Quality Over Quantity

As some of you may know, I spent 6-7 months terribly sick and unable to blog or do much of anything but lay on the couch in pain. I was suffering horrible side effects from some of the meds I was on for my heart plus when they tried to implant a pacemaker, twice; and failed, they managed to pop some of my ribs out of place. None of the doctors were willing to investigate why I was in such pain and finally I took matters into my own hands, went to a chiropractor and that is when I found out my ribs were misplaced and I started the slow and painful process of getting them put back in place and then I cut back on my meds and noticed an immediate improvement in my overall health and outlook.

I have since been put on meds that don’t cause the horrible side effects and have been spending the past month trying to get back to my old self.

By far it was the worst 6 months of my life, including recovering from narc abuse. It was the worst torture imaginable. I had told the cardiologists that I was not concerned with quantity of life, I have no regrets and would be at peace if I was to die tomorrow. I wanted quality of life. Some people have a hard time accepting that, they think it is a negative attitude. Personally I think it is realistic and positive, I am not afraid of dying.

I AM afraid of spending the rest of my life in abject poverty, unable to see my son and granddaughter, unable to afford a decent place to live, unable to be a productive member of society, a burden. Unable to work but denied disability benefits.

The really twisted part of it all was; that although they weren’t able to hook up the pacemaker, they were able to implant a defibrillator, so there was no hope I would die.

BUT, it is all behind me now and although I feel like 6 months of an already shortened life, were stolen from me, for now, life goes on.

It seems that even without regular posts the blog has picked up followers and continues to help people. I was feeling uncertain about what to do with the blog, I have shared pretty well everything I had to share and to be honest was feeling a bit like a broken record repeating myself. I also felt I wasn’t living up to my commitment to the blog and the people who come here looking for help but I can’t stay stuck in the past either and need to challenge myself, expand myself, grow, live!

I have decided to focus on my book again, I am more than halfway done and it is a shame to not finish it. I cleaned up the appearance of the blog a bit and plan on spending an hour a day replying to comments and doing a weekly post.

It feels great to be back! to the blog and the land of the living!!


12 thoughts on “Quality Over Quantity

  1. threekidsandi

    I am so glad to see you back here. I myself just gave up a medication that had been making me sick for about three years – though not as serious as your experience. Please do let me know when your book is done- I will be buying it.


  2. fee

    Missed you Carrie, glad your back but don’t do too much. We all care about you and don’t want your health to suffer again. I will buy a copy soon as it is done and if I can do anything more to help you, I will. Love fee x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Army of Angels

    So glad you’re back, Carrie! I’ve been in the shadows myself for the past year- litigation that should have taken about three months is now at 12 months…sigh. All the best as you work on your book!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. marrohop

    We have really missed you Carrie for you wonderful words of advise and help to heal the suffering of others. Seems terrible to me that the doctors have made your condition worse? and have given medication which was wrong. I can’nt believe how much suffering you have been through.
    Just hope now you are feeling a little better. I do no know how the health system works there.
    We have NHS service here – thankgoodness (for the time being)
    I live in Manchester, England. and we too have a awful week. You are a great inspriation to many woman who have walked in our shoes. Please take care and take it easy. You are too important to others. God Bless from Manchester England. xxxxx


  5. Monica

    I was thinking about you Carrie and Stella of course. Glad you are back,but please take it easy. Im so excited about the book,thats amazing. You such an inspiration for so many people. !Love ,hugs.


  6. Kathy pavlich

    Missed you of all the narc blogs I related to your s more than you can know! I know you have not run out of ideas..Why not ask your viewers if they have questions? Would love to hear the questions and your response..And just enjoy your day today you tock lady!


  7. Aura Gael

    I am so glad you are doing and feeling better. It was quite scary for a bit there.
    Doctors though. I read so many horror stories and I’ve had some shitty and even abusive experiences myself. I really can’t stand most of them. Like not wanting to hear about your pain…probably because they were stumped and those egos would never allow them to admit it.

    Doctors and the way they treat people is a trigger for me…can you tell? lol.
    Happy to hear about you picking up on the book again though.


  8. suzan40

    Hi Carrie
    I have missed you too. I’m so glad you are feeling better. I look forward in reading your book.. I was watching Current Affair tonight in Australia and Ray Martin was hosting a story on Domestic Violence here in Aussie.

    It got me thinking about our experience… The Chains are about to be pulled down.. Old cycles of abuse are being more and more exposed.. 1 in 4 people in Australia are in a Domestic Violence situation.

    I think it’s perfect timing that you finish your book.

    Let me know if you need help marketing it?

    Love to you.

    Suze xx💗💖
    P.S. Your time is not yet to leave the planet, even though you are at peace with passing. This is your time to share your life through your book, so the victims, young, next generation have a platform for healthy relationships, and you will be supported through your triumphs.

    Thankyou for all your support over the years. Xx


  9. Jan Jenkins

    Carrie, I understand exactly how you feel! Life has been hard enough recovering from a relationship with a narcissist, but then to have physical setbacks; financial setbacks; fears about the future, and just an overall sense of hopelessness, it can make you feel like giving up. I am right where you are in so many ways. Don’t have any answers, but I pray daily for God’s guidance and peace. Praying for you too! Jan


  10. Chele from Aus

    I think it’s a miracle that you are back and what a survivor you are Carrie! Well done and full speed to inishing your book – you certainly have a story to tell! Warm wishes.


  11. jadecranemom

    Hello. I was searching about LOA and narcissists. Your posts speak to me. I hope you can help me. I will read more of your posts today. I am glad you are back as per this latest entry. Thank universe, I stumble upon your blog. I hope to get stronger and get over the narc abuse.


  12. Julie

    Welcome back Carrie. I don’t understand the denial of disability benefits that you are still struggling with, given all your health issues but let’s be extremely thankful we live in a country that has free healthcare and not south of the border where Trump and his minions are doing everything they can to repeal Obamacare without a replacement. I don’t know where I would be without medicare. Social assistance needs to be revamped for sure but I am so very grateful for our healthcare system and may it live on forever. Take care, Julie



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