Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

I have been there, believe me. Deep down you know you are in danger but when you tell anyone they doubt you and then you doubt yourself. Maybe you are paranoid, maybe you are imagining things.

Please, I was lucky, it took my sister-in-law telling me he would kill me if I didn’t leave. Maybe God let me live because he needed me to educate people, be there to support victims. I should have, could have died several times.

I was reading a post the other day about Flying Monkeys and the damage they do. I always read the comments on posts and this one was no different. That is where I read the following comment.

I’m going through something ive never seen written about. My ex has fm that sneak into my daughters attic and stay above only the room im in….so who hears them right. Plus they have a newly redone attic that make little noise. They throw liquid on me, use something to make burns on my head. Use something to make me so tired i actually passed out withfood in my mouth. What do i do? Pray. Its been 4 years we broke up and we r divorced. I did divorce. He got everything. Our business ect. I had many hospital stays in our 37 yr marriage. I had 11 kidney stones……bladder so red they thought i had cancer. He was always cold and distant. I am 57 never had kidney stones. Got so bad i couldnt pee. Then just blood……he got weird phone call and i heard him say no shes just scared. He has been abusive in everyway. Near the end i was passing out at random times and am again. Help!!

ML (she used her full name but for her protection I am using her initials, just in case I am wrong) you need to move immediately. Find a safe shelter for domestic abuse victims. It is unlikely the police will believe you because it does sound far fetched. I believe you, but only because I have been there. People who haven’t experienced the abuse of a narc think, “But that doesn’t make sense. Why would someone do that?” The only answer is, “because they are a narcissist. They are evil soul destroyers”.
Plan your escape very carefully and covertly. No one can know. Once you have a safe place to go to leave in one fell swoop. Take what you can and leave the rest, nothing is worth your life. I left with $5 and my dog and slept in my truck. It’s been a long haul and life has been tough but I never regretted getting away and now 8 years after leaving my life is anxiety free, and I have good friends I can trust.
As long as you live where they have access to you, you are not safe.
Good luck.

ML, also, if that is your real name stop using it to post on social media immediately!! Do a Google search of your name and see what shows up. Any comments you make will show up in a Google search. If they are spying on you, you can bet they are tracking your Internet activity. Also check your vehicle for a tracking device and get a different phone. It’s amazingly easy to hack into a person’s cell phone and have full access to a person’s photos, text messages, and GPS. They can listen in on all your conversations and actually see what you are doing, even if you think your phone is off.

I immediately got out of that post and did a Google search on her name and the only thing that came up was an Obituary saying she died Dec 28, 2018. She comment was made 36 weeks ago, that would have meant her comment was made at the end of June 2018.

I am not saying her ex killed her. I don’t know her or him at all.

I DO know there are many ways to kill a person, you don’t have to even be in the same vicinity.

There are many ways a rcissist can kill a person; by slowly poisoning them physically or mentally. They can make their life so unbearable they feel their only escape is to kill themselves. (By getting them fired, evicted, cut off assistance, turn their kids against them, ruin their reputation) They can make them feel useless and turn everyone against them. Or they can make them feel (and act) paranoid and crazy. They can badger them incessantly with taunting phone calls, emails and text messages. They can destroy their property until they own nothing at all. Some, like my ex tamper with the victims vehicle, cutting brake lines, loosening lugnuts, the steering.

The stress alone can kill them, a woman leaving an abusive relationship is 75% more likely to get a chronic illness like cancer or like in my case, heart failure. Almost all victims end up with PTSD.

Unfortunately, since I started this blog I personally know of at least 6 women who were killed by their narcissist ex. That is just the ones I know for sure, there are more, like this woman, I suspect their killer is walking free.

The victim is often so deep into cognitive dissonance they convince themselves the narcissist is not really dangerous and deep down loves them and couldn’t really hurt them. They think they know the narcissist better than anyone and can handle him. They think they will be able to talk him out of hurting her or be able to outsmart him.

They also think they can’t live without the narcissist, or they can wean themselves off the narc. Or, they think one day they will have their fill and be able to walk away without it hurting like hell. The narc will hurt them one last time and they will kick him to the curb and never doubt their decision. All lies.

You can not ever be “ready” to leave, you will have self doubt, and he is going to try everything to make you doubt yourself.

As long as you remain in contact with the narcissist, in any form at all, even through friends and family; you are putting yourself in danger.

And yes, I too found myself wishing he would just kill me and get it over with because I didn’t think I could leave and start all over alone. I had nothing, I was 51, I just didn’t feel strong enough, couldn’t see ever having a life worth living but I dug deep and took that first step.

You don’t know what the future holds if you leave, but you know what the future will be like if you stay; and it only gets worse. Your only chance for a better life is to leave.

I am not saying leaving isn’t hard, it IS hard, you are going to cry and go through all kinds of emotions and you will struggle with yourself to not call him BUT it does get better and easier.

That much I can promise you!!

You don’t know how strong you are until you make it through something you didn’t think you could. If it was easy you wouldn’t need strength or courage.

Don’t give up on yourself!!

Don’t let him/her win!

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9 thoughts on “Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

  1. Ellebelle2015

    So true Carrie. I really love your posts. I found them in 2013 after my daughter told me she thinks my partner for over 30 years was a narcissist. After reading your posts I left in three months. It was hard, I was miserable for over three years, but I did it. It will never heal completely, I will never forget and certanly not forgive, but now I have a very good live. Don’t doubt yourself ans your guts instinct. Just leave in time. It still hearts to know, it took me so long to understand. X

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Ellebelle2015, I remember when you joined the blog! You’ve come along way! So glad to hear you are doing well! Big hugs to you! Thanks for commenting 😁❤️

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  2. Julifer’s SIL

    These kinds of people destroy everything in their path. Fortunately my ex wasn’t a narc or even co-dependent like so much of his family and his brother who married the narc (two of them). But this second narc is/was so covertly abusive. And his family and even himself were so CONvinced that this was normal behavior and all women (should) act like that. My husband kept accusing me of behaving the way his narc sister-in-law was behaving. I think because his mother in an effort to ‘support’ her family-because she is afraid of the narc kept saying marriage should be like that. So my husband couldn’t get any attention from his mother for having a nice, kind, loving, forgiving, and upstanding wife. He HAD to have an abusive one like his brothers. I refused to go to Christmas there anymore and observe how she abused everyone. One year he came home with his abandonment wounds torn open. For six months straight-15 times he told me, “if you think, if you feel, if you want, if you are motivated by….you should divorce me.” I didn’t want to discuss any of those thoughts, feelings, desires, motivations or emotions. They didn’t belong to me or in my marriage. But my ex-husband’s fear of this kind of abuse his brother was suffering at my sister-in-law’s hands was so terrifying that my ex couldn’t just leave it there. He couldn’t deal with his abusive wife FOR him, so he pretended *I* was doing all those mean, cruel, hateful, vindictive and vengeful things and punished me. After we had agreed for a year and a half that we should get a divorce because he believed I was acting like his brothet’s abusive narc he said, “and then you surprised me with a divorce.”
    What you agreed to a divorce because you were trying to assign all of her behavior and values and thoughts and feelings on to me!

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  3. Mary

    I felt so touched when I read this and it made me tear up!

    Good one, Carrie 👍

    Also, be careful with some narcissist’s victim support group, apparently some of them are cults in disguise.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Mary, so true. It’s horrible, but when a person is at their lowest is when the low life’s take advantage of their weakened state. After I left my ex it seemed I attracted every asshole around. Not just romantically but mechanics, landlords, everyone was out to take advantage of me.

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      1. Mary

        That too and that narcissists see a weak prey that they can toy with. Truly, the most inhumane creatures to ever live.

        I also forgot to mention that narcissists pretend to be victims but if you observe carefully and study how humans with *actual* emotions work (by comparing someone with empathy would say VS someone who doesn’t and just someone who’s a wolf in a sheep), you can tell the differences between them.

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  4. Mary

    Uh, unrelated question, Carrie but which Carrie Reimer account in Quora are you? I saw like three with your face in the pf.

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