Update Post

I have been absent from the blog for the most part for a couple of months now, I didn’t have the  internet and had a lot going on in my life during the last few months. It is too much to go into now, those of you who are on my FaceBook pretty well know everything.

I am not sure if I did a post on here about it, but I have had another heart (attack?) I am not even sure what to call it. I passed out, came to with my heart racing, sweating like crazy and unable to breath. I tried to crawl outside to get help but passed out again. When I came to the next time my cell phone was on the floor beside me and I was able to call my mom. I wasn’t able to talk but she knew if I called and didn’t speak there must be something wrong and she came immediately. She found me on the floor of the trailer I was fixing up and called 911. They told her there had been a bad accident and they didn’t have an ambulance available and she best put me in the car and drive me to emergency. By this time I was aware and able to get myself outside and sit in a chair. Poor Stella was in the car trying to squeeze through the 1/2 opened window to get to me. (She refused to go back in that trailer for a week) I convinced my mom to just take me home and if I got worse she could drive me to the hospital, if all the ambulances were out that would mean they would be bringing injured in and I just wanted to go to bed and rest; I had an appointment with the cardiologist in two days anyway.

The cardiologist was not happy and wanted to admit me right then and there and I refused, I said I would take any tests he wanted but would not admit myself to the hospital. He told me I was a ticking time bomb and could fall over dead any second. Oh well!

So I wore a heart monitor for a day and did all their tests and will go back to see him in June to find out what he wants to do. So far I know that my heart is functioning at less than 25% and they are shocked I can walk, climb stairs and do all that I do. The cardiologist told me that my prescription was so low that it might as well be a placebo and he doubled it and will raise it again. hopefully I will see some improvement from that. I think working as hard as I did in the past must have made my heart stronger.

Welfare still doesn’t think I am disabled. Not that I want to be disabled, I have applied for hundreds of jobs and nothing. I think my age is working against me plus my office experience is old, and I think I am over qualified for many jobs. So still struggling to get by on $610 a month.

I took a job gardening, the ad had said 4 hours a day gardening but it ended up being 8 hour days and full on landscaping. I simply could not do the job and had to quit. I claimed the money I made, $620 and some income from advertising that month and had nothing but hassles from the government ever since. Now they are on me because they think I might still be working and not claiming it. WTF?? where is the incentive to be honest? And because I had to go for those tests I was unable to attend some workshops I was signed up for and I informed my employment counselor; she failed to inform me I had to get the doctor to fill out a form and now I am in danger of being cut off again.

Honest to God, I was a basket case when I left my ex, suicidal, having to remind myself to breath and blink but I was able to dig deep and find the strength to carry on. Dealing with welfare has been such a demoralizing and futile effort at survival that it has taken me to the depth of despair and hopelessness.

I have been staying at a friends while they are away in Jamaica for the past week and in the meantime a friend of my mother’s has offered me to live in their basement for $375 a month. There is no kitchen but I can use a toaster oven and hot plate. It does have a fenced yard and they love Stella, it is warm, dry, and it isn’t my car! I am so sick of moving I am hoping it will at least give me time to get my heart condition fixed and find a job.

The cardiologist told me that my prescription was so low that it might as well be a placebo and he doubled it and will raise it again. hopefully I will see some improvement from that.

One bonus about not having the net, I had time to work on my book and now just have to come up with a cover and organize the chapters. In the basement suite I will once again have the internet!! I know I will be happy to be back blogging again, I have really missed you all. You have no idea!!


8 thoughts on “Update Post

  1. sleeping tiger

    The gov’t giving you a hard time makes me so angry and so sad for you. My gawd, they obviously want blood, it’s frickin’ ridiculous.

    I am glad you survived that episode, (heart attack) or whatever it was. I understand your (sort of) apathy about it too, with the hard time you’re having. You should not have to be trying to find a job for God’s sake. I thought the system here was messed up, but it sounds like you have to do so much more than just jump through a few hoops.

    It’s probably state to state, but having a little income is allowed here, and to still be able to stay on public assistance. There is a ceiling, but what the f do these people expect you to do? It sounds severely corrupt. I’m so sorry you are and have been going through such torment for such a long time.

    On a lighter note, congratulations on getting your book finished.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Only Me

    God, I’m so sorry for what you’re going thru. The stress of your housing/income situation, I fear maybe aggravating your heart condition. I think you are experiencing atrial fibrillation if that helps any. Yes, definitely get a doctor’s statement to present to your social services worker!

    Here’s the gist of it: Atrial fibrillation is an irregular and often rapid heart rate that can increase your risk of stroke, heart failure and other heart-related complications.

    During atrial fibrillation, the heart’s two upper chambers (the atria) beat chaotically and irregularly — out of coordination with the two lower chambers (the ventricles) of the heart. Atrial fibrillation symptoms often include heart palpitations, shortness of breath and weakness.

    Episodes of atrial fibrillation can come and go, or you may develop atrial fibrillation that doesn’t go away and may require treatment. Although atrial fibrillation itself usually isn’t life-threatening, it is a serious medical condition that sometimes requires emergency treatment.

    It may lead to complications. Atrial fibrillation can lead to blood clots forming in the heart that may circulate to other organs and lead to blocked blood flow (ischemia).

    Treatments for atrial fibrillation may include medications and other interventions to try to alter the heart’s electrical system.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. weightless

    Carrie, do for yourself what you would tell your readers to do. You would say GET into HOSPITAL when heart dr. says to. Don’t work 8 hours at 4 hour physical job, especially when trying to claim disability, you would say. Please take your own advice, for all our sakes. James will only chortle at his win if you let yourself die of a heart attack.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Marlene

    Carrier I don’t comment often, but I wanted you to know I read your blogs all the time. I take a lot of comfort here. I will miss you more. I am at a loss for words and all I cam say is my heart goes out to you….I can relate and bad luck follows me everywhere as well…heart ache after heart ache.


  5. kim

    carrie i have just read this post after the one after if that makes sense this is terrible it could be tachicardia ive had before heart goes too fast blood pressure goes low then fainting anyway whatever you have please let the hospital assess whats going on surviving when left with nothing and bad health is the hardest thing i wish you sooooo much luck try to rest if you can xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Miss

    Carrie, please follow the doctor’s order and get yourself checked out by professionals. Life is too short and precious to be playing this by ear.



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