If Leaving Was The Right Decision – Why Does It Hurt So Bad?

Quite a few people on the blog have just left or are planning to leave their relationship with someone they consider to be a narcissist. This applies to them and anyone else who has just left a relationship and is thinking maybe they made a mistake, because if it was that bad why does it hurt so bad?

Family and friends are surprisingly unsympathetic, it’s been 7 years for me and I still remember some remarks by people that really stung, like:

Why are you so sad? You should be happy to be free from him?

If it was so bad why are you so upset?

You guys have broken up before, you’ll get back together, you can never stay away from each other?

Self doubt does not mean it was a mistake, it means you are normal.

Here is a Matthew Hussey video on the topic of self doubt after a breakup. Do yourself a favor and take 5 minutes to listen, the link is right here.

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5 Replies to “If Leaving Was The Right Decision – Why Does It Hurt So Bad?”

  1. This applies even when the narc relationship was friendship or family. Over time I came to realize how my narc ex-friend was manipulating and screwing with me, and that it wasn’t just his abusive wife. And yet, breaking off the “friendship” hurt for YEARS, along with all the back-and-forth and guilt in my head.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nyssa, yes you are right! I have recently gone through it with a family member and it was so stressful and a lot of things made sense from the past when I came to the realization but it is never an easy thing to accept or deal with. If it is work it could means quitting or losing your job, family it could mean losing your whole family and friends there is betrayal and trust lost.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s a good question! I’ve went thru all all that pain an grief each time a love relationship has ended for me.. especially a narcissistic one. If I had to say why, I’d liken it to an addiction we have developed with that person who has become like an opioid drug for us. We need them, we crave them…we have to have them, and when the drug of them has been withdrawn, we go thru a “withdrawal” period which can last years.

    Time is our greatest ally, but in the meantime, we must be good to ourselves, and force ourselves to continue living as we comfort each other. I’m sure counseling can be an enormous help in understanding why we were so vulnerable to their …. uh, charms or whatever you want to call it.

    They seem to have filled a need for us. We all want to be loved, and for many of us we may have grown up in a situation where love was a scarce commodity leaving us starved for love, lonely with a great emptiness in our lives. I’m sure there’s better answers out there than what I can provide.

    While you’re waiting to heal, you have to believe you deserve better, will have it (even if you have to provide it to yourself!). Hang in there! Stay strong! Believe It will get better as indeed it will!

    Liked by 2 people

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