Are You In Any REAL Danger?

Leaving a narcissist is seldom the end of the abuse; in fact, quite often a whole new, covert and dangerous form of abuse starts.

Stalking and Slander!

A narcissist is never happy to just walk away from a relationship. Even if it is his idea he will slander the victim and try to destroy their reputation and ability to recover and move on. Why does he want to destroy the victim? Because narcissists are nasty like that. It’s just the way they roll. You can not break up with a narcissist and remain friends no matter what he may tell you.

If you break up with him it can be so much worse. A narcissist really hates rejection, no matter how badly he treated you; you have no right to leave him.

It is totally unrealistic and irrational for him to think he can abuse you physically and/or verbally, financially, mentally and you will just stay for more of the same but that is exactly what he expects. It makes no sense that he thinks he can threaten you and you shouldn’t call the police.

Narcissists think they are above the laws everyone else have to abide by.

Are you paranoid or over reacting to fear for your safety after ending a relationship with a narcissist?

If you mention to your friends and family your ex is threatening you they may poo poo you. Unless they have been through it a person can not possibly relate and it does sound bizarre.

First, let’s clear up any misconceptions you may have about narcissists. There is one trait that is shared by the most dangerous personality disorders; psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists, that no other disorder displays and that is; no conscience. No guilt, no remorse, no empathy.

There is no person on the earth more dangerous, unpredictable and vengeful than a Anti-social Disordered person. Under the classification of Anti-social Personality Disorder falls; psychopath, sociopath and narcissist. The differences between those 3 are so insignificant even professional psychiatrists often can’t tell one from the other. But it isn’t necessary because you only have to know; they are extremely dangerous and should not be taken lightly.

Don’t ever under estimate the vindictiveness or viciousness of a narcissist.

OK. With that cleared up what do you need to be aware of or how can you protect yourself?

He IS going to slander you, that is pretty well guaranteed so you would be wise to advise people like employers, family and friends ahead of time. He will try to get you evicted and fired, be prepared.

I made the conscious decision to start this blog and thus revealing my identity and speak out about my experiences with a narcissist. There have been times I regretted that decision and wish I would have done it under a pseudonym but then I thought my speaking out publicly might just save my life too. It was unlikely my ex would do me harm if I had a blog talking about the abuse, he would be the first suspect. That did not protect me from vicious slander and him trying to ruin my reputation and any chance I had of recovering and living in comfort in the future.

I knew he was reading my blog and he tried to discredit me by leaving comments but I blocked him, he then tried under different email addresses and names so I got an IP Tracker for free, StatsCounter .

I was then able to track every visitor to my blog and their IP #, exact location, what post they visited, time they visited etc. It only covers 500 visits for free but for under $10 a month I was able to track many more. (this app proved to be priceless and helped me to help many people)

My ex even tried to have me charged with inciting violence against him because of my blog. He didn’t know where I was living so he had the cops call my 80 year old mother. Of course she panicked. It had been long enough I no longer panicked, sure there was that familiar tightening in my gut but I told myself to stay calm and I called the cop back.

You see, the narcissist has us so brainwashed into thinking we have no control over our life that we get stuck in victim mode. I started viewing things in a “what CAN I do” mind set instead of a “I have no control” mindset. First I went through my blog looking for anything I might have said that could be construed as inciting violence and could find nothing. Then I honestly evaluated my purpose for having the blog and I was NOT doing it to get revenge, if I was I would have used his full name etc, how could my blog be in revenge if it didn’t show up in a Google search of his name?

Once I was sure of my position and motives I called the cop. First I made him promise to not give my location or phone number to my ex and then we started to talk. I didn’t once say anything about what my ex had done to me, I didn’t try to blame my ex because that would have sounded like I was seeking revenge and I know from past experience that people shut down as soon as you start talking about abuse. Instead I asked what I had done wrong and what my rights are. I asked the cop to give me the title of the offending post and I would change it. I heard the cop shuffling through papers, I asked if he had tried to find my blog by Googling my ex’s name, he didn’t answer me. Then he read me a paragraph I recognized that said my son would hunt my ex down if any harm ever came to me.  It was a post about a letter I had received from my ex stating that he would do whatever necessary to protect his new relationship. A veiled threat if I ever heard one. I had said that if anything ever happened to me the police and my son would be looking for my ex because he is the only one who has ever been abusive to me. I asked the cop why that was inciting violence against my ex when I clearly stated the only way my son would go looking for him would be if something happened to me. He couldn’t really give me an answer to that either. He said there might be a whacko out there who decided to kill my ex just because he read my blog and thought he deserved it and then it would be my fault.

I asked, “So you are saying that I cannot speak about my personal experiences just in case there is a weirdo out there who somehow is going to figure out my ex’s name, because I only ever use his first name and there must be millions of guys named that same name and then this whacko is going to somehow figure out what town my ex lives in and hunt him down and kill him? Do you know the odds of that happening??” He said I should not be using my ex’s first name regardless. I said ok, but even if I call him Bob my friends would know it was him because I have never been with anyone abusive before or since, so it really make no difference what name I use. We have no mutual friends, if any of his friends are reading my blog it is because he gave them the link.

Finally I said, I have no intention of taking the blog down so just tell me what I need to do to be legal.

The cop said, “You know most victims of abuse who are afraid of their abuser try to avoid making him angry and just want to get as far away as possible and not draw his attention.”

I responded with enthusiasm, “Exactly right! and the reason domestic abuse continues is …..”

The cop finished my sentence with me, “because victims are silent because they are afraid of their abuser.”

I knew then that I had gotten to him, he understood. I continued to explain, “When I was in the middle of it I made a promise to myself and God that if I ever found my way out of it I would speak out for the rest of my life in hopes I saved even one other woman from going through what I was going through. So you need to tell me how I can do that without breaking the law.”

The cop’s whole demeanor had changed and he said, “I don’t really know, no matter what he has a right to privacy.”

I said, “I agree totally. But can you tell me where is my right to share my personal experience?”

He said, “Look just don’t use his name, say “My ex” and that is all you can do. I just don’t want to have to deal with Mr. (my ex) any more.” I knew my ex must of been driving this poor cop crazy crying about being a victim of MY abuse.

The last 1/2 hour of our conversation was about our dogs, my life now, his marriage and years on the force. He said, “You sound like a really nice lady.” and wished me well and I thanked him and that was the last time my ex has made an appearance in my life. I still watch my back and don’t trust that he won’t at some point try to make trouble in my life. I know that if the opportunity presents itself he will jump on it to do me harm. The more you thwart a narcissist’s attempt to destroy you the angrier he gets and the more it becomes an obsession for him.

You can not trust anyone who stays friends with both of you. If a friend is a friend of his they are not a friend of yours, trust me!! I thought I could stay friends and soon found out that they were telling him stuff about me, even if they never meant to cause me harm and were even defending me; any information getting back to the narcissist is not going to be good for you. I had stayed in contact with my ex’s step dad, he had loaned me money to leave my ex and was always very supportive of me. I had moved onto my brother’s boat after my ex found me the last time and no one knew where I was except those closest to me until I got a call from my ex father-in-law. In the course of the conversation he asked where I was living now and against my better judgment I told him and he asked where exactly was the marina, and against my gut telling me to shut up, I told him. After I got off the phone I knew I had been stupid.

Two days later I took Stella for her morning pee at 5 am. and coming around the corner was a semi exactly like the semi my ex used to own. It came straight towards Stella and I and I froze and grabbed Stella, but I didn’t have my contact lens in and couldn’t see the driver clearly. The semi stopped, backed up (the marina was at the end of a dead end street and there was no need for a semi to be coming down that far, in fact it made it hard for him to turn around) and left, but he waved first.

After that I had a drone outside my window 5 minutes before I was to be interviewed on talk radio via Skype. My laptop crashed, never to work again but the interview went ahead on my cell phone. Within a week I was being investigated by welfare and there were numerous complaints filed against me at the marina anonymously. I was in my boat one day with all the curtains closed (after the drone incident I kept my curtains closed) and could hear a car horn honking for the longest time. I wondered who it was and who they were honking at so I peeked out my window and there, right across from the boat on the roadway was my ex in his girlfriend’s car. When he saw me looking he waved and drove off. Just his way of saying I know where you are and I can get you. People still said I was being paranoid so I went looking on line in my ex’s stuff and sure enough he had posted pics of his new semi he had just bought, exactly like his old one. And guess who had been taking pictures at a marina and had just bought himself a drone?

Do you realize how easily a tracking device can be installed on your vehicle? It attaches with a magnet and is so tiny unless you are looking for it you would never know it was there. Mine was discovered by a mechanic who just happened to know what it was. How about hacking into your cell phone? All he has to do is call you and hang up, when you return his call he is automatically hooked up to your cell and has total access to all your information AND even if it is not turned on he can hear your conversations, see where you are, and read your GPS.

Never ever use your real name when going in sites and certainly not your first and last name. I tell visitors to my blog all the time to not use their last name! Google your name and see what comes up. Every single site you have commented on will appear.  Use a fake name!!

If you are still with the narcissist make sure you delete your browser history and password your phone and computer. There is no guarantee he won’t be able to still find out where you have been but trust me; he is spying on you trying to figure out what you are up or if you have figured out what he is up to.

My ex had a hidden camera set up in our house and my sister in law found the wire that went under the house to a speaker and then out to the barn where he was always working on something.

I told myself he wouldn’t purposely sabotage my truck, that was just too crazy and I was being paranoid. While living with us my sister in law got suspicious he was doing something and caught him switching out the batteries so the truck wouldn’t start in the morning and then he would have hidden the battery charger. When I started locking the truck at night and she had the spare key he couldn’t mess under the hood and that is when he started to pour bad fuel in the tank,  loosen bolts, cut brake lines and sabotage my tires. I could have died numerous times but my excellent driving skills and God’s intervention saved me.

I can not count how many times I have heard from women who went to talk to their ex one last time because he just wanted closure or she had something to pick up that she left behind and ended up barely escaping with their life. One woman got drugged and raped while there and the last thing she remembered was him giving her a drink and the next thing she remembered was opening her eyes to see him cleaning up around the room wearing rubber gloves. She ended up being pregnant and he fought her in court for custody, She won!! but she went through hell. I thought for sure she would end up dead.

Another one ended up in a moving vehicle and a gun pointed at her head. Another had a knife at her throat. Once you leave, no matter what he says, do not agree to meet with him any where, do not get in a vehicle with him, do not go for a drink. You do not own anything worth your life. Do not engage with him in any way. Do not try to make him jealous. Do not try to reason with him or appeal to his good side. Do not stay silent. You don’t have to start a blog, but tell people you are afraid for your safety. Get escorted to your car after dark, don’t park in remote areas, down load my safety plan at the top of the blog and follow the instructions and tips for staying safe, it could save your life. Just because you have left does not mean you are safe. Be aware and be diligent. Be smart. it’s not being paranoid and anyone who thinks you are, send them to me and I will set them straight.

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17 Replies to “Are You In Any REAL Danger?”

  1. I got slandered by *two* exes who I also believe are narcissists, especially the second one: He was very emotionally abusive, and did his best to make people think *I* was the abuser. I think the slander from the first was a big reason why I couldn’t find another boyfriend to replace him for a couple of years, making it hard to move on.

    A narc couple we broke off relations with, found my blog posts about them and began to threaten me over them, but I told the police and kept my blog up. I’ve had no more trouble from them, but they do watch my blog constantly. It’s been almost 6 years now and they still check it out. One friend said my blog would get me into trouble, but I think it’s actually curtailed any plans they might’ve had, because they know I’ll post about whatever they do or say.

    Now I have a group of Twitter trolls–how many I don’t know–after me for bizarre reasons. Basically, they have a main target, and I talked to the target online. They try to scare off anybody who does that. They’ve been watching me for more than a year now, and I keep seeing their hits in my stats. This looks like yet another group of psychopaths. I’ve heard stories of things they can do, and they have tracked down my Facebook even though I don’t use my real name out on the Web. But I don’t know if they’ll do more than just watch.

    It’s crazy what you can find on the Net!

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  2. I can’t applaud you enough for your courage in writing about all this. I believe it has already helped many women and will continue to help them. Thank you putting this out there. You and that cop are exactly right: abusers thrive on silence. Keep telling your story!

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  3. Carrie, I probably won’t get any response from this. I am really in a dangerous situation with no way out that I can see right now.
    There’s so much to all of this mayhe I should start with today and work backwards over a couple of posts. My phones yes are hacked. I do know this. My husband for sure. But here’s where it gets really scary. I’m targeted by more than just my N husband. I have been sitting and really thinking about everything and it’s so interesting how covert all this can be over many years. But when you look back it’s so easy to see.
    My husband is crazy. He is very sharp though. He can’t get into a jail in CALIFORNIA because of a felony ( a solicitation for murder that got reduced to solicitation to create great bodily injury- to a rapist who was given immunity for testifying against my husband. It was total entrapment as the guy who set up my husband was trying to get his son out of prison early and he hounded my husband to get revenge on this guy who raped me 8 months earlier when I was in northern Ca visiting my best friend. It was her soon to be ex husband who hated me because I taught her all HER HUSBANDS TRICKS. He couldn’t get away with anything. I wish I had someone who could teach me my husbands tricks. My husbands a player. Hell thats what everyone calls him., but he says “PROOF”. Well I don’t know about you but I trusted my gut majority of my life. I don’t have to walk in on it to say that’s how I know it’s true. Anyway what’s going on today? WOW. Insanity. Crazy making. I’m being driven insane with all the stress and visual horrors and the unsolved scary mysteries. My sons in jail awaiting trial on murder charges. A car accident where they say he drive his car at 80 miles an hour into stoped cars at a light. I’m not saying this because I’m his mom. I’m telling you this because it’s true. Our technology is so advanced and we are still pretty in the dark on what’s going on around us. My son has been targeted and I’ve see him and tried to reason with my son but it’s not him I’m talking to. It’s someone else. It’s someone who wants to die. Someone with no fear of dying at all. My son didn’t ask for this. It happened because family discarded him ( I never did ) it happens to many people. They go after women alone and guys like my son who were free spirits. It’s our government . And our criminal courts are how they are destroying lives. A case of my sons a couple years ago was the saddest thing because he was being driven out of his mind. The headaches were not helped with medicine and in fact made it worst. But when in crisis he hurt no one and was searching for my sisters house. He got the wrong house and immediately ran back out the door. The home owner didn’t even press charges. Instead of taking him to hospital cops took him to jail because they saw him as an easy target. He was targeted then too. You wouldn’t believe all the horrific things that happened to him. He wouldn’t listen to me tell him that once I was at his housev( back when he had one) & I was taking a nap in den when I heard people coming into his house and going upstairs. I thought it his roommate. Later I learned his roommate was at work 20 miles away all day. Anyway. I was bouncing around there. My son spent four months in the most dangerous jail in california under a different name. That way no one could find him but I did. And I tried to talk to public defender on his case and they told me they didn’t need any information on my son to help his case. I was powerless to help him. My husband has lead a campaign against my son for years behind his back. But to his face he brainwashed him against me ( I’d left my husband and I’m just learning now that people I hung out with we’re getting paid by him for information. My husband is a salesman all his life and a damn good one. He screws people and they Thank him. I’ve sat back and just shook my head in disbelief. Everyone loves him. He can sell ice to Eskimos & milk to a dairy farmer. I’m not exaggerating. Though I’ve realize as of late that there has to be people who actually dislike him.
    I have been studying gang stalking and narcissist for over 5 years. I’ve also been deep into government conspiracy theories and current on corruption in our country. I use to be so blind to things and was just so naive it’s not funny. My parents both are passed away. This also plasters a big neon sign on your forehead when your parents are around to guide and protect you. I’m telling you right now that parenting doesn’t stop at 18. As parents we need to be there for our children no matter what age they are because the world is not a good place to be in these days alone. Please read Russ Dizdar or watch YouTube. He talks about these dark forces all around us and the people who come into our lives all smiles and claiming to be good people when in reality they put to destroy us. This is my husband with me and my family. While my son laying in critical condition fighting for his life I was sitting there with a friend of mine ( I totally believe now four months after this that this friend too has been paid by my husband to carry out certain things so that I’m kept busy and don’t catch on to my husband ruining me financially and stealing money from accounts to fund bank accounts out of the country and completely ruin my excellent credit). But I told my friend I needed to get my son a lawyer quick like. I didn’t want what had happened a couple years before to happen again. Sadly it is and I’ve spent a fortune on bail and attorney for him and he is in jail not out of custody . I’m up against big bullies and they are the most vindictive evil forces ever. I spoke out about the tampering of the coroners report. I wrote to the Justice Dept thinking they were not also part of this corruption in criminal courts but obviously they are because they wrote me back and said they found nothing to indicate foul play. Like hey guys why don’t you call me or meet with me about this. Anytime I seek help and assistance I’m redirected to shady players in this game I’m not a willing player in. But the hiring of attorney my friend sitting there showed me. The attorney specializes in exactly what happened in my sons case and he had over 128 all five star reviews and long reviews too. I read every one. Within hours a guy shows up from my phone call. He is a partner to the guy I called. He was smooth talker I paid him 12,000 cash the next day. He told me 8,000 to take it up a plea bargain and 12,000 would take it up to trial. Of course that’s not true. And my son when he out of custody for a month and a half until first appearance where they slapped him with murder charges and I lost my 7500 I’d bailed him out with… this attorney kept telling my son not to worry everything was going to be handled just to heal. My dogs face is still not fixed he can’t breathe. We were lucky enough to get the knee and hip surgery in before jail. They are so cruel there. There’s so much more. I’m trying to give the short version. Oh yeah wasn’t I starting at today and going backwards? Well today I’m sitting here broke. My husband has managed to chase off any friends I had. Though I do know the one he protested the most about he also paid and they are friends. Today my husband is very depressed he says. He has had puss pouring out of his wounds from the spleen removal surgery he had 12 days ago where afterwards I had to sit and watch him go two hours waiting to get pain meds by the nurse who said there wasn’t any doctors orders for pain med given. Then she said there’s a shortage of it and she had to run to far other end of hospital to get it. I had to hold my husband down -. Before that he had gone in to this hospital because the kidney stone they thought he first had and had given him meds to pass it wasn’t working and he was in a lot of pain that’s when they saw a rip in his spleen about 6-7 inches long Blunt force trauma is what causes that usually. My husband had no explainable situations to share in the mystery. I did find apples at my house with needle marks in them. They disappeared though oddly while I in shower before going to police station with the apples. Doctor said it could be from virus or poisoning. I just remember my husband egging on a huge fight a day or two before all this started happening and I let him have it with my mouth not my fists. But he recorded it I’m sure. My husband makes 150-200k a year. He quit his job and was working a side thing that made him about 8,000 a month. Now today and the last month he’s made nothing. But the thing that has me so confused is fact that I have to tell him that doctor should have started him on several shots/immunization and antibiotics. Neither did the doctor do. He can’t even get a dog bite now. But my husband isn’t freaking out like he would be if he were as broke as he claims he is. He isn’t concerned and not trying for state disability insurance for short term help. We went to the welfare office and he was filing out a paper only for himself. You see stress is a killer. And Narcissist husbands who gangstalking their wives do crazy things to get her locked up in jail ( a bogus battery charge I’m feeling) broke and on the streets. He put his savings as collateral on my truck loan. It’s what Use to pull my trailer. I just want to get in it now and drive away but he will take the truck from me. I have 19 aquatic turtles. I had more but they mysteriously get out of their habitat that’s escape proof or wind up dead. I have two awesome tortoises I love all my pets. I have a cute bunny. I tried to give her to my granddaughter but her mom said no. I have four dogs. The dog who was the love of my life 10 yr old male Yorkie TEDDY totally vanished in 2016 in sept when I went at the urging and total pestering of that sake friend to come pick him up he was working at a job 30 minutes from me. Him and boss traveled 130 to work a job 30 minutes from me and I get back and my dogs gone. My friend noticed too quickly TEDDY gone. And when he wasn’t at all in a panic to find my dog I knew he knew about where my dog went. I was tortured for months by mean people running me all over SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA looking at leads that were duds. I still look for my dog today. I’ll never not look for him. But last year a woman came and was looking for me my husband talked to her out front. I felt he knew her. She was telling me about a dog who looked like my dog. I get my hopes up and Tuen she says oh this dog isn’t neutered. Hmmm ok well mine was. To make long story short I have that dog now. He looks identical to my dog. Same mannerisms to a T. Same leg limp when he is tired. Same age. This dog had respect for the dog Teddy likedvahdcwas bonded with. After having this dog four months and falling in love with him. He starts attacking my bigger neutered Yorkie who I got in 2015. I read in a gang stalking article about people’s dogs being stolen and replaced with identical looking dog with foul tempers. These fights are extremely disturbing. Stress remember. Anyway my life is so fricken weird and I’m told that my the reason we so broke the last year cuz my husband paying to become disabled so I get nothing in court. What? Fake surgery? That’s crazy. He seems so in pain. I was told that the meds he takes makes pain they got it all down how to do it. Then I go driving off into the sunset not thinking I can get any help at all in a new life for a tear or two. And he runs off to Spain to do some walk he told me about but I think I know who he plays on going with because she left voice about it. The girl my husband talks trash about. Anyway here’s the scary part my husbands on all these drugs was on mental health meds but at Christmas he buys two rifles. Can’t get into jail but gets two rifles. I grabbed one of them and my handgun and put them at my other sons for awhile but I can’t find one of the rifles. I went o visit my son in jail other day left a phone recording what goes on here ( is that crazy for me to do?) my husband tells people I don’t think my son killed anyone. Like I’m some nut case who doesn’t have anything legit to go on. He never says she uncovered some evidence that this case of _________ is just bogus for whatever reason. He is never in my side. He gaslights like crazy. And I saw where he was always down here not up where he was working. He was spying on me I knew it. Coming into my house when I gone. Getting my banking info and taking money from me. But other day I did record what goes on here when I’m gone and it was weird to say the least. He was pretty active right after I drove away. It does appear someone else came by. I think it guy across the street who is so strange too and for awhile him and my husband were using a red rock painted like an M&M places on top of my front gate to indicate I was home or not home. . Strange. But anyway after an hour my husband sits in recliner and it appears he falls asleep to a movie about MK ultra and this scene of programming the mind controlled person to kill her lover and then not even know she committed murder the next day. It was intense. I said something about this movie and my husband denied even watching it. I’ve been in this crazy game of my husbands for 26 very long years and 10 of them I was a dumb as a rock to these types of people. It’s the last 16 I started to open my eyes….. but everyone down plays what’s right there in our faces. I can’t believe it. I’m leaving out so much. I wish there was a safe place we all could go to meet up with each other. Carrie I found your site one night and I spent the next three days glued to it reading. If this actually makes it and you read it , I ’ll be shocked.
    I get scared sometimes but really I too think I need to stand up for myself. But it’s just so weird how I challenge the system and speak out about it and weird things immediately start happening bad. I’ve gotten 23 harassing phone calls, two things came about accounts of mine ( never his) being in collection that should be current, every night you can see in security cameras ( that get shut off when shady stuff is happening ) major massive swamps that look like bugs a friend said chemtrails and they seen on all sides of my house. My tortoises are not feeling good, some expensive equipment for the turtles large ponds stopped working. Then that friend I said isn’t really friend made comment “ doesn’t it just suck when you areflat broke and all your stuff breaks?” Like out of the blue. He lives 130 milesaway but last couple months said he working 45 minutes away. Who put holes in my apples. I feed them to my tortoise. Please. Any ideas how to get my husband out of here? I really want to leave and I guess I could take animals too. But where?
    My youngest son isn’t any help. My husband has had plenty of time to brainwash my sons. Once he told them both I was a man hater? No just a game player hater. He gets me mixed up with all his other wive:s n GF’s.

    I hope you can reply.
    Name changed I am not editing how you can understand it

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  4. When your N buys guns at Christmas How did he pass the background check? I swear he has connections to something much bigger than him being a narcissist who’s a complete fucking asshole to me and who would quit a job to put me in the poor house. He made a comment out of place something about his surgery costing 50k. He went from feeling great making money one month to now the next month disabled after a emergency operation. A person told me “ I bet he just got cut down the middle and he still has his spleen” no way I’m thinking, who would do such a thing.? But when you go through that surgery there’s things doctors do to protect you from disease and they start giving you antibiotics you must take forever now but they start immunizations immediately. I mean even a dog bite can be fatal to a person without a spleen. None of this happened. And he wasn’t concerned when I told him either. He hasn’t been worried like he should be. I’ve suspected he has stash of cash in other accounts I don’t know about. We went other day and got food stamps but I had to nag him to do it. He lost two phones in on the hook for just when I start getting my credit under control again I find things out of control like the switch to our new carrier from old. I have a 2,000 dollar bill that new carrier was suppose to pay ( at time was just 650.00) But it’s been one thing after another . Too long to get into. If you’re in a relationship and it’s been under ten years. Get out the longer you in it the harder to leave.. the less of you you’ll have once you do leave. You can’t see all the damage but it’s there. Oh it’s there big time. And please don’t tell them you’re leaving. That’s when it gets dangerous! Trust me

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    1. Fuknarcissist, you speak the truth! I suspected things my ex did were faked but I would tell myself, “Who would do something like that?”
      Like purposely crashing a vehicle for the insurance money, tell me he had been given 6 months to live. When he first told me I was so sympathetic and researched on the net things he could do to help himself. I suggested he get his medical records set to him so when we went to emergency at the hospital they would know what was wrong with him but he never did. He never told his family he was dying, which I thought was strange. When I said something to him about not seeming to upset about it he said he had survived other things that he wasn’t supposed to and miracles can happen. Well the miracle happened after we split and he met the new woman. All of a sudden he was cured!!
      I took care of him when he had horrible fevers and sweats etc. I don’t know how he faked it but he did.
      He purposely disabled my work truck yet complained bitterly about having to fix my truck and we were always broke. When I tried to tell people they just looked at me like I was crazy. Why would he purposely prevent me from working? What they do just doesn’t make sense. So we doubt ourselves and others doubt us because we sound crazy.
      He will keep doing things to keep you broke.
      As for buying guns, have you ever charged him with domestic abuse? Has he ever been charged by anyone? If he has never been charged there is no reason they wouldn’t allow him to buy a gun.
      What is keeping you with him?
      I know I stayed because I thought I could save some money before I left. I was afraid to leave because I didn’t want to be homeless by myself. But the longer I was with him the broker I got and the more chance he had to destroy my company and my truck.
      Is there anyone who can help you leave? Someone who would let you sleep on their couch? You will never recoup financially until you are away from him.
      Good luck. I worry about you.
      Hugs

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      1. Carrie. He is trying to get me out of my house. He will say I caused his ruptured spleen, and right now the acting going on Willis make anyone absolutely insane. Then he will say negligent. He could have nurses that come daily to treat his incision and help him. But he is purposely causing me tremendous stress and trying to steer things in a certain direction. I can see it now. I’m not the kind of person who
        Calls police. But I should have left the guns at the house and called on him being a felon. That’s exactly what he would do to me if he could. Because he isn’t working I am paying everything out of the last money I have. Isn’t there laws about this kind of intentional infliction of all this stress? For 26 yrs

        Like

  5. I am terrified. What you describe is someone to the absolute …….

    .in a hospital but its the worst place I need to get out to defends myself again.

    You write the absolute truth. No one who has not been with someone like this can understand.

    Thank you so much
    N.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I forgot to say that he was convicted of intent to create great bodily injury in 2000. Solicitation of murder was orig charge. A guy. Not me.

      So he shouldn’t have gotten ok for guns. It’s ok I got two out and in garage now looking for other. He can be pissed if he wants. I took them away from my house. I am not anti gun but I believe in people getting along and see that the fear in us is because evil people put it in us. I love target shooting. And if I ever had some crazy guy trying to kill
      Me I guess I’d shoot him it’s him or me. But I would like to think
      We control for the most part our vibe through life. I just don’t like that stuff and will avoid at all costs .,

      Like

    1. Nina, it’s a hard line to try and protect yourself and not let yourself get consumed with fear. Even 8 years later I am very aware of my surroundings at all times and get nervous he might show up at my door someday. I don’t know if it ever fully leaves you but it gets easier because I have cut everyone who might give him info on me out of my life.
      No matter what you are safer with him out of your life.

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  6. Aren’t there laws about someone taking over your house & causing you horrific financial loss on purpose and inflicting so much emotional distress that you finally lose it and commit a crime and that’s how they get you out?

    I’m going to shower. All my animals are fed then I’m taking him over to emergency again and dropping him off.

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    1. Fuknarcissist, I read once that a relationship with a narcissist ends one of two ways. Someone leaves or someone dies.
      Many narcissist relationships end in one of them dying, either he kills her, she commits suicide or she kills him. You see it on the news all the time. The woman shoots him in his sleep and claims self defense. Of course she is held accountable because if he was sleeping she was not in immediate danger.
      There should be a law against someone moving in and destroying you financially but it is very hard to prove or for cops to enforce. I tried to get the cops to remove him from my home but they refused because it was a domestic situation. If he hadn’t caused me physical harm there was nothing they could do. I had to call if I was injured.
      I used to suspect my ex was an snitch for the cops because he never got charged with anything but any crooks he dealt with would get busted. The cops were always on his side.
      I was told I had to give him an eviction notice and then if he didn’t move out I could have him removed. Yeah right, I was going to give him an eviction notice and then live with him for 10 or more days!
      I ended up moving and not allowing him in my new place, no matter what.
      If you allow him in the door he will never leave. If you don’t let him in and he won’t go away then the cops can and should do something.
      Don’t let this go on any longer. Take him to the hospital, drop him off and don’t pick him up. Change the locks on all the doors and secure your house as best you can. Download my free safety plan at the top of the blog. They recommend having a fire extinguisher in every room, wood sticks in all the windows, tell the neighbors if they see him around to call the police. And then stick to it and don’t let him in.
      Let us know how it’s going.
      Hugs

      Like

  7. I did that once with my ex and I allowed him to come over. I thought I would be safe being my place. He came and he r…d me. He stood up and said oh you can’t go to the police, it was not r..e as you are still my wife. I lost the only bit of confidence I had left.

    Like

      1. I eventually divorced him but with my childhood the way it was, I seemed to attract that kind of person. I am trying so hard to heal and raise from the deep wounds I bare within me. You are so kind thank you for you kind hearted words.

        Like

        1. Gemma, I don’t know if I can explain this in a way that makes sense but the way I learned to love and trust myself and find true inner peace was to take every single little thing I had ever been told about myself and analyze it to see if it was actually true.
          A narcissist gets us through our self doubt, gets us second guessing what we see with our own eyes.
          I was always told I was a “flake” by my father, too sensitive, too emotional…..a fuck up.
          I built a wall around myself, a strong facade, but deep down always felt if people got too close to me they would see I really was a flake.
          Upon closer analysis I realized I am a type of personality. I am intuitive and actually very bright, loving and kind. I am a very good judge of character and I did pick up on the fact that he wasn’t a man I wanted to be with but I didn’t trust my gut instinct. My father had his own agenda for telling me I was a flake; he was covering up his own multiple infidelities and my mother had her agenda. She had her head buried so deep in the sand of denial she didn’t want to face the truth. Between my mother’s fantasy world of “how things appear to the outside world” and denial of reality and my dad’s “do as I say not as I do” double standard I grew up with so much self doubt I couldn’t make healthy decisions.
          I was a people pleaser, always working double time to keep the peace in the house, it was only natural I fell into the abusive control of the narcissist.
          It took a long time and I still have to be very aware of what I am feeling in certain situations but I have learned to follow my gut instincts at all times.
          With my son, my family, friends, work mates, whoever. ….. I don’t allow anyone to pressure me into making a decision before I am ready. I do not do anything I do not feel totally comfortable with in my gut.
          I don’t ever make a decision I regret. I vowed to live honest to my core values and principles and always speak the truth.
          There is no way you can ever be wrong if you live true to your core self.
          I don’t allow other people to drag me into their drama. I learned that I can’t fix things for other people. I can give my opinion based on my experience but I can not control anyone else’s life.
          I am not flawed. The only mistakes I ever made was trying to please everyone else instead of living true to myself.
          Not everyone is going to like me and that’s OK because I like myself and don’t need anyone’s approval telling me I am a good person.
          I have become more creative, drink less, am more open and honest than I ever have been and I am a lot more giving and kind because I stopped worrying about what someone might think if I did something nice.
          Ie: I used to see homeless people and look away for fear they might want money. I wouldn’t want to give them money in case they bought drugs with it. All these judgements and fears.
          Now, if in my gut I feel I should give them money I do even if it’s my last $5. I always look them in the eye and say hi. And what they do with the money is none of my business. More than the money; maybe me just being kind to them is what they need.
          It is not for me to judge.
          If I see an old lady struggling with her shopping cart I will circle the block, park and take the time to help her.
          I continually look for ways to help someone else and of my gut says do it I do.
          But I stopped covering for my mother’s lies. Her little, “Don’t tell your brother” lies. Bullshit. I kept saying, “I am not lying”. And I would tell the truth right in front of her. She was always causing trouble with her little secrets. Guess what?! She has stopped keeping secrets. My brother comes to me for advice and my son calls me for advice and calls me “his voice of reason”. What I am trying to say is,
          Embrace who you are and be the person you were born to be, not what other people have told you, you should be or are.
          It takes work, you are deprogramming years of lies. But it is SO worth it!

          Liked by 1 person

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