There Is Such A Thing As Murder By Suicide

I started the blog in hopes that, by sharing my experiences with a narcissist I would help other women dealing with the same confusion and pain. Occasionally a man would come in and be angry because I was talking about narcissists as if all narcissists are men. I have always stated there are female narcissists, but I am writing about my personal experience and that is why I refer to narcissists as “he”, and there are more male narcs than females.

A few months ago in my local town, there was an emergency broadcast put out telling people to stay in their homes and lock the doors because there was a manhunt on for a guy with a gun. His girlfriend posted on Facebook that she and the children were ok but he had left the house with his gun and no one knew what his intentions were. She was afraid for his safety. Bulletins were every where with pictures of his truck and his smiling face.

I didn’t know the guy, he was only a couple of years older than my son; I guess that’s why he was on my mind a lot.

Days passed and it became a missing person’s case and then they found his truck, and then him, dead. Criminality was not suspected.

A couple of months later I received an invitation to a private Facebook group. I think I was included in a blanket invite to the site by mistake. I went to the site and it was for the friends of a local man who had recently died. I left the site because I realized I must have been invited by accident but curiosity sent me back and after reading for a few minutes I realized they were mourning the death of the man from the manhunt. He had shot himself, leaving two young children behind and a huge group of lifelong, loving friends.

Our local newspaper published an interview with the girlfriend and as all people do these days she had started a; “Go Fund Me” asking for money for the children’s education etc. from the newspaper article and Go Fund Me campaign I assumed the children were either hers and his or hers and he was the step dad. I did get a funny feeling in my gut reading the girlfriends interview, it seemed unemotional, detached, ……. just strange, but I chalked it up to being in shock and grief.

As I read the comments made by his friends and ex’s I got to know the kind of man he had been, a devoted father, hard working, award winning photographer, a nature lover, a sense of humor and a friend you could count on. He didn’t sound like someone who would commit suicide, he had so many friends who obviously loved him very much. Even his ex’s spoke highly of him.

Bit by bit I got a clearer picture of who this fellow was and the relationship he had with the woman claiming to be his girlfriend. It turns out that the grieving girlfriend hadn’t come home the night before and in fact been with another man. The man who killed himself had posted on FB that he was needing a place to live and the relationship was over, this time. There had been other breakups and a lot of drama in the relationship. Most of the friends didn’t like her and only tolerated her for his sake. Now friends are saying they wish they would have reached out that night he was looking for a place to live, but no one ever imagined he would kill himself.

From what I have read, she closed his FB account which means none of his friends have access to the pictures and conversations they had over the years. She has been telling lies about him and apparently none of the Go Fund Me money has made it to the kids ad she is milking the role of “heart broken wife of a man who killed himself.” It wasn’t even her that alerted his friends, it was another friend who couldn’t get a hold of him.

I wrote a comment to the group explaining she is a narcissist but I don’t know if it even made it to the wall. I hesitated to say any thing because I don’t know any of them and they might just think I am a nutcase. I thought maybe it would give someone a bit of peace of mind or answers. I don’t know. I felt I had been invited, even if by accident; for a reason. Because I have been there myself I could recognize right away she must be a narcissist.

I knew when I left my ex and was suicidal that he would milk everyone for sympathy if I killed myself and I would only give credence to his claims I was mentally unstable. When I messaged him I had taken a bunch of pills, he never call 911, my mother or brother, he had no idea if I had been successful or not. The next day a mutual friend got a call from him wanting to meet for coffee, then the friend got a feeling he should check on me and messaged my ex to meet him at my place instead. My ex never said a word about me messaging him that I had taken an overdose. I am sure he was waiting to hear from our friend that he had found me dead and was ready to cry real tears and be so remorseful and blame himself, expecting our friend to console him. I am SO glad my attempt didn’t work, but it took years to get here.

If you are feeling hopeless and thinking about suicide, first, GET HELP!!

THEN, remember, if you kill yourself you will only give him what he wants, he/she will have exactly what they want.

Once they are done with you and they deem you worthless, there is only one thing still of value to them, your pain, suffering and eventual death because of them; feeds their sick deprived need for attention. Imagine the act they would put on after you kill yourself! They will play it for all they can get and tell all the lies they want.

I think about what he must have dealt with from her that made him feel that worthless and hopeless and now his kids are without a father, she is getting all the attention and playing it and benefiting from his suffering. I wonder, had I known him before his death would I have been able to make him see the truth?

How many victims do we never hear about because they killed themselves?

15 thoughts on “There Is Such A Thing As Murder By Suicide

  1. Nina

    Absolutely true
    The man who was my partner was the same
    He would expend his energy on wailing that he would get nothing if i died, why wasn’t he on my will !! I cannot recall anymore all the self pity screaming he used to do and still does
    These people are just plain evil
    I totally understand the feelings of worthlessness and even to the point of self anihilation
    The good people around you may see the cruelty of such people but you are already so traumatised by their behaviour that all you can do is blame yourself
    Thank you for the post
    Hadn’t heard from you for a while but a timely reminder to me to be extra careful as I’m still dealing with the cruel I would say narcissistic male I sadly have to deal with
    Please be aware and strong and keep safe
    Nina

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Nina, my ex used to casually mention I was the beneficiary of his life insurance. Haha I never saw a life insurance policy and never saw payments made to a life insurance company. I was smart enough to not name him as beneficiary on any insurance, I knew it would be the literal death of me.
      Yet I stayed. I shake my head now, how could I stay with a man I knew would kill me, was trying to kill me, by tampering with my vehicle etc.
      They don’t even try to be discreet about it.
      So many times I have looked back and can’t believe I stayed, but I know you are right, a person is so traumatized they can’t believe anyone can be that cruel so they blame themselves.
      Please go no contact with this man. It is the only way to truly heal.
      Hugs
      Carrie

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  2. nina stahl

    I’ve commented but would also like to email a thank you to you Thank you for writing this, thank you forgetting it out and in such a respectful and pertinent way Nina

    On Thursday, August 6, 2020, Ladywithatruck’s Blog wrote:

    > Carrie Reimer posted: ” I started the blog in hopes that, by sharing my > experiences with a narcissist I would help other women dealing with the > same confusion and pain. Occasionally a man would come in and be angry > because I was talking about narcissists as if all narcissists ” >

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    1. Vernon Thompson

      I lived this nightmare for 3 years and was only a few months, if not weeks from suicide as well. What horrible people these men and women are! I’m glad I saved my life by leaving the woman I loved so dearly. She had a plan, and it’s just as you stated. I’ll never be the same, but I am alive. Thanks for your writings.

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      1. Carrie Reimer Post author

        Vernon, so glad you found the strength to save yourself. I think men have a tougher time in many ways because people don’t believe a man can be abused. A man is supposed to be tough and “strong” but people don’t realize the strength it takes to survive abuse because it’s mental and emotional, not just physical.
        In fact the most damaging abuse, that leaves the biggest scars, is the mental and emotional abuse. Physical bruises heal, financial abuse can be often be recovered from but it’s the unseen abuse that can leave lifetime scars.
        A person is never the same after being with a narcissist, but they can be better, more self aware, more appreciative of the small gifts in life.
        Don’t give up on finding love, you obviously have alot to give.
        Hugs Carrie ❤️

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  3. Geri Beri

    Everything you describe is absolutely on point, the destruction caused is unbelievable, it would be good if young people were taught about relationships both good and bad types and how to recognise narcissistic traits , I was mature when I encountered one , I sent 5 years with him , he tried and almost succeeded to destroy me emotionally physically and my reputation , I was lucky I live in a small locality and was well known and respected so that didn’t work, my adult children were and are a great support also, I’ve survived and I’m well and happy but still in disbelief at how I was hoodwinked

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Geri, I agree this should be taught in school. I was in my 40’s, totally self sufficient, confident, and never been in an abusive relationship before when I met my ex. I often thought, “how would a younger inexperienced, less confident woman survive this?”
      I knew I was capable of surviving on my own but he was able to reduce me to a weeping pile of rubble on the floor.
      So glad to hear you have escaped and are doing well.
      Hugs
      Carrie ❤️

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  4. Tom Campbell

    Thank you so much for this. Yes, I can definitely see it as possible, in lots of cases. I was thinking a couple days after I read this the first time, “hey- it’s like my book, ‘Sorry but I Love You’- a narcissist threw me to the curb, and I was devastated. Was crying for months- “and I’m a guy” (yeah, yeah, but I was). Sorry to self-promote but the book deals with a narcissist ex (names changed)! Anyway, now I can spot possible narcissists a lot quicker, instead of being blind-sided Keep the articles coming!! Tommy Bell/Tom Campbell

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  5. Andrea Zehnder

    Yes, it gets easier to spot them after time. Carrie, a long while back I paid a membership fee to see extra content on your blog that would not be found elsewhere. Do you know how I access that or where I find this?

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    1. Andrea

      also, can you remove my above comment as it uses my full name? How do we reach you? What is your email address or do you have a contact page? Thanks

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  6. Andi

    Yes, it gets easier to spot them after time. Carrie, a long while back I paid a membership fee to see extra content on your blog that would not be found elsewhere. Do you know how I access that or where I find this? Also, What is your email address or do you have a contact page? Thanks

    Like

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