Finding Inner Peace Even When Your World Is Falling Apart

broken heart
I have been rather scarce around here lately. I have started many posts but never completed them, it’s not that I was so busy with other things, just not motivated to do much of anything. My doctor quadrupled my meds which have lousy side effects, there are physical side effects of not too pleasant IBS which make it impossible for me to leave the house some days, itching skin and rashes, lack of motivation, lack of energy and dizziness, plus depression. As if everything else wouldn’t make a person depressed anyway! On top of all that I was recently rear ended and my neck injury from years ago has flared up. So I have not been on here posting or replying to comments much.

I needed to take some time to myself, regroup, and come back fresh, or fresher any way.

Being told by the doctor  I could die at any second kinda threw me for a loop also. We all know we are going to die and most of us have no idea when that will be. I could step out the door and be hit by a truck, struck by lightning, fall in the shower but to be told you shouldn’t be alive or functioning at the level you are makes everything very tentative and uncertain. Then to be denied disability yet again leaves you feeling helpless and totally frustrated. No way you can work without asking to drop dead yet not able to get enough money to live. WTF??!!

I was sent to a counselor to help deal with everything and she said the same thing the last counselor said, “I have every right to be depressed, I don’t need a counselor, I need help financially, I need the government to implement the changes to the welfare system that were recommended in 2009!

Both counselors were surprised at how self aware I am and impressed with my positive and realistic views about life. They both expressed surprise that I was able to accomplish this level of awareness without help of a therapist. I have always had a desire to grow as a person and I have taken several courses on effective communication mainly because I found it difficult to express my feelings without crying or getting angry, I often bottled up my emotions, finally exploding and then regret things I said.

Not everyone is self aware nor wants to be but I credit my own quest for self awareness for my being able to heal myself. Some people swear they healed through yoga and others find inner peace through meditation, but they also require self awareness. I want to share my steps to healing but it may not be for everyone, you have to do what works for you.

It is easy to get stuck in victimhood. No one wants to admit they had anything to do with their own abuse and they cling to their victimhood like a life raft. It becomes their identity, like being a mother or wife can become a person’s identity. As long as they are a victim they don’t have to take responsibility for their hurt. “It’s not MY fault, he lied”. There was a benefit to me to continue being a victim, I don’t have to make any decisions, I didn’t have to face facts, I didn’t have to leave, I didn’t have to stand up for myself and risk being called selfish or having someone not like me. Even people seeing me as a victim was ok because a victim has no fault, after all they are a victim. The only thing about viewing yourself as a victim is that means you are helpless to stop it from ever happening again.

As a victim you can study up on the traits of a narcissist and console yourself by reading them over and over again, that is why it happened, it wasn’t my fault, he is evil, he sucked me in I was helpless. Don’t get me wrong, no one knew what they were getting into and we all were victims in the beginning and we suffered horrible emotional if not physical abuse. But we all ignored a little inner voice that was telling us something was not right.

I know that I was terribly offended if anyone even hinted at the possibility that I had any responsibility for what happened to me. BUT I also was terribly afraid of everything, how could I ever trust the world again, trust myself to keep myself safe. It seemed I was surrounded by narcissists at every turn when in fact they were opportunists and I was in a weakened state. I knew that being able to identify all the narcissists that may come into my life would be impossible because they can morph into exactly what I think I need and I seemed to be surrounded by them at every turn. I was in need of help and understanding so much after my ex and I split and it seemed my weakness attracted them like vultures to a carcass. Narcissists and their flying monkeys are like vultures. There are people in the world who move in to pick the bones after the narcissist is done with you. They will take advantage of your vulnerability and neediness, they are wanna be narcissists, they admire the narcissist and see him as powerful, they don’t know how he does what he does because they aren’t as intelligent, good looking or confident, so they will take his leftovers. When you are bruised and battered they can do as much damage as the narcissist. That is why getting involved with someone too soon after the narcissist is so dangerous; any damage inflicted will be devastating because you are far too fragile to not take it personally. You are not strong enough, you will either fall for another narcissist because he will make you feel like the most beautiful sexy woman on the face of the earth or you will hook up with someone who abuses you right from day one.

So how do you go from victim to survivor? Well first you accept you were a victim, now that you know what he is and you have left him, you stay a victim by choice if you stay in contact. Yes he has fucked with your head, yes you are beaten down and shattered in a million pieces, yes you feel like you can’t live without him but you also know that he is not going to change and any contact with him leaves you feeling further victimized. You DO have control over whether you continue to be hurt by him, he is never going to leave you alone, you must do this for yourself. Once you end all contact you become a survivor, he may occasionally victimize you again with slander etc but you can not control him, you can only control how you handle your reaction. (More on protecting yourself from slander and dealing with his flying monkeys in another post.)

Even though I had gone no contact I still had his voice in my head and vision of him treating the new woman so much better than he treated me, I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew something I didn’t, she was dealing with him so much better than I did and had found the secret to keeping him happy and in love with her. I was driving myself crazy so decided to take an honest look at how I dealt with things and what I could have done differently. When I did this I could see that under the circumstances I reacted the only way I could aside from dumping his ass a lot sooner.

Feeling overwhelmed at the thought of putting myself back together I made another choice; I was not going to do anything I was not totally comfortable with. In the past I would agree to do something and later regret it simply because I didn’t know how to say no, I wanted people to like me, whatever. I found I was terribly sensitive which is normal when you are going through a breakup with a narcissist, I was short tempered (I read somewhere that anger is rarely based in anger, it is usually comes from fear, embarrassment, jealousy, insecurity, or some other emotion we may not even know we are feeling). I refused to allow myself to react to anything immediately. There is rarely a need for an immediate response to anything. With every single reaction or action I analyzed why I felt the way I did, why was I angry? why was I hurt? I am sure if you really examine why you feel the way you do you will find an underlying reason or you don’t have the full picture. I found that when I felt pressured to make a decision and waited many times the situation fixed itself or an answer became crystal clear. A narcissist pressures you to make a decision now, he doesn’t want you thinking about things; he is like a spoiled 3 yr old, badgering you until you give in and you make lousy decisions and then you lose faith in your ability to make sound choices; take a deep breath and don’t allow yourself to be rushed.

I also chose to be totally honest about my feelings and not worry so much about expressing myself and offending someone. I would analyze my feelings first and when I was sure what I was feeling, if I still felt the need to discuss the situation I would do so from this new position of honesty.

Let me give you an example of what I mean;
A few years ago Christmas was approaching and my son was trying to make things work with the mother of his child. I was looking forward to my son, granddaughter and her mom coming for Christmas. I assumed they would stay with me Christmas Eve because my son had never been close to his father and I had earned the premo position of Christmas morning gift opening, I had always been the one to make a big deal about Santa etc and I was looking forward to my son and I doing it for my granddaughter together. My mother was having the Christmas Day dinner and as far as I was concerned his father could see him on Boxing Day. Well, you can imagine my disappointment when my son informed me he was going to his dad’s Christmas Eve and he would see me on Boxing Day. I am sure he felt the ice run through my veins through the phone lines. I felt immediately angry, I said I had to go and I would talk to him later. I was furious. I imagined all kinds of reasons why he would choose to do things that way, I took it very personal, extremely personal. I wrote a letter, long letter I did not send. I analyzed why I was so angry. I felt entitled to Christmas Eve, I had always made Christmas so special for my son, I felt it was a slap in the face, I was hurt, not angry. After a few days (there was no need to rush it and I wanted to be calm and rational when I talked to him) I called and asked him why he was choosing to go to his dad’s and not stay at my house, I said that I felt hurt and had really hoped they would spend Christmas Eve at my place.

He explained, they were driving from Kelowna with a 4 and 1/2 year old after work. They would reach his dad’s at 7:30 ish, to come to my house would add another hour and 1/2 to their travel time. His dad has a 2 story home with a set up guest room and I lived in a one bedroom cabin, which would mean two adults, a child and a dog sleeping in a double bed and me on the couch. My mom lives 15 minutes from his father’s house and that is where Christmas dinner was going to be. He also had to pack up his stuff off his boat so he was going to do that on Boxing Day and come for dinner at my place after he was done.

Listening to how and why he had planned things the way he did I became increasingly grateful I had not gotten angry and I felt selfish and silly for having hurt feelings. I offered to not cook a big dinner and help him move instead, suggesting we grab a burger or pizza when we were done. I could hear the relief in his voice. Christmas was wonderful, we opened gifts at my mother’s, it was absolutely perfect, on Boxing Day I helped him pack and we had the whole day to ourselves and laughed and cried, reminisced, he opened up about stuff he could only talk to me about without anyone else there. I was SO happy I had not gotten angry. If I had left things and carried my resentment with me it would not have been a good day. Once again proving to me that trying to guess what other people are thinking, burying my feelings and anger got me nowhere and the only way was to be honest.

When you are in victim mode it is easy to think it’s all about you. Someone can be having a bad day and you will take it personally, someone can honestly not mean to hurt you but you take it as them rejecting you or using you or whatever. If you are honest about what you are feeling and not have an angry knee jerk reaction you may be surprised at the outcome. You are not responsible for everyone’s happiness nor their anger.

Another thing you have to remember is, you may be sad, miserable even but it is not because you are in love with the narcissist. You are sad because of what the narcissist did to you. It is very easy for you and the people around you to think it is all about you still loving the narcissist. Learning to identify what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way will help you realize that you are not hurting because you still love him. You may be sad because your hopes and dreams died, you may be depressed because he left you destitute, you may be lonely, but that does not mean you still love him. Your situation warrants you being sad, you don’t need a psychiatrist, anti-depressants, the narcissist back in your life, someone to love you; what you are feeling is normal, you have every right to feel the way you do and the sooner you accept that the faster you can heal. Thinking you should be further along in healing is going to make you feel worse about yourself and make the feelings of needing him back even stronger. Stop thinking there is something wrong with you.

People are so uncomfortable with  feeling sad, with other people feeling sad, a person feels there is something wrong with them when they aren’t over the N in a month or two. If they are still hurting after 6 months they think there must be something wrong with them. When it is perfectly normal to take a couple of years to get over the abuse of a narcissist. Sadness is not unhealthy!! it is a normal reaction to being abused. Everyone is so used to quick fixes for everything that they feel they should be able to heal in a week or two. THAT is NOT normal! You see the narcissist go off and fall in love and so happy within weeks or days of the break up and you think there is something wrong with you when it is HIM that is not normal!

If it is normal to be able to go from loving a person one day to being madly in love with someone else a few days later then I will stay dysfunctional than you very much!

People are supposed to care, to hurt, to love. The narcissist imitates romance movies, he gave you a fantasy and it is going to take time to sort through all the feelings and get your feet firmly planted in reality again or maybe for the first time in your life.

Inner peace doesn’t come from material possessions, from a good job, from being loved by the right person. It comes from knowing you are being true to yourself and living honestly. Never doing anything because you feel pressured to do it.

You will feel selfish and people (who are used to manipulating you with guilt and believe me you have them in your life and they aren’t all narcissists)in your life may tell you are being selfish at first because you and they are not accustomed to you saying no. People are used to you being a certain way, your children, parents, siblings, friends and they will want you to get tougher with everyone but them, they won’t like the change. But you don’t have to stop doing nice things for people, quite the contrary; when you do things from the heart you do it happily, with no expectations and people will appreciate when you offer to do something you mean it. You will no longer do things because you are a push over or feel guilty. You may lose some people from your life, unhealthy people who don’t like that they lost control of you but when you are living true to yourself you can see how unhealthy those people were in your life and you don’t need everyone to like you.

Some of you may not even realize you have an inner voice, or you may not recognize when your gut instinct is telling you something. You have to become aware of these things, what your stomach is doing, what your body is doing, your body is telling you things all the time, learn to listen to it. We are all born with a natural gut instinct. Some people may say it is God talking to them, some call it intuition, some people say, “Something told me to not go in there” but you have to start focussing on yourself and your feelings and stop listening to your brain.

broken heart 2

Some related posts from the post
Humpty Dumpty
5 Lessons I Learned
Retraining Your Brain
broken glass

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15 thoughts on “Finding Inner Peace Even When Your World Is Falling Apart

  1. Joelene

    I love this post thankyou. I have used feeling victimised by the Narcissist as a way of getting over it. Its true of course, I was lied to, used, cheated on
    ..for 5 yrs.
    But there was that voice! I knew something was wrong for years. I even eventually found out he was lying and even thst he was cheating…. Yet i pretended not to know! Wtf! Didn’t want to lose him or have him leave whilst hating me.
    He of course eventually left and now madly in love with a woman I later found out he was dating while he was with me. I eventually contacted him so much he blocked me!!
    It kills me that he must hate me so much he had to block me. In all honesty I contacted him once a week or less, so I think he akeays wanted me to go away totally (even though he said we should stay in touch).
    But I lose sleep over being blocked and thst he must be angry with me. But wtf!!! I should be the angry one. Livid! Wild! How dare he lie to me and cheat! How dare I stay!! Why did I!!!
    I agree I need to get to the bottom of thst question and then I might be able to move forward
    Joelene

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Joelene, what you are feeling is a normal human reaction to rejection. The narcissist has perfected the art of rejection, knowing that the best way to really hook a person is to alternately pull them close and push them away. I was reading a manual titled “How to get any woman to fall in love with you” and they said the best way to get a woman hooked on you and doing anything you want is to alternately praise her and reject her. The natural instinct or desire to be liked and wanted, be the “chosen one” is so strong that a normal person finds it almost impossible to resist.
      Even if you don’t particularly like a person the need for them to like you will make you want them if they reject you. Have you ever had a guy that you weren’t interested in work so hard to win you over that you actually were mean to him just to get him to leave you alone? Then all of a sudden he meets some other woman and suddenly loses interest in you and you feel jealous? Nothing has changed, you are still not attracted to him but he is no longer chasing you and it bothers you.
      The narcissist uses this all the time. He gets caught cheating, yet he ends up rejecting you, giving you the silent treatment and you end up suck holing trying to get back in his good graces wondering the whole time, “What the hell just happened?”
      I don’t know how long you have been split but I would bet my last dollar that you will hear from him again. It took a year before my ex popped up out of no where professing his undying love and apologizing for everything he ever did wrong. He fully expected that I would be so happy that he chose to grace me with his presence that I would fall lovingly into his arms. Problem was I had fallen for the exact same lines twice before and fought the urge to gratefully accept his lies just so he would love me again.
      You must remember he is not rejecting you, all women are interchangeable to a narcissist, he is manipulating you through your natural instincts, it is not love that you are feeling, it is your fear of rejection.

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  2. kim

    carrie i have just read this i have so many things happening in my life as well as trying to heal that feel myself getting pulled down too far but still youre words here made me aware there is an inner voice inside deep inside saying it will be ok i do feel prressured to feel better by some but i will listen to my own heart and take my time as long as i need no matter what is going on in my life i know in the end i will be a better person for everyone who cares about me easy to say how i feel inside but harder to do i am being honest a lifetime with someone and the destruction they leave behind is a real battle grieving even though you dont feel they deserve it it happens the memories good and bad mixed still they work through the children to pull you down furtherit is a battle which i hope to win someday thankyou carrie really good post makes you think thankyou keep well carrie xxx

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    1. kim

      just want to add the fact they are capable of forgetting 30yrs with you is indescribebly painful they move on so quickly happy with his knew life and playing the perfect father like nothin has happened especially not you this is a true narc thats for sure and knowing you will never understand is the way forward x

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      1. Ellebelle2015

        Kim, that is true, it is painful that they get over a relationship of 30 years so quickly, but I tell myself, that I am the one who left him, and that I offended him so badly, he does everything to take revenge. The silent treatment again. The new woman with whom he seems so happy with. But like I say, SEEMS. I am on No Contact for more than 2 years and I mean really No Contact at all. Once I was standing next to him with our cars in front of the traffic lights. I recognized his car and couldn’t do anything else but standing next to him. I was with my daughter and granddaughter. I said to my daughter don’t look that way. When the traffic light turned green he drove along with slipping tires. So that is proof he is offended so much. And that’s good for him, because he offended and slandered me too often and too much.
        My daughter (she was his stepdaughter for over 30 years) got a letter from him last year, that he doesn’t want to see her anymore, because she choose for her own mother and father. So he wants her to choose. He did so much for her he wrote etc. It is all about self pity from the narcissist. It is never about someone else. You get his attention when he can get something out of it.
        My problem is, that I let him into our lives in 1982 and didn’t leave sooner. But that was also because I was divorced before.
        This post of Carrie is so good and well written.

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      2. Carrie Reimer Post author

        Kim, I understand how it is all but impossible to understand how they can totally forget 30 years, I struggled for so long with the realization that he had come back for the soul purpose of destroying me. Who would hate someone that much that they would invest 2+ years living with the person in the pursuit of destroying them. It doesn’t make sense to a normal person. The only answer to how can they do that is; they do not feel like a normal person. They don’t care about anyone else, life is all an act, it doesn’t matter who he is with because it is an act. Like an actor can play a role on a TV series for decades and be very believable in the role. But he walks off the set and is nothing like the role he plays. He can appear to be totally in love with his co-star in the show and go home and make love to his wife. The only difference is with an actor he has his acting and he has his real life with a narcissist his whole life is an act.
        Your ex needed you to play a certain role, dress a certain way, present a certain image to the outside world, when you got sick and could no longer play the role he wanted you to; you were of no use to him and he had to find someone else to play the role. Nothing more, nothing less.
        Hang in there, you will get through this. Try to not fix everything all at once, concentrate on your health first and foremost.
        Hugs
        Me

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  3. fee

    Carrie your such a gem I feel tterrible for your situation. It stinks how authorities can dismiss or walk over the ones who truely need help. I swear the stress brings about many health problems too. Its been 2 yrs and 8 months since I last saw the ex narc but I have to face him this week. He always thought I would back down or want him back. Never again. I recognise so much damage he did to me but how I coped after did plenty more damage to myself and health. Mentally. Physically my heart is now irregular. My blood pressure high my weight 5 stone heavier. I feel angry at times yet I choose to fight him through the courts. His statement is full of lies and I know he will no doubt win them all over but no one as ever dared put a stop to his vile and I wont live my life on his terms anymore. This will take 6 months still if not longer but hopefully then he will be a distant memory. I dont think anyone should rush to date I agree with everything you wrote. I do do self mediation now just to stop me over thinking. I can now see a distant light and I am aiming for that. I have no interest in dating for years to come if ever. I have learnt so much about myself from this journey. I will always thank you for showing me I wasnt mentally ill or anything else he tried drilling in me. I got myself away from a man I never thought I could or would and for that I will always be thankful to you. Love lots from me and the kids xxxx

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Fee!! I think of you so often!!and wonder how you are and pray you are doing well. Please let me know how it goes in court. Stay strong and calm, you are not the weak woman he thought you were and you have been away for long enough to not fall prey to his manipulations and BS. I wish I could be there as moral support. Do you have anyone who can go with you, but even as I wrote that I thought, she doesn’t need anyone; she is strong enough, she can do this!! and you can my dear friend. I am so proud of you and how far you have come.
      I am sure you would be dead by now if you had not left. Please take care of your health! you have a wee one who needs you and I bet he is not so wee any more, I bet he is a handful!! haha
      Watch you salt intake, sodium is in so many things and I know now that contributed to my condition in a big way!
      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! I got a huge smile to see a comment from you.
      Big (((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))) let us know how it goes in court. You will be in my thoughts.

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      1. fee

        Carrie, gawd I so wished I had moved when I had Jacob. I thought I would be strong enough to go through all this but oh my god its killing me. I feel so so stressed and drained. I need proof and fast to what he did or said, now am looking back in emails he as been so clever, the odd sentence. I cant say much because I believe he is reading this but he turned up in a suit etc, with his new lady, he as wasted thousands before it went to court in paying for whatever he as. Because of my statement to court we are now moving to a higher one. I just don’t understand why he would go through all this. Why couldn’t he just be sorry. Its to put me through hell and I know it. He cant afford more than 7 quid a week for our son but he can find 30k plus to take me to court. He will be loving seeing me on my own because I refuse to take anyone. Its all the professionals who have got me here so far, I swear he is trying to take Jacob, I know him better than anyone else. He will no doubt get access then he will either take him or go for custody. I feel sick. He once said he will punish me more than ever for fighting him in court. He as turned around everything and omg the lies I am reading is unbelievable, yet people are believing him. I am to face him next Friday. I cant wait for this to end. I have reduced my house even more in the hope I can go, I don’t want to be here on any result. I will never win because Jacob will suffer either way. I cant even wish for the clocks to go back because I love Jacob so much. He is every bit and more I thought he was and I read over and over our old correspondence and I feel ill. I just wanted him to go for assessments, be sorry and be nice but no, he wont be told and will waste all his money on this. I just hate being prodded and now I am writing my sex life down for the courts to dissect. I hate it all. Jacob is so lovely, he would be lost without me and me him, we are so close. He is the most selfish, self centred man (I use loosely) I have ever known. I cant wait to fill you in. I so wish I had the earlier posts I made and your replies, it seems he is ;winning; but I have always said if its humiliating me or protecting Jacob then let him humiliate me. Oh and I felt nothing when I saw him, I wouldn’t entertain him if he was the last man on earth xx

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  4. ForgeOn!

    Dearest Carrie,
    Please, the comments I have to share this evening are concerning the meds you are on.

    YOU, my dear, are the only one who has to live your life in your body. Why are you allowing someone to insist you pollute your already ravaged body with more poisons and chemicals, that instead of alleviating issues, have only caused more?! Does not our beloved and precious Creator provide an abundance of natural substances to heal our hearts, minds and bodies? Oh, yes, He does!

    While I was in the ‘heart of the storm’, it was suggested that I needed to take some of these nasty chemical concoctions to assuage my pain and prevent my suicidal thoughts. I totally refused to do so and I am forever grateful that I used only natural herbs & supplements, good foods and natural therapies to get me through the horror!
    During this same time-frame, my precious sister(-in-law) caved in to her difficult situation and began taking some kind of anti-depressant. Soon, she was gone…….suicide. Common side-effect of anti-depressants…..

    Another female I know that had similar issues as I with depression (no narcissist / no cheater, however—she has a good & kind husband) turned to all sorts of prescription ‘solutions’ and is basically a broken invalid, only 6-months older than I am. (and I appear to be 15 years younger than her!) She is more unhealthy everyday as well as overweight. (which adds to her physical problems) With each new symptom, she takes yet another med, gets worse and on it goes……I have watched her do this for the past 16 years. So sad……And that is only one example

    Please, since you have access to the internet, take a look at sites like naturalnews.com. That’s the first that comes to mind. Also, check out American Botanical Pharmacy, which is the source for Dr. Richard Schulze’s formulaes that he used in actual clinical practice for over 20 years, curing people of the ravages of chemical meds. Also, Organic Magazine….These sites will link you to additional natural help.

    Switching over to natural will dramatically improve your ability to finally overcome the crap you have endured & finally get on to truly thriving. But, do it slowly with professional assistance. Stopping some meds cold-turkey can be deadly! (I recently helped my Mom wean off an anti-anxiety med, so I have some experience with this. rehabadvisor.com can help with weaning off certain meds)

    Now, as chumplady says, I have left a cheater and gained a life!
    Love you, Dear Carrie! Please, consider seriously my thoughts & advice….

    Forge on, LadyWAT……ForgeOn!

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Forgeon, thank you for your concern but the heart is a tricky thing. I did take natural remedies and didn’t take my meds in the beginning and that is ht caused me to go into heart failure, had I taken the meds they prescribed the very first time I had my heart attack I might have never had heart failure.
      My heart is functioning at 20%, that doesn’t give me a lot of “playing” room. I believe with things like cancer, liver disease etc there are natural remedies but I certainly don’t know enough about my condition to start self prescribing meds. At one point I was gozzling straight blueberry juice because a naturopath suggested it, well I almost drown and my kidneys and liver were shutting down and my lungs filled with fluid; I did a lot of damage and almost died.
      Besides all that the government pays for my presciptions, I don’t have enough money to buy anything else.
      Thanks for caring though

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      1. ForgeOn!

        You are very welcome, Precious Carrie!

        I see you are between a rock & a hard place on this one! So grieved to hear you are in such sore straights! {{{HUGS}}}

        So sorry you had such a horrific experience with the juice thing!! Sounds like the doc was not quite clear on how to go about using the juice or something. THAT had to scare the bejeebies out of you! {{{{more HUGS}}}}

        And, no I would never want to see someone trying to deal with something this serious all on their own. You do need guidance & education…..

        So, Please, still educate yourself. The one web-site, Dr Schulze’s American Botanical Pharmacy, includes an enormous body of free education. As he is indeed a doctor (natural licenses, not MD / studied under some of the best-known natural healers of the 20th Century) he can freely share this information. There are always no-cost things you can do to improve your situation, even something this serious. (My son was born with heart defects, so I know the seriousness!)

        You have given so much love & strength through your blog; time you receive some of that love back!

        Yes, I do understand about the $$ issues, too. However, please consider taking just one bottle of Dr. Schulze’s “Heart” Formulae or his “Protect” formulae. Surely you can find someone to help with the purchase. (I would send you some myself, in a heartbeat, but do not know how to get it to you)

        I use some of his products, my parents use them, my son uses them & we have all been dramatically benefited.. And, no, I have no ties to Dr. Schulze or his organization other than using his products and loving the excellent results. (Only discovered him about 9 months ago….)

        The other sources of information and education I mentioned are also very useful. Even something as serious as your situation can indeed improve. You are in my prayers, My Friend! xoxox

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