Lies, All Around Us

Last time I posted I talked about how the narcissist will use any means he can to manipulate his victim. Like using a popular love song to express his (nonexistent) feelings.

Because he doesn’t have feelings of love he will insinuate a certain song’s lyrics fit how he’s feeling.

A narcissist is so lacking in the ability to feel anything he relies on the entertainment industry a lot in his life just to get by. If you think about various times during your relationship with the N, didn’t you feel a sense of deja vu, that his reaction or actions were familiar and ingeniune. For example: perhaps he was crying over something that even you, the one he calls too sensitive; didn’t find that sad. Or his lines seemed rehearsed and stiff when he was expressing his undying love. His lips are moving, the words are coming out but it’s like some ventriloquist has their hand up his ass making him more. Something is wrong but you just can’t put your finger on what it is.

When things don’t add up, we tend to fill in the blanks so it makes sense to us, we tell ourselves, “He’s so overcome with emotion he is uncomfortable expressing his feelings”, “he’s been hurt so badly in the past, he’s afraid of getting hurt again”, “He’s trying to be romantic, don’t analyze everything”.

Early in my relationship with my ex I arrived at his place for a date and he put a CD in and played a certain song saying it expressed exactly what he was feeling. He put this Vince Gill song on, pulled me close and started to slow dance with me. He held me tight and rested his face against mine, I could feel his tears dropping on my cheek. At the end of the song he whispered, “I love you” and wouldn’t let me go or look at him.

I thought, “He’s embarrassed to let me see him cry.” But probably he had on onion in his hand that he used to make himself tear up.😂

In the beginning he cried a lot! I actually got sick of it, I mean I like when I guy can express his feelings but when he cries more than I do I find it annoying.

I hadn’t said “I love you” back to him but his tears made me feel I should say something; later that day I said it and it kinda laid flat, with no reaction from him at all. But the next time he said it, he cried again.


9 thoughts on “Lies, All Around Us

  1. Ellebelle2015

    I was always wondering why he cried when watching a emotional movie. Crying in real life? I didn’t see it in all those years. I think I once read an article about this phenomenon. I cannot remember where it was, but it is interesting.


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Ellebelle, it’s because they don’t know when to cry because they don’t feel like the rest of us. To cry during a movie they are know exactly when to cry.
      They watch movies and the people around them in order to know when to cry.
      If a situation arises where they have never witnessed someone respond to a similar situation they will often just go blank, or leave, to avoid having the wrong response.


  2. Kelly

    Curious can a narcissist just become that way. I was with mine for 2-3 years initially and he was the most loving genuine person. However he did fly off the handle at stupid things and then he started to have issues with a job he loved a dream job. He has kept in constant contact with me and in the past 18 months has become some-one i don’t know. As far as I knew there were never any other women just me but lately he has split up with a new woman got involved with another woman and now the first one wants him back however he says he doesn’t know who to choose. He was never like that before and he blames the first woman for his behaviour. They have both found out about one another now. Is there a chance it was triggered or he just kept his behaviour really well hidden. I’am confused.


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      They can keep their true self very well hidden for a very long time as long as you aren’t too close to them.
      But they don’t just become one all of a sudden, they are born that way. Lying, fabricating, deceiving is a way of life for them. Usually, once it is discovered what they are, a person can look back and see various red flags that we’re always there but they excused as just being out of character.
      As long as you aren’t living with the N full time and aren’t suspicious the N could go a life time without being detected, many do.
      But anyone who lives with one eventually starts to see the cracks in his facade.
      I thought my ex was totally faithful and unable to ever date more than one woman and most definitely not say I love you to more than one woman at a time, for 6 years. Boy was I ever wrong!!
      I do not know of one victim of a N that hasn’t been shocked about what was actually going on when they finally figure the N out.
      No need for confusion, narcissists are confusing, that’s why they are narcissist. The worst thing you can do is waste your time trying to figure them out.


  3. Helen

    Do you think they mimic what they see or hear from movies ,friends. Mine also shows being a hypochondriac of sorts. Doesn’t seem that interested in others but brags what he does to help.


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Awww, Peter, thank you. It’s such a distant memory now. I can’t believe I survived it sometimes. But there are so many worse things people survive. In the big picture, it’s pretty insignificant.
      I truly feel blessed for all I have.
      I hope you are doing well. Hugs to you my friend.


  4. Susan

    Carrie, your post is so spot on!! I’ve never seen anyone discuss the narcs reliance on the entertainment industry for emotional cues and looking at others emotions to mimic how they should be acting!!. I was perplexed for the longest time when my narc husband would stare at me when I was watching movies, or stare off into space when I would ask him a question. . I suspected that he was hiding his anger and trying to come up with the correct ‘human’ response. I suggested this to friends and they refused to believe it. Now I know I’m right and that helps. Hopefully I will be getting away from my inhuman husband soon. Thanks for your blog, it really helps. 😊💐


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Susan, most people don’t believe the victim when they share what happens between them and the narcissist. Let’s face it, it does sound bizarre. Who would do that shit? A narcissist, that’s who.
      I stopped telling people about what was going on because it started to make me doubt myself and made people think I was crazy.
      I started to think, “maybe he’s right, maybe I am just paranoid.”
      Unfortunately when you are involved with a narcissist, you have to save yourself, you have to dig deep and want to save your soul enough to believe what your gut is telling you
      Every time you allow self doubt stop you from leaving you invest more time and energy into a black hole when you could be investing in your happiness and peace of mind.
      You deserve to be happy and live in peace.
      Good luck,! I’m so glad you find some help here.



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