I have started several posts on the topic of healing, how I healed myself after leaving my ex but my thoughts are consumed with what is happening in the states right now and I have to address it.
This blog was started in hopes of raising awareness about domestic abuse and hopefully to save lives by sharing my experiences but I can’t turn a blind eye to abuses elsewhere in the world. Abuse is abuse whether it is domestic abuse, animal abuse, bullying or police violence against innocent people, all abuse stems from a need for power and control.
I am not the least bit surprised that I woke up this morning to hear 5 cops had been shot. Those cops had nothing to do with the deaths of the two black men shot by the police this week. This whole situation is escalating out of control, how much more blood of innocent people has to flow before something is done about it?
They are calling for more gun control. Excuse me!!?? how about controlling the police? screening the police, properly training the police, and making the police accountable for their actions?? Taking guns away from citizens is not going to stop the violence and the deaths of innocent black men by the police.
I went through the list of unarmed people killed by the police in the United States last year, I saw one white person on the list, there was maybe 5 women, one of which opened the door to her house to give the police (that she called) directions to the house where domestic abuse was going on and ended up being shot dead.
None of the people had a weapon but an amazing amount of them had a “toy gun” on them. I find it really hard to believe that all these black full grown men are walking around with toy guns in their possession. I would be interested to see how many cops have a toy gun tucked somewhere in their squad car.
I know, just like with domestic violence there is a percentage of the population saying things like:
- They must have done something wrong.
- I don’t have to worry because I never break the law
- All you have to do is co-operate with the police and you will be fine.
- That is the states, it doesn’t happen in Canada (or where ever you happen to live)
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was nobody left to speak up. – Reverend Martin Niemoller, Germany, 1930’s
This is not strictly a black person’s problem, being white does not exempt people from police brutality, it just means they haven’t come for you…. YET! So far you have been lucky, you weren’t born black, in Canada it might be you are lucky your heritage is not Aboriginal. Just like no woman can say “Domestic violence could never happen to her” NO ONE can say police brutality can not happen to them.
For me it is not about “police are bad” “blacks are good”; I do not believe all cops are bad, I have known a few cops who were in the profession for the right reason but I hate to say from my experience, the good cops are few and far between. I raised my son to respect the police and that the police are there to help and protect you; I don’t know what people tell their children now. I know I worry more about my son running into cops than the “bad guys”, at least with the bad guys he can defend himself; if a cop has it in for you, you don’t have a hope in hell.
Through my experience with the police I have lost all faith in them acting in my best interest or in the best interest of my loved ones. When they were called by the neighbors and once by my school, because they were concerned for my well being; it was treated like a joke and they actually made things worse.
I do not break the law, have never been charged with anything yet I have stared down the barrel of a policeman’s gun. I thought I was going to die, why? because my dog was barking in my truck with the windows rolled up and the doors locked. I was pulled over in a routine stop, one cop came to my door and another went to the passenger door, Kato was fine until the cop started flashing his flashlight through the passenger window, then Kato lost it. The cop starts screaming to get my dog under control and plants himself in front of my parked truck with his pistol aimed at my windshield. I yelled back at him that I would have a better chance getting my dog under control if he put his gun away. I couldn’t believe it!
I was able to produce my driver’s license, valid insurance, valid inspection papers and a complete customer list with names and contact numbers for the scrap on my truck, they still towed my truck and ordered an inspection.
My ex ambushed my son and I when we came home one night and the police threatened to arrest my son and when they escorted my ex to get his belongings they threatened to arrest me if I said anything and proceeded to allow him to take anything he wanted from my home.
Years ago my older foster brother applied for the RCMP, he was not accepted; they put him through a rigorous pre screening process where they tried to break him emotionally, get him to lose his temper. I don’t know what the process is now but obviously it is not stringent enough.
Everyone has a bad day. I worked with the general public for years and they were just Joe Bloe citizens, cops deal with a lot of scum day in and day out. I got frustrated with customers, I even got a little snippy with some of them but God help me if I had ever been rude, I would have been fired, no second chances. When I had a bad day I was NOT allowed to take it out on the customer, if I didn’t like a certain race I certainly couldn’t refuse to serve them or treat them with disrespect. I didn’t have a weapon either.
Police should be the most emotionally and mentally stable people in the world and it seems to me many of them are insecure, hot tempered, power hungry, control freaks, with a chip on their shoulder. Of all the jobs in the world, police need people skills, communication training, self control and nothing to prove to themselves or the people they serve. They need to be taught they are here to serve and protect because somehow they missed that lesson.
I don’t believe racism is the root of the problem. Yes, right now the police are obviously targeting black people unless they had a particularly bad day and then your 85 yr old grandmother or some white dude jaywalking are equally apt to suffer the wrath of a cop in a bad mood.
Hey! it’s a shitty job, I would’t want it, cops risk their life every single fucking day; even more reason to ensure they are mentally stable. Even more reason to make sure it is not a “Good Ole Boys Club”. I don’t know how it is in the states but up in Canada there have been many female officers who filed complaints for sexual harassment by their fellow officers. When I was reading the list of people killed by a police officer there were 3 cases where an officer shot their spouse dead, one woman and 2 male officers.
I am not saying all cops are narcissists, far from it, I have dealt with some wonderful cops.
About 6 years ago I was taking a birthday lunch to my ex at his work, along with 3 helium balloons and a big birthday cake. I had the balloons in the cab of the truck and the cake on the deck. I was entering onto the freeway and there was a cop on the side of the road flagging people over and you guessed it, he motioned for me to pull over. I knew I was going to get a ticket because my deck was dirty with loose shit and I should have known better but I had been in a hurry.
He walked up and I handed him my license and insurance and he asked if I knew why I was being pulled over and I said “No”.
He said, “I couldn’t let you go by me with those balloons bouncing every where in the cab, can you find a place to tuck them out of your line of vision?” Kato started to bark and I apologized to the cop and he said, “He’s just doing his job. He’s a nice looking dog and he sure is protective of you. That’s good.”
He walked back to run my license and that is when he noticed my deck. When he came back he said, “I see you have unsecured cargo on your deck, is that a chocolate cake?”
I said, “It sure is!!! you want some??”
He laughed and said, “I think whoever it is for might be upset if 1/2 their birthday cake is gone.”
He asked how far I was going and I said only over the bridge. He said, “I am not writing you up, just promise me you will sweep off your deck once you get where you are going.” Another cop walked up and I heard, “Chocolate cake?” I piped up, “You want some?” Soon I had the
Soon I had the whole crew at my truck laughing and making jokes about being bribed with chocolate cake. I secured the balloons behind the seat and was told I was free to go.
I thanked the officer very much and said I knew he was giving me a huge break, he could have fined me and ticketed me for an insecure load. You know what he reply was?
“Well, mam, you look like a citizen, and the last time I checked you are paying my wages. It is the least I can do. Just promise to get that deck swept off.”
After I took my ex his birthday lunch, cake and balloons (cuz I am a bitch like that and never did anything nice for him) I took cake back for the police at the check point but they were gone.
The cop who called me because my ex had filed a complaint against me had preconceived notions about me from what my ex had been feeding him but I could feel his attitude change the longer we talked because he knew the truth when he heard it. I was calm and rational, able to think clearly and not an emotional wreck. I understand why cops may not believe the victim when the narcissist is calm and rational and the victim is hardly making sense.
I see both sides to the story. it must get really old to stop someone and ask for their ID and get the same line, “Am I being detained? am I being charged?” They are just trying to do their job. BUT they should be trained to not lose it and start shooting.
This problem is not going to resolve itself any more than domestic abuse will solve itself without calm and rational discussion about it and people start to admit that narcissists are every where. It is down right scary that people will vote for Trump because they feel he is honest and wants to make America great again.
I don’t even know if this makes sense but it is all I have been thinking about since the first shooting. We see it on video almost daily, another innocent person killed, another black person beaten by the cops, politicians lying their faces off and people either ignoring it or excusing it. Everyone refusing to admit what is happening right before their eyes.
Abuse is abuse whether it is a man against a woman, woman against man, cop against black, white or any other innocent person, sniper shooting cops, terrorists, or governments oppressing the people. It’s time to wake up and demand accountability from these people.