To A Narcissist-Image Is All That Matters

Narcissist don’t care whether the praise and admiration is real; as long as it is loud and often.
He doesn’t care if his lies are believed as long as no one questions him on them.
It is all about the show, how things look, not about reality or consequences. It is about immediate gratification. True wealth, as in money in the bank means nothing, a million in the bank or a million in debt makes no difference as long as they can create the image of wealth. Again a lie is as good as the truth because all that matters is how things look.
I used to listen to my ex on the phone telling his family about the house we lived in and lifestyle we had and I would think, “Are we living in the same house?” It was a rat infested dump but they didn’t know that and all that mattered to him was what they thought.
When he got with his new woman, a widow with money; he came to me saying he was retired and wanted to help me be successful like him. He was the kind of person who wanted to help his peeps. (Yes he said peeps!)I said, “Peeps?” He said, “Yeah, the people important to me, you are one of my peeps, what kind of person would I be if I didnt help people be successful like me?”
I said, “The only thing you are successful at is sucking in a widow with money, I wouldn’t go bragging about it and I’m sure she would have something to say about you helping your peeps.”
Most men would be ashamed to admit they were living off a widow but he brags about the lifestyle she affords him. He actually thinks I will feel bad because she was able to pay for the lifestyle he wanted.
It is amazing how out of touch with reality they really are.

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4 Replies to “To A Narcissist-Image Is All That Matters”

  1. People always refer to getting to know people as peeling onions. I think there are different levels of onion. There’s really good people. Giant wide sweet yellow onions with lots of thick juicy layers. Red, white, other similar persuasions. Then there’s shallots and leeks. There’s some meat there. Some layers, some juice. Then there’s green onions. Not fastidious in understanding themselves but generally people who have some underlying self.
    Then there’s the narcs.
    The chives.
    One layer. Nothing inside.

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  2. Not sure what kind of relationship I am in. One minute is seems nice next I don’t feel happy because some thing is just not right.
    I am engaged have been for two years. Known the guy off and on many years. This time around he had divorced his second wife, first one died. This second wife never wanted a divorce and she tried so hard for him to change his mind. He just wanted her as a friend and be single…He told me a different story why he divorced her. So he and I dated for a couple of years and then got engaged. But there are two of us in this picture. The ex wife is still around. Actually she has moved in the next street behind us. Last year I decided to sell my home and move next door to him because I had my elderly mother with me. Seems he lived two hours away from me. We were to 0f got married last July so I offered to buy into his house I paid $40,000 in cash and after we got married I would pay the rest…in that money we bought a new car he used part of that money and I put in the other half. July came he got cold feet. We still were together I will admit we did have a lot of issues with his family and mine. So we postponed the marriage. But never made another date.

    So the ex wife who is still trying to get him back. Says to him I am buying him. She tells me the same. This is why he divorced her she thinks. Yet he has told her its not the case…She was a friend he should never marry he keeps telling me. So here I am living next door to him her around the corner. He and I spend a lot of time together and more or less live together while I care for my mother. She rings, messages him daily. Now here is some thing else I don’t like. He was asked by her not to tell her parents they are divorced. Because her father will be disappointed in her because she walked out on her first husband and children. Because he wanted his divorced settled with out hassles he agreed. Since then her father passed away BUT her mother believes they are still married. So he goes around to her house where she and mother live so show he is still around…woman thinks they are still married. To me its another way of her contacting him or him still having contact.
    Mean while I have to put up with. Ex wife gone to Germany..can you water my plants and she phones him daily can you visit my mother in nursing home…last week she is going on vacation..he has been asked to feed her cat 2 times a day plus visit mum in home (respite). Because he is the son inlaw lol. He knows I don’t like it. He says it will all stop once we are married…..will it. I said to him a few years ago….your ex wife will not let go and your not helping by answering her call…they have no kids . I always thought she was narcissistic because she puts him down she has to be the best in everything. But now wondering if they are both the same.

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    1. Hazel, things will never change. If they haven’t by now there will always be a new excuse why they can’t change and it will always be your fault.
      I don’t know if they are both narcissists, it isn’t very often two narc get together because they are both so selfish but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is whether you are happy the way things are.
      You only have control over your own actions and your own happiness. You have given this relationship years and nothing ever changes.
      Now you have money invested and will feel that in order to not lose that money you have to stay. Cut your losses!! Hire a lawyer and get out before you lose anything more.
      This relationship is not normal in so many ways. He is getting off on the triangulation between you and his ex wife. Are they even legally divorced? It’s all bullshit and if you put up with it you are asking for more unhappiness and conflict.
      Good luck.
      We are here for moral support.
      Big hugs
      Carrie

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