The Police, The Blog and Me

Seeing as I have the internet again I might as well take the time to catch everyone up on what has been going on. As I said in a previous post the police contacted my mother looking for me because I was inciting (I finally found out how to spell it, thank you Troy) violence.

I have tried numerous times to contact the Constable and finally today he returned my calls.

I immediately said that I assumed this had something to do with my ex ________ ________ (fill in the blanks) and he said yes it did. I told him that there is no way I want any personal information getting back to my ex. We talked for probably about 1/2 an hour. What it boils down to is this:

My ex has been reading my blog and is afraid that someone is going to read my blog and decide to take matters into their own hands and hurt him because I made them angry on my blog. If something were to happen to my ex I could be held criminally responsible if it was someone who read my blog and decided to hurt him. The officer also said that I could be charged in civil court and have to prove that what I am saying is fact, well, I do have witnesses to a lot of it, like his sister and son, my neighbors when he ambushed my son and I etc.

I asked him to tell me what posts were the offending posts and he read through his papers. Personally I don’t think he has gone on my blog and read it, I think he is just reading posts that my ex printed off and gave to him. One of them I can’t even find now.

I said there are thousands of people with my ex’s name, and I never use his last name, you can do a Google search on his name and my blog will not come up, the constable said it would and I beg to argue that because I have done a Google search on his name and there are other things that come up, sites where he has posted but not my blog. I said, I will change his name to Bob then and the cop said, just put “My ex” so that is what I am doing.

The officer told me I can’t just write anything I like about someone, accusing them of things and that IF my ex did do all those things I should have reported him to the police. I said I did, in Mission, Ladner and Surrey and to be honest in mission it was like an “old boys club” and did absolutely no good. I said my ex is a good talker, I believed him for almost 10 years myself.

The officer then said, “Most victims of abuse do everything they can to avoid their ex and certainly don’t want to upset him. and I said, “Exactly!! that is why the problem of domestic abuse doesn’t get better. Because the victims are forced into silence by fear, silence perpetuates the problem. When do I get my freedom of speech to talk about my experiences. I didn’t start the blog as revenge on my ex, I made very sure to not say anything that would identify him if say a future employer or girlfriend Googled his name.

When I was a shell of the person I used to be after being destroyed by ________ ________ I vowed that I if I ever got free of him and survived I would spend the rest of my life sharing my story in hopes of saving some other woman going through the hell i went through. I tell my story so women know they are not crazy because the victims do doubt their own sanity. I have thousands of testimonials from women from all over the world thanking me for saving their life. I will take down any offending posts and I don’t want to break the law but I am not going to stop raising awareness.

I said that I am almost 60 and have a clean record, that does not happen by accident, I don’t break the law and the officer said that my ex’s record is totally clean also. I said, |”So he did get it sealed.”

The officer asked me what I meant and I told him that my ex had wanted me to get my record sealed, that it cost $400 and nothing would show up. I had refused but obviously my ex had done it because I had a restraining order against him as did another ex. I told him I have never been in an abusive relationship prior to or since meeting my ex, yet my ex has hit every woman he has ever been with.

We ended the call with the officer saying, “You sound like a really nice person, I really would like this to end here. I really don’t want to have to deal with your ex again.”

I told him that he sounded like a nice person also and I would remove my ex’s name from the blog. Then we talked about our dogs and said good bye.

NOW, when I go in and change posts I am not sure if they are then sent out to all the subscribers. If they are I want to apologize in advance or maybe some other blogger can tell me how I can change all my posts without them getting resent to everyone. Anyone?

I am seeking legal counsel this coming week from a special task force trained to deal with domestic abuse so will know exactly what my rights are. The cop asked me where I was living again and I said in the Fraser Valley. He assured me again he would not share any info with my ex, I hope he is being honest.

The only reason I can think of for my ex to be so concerned about what I am writing is because he doesn’t want any trail back to him should something happen to me, plus he can’t be abusive to his new woman because then he would be proving he has a history of abusing women.

So in a way he gets away with it yet again. But crazy is crazy and honesty has a way of ringing true in someone’s ear when they hear it. Like I have always said to numerous people who have come on this blog, don’t seek revenge, just tell your story in hopes you save someone else from the same fate. Breaking the silence is the only way to end domestic abuse.


19 thoughts on “The Police, The Blog and Me

  1. kim

    carrie its typical everything is about them or so they think this blog is for us women and some men who have sometimes had a lifetime of some type of abuse its a place for us to have sanctuary and start sharing and healing over and over again because thats what it takes to become even slightly less frightened and hurt thankyou for this blog xxx


  2. Pugomabalach

    Oooooo Carrie I feel so bad for what you are dealing with! They are such sly individuals and truly the more we try and plead our case for the truth of their abuse and insanity…the worse we look ….God will intervene in all of this eventually…..



  3. Toree

    I totally agree with you, Carrie, as always. I, too, am vocal about sharing and telling my story in the hope that it will help someone else. My blog is not as active as yours but I have still heard from and privately replied to several hundred women. The story is always the same. It sickens me. I have tried many times to get people to stand up to Ns in my town, and people won’t do it. I recognize it much more quickly now and I have made it a personal mission to sound off about abuse whenever and wherever I come across it. Sometimes it makes me unpopular and I don’t give a shit. I know that we are right and someone has to stand up to these sons of bitches.

    I heard a story from one woman in my town: Her boyfriend was an alcoholic. He eventually beat her bloody, black and blue. She went to the police. One cop went with her to retrieve her belongings a few days later. She still had obvious bruises all over her. She was very frightened. The boyfriend had sobered up by then and was charming to the cop, sarcastic and diminishing to the woman and THE COP BOUGHT IT!!! It was “good old boys” in action. The two men were practically rubbing elbows by the time she got her stuff out of there. The cop says to her, “He seems like a great guy…..”

    Furious!! Except….in this ONE instance the bastard got his due: He ended up falling down some stairs in a drunken stupor, terribly injuring himself, never to recover. He is in a rest home or perhaps dead. Hell was waiting for him.


  4. Nyssa The Hobbit

    I especially agree with the response to, if you were really a victim you wouldn’t do anything to get the abuser angry. After my own abusers found my blog and threatened a lawsuit, I felt frightened–but refused to back down from telling everything that happened. It was NOT because I wasn’t a true victim, but because I wanted to be brave and stand up to my bullies, not crawl away with my tail between my legs. When are the victims allowed to fight back and tell and be believed? BTW, 4 years later, no lawsuit ever materialized. My bullies still stalk my blog, but they stopped threatening me. It shows that standing up for yourself can work. We shouldn’t have to wait for someone else to save us.


  5. Pingback: When I Knew He Had Lost His Control Over Me | Ladywithatruck's Blog

  6. Momof2

    I used a fake name for my ex so that way she couldn’t sue me for “slander” and because I get tired of referring her as “my ex” or “second ex.” She did find my blog and it was funny when she told me what her name was, not Jerry. Then she told me what her new name is. I did panic but I still kept my blog up and I felt too afraid to blog about my ex but I got over it. I marked her comment as spam so all her future comments would go to spam and I decided I don’t have to read any of her future messages if she emails me. I can just mark them and delete or mark them as spam.

    I did not want her to find my blog but I knew it could happen.



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