I have been absent from the blog for the most part for a couple of months now, I didn’t have the internet and had a lot going on in my life during the last few months. It is too much to go into now, those of you who are on my FaceBook pretty well know everything.
I am not sure if I did a post on here about it, but I have had another heart (attack?) I am not even sure what to call it. I passed out, came to with my heart racing, sweating like crazy and unable to breath. I tried to crawl outside to get help but passed out again. When I came to the next time my cell phone was on the floor beside me and I was able to call my mom. I wasn’t able to talk but she knew if I called and didn’t speak there must be something wrong and she came immediately. She found me on the floor of the trailer I was fixing up and called 911. They told her there had been a bad accident and they didn’t have an ambulance available and she best put me in the car and drive me to emergency. By this time I was aware and able to get myself outside and sit in a chair. Poor Stella was in the car trying to squeeze through the 1/2 opened window to get to me. (She refused to go back in that trailer for a week) I convinced my mom to just take me home and if I got worse she could drive me to the hospital, if all the ambulances were out that would mean they would be bringing injured in and I just wanted to go to bed and rest; I had an appointment with the cardiologist in two days anyway.
The cardiologist was not happy and wanted to admit me right then and there and I refused, I said I would take any tests he wanted but would not admit myself to the hospital. He told me I was a ticking time bomb and could fall over dead any second. Oh well!
So I wore a heart monitor for a day and did all their tests and will go back to see him in June to find out what he wants to do. So far I know that my heart is functioning at less than 25% and they are shocked I can walk, climb stairs and do all that I do. The cardiologist told me that my prescription was so low that it might as well be a placebo and he doubled it and will raise it again. hopefully I will see some improvement from that. I think working as hard as I did in the past must have made my heart stronger.
Welfare still doesn’t think I am disabled. Not that I want to be disabled, I have applied for hundreds of jobs and nothing. I think my age is working against me plus my office experience is old, and I think I am over qualified for many jobs. So still struggling to get by on $610 a month.
I took a job gardening, the ad had said 4 hours a day gardening but it ended up being 8 hour days and full on landscaping. I simply could not do the job and had to quit. I claimed the money I made, $620 and some income from advertising that month and had nothing but hassles from the government ever since. Now they are on me because they think I might still be working and not claiming it. WTF?? where is the incentive to be honest? And because I had to go for those tests I was unable to attend some workshops I was signed up for and I informed my employment counselor; she failed to inform me I had to get the doctor to fill out a form and now I am in danger of being cut off again.
Honest to God, I was a basket case when I left my ex, suicidal, having to remind myself to breath and blink but I was able to dig deep and find the strength to carry on. Dealing with welfare has been such a demoralizing and futile effort at survival that it has taken me to the depth of despair and hopelessness.
I have been staying at a friends while they are away in Jamaica for the past week and in the meantime a friend of my mother’s has offered me to live in their basement for $375 a month. There is no kitchen but I can use a toaster oven and hot plate. It does have a fenced yard and they love Stella, it is warm, dry, and it isn’t my car! I am so sick of moving I am hoping it will at least give me time to get my heart condition fixed and find a job.
The cardiologist told me that my prescription was so low that it might as well be a placebo and he doubled it and will raise it again. hopefully I will see some improvement from that.
One bonus about not having the net, I had time to work on my book and now just have to come up with a cover and organize the chapters. In the basement suite I will once again have the internet!! I know I will be happy to be back blogging again, I have really missed you all. You have no idea!!