Listen

It’s been nearly 5 years since Maple Batalia was murdered by her ex boyfriend as she was leaving Simon Fraser University in Surrey, BC; with a friend. I have placed a link to the newspaper article below.

Find the story here

A short back ground to the story:

Maple was 19 when she was murdered, had been a very beautiful young girl and dated her murderer for two years, the mother’s of the two young people were friends. The boyfriend was controlling and Maple had enough but he was not taking it well and was texting incessantly, up to 100 texts a day and stalking her. Eventually he bought a gun and knife and attacked her from behind, shooting her in the abdomen twice and then slashing her head and face numerous times.

I watched a news segment on the murder the other day because the trial for the boyfriend was finished this week. They were interviewing Maple’s mother who proudly showed pictures of her beautiful daughter, talked about how her daughter had been so intelligent, kind and never gave the family cause for concern. The mother now works raising awareness about violence against women.

The reporter asked her if she had any advice for other parents who might have a daughter going through what Maple did and she said, “Listen“. She said she has one regret, she can see now that Maple tried to talk to her but she was so busy with the other children and thought Maple was able to handle the problem on her own. She didn’t understand the danger and thought eventually the guy would get over it.

I have had people say to me, “He would have gotten her anyway, there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.” So what? we just let it keep happening because there is nothing that can be done to stop these murderous monsters?

If other people are aware of what is going on, if people get involved and step in, make it known to the abuser they are on to him and don’t agree with what he is doing, if the police are notified, if the victim is believed and knows the seriousness of the situation she is in; I believe there would be far fewer deaths of innocent women.

I remember years ago JC and I were driving down the road in his 1 Ton and he was punching me from the driver’s seat as we were going down the road. All of a sudden a car with two guys in it pulled up along side yelling something about being a man and why doesn’t he pick on someone his own size. They then cut him off and were shaking their fists at him through the back window. He pretended like he didn’t even see them but he stopped hitting me.

Another time he came at me with his fists raised and I curled up in a ball on the floor and was yelling for help. My friend who happened to be walking past saw a crowd forming outside our back door and came to investigate. When she heard the cries for help she jumped into action and bust through the door; landing in the kitchen on both feet (she was probably 4’11” and not even a 100 lbs) she yelled, “What’s going on in here?” JC immediately backed off. She told me there were at least 10 people standing outside most of which were men, some were even laughing.

We can not be silent any longer and we can not ignore what is right under our noses. I don’t expect people to put their own lives in danger but there are ways to get involved and help the victims without stepping in to danger themselves.

I had no idea that him choking me until I passed out, or throwing me across the room was domestic abuse. If it didn’t leave bruises, was it abuse? When I told anyone, no one seemed overly concerned or appalled by his actions so maybe it wasn’t abuse. Like he kept saying, it wasn’t like he came home and beat me every day.

There is a list that anyone working with domestic abuse victims must check to decide how much danger the victim is in. I never would have guess that choking is a high sign that the abuser is capable of murdering the victim. There are obvious signs like having a gun, but people don’t take things like stalking seriously. They think he is just jealous and it is a sign he loves her.

Stalking is a sign of control not love and is on the list of warning signs that he is capable of doing her major harm.

We need to break the silence and educate our young women and men to recognize the signs of abuse and how to protect themselves.

 

 

 

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One Reply to “Listen”

  1. I wrote the following on my status on Facebook this week…
    I’ve noted in recent years, when I go to my primary medical provider, I’m asked this question; are you save in your home? David (my life-partner of 18 years) has told me that he was ALSO asked that question! It does work both ways. I’ve also noted more flyers in the ladies’ room and on bulletin broads about ‘domestic violence’. These are all great things and ways for people to get help.

    Today, while I was getting ‘prepped’ by 2 nurses for a medical test and right after David left the room, that I was asked that question, about being save in my home. One nurse said something about a ‘dot’ on the palm, that alerts medical staff that a patient’s ‘abuser’ is in the room. I asked what do you mean, what about a ‘dot’?

    Apparently a ‘dot’, made with a pen, on a woman’s palm, is a ‘universal’ sign that her ‘abuser’ is in the room. A woman can just adjust her hair, wipe the back of her hand across her face and a nurse would see the dot and could call the police.

    This is all new to me and I think it’s a great OPEN SIGNAL. Pass this on!

    Liked by 1 person

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