Just Like A Cancer In Remission – You Never Know When It Could Come Back

No offense meant to anyone dealing with cancer, it was the only analogy that I could come up with to accurately describe what it is like waiting for the narcissist to rear his ugly head in your life again.

It has been 5 and 1/2 years since my ex and I split, he has been involved with another woman for 5 years and 5 months of that time. He got her to sell her house and he has gotten everything material that he ever wanted, trucks, heavy equipment, trips, mobile shop, you would think he would be so happy he wouldn’t have time or the desire to care what I am doing.

But almost like clockwork he pops into my life to stir up shit once a year. The last time he showed up to destroy my life I was on my brother’s boat, May 26th, 2015 to be exact.  I was being interviewed by Nice Guy Eddie on his talk radio show In My Humble Opinion. I was waiting for Eddie to Skype me at 5 pm to do the interview when I heard what sounded like a a remote control car or weed whacker outside. Like I said I was living on a boat so either one was not likely to be outside my window. I finally went to check because it had been out there a while and when I look out the window there was a drone so close I could have reached out and touched it. Long story short, Eddie couldn’t get through on Skype, nor Face Book, my laptop crashed, never to work again and Eddie and I did the interview over the phone.

A few days prior I had received a call from my ex’s step dad, who I had always stayed in contact with and trusted. I had told him where I was living, two days later I was taking Stella for a pee at 5 am when a semi that looked exactly like my ex’s old one came around the corner and stopped. I had told myself to not be paranoid, his truck got repossessed before we split. But in light of the drone and my laptop crashing I decided to check online to see what he had been up too lately. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that same semi in his Flikr album. He had acquired the same truck just a few years older. That same week I was cut off welfare. Then his son was in the area camping with his mom, step dad and siblings and called to see if I would meet them at their camp site. Of course I went in a heartbeat, I love his son and we had a special bond because my ex was so abusive. I met them and we had a great time, his mom and I hugged, his little sister ran and hugged me, we went to the wharf in White Rock and carved our names in the wood, I got to talk alone with Allan. The only thing Allan said was, the minute he saw me and gave me a hug and then he looked me right in the eye and asked, “How are you?” I said I was great and he sighed with relief and said, “That is all I needed to hear” and hugged me again. We didn’t talk about his dad at all except for him to thank me for standing up to his dad for him and getting him out of the house and home safe to his mom when his dad punched him for eating his double chocolate donut.

A few weeks later I notice on Allan’s mom’s Face Book she has posted pics of their trip. There is one of Yogi bear and a comment from my ex asking where’s BooBoo? Allan’s mom replied, “Who needs BooBoo, Carrie came for a visit and she is awesome!!”

His reply was, “She can be.”

I could tell he was not happy and he said something about if he had known they were coming he would have gone to see them. My ex lives about 8 hours away. She said the date they were there and that they had been there 3 days and had a great time! He said he had been in White Rock the same day I had been there. What a coincidence! haha I had gotten lost and had to do a couple of u turns, I probably lost him and didn’t even know he was following me. You know I had a gut feeling though that whole night.

I have moved so many times I can’t keep count and with this last move I made sure no one who knows him knew where I was. I didn’t post any pictures that had identifying landmarks on here or Face Book. I turned off my GPS on my phone, laptop and any posts I did. I have had one person from my past who knew me while I was with my ex call and ask where I was living now and I was evasive and she called a few times and dropped off.

So, my mom calls me yesterday, very upset; she got a phone call from the police looking for me. She didn’t give them any information, good! because it could have been anyone looking for information, it would not be the first time my ex pretended to be a cop over the phone. The Constable asked where I was living, how often did she see me and she finally asked him what this was about. He told her it had to do with my blog and I was “Inciting Violence” against someone and it was a very serious offense. He gave her his number and asked her to get me to call him.

When she told me I was not the least bit surprised, the one thing that struck me first was this, “If he is accusing me of inciting violence, what the hell does he have planned for me? because they always accuse the victim of the same things they themselves are doing.”

The next thing that struck me,

Why did they call my mother, they could have emailed me through my blog if that is what this is pertaining to and if I didn’t respond then call my mother.

I took the number from my mom and assured her it was not a big deal, she never reads my blog but went in and read it yesterday for herself. She said she saw nothing that would be considered inciting violence. I ask you all, have I ever incited violence ever on this blog? I am one of the least violent, nonjudgmental people I know. I have forbid people from using their ex’s real name and making threats to their safety or even slandering them.

I called the number immediately and surprise surprise, it was the Powell River Police Station. The cop wasn’t on duty so I left a message and not had a call back. I only know one person living in Powell River. I know of 6 times where my ex had someone impersonate a cop or he did it himself; in order to create trouble for me or to get information on my whereabouts in order to create trouble for me. He of course would know who my parents are and I am sure he thought that if a cop phoned the house looking for me she would panic and spill the information, but she is smarter than that thank God.

Not knowing where I am would piss him off to no end, because after all it is all about control. It is like when I started locking my truck and sleeping with the key; my truck battery started to hold a charge and it actually ran for a solid week; if he couldn’t get the hood up, he couldn’t sabotage the truck BUT it was then that he got angry and started to ramp things up and do things that endangered my life, like my tire blowing at 110 km an hour with 3 tons on the truck.

I don’t know what is going on, but one thing for sure I am not letting this slide, it is time he got a life and moved on. I know his relationship is on fragile ground, the engagement ring is off….. he is probably having to be on good behavior in order to get her sucked back in so I am the scapegoat, I will pay for anything that goes wrong in his life for the rest of my life. The one ex he counted on for his emergency supply died the same year him and I split so I guess I am the replacement. Great!!

Depending on what transpires I will be shutting down the blog. I will be closing all my email accounts, my paypal, and changing my phone number. I will be back, I have my other blog I am going to open up, I will not stop spreading the word, but if I am breaking the law I have to do it legally. I never intended to slander or get revenge on my ex, I want to warn other women about all narcissists so whether it is this blog or another one makes no difference to me. I just start building my readership again, I love a challenge, right?

I want a restraining order on him again and I will inform them he has a gun.

I will keep you all informed, for now the blog stays but if it disappears I am not gone for good, just for awhile and I will be back.

Hugs to you all!!

 

 

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21 thoughts on “Just Like A Cancer In Remission – You Never Know When It Could Come Back

  1. Julie

    Will this horror story ever end? This post makes me cringe. Impersonating a cop, good grief!! I am sure you well know all of this, but if you visit and are in touch with his family members, on facebook or elsewhere, you are in touch with him indirectly, right? It provides an opening, an opportunity for him, and for you too. It’s how he is able to have access to you and to know about you and what’s going on with you through his son, his dad, and whoever else you’re in touch with that he knows, and it also gives you an opportunity to find out about him. So it’s contact between you. Plus, if you go on his social media you can bet he’s reading your blog. That’s still more contact between you. Cut off contact with him, his family, his friends. Cut ALL contact. It’s not easy to do because you obviously care about his family and they have nothing to do with him and any of this, they are not responsible and don’t deserve to be cast off, but it puts you at risk no? I shut down my FB after my own experience because I did not want my narc to have access to me, BUT also because I have to admit I did not want the TEMPTATION to get in touch with him either. It went both ways. He was never a violent man but boy, could he f**** with my mind. It’s 2 years no contact this month and it’s hard. DAMN HARD. But I have never strayed, not into his fb nor anywhere else (not that I wasn’t tempted but I didn’t do it). I don’t know about restraining orders, I don’t know how efficient they are but judging from what I’ve seen and heard they don’t offer much protection, if only a false sense of protection. Good luck and do what you have to do to stay safe even if that means not engaging with his family and acquaintances. I’d start with that before anything else. It’s like rehab. An addict has to get off the drug and stay away from everything & everyone associated with the drug. That’s how I look at it anyway. Hugs to you and please keep us updated. Hugs to Stella!

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Julie, you are preaching to the choir, I have been no contact for years now. I don’t talk to his family except his son and his son’s mother, when they contact me and there is no way they would tell him piss all. She hid from him for 15 years. I am not going to cut his son out, but I limit what I tell him, he has no idea where I live.
      As for the step dad, he used to call once a year to see how I was doing and we never discussed JC, I had requested that his name not come into conversations in the very beginning and his step dad always complied. When it became obvious he had “outed” me I severed all contact and now if anyone from my past, related to JC or otherwise contacts me I tell them I don’t associate with anyone who knows JC, period, sorry.
      I have him blocked on social media which means I can’t see what he is doing and he can’t see what I am doing but you can not block someone from reading a wordpress blog. The whole blog is private or nothing. I can only block comments.
      I make sure there are no identifying landmarks in any photos I post and I think all these measures at ensuring he doesn’t know where I am is what is pissing him off. Every time I moved he managed to find a way to locate me. A few months ago a woman who used to date one of his/our friends contacted me through Facebook. I had cut the guy out of my life a couple of years ago because he was in contact with JC and her and I had never really been friends. Right away she wanted to know where I was living and I told her I didn’t associate with anyone who knew JC and I. We had a few polite generic conversations and she dropped off.
      I suspect he had tried to get info through her and has run out of sources.
      I don’t blame his step dad, I can well imagine the stories he has told to solicit sympathy and gain information.
      As for restraining orders, I have had one on him and all it did was encourage him to prove it did not apply to him. All of a sudden he was every where I went; they aren’t worth the paper they are written on when it comes to a narcissist. Restraining orders are only effective on law abiding people, but at least if I have one and something happens there is a record.
      He has been very tricky in getting info on me, you can not be 100% diligent 100% of the time. I had a new job, I never answered numbers I didn’t recognize but my new job required I take customer calls. I returned a call and it was his voice mail. I hung up and that was all it took, he was hooked up to my GPS on my phone, next thing I know the mechanic finds a tracking device on my truck, and there are anonymous complaints made about me to my landlord and boss.
      I do what I can to keep my whereabouts secret but I am not going to lose sleep over it or become paranoid. I am not going to be bullied any more.

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      1. Julie

        Preaching to the choir lol. Sorry but that made me laugh cause I had no idea what that expression meant and had to look it up. I don’t comment much but i do keep up with the blog. I just felt compelled to write cause i find this whole sordid tale is so incredibly discouraging that I am tired for you, like there’s no light at the end of your tunnel. The having to look over your shoulder and in alert mode constantly must be so incredibly draining that It makes me grateful I guess is the word I would use that my narc is far away at least and not the type to hover at all. When he’s done with you he’s D.O.N.E. done. He’s not the stablest of men, but at least he doesn’t come back around. Amen to that. I hope for your sake and for your health that you can find some peace soon, a decent job, some stability and to feel safe wherever you are, and not live in fear. Unlike other comments that were posted, I would support you shutting down this blog if it can offer you some peace of mind and security. A blog like this one is there to help us, okay that’s great, but it also gives the abuser a window into your world and that’s not what you want. Good for you if you feel safe with his family and you can trust them enough to be around them and to not let anything spill. I wouldn’t be able to do that, I would never want to be around people who knew my narc because he’s unstable. They may be ok but he’s not. I don’t know what he would do if he found out let’s say for example I talked to his sister. I would see it as a provocation and I would not want to provoke someone who is not stable. That’s my take on it anyway.

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        1. Carrie Reimer Post author

          Julie, lol I don’t know where I heard that saying but I have used it a lot in my life, I hesitated to use it because I thought you might not know what it meant. LOL
          His sister lived with us and actually is the one who convinced me to leave because she was afraid he was going to kill me. I haven’t talked to her in a couple of years now but she was very loyal to me, I know that. His son also lived with us and I feel it is bad enough his dad was such a bastard I am not going to dump the kid now. He and I went through a lot together during the short time he lived with us and I stepped between him and his dad to stop his dad from beating him over eating his stupid chocolate donut. Like I said, I do not make the contact but I will always be there for his son.
          I don’t consider his ex and son to be his family. Seeing his son may be a provocation for him as is my blog, but the fact that I am breathing is provocation for him. I have no doubt that if I shut down the blog he would not leave me alone. There are very few narcissists that just go away never to reappear again, even if it is years later. I accidentally pocket dialed my son last night and we had a conversation about it and he told me how proud he is of me and he nailed what JC is pissed about.
          It is all about winning for JC, after we split I was a basket case, a weak, pool of emotion on the floor, and he was encouraging me to kill myself; he would have loved that, for a woman to kill herself over him and he could have been so grief stricken and feel so guilty over it all and get all that sympathy from everyone and his secret would go to the grave with me. His other ex had drank herself to death. All these women dying because they lost him, the perfect him.
          But I didn’t die, I got stronger, no matter what he has done, no matter how many lies he has told and damage he has done I have gotten back up and used it to get stronger. I am broke, I have had to live in my car and he still hasn’t broken me. To him, he has failed, he didn’t win. and as long as I am breathing and strong he will feel he has not finished his mission. To top it all off I am using what he has done to me to empower other victims of narcissist, that would piss him off to no end.
          There is no rational reason for him to care about my blog because it would never affect him, he would never be traced to it unless he tells people about it. The reason he is pissed is because I have regained my strength, gained some notoriety from it, even gotten some donations from it and now I am using it to empower others. The nerve of me!!! That was not his plan at all!!
          Plus as long as I have the blog he has to behave and he can’t kill me; I am cramping his style.
          I have never wanted revenge, I don’t do tit for tat but I refuse to roll up in a corner and quietly lick my wounds. That is why the problem keeps growing, victims are so afraid of angering the narcissist they don’t say anything, they just want to go and forget the whole thing, don’t make him mad, don’t attract his attention but when I was sitting there trying to remind myself to breath and unable to function I promised myself that I would share my story in hopes it saves other women from the same suffering and I have and I will continue to do so. I will not be bullied into closing it. The only way I will close it is if it means I would be charged with something illegal and then I will still open it under a different name. I won’t stop advocating for victims of abuse ever. Ever.

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          1. Julie

            Lol my english needs tweaking…it’s not my first language and some idioms completely escape me even now! Well I learned something new haha!
            Well I am in that group of women who want to just forget and not make any waves. Not because I’m afraid of him, he’s not psychopathic, but between the mind games, the lies, the half truths, the made up bullshit and all the rest of it, I felt if I didn’t go no contact I would go crazy. I think I did it to preserve my sanity. That’s what I told my therapist the moment I walked in his office. I said I need help, I need to put some order back in my mind and I cried non stop the first 3 sessions. I had never been to a therapist before. I had never been on antidepressants before either. Welcome to the wonderful after effects of narcissism! So yeah I literally cut him off. Phone calls, emails, texts, money transfers, more money transfers, I quit it all in one clean swoop. I literally made myself vanish from his life. I thank god for those anti depressants and the distance between us cause the withdrawal was absolutely excruciating. Man do I have compassion for those cocaine addicts now. This man was my absolute drug. The only thing that made me feel better during that time was driving. I would get behind the wheel early in the morning, take off with no particular place to go and just drive all day. I think that lasted for a few weeks. I racked up a ton of mileage and gas bills! But I want to get to a place where he has no more effect on me, so I coulnn’t talk about him all the time cause that would be reliving the experience over and over again, it would keep him in my thoughts and in my mind and keep me from moving on. it sounds like for you, your blog is your therapy, your way to heal, but doesn’t it keep you ”stuck”? I read somewhere that the ultimate goal is in fact to get to a place of indifference. That’s when you know that he has no more power over you. So that’s definitely what I’m striving for. I still think about him way too much, I want to talk to him way too much but I know I will never ever do it, I do NOT want him to have access to me ever again cause that would be a major set back and just cause me more pain again.

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  2. Only Me

    I’d hate to see this blog closed. Well, it could be that JC is like other narcs I’ve heard about….he regards you as his permanent property to do with as he pleases, and anything you do to indicate you still think about him, is taken as a sign by him that you still have feelings for him. Even negative comments about them stokes their egos. True or not, I can’t say…just what I’ve heard elsewhere.

    I don’t know about my ex all that much. He has a couple of Facebook accounts which I’ve had blocked for years…once I did unblock long enough to see if he still had a photo op of him and his current victim…maybe for all of 2 seconds! LOL. The photos had been taken down, when or why I couldn’t say. Maybe because I never reacted to anything he posted. Quickly blocked him again!

    He does have a Twitter account, and most of the time, I’m not even tempted to look. From what I’ve seen, when I did look, he largely says nothing about his pseudo “wife” as if she doesn’t even exist. It’s clear he runs the home (got her to sign over co-trusteeship and co-ownership of her financial holdings to him several years ago!). Otherwise, I think he probably doesn’t treat her that well. His posts are trivial and shallow – surprise! Yeah, from time to time, I confess to some minor curiosity. Less and less do I ever give him a thought. He’s a stranger to me now.

    I too have moved on. I have interests elsewhere, I prefer to devote my attention to. I don’t care about him, don’t stress over him, and I don’t keep up on his life. I couldn’t tell you. At age 71, I don’t think his health is that good, but if he were die tomorrow, I’d shed no tears over him. I allowed a 10 minute cry over him shortly after my D&D, and that was that! I’d just probably just shrug my shoulders, and turn my attention elsewhere. The past is past, and he’s part of it.

    Hugs to you. I hope things improve for you! I know you’ve struggled for so long, and you deserve some good things to happen for you. I pray that happens soon for you!

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