I replied to someone’s comment on Facebook and thought I would share it here because it is something all victims of narc abuse struggle with. They can’t understand how someone can be so heartless.
The reason you don’t understand is because you are a normal, caring, person capable of feeling guilt, compassion, remorse. They are NOT normal; they are dangerously disabled and why they are the most dangerous people on earth and called psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists.
They know they hurt others, in fact they get off on the power of being able to inflict pain. They feel superior to normal people because they are not governed by a conscience. They truly DO NOT care they laugh at how easy you are to manipulate, they see caring as being weak.
Their brains never developed the ability to feel guilt, they do not have a conscience. Imagine, what guides the rest of us? Our conscience, no conscience, no guilt; free to do whatever they want whenever they want and never feel an ounce of regret or remorse. Hard for a normal person to get their head around it.
The problem with victims of narc abuse is, they keep thinking of the narc as a normal person. A normal person could never live with themselves if they did what a narc does.
They are such good actors because they learned from a very young age that they were different and if they show their true nature people are repelled, repulsed. So it is imperative to their survival to learn how to imitate the emotions they see in others. Some of them should win an Academy award for their performances. My ex could cry real tears on demand. He had me fooled for many years. But they are limited in their abilities because they are imitating and eventually they will encounter a situation where they don’t have an appropriate respond saved in their repitouir of responds. Plus it is a lot work to always have to be “on” faking being a human being and that is why they rush a woman to commit, get her dependent on him so he can let the mask drop. Then he has someone at home he can spew his abuse on, when he goes out in public he puts on his mask and presents himself as this compassionate, sweet empathetic person. The minute he is behind closed doors he takes his mask off and is himself. It’s like wearing control top panty hose. I remember when I worked in an office, all day I was thinking about getting home so I could take off my panty hose and let it all hang out. The minute I was behind closed doors I ripped them off; usually right at the door. And it was such a relief!!
My ex used to spend hours staring into a fire at night, either that or he would be in his shop building something. When he would stare into the fire I used to ask him what he was thinking about and he would say nothing and now I understand what he meant. He wasn’t thinking of anything, he wasn’t feeling. It was his “off” time. He was actually empty and it was so much work pretending he wasn’t empty.