As some of you may know, I spent 6-7 months terribly sick and unable to blog or do much of anything but lay on the couch in pain. I was suffering horrible side effects from some of the meds I was on for my heart plus when they tried to implant a pacemaker, twice; and failed, they managed to pop some of my ribs out of place. None of the doctors were willing to investigate why I was in such pain and finally I took matters into my own hands, went to a chiropractor and that is when I found out my ribs were misplaced and I started the slow and painful process of getting them put back in place and then I cut back on my meds and noticed an immediate improvement in my overall health and outlook.
I have since been put on meds that don’t cause the horrible side effects and have been spending the past month trying to get back to my old self.
By far it was the worst 6 months of my life, including recovering from narc abuse. It was the worst torture imaginable. I had told the cardiologists that I was not concerned with quantity of life, I have no regrets and would be at peace if I was to die tomorrow. I wanted quality of life. Some people have a hard time accepting that, they think it is a negative attitude. Personally I think it is realistic and positive, I am not afraid of dying.
I AM afraid of spending the rest of my life in abject poverty, unable to see my son and granddaughter, unable to afford a decent place to live, unable to be a productive member of society, a burden. Unable to work but denied disability benefits.
The really twisted part of it all was; that although they weren’t able to hook up the pacemaker, they were able to implant a defibrillator, so there was no hope I would die.
BUT, it is all behind me now and although I feel like 6 months of an already shortened life, were stolen from me, for now, life goes on.
It seems that even without regular posts the blog has picked up followers and continues to help people. I was feeling uncertain about what to do with the blog, I have shared pretty well everything I had to share and to be honest was feeling a bit like a broken record repeating myself. I also felt I wasn’t living up to my commitment to the blog and the people who come here looking for help but I can’t stay stuck in the past either and need to challenge myself, expand myself, grow, live!
I have decided to focus on my book again, I am more than halfway done and it is a shame to not finish it. I cleaned up the appearance of the blog a bit and plan on spending an hour a day replying to comments and doing a weekly post.
It feels great to be back! to the blog and the land of the living!!