3 Million Hits

Three Million Hits!! Compared to many blogs out there, 3 million is no big deal when they are spread out over almost 7 yrs, but for me it is mind blowing that, that many people found value in what I had to say. The fact that I have almost 3000 followers who actually signed up for more posts from me is equally unbelieveable! As I have said before; when I first started my blog my only hope was that some day, some random woman would be searching the net trying to figure out, “what the hell happened to me?”, stumble upon my blog and know she is not alone. 

My tag line at the time was something like; “I don’t know where I am going but you are welcome to join me on my journey to find answers.”

It took a few months before I even had one hit; and that almost gave me an anxiety attack! It was fine and dandy as long as no one was actually reading what I wrote. I started to realize I was far from alone with my pain and confusion, I was getting hits from all corners of the world, from straight people to gay, rich and poor, young and old, religious and atheist, men and women; there was an epidemic world wide!! And there weren’t a lot of people talking about it, not honestly, there were blogs that told you what to do, leave. But no one was talking about the insanity of living with a narcissist, the roller coaster ride of emotions, gas lighting, manipulation and how absolutely helpless the victim feels. I remember the first time I decided to share some of the absolutely bizarre things my ex did; I was so afraid everyone would think I was crazy, lying, or deserving of the abuse I received, but the response I got was the exact opposite! I had more comments than ever before, people saying, “OMG! That happened to me too” or “It’s like you lived my life”.

It seemed the more personal experienced I shared the more people could relate to what I was saying and I felt an even greater responsibility to speak honestly and openly AND to not give up on my journey to find answers and ultimately heal myself. I couldn’t very well kill myself when I had all these people coming to me for answers, I didn’t want anyone to think dying was the answer. 

I look back now over the almost 7 years since I started this journey and I am amazed at; how my life has changed, how much I have grown, how much I have learned about myself and other people, and how rewarding the blog has been and how my attitude has changed from 7 years ago. I no longer think of my ex as the worst thing that ever happened to me and now view him as the catalyst to one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Don’t get me wrong, in no way do I believe he ever had any intention of being a positive influence in my life. I give myself credit for turning a negative into a positive and not allowing him to destroy me as he intended.

It has been a gradual thing and I have had my obstacles along the way that I can’t blame on my ex, but I learned one very important thingthrough the blog, I can be totally honest about my mistakes, voice my honest opinion and I am accepted and even liked for who I am. I never knew inner peace, no matter how strong I had been or obstacles I over came prior to meeting my ex; I never had true inner peace and had always struggled with self doubt.  I learned one very important truth through all this, self doubt comes from not living true to your core self, it comes when we try to be someone we are not, someone we think other people want us to be, because we feel like an impostor. I also learned that I don’t want to change who I am, I may not like everything about myself but I am a work in progress and I will strive to be a better person until the day I die. I also learned that we all screw up and we can all make amends, get back on the horse, forgive ourselves and make tomorrow a fresh start. Living with regret serves no useful purpose, learn from the past, yes; but to dwell on the past only ruins your future and to worry about the future and what might happen ruins your today. 

I had always worried I would never find my purpose for being here. Finding their purpose is not something everyone concerns themselves with but I feel I my purpose is the same as everyone’s purpose, be the best person I can be and help others if I can; by sharing my experiences and what I have learned. 

I was afraid that when I was unable to post to the blog it would die and fade away, but it continues to grow (albeit at a slower pace) and attract followers. Just the other day I received another thank you from someone who was helped by the blog. I always appreciate hearing from people who were helped in some way but as with any time I give, whether it is money, time or compassion; over the years I have received so much more back.

So today I want to thank you, my followers and readers. Thank you for sharing your story, for your support, (emotionally and financially) throughout the years. Thank you for coming along on my journey. Although I would say I am healed, my journey continues because it is a life long journey of self discovery and acceptance.

I was with Stella yesterday and she was laying in the sun. Some people were walking by andshe got up to greet them. They said what a lucky dog she is to have a mom a who provides her such a good life. I replied that she has never known anything else and probably doesn’t fully appreciate how good she has it. I thought for a second and added, “her momma has it pretty good also”.  I may not like where I live, I may not be where I had thought I would be at this age but all in all, right now; my life is good.  I always think about the serenity prayer

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change

Courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

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12 Replies to “3 Million Hits”

  1. Dear Carrie,
    I first found you during my first marriage 2A narcissistic years 2010 to 2013 November I left
    Working on the job I panic long time no contact I panicked when I had a stroke and was having a stroke called my ex-husband
    Through the act of no less HOOVERING I’m finding myself dwelling with my ex-husband once again I have been unemployed since October 2016
    I know the facts as 19 books later read on this subject matter
    Bought a pet together and the dog showing signs of walking on eggshells
    I did all that one book told me to do I’m working with senior and Junior now living full-time at his dad’s home
    What carry the story with me however first chance I get I’m fleeing.
    the_breezie_ocean@yahoo.com
    PS you did answer a personal letter of me and for that I thank you
    Keeping the Faith and staying hopeful in Putnam County Florida

    Like

  2. Thank you for your undying love to your public and you may you have continued success I was going to and his still going to do so find a shelter somewhere in the state of Florida resurrecting and old building using the grace of God and 2 financial means

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  3. I’m now 3 years after getting away from my ex and abuser…and just recently I got somewhat of a sting from him, in a passive way, by him never relying any mail to me after I moved out and me “falsely” thinking that he would have listened and cared about me enough that he actually would have kept his promise to deal with that specific thing….while he did pay those bills for all those 3 years (which he could have avoided if he would have cancelled the account like he promised) I suddenly got a mail to pay for last month and a bill that they had to figure out my adress….and I’m very inclined on thinking that he did that on purpose to revive my memory of him….
    Not to mention that just a few months ago I had more or less a mental breakdown from something happening in my life that was triggering thoughts and emotions from my time with my ex….and it took alot of digging in my mind to figure that out.
    I keep coming back to your blog, while it might not raise my mood, it helps me alot to see that I’m not alone…with how long recovery takes…with the thoughts I’m having…with relapses and difficulties….and the always nagging doubts if I’m not just “exaggerating” my experiences.
    It’s then words like yours that help me….although it’s sometimes annoying how paranoid my mind got in terms of believing someone elses words….since my ex kept telling me that “I would be the one showing narcissistic tendencies” I also always watch other victims carefully wondering if they could be narcissistic…and it makes me sad, that he managed to get into my head so much, that even those whom suffered the same as I did, I question and doubt……but I keep reading…and I keep trying to keep my mind open for any words that might come through that web of lies he spun around me.
    Thank you, that you kept being consistent with your blog. I think for me, that’s the most valuable about it, that you stayed consistent and kept being here for others even when your life took some very bad turns.

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    1. Farelle,
      I am glad my blog has been a source of strength for you. Know that I always care and pray you find inner peace and happineas soon. I can still have fleeting thoughts of self doubt; but they are fleeting.
      I doubt they ever go away completely, as long as we win the fight against that inner dialogue that likes to make us feel “less than”, that’s all that matters.
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

  4. Love you, Carrie Reimer! Am so proud of you!
    There has truly been an ‘interchange of encouragement’ between you & all of us that read your blog!
    Thank you for sharing your happy news with us

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  5. I agree, Carrie! I too was at first so angry and bitter. I thought I would never recover. But, after 6 years, and it took at least 5, I began to look at it as a positive experience. I, too, have a blog and while I haven’t reached as many people as you have, I have over 100,000 page views and hundreds of pages of correspondence from (mostly) women who have been through the SAME thing. I was amazed at how many people said they thought they were reading their own story.

    I really thought (at first) that my experience was unique; that I had found the worst person in the world to marry. But no, there are so many just like him.

    Carrie, my plan has been to write a book. I would like to collaborate with you and also with narcissists-suck (Anna Valerious)–an excellent blog, I suggest everyone look her up on blogspot. Sadly, I work so many hours in a day there is little time for writing but it will happen.

    Keep up the good work, Carrie.

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  6. Thank you. I am a subject to abuse , have Left, am at morhers rs but sick as a dog turning on nysejf.

    I write how ivfeel and I am conflicted, my mind has flipped to negative . I spoke to too many people , rejected people I love becausexi feel not gois enough bevausevi haven’twashed my hair for twelve months after being traumatized by my Mother.

    I have to reverse my body , need decent food. My brain flipped today again.

    I muarxnot give up.

    Thank you u Nina

    Like

    1. Nina,
      Healing does not happen overnight. Your mind will play tricks on you and make you doubt yourself, that is when you have to come here or some other source of information and argue with that inner voice that likes to make you doubt yourself. You have to fight the lies he and perhaps others in your past have told you
      There are many good articles here to help you..
      Hugs
      Carrie

      Like

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