You are addicted and you have to go cold turkey, the only closure you will get is to know he is a narcissist and you are lucky to have gotten away. Change your number, block him on all social media, do not take his calls don’t read his emails. Stop the abuse and take your life back.

I wish I could hold the hand of every single person who comes in here looking for answers. When I first started the blog I could invest the time into guiding people through it and I spent many hours encouraging and reinforcing. I simply can not do that any more, there are so many people coming here now, 2222 followers!! wow!! I remember when I was excited to have a person visit the blog one time and then I had a follower!! Almost 2 million hits!

Don’t just read the posts either, read the comments also; there is so much valuable information in the comments, people who have shared their story in hopes of helping someone else. Take advantage of the wealth of experience you have at your finger tips.

And then, once you truly know what you are dealing with you can truly get on with putting your life back together, learning who you are, knowing your worth, and loving yourself.

Wishing everyone sunshine and eternal internal peace!

Love to you all

Carrie

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Just For Shits And Giggles

  1. Oh WoW, Carrie! This is an excellent post! Hope the newbies read & re-read it a billion times.
    Take care…..You are an encouragement to many. We certainly do need each other!
    {{{{{HIUGS!}}}}} as you ForgeOn!

    Like

  2. Hey Carrie,
    Hope you are doing good. I remember a few months ago you writing and said you needed to start charging for your column. I was lucky enough to have someone donate to pay for my subscription. I have not received hardly any posts since that time. I would say one or two maybe a month. Am I supposed to go somewhere else to read your posts? Thanks for your help.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i have been separated from my N since sept 2014….. we share 3 kids, the youngest baby he pretends ‘might not be his’ even though he knows damn well she is and pays child support for her (he would demand a dna test if he thought there was any chance he could prove she is not his and thus get out of paying)…… its so much more fun for him to go around lying to everyone that maybe i had an affair, that is why our relationship went belly-up. I have met a new man now….. he is 100% opposite and he is amazing….. I am so tense about though and not able to trust him…. and angry at myself and my ex all over again because it all just makes it so clear how stupid and wrong I was and how many red flags I ignored that I should have listened to and then I wouldnt have lost 10 years to the N and might have found an amazing man a lot sooner!!!!!! I had a hard time swallowing the cold, hard, fact that there IS NO GOOD SIDE to these N’s!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi Carrie

    I hear you and the above comment from Rainqueen.
    It all hit home and reminded me how far I have come but how long a journey it’s going to be.
    She emptied the accounts, legally could’ve had her charged but in the custody battle I couldn’t so I was left with nothing and over $50,000 in debt. Plus lefal aid rejected my claims for legal assistance as they were already looking after her.
    Up until she left I found myself getting paranoid avout anything. Now when a woman likes me, I junp at shadows and see them doing stuff wrong that no one else sees. It’s gonna take a good patient woman to take on me and my 3 kids because as Rainqueen said, I find it hard to trust. I want to, I just find it hard to.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts

    Like

  5. Yes Carrie, you have done an amazing job and have helped so many…I really wish there was a way for you to get a degree where you could be an abuse counselor. You would be great at it!

    I’m so glad to see you got a little place of your very own! It’s going to take time to fix it up just as you want it. It will be adorable when your finished!

    I will always recommend your blog for the new sisters who join our group.

    Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reading these post makes me smile, I honestly thought that I was the only one things like this happen too. I have only just discovered that I have a N and I have been trying for almost two years to break the connection. It all started to unravel not long after he moved in with me and my children. He had recently lost his job and had a history of depression so me being me wanted to make things right and make him happy again, however the more I gave the more he took. Eventually my eldest son left and went to live with his father, that shattered me, my children are my world. So then the manipulating started he would tell me that he couldn’t handle my love for my children anymore it was ridiculous he was leaving. I would plead with him to stay and try to make him understand. He really couldn’t understand at all. We ended up buying a house things got progressively worse, his unpredictable moods extreme anger at the smallest things, children leaving shoes at the front door, not being able to come to a chick flick with my daughter, social media slandering. It went on for a few months one day he threw a bottle at me because I had pulled out a plant and wouldn’t tell him where it was, he told me that I had no right to pull out a plant and plant another one without his permission he flipped his lid completely because he wasn’t it control. The next day I packed up my children we left went to my mothers house. That night he tried to take his own life and told me I was responsible it was all my fault because I wouldnt come home he would keep taking pills until I came home, I didn’t however he was found before anything had a chance to do any damage. I went back 6 weeks later this time with only one of children my daughter stayed with my Mother, he told me he had changed he was seeing counsellors and was on different meds. The good N lasted 5 days then flipped his lid about not being able to spend the entire Christmas Day with me. My family didn’t want to be around him he made everyone feel uncomfortable. I stayed until March then I left again moved into my own rental property I broke his heart all over gain he had no idea he came home to an almost empty house. I had almost all of family back together again, my eldest son was visiting more frequently we were happy. Then my N followed me home and found out where we were living then it started all over again the passion the loving person the wooing it was just what I thought I needed, then bang he couldn’t get his own way, he wanted me to come home sometimes he would ask up to a dozen times a day. I kept saying no I wasn’t ready he would always ask. One day he got so angry with me because I said that he could not stay he demanded everything he had ever given me back so I obliged put it all in his car he told me that if I didn’t he would call the police and tell them I had stolen it. The next second he told me to get it all out of his car so I did this too. For me that day I had, had enough. I planned my move this time I would travel 30000 kms to get away from him and a lot of others things that had taken its toll on me. I was fantastic I felt so liberated it was great for at least a month then I found out that he had gone through mynrubbish bin and found out where I was. I ended up answering a call from him now it has started all over again. He has been to visited my children are angry and hurt they don’t understand why I cannot break the connection. I know I need to otherwise I will lose my daughter all over again. He wants to move here and I have told him it’s not a good idea however he persistently says that he wants to, he lives to love me, his life will never be complete without me. He has never hit me his abuse is emotional and he plays mind games with all the passion he has he tells me that I am beautiful and he could never love another the way he loves me. I need some help and stradegies to break this connection it is not an healthy relationship all I do is wait until the next time he can’t cope and the next time he will get angry.

    Like

    • Smellz18..i am worrying about you..i have been where you are at and no contact is the best way i found to deal with my ex N..If i had not come on Carrie’s site i would still be where i was..away from my family, alone and putting up with his crap day in and day out..I made my plan just like Carrie said, got in touch with my sons and one of them and his wife came and got me and my stuff.accepted no phone calls from him, changed my number, left no forwarding info he could get ahold of and locked up all my papers and stuff months before i left…my ex N ..his abuse was emotional too and withholding medical care stuff like that, very selfish but didn’t mind taking my money !! i Pray you can find the strength you need to protect yourself and your children you are worth far more than you can ever know ..my peace of mind is endless now : )..i am having problems w P.T.S.D. type symptoms but i KNOW i will never go back …thinking about you and praying you and your little ones are safe !!

      Liked by 1 person

Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s