Learning To Live A Life Worth Living

I have said it before, to you, to the doctors and nurses, to my friends and family; quality of life is far more important to me than quantity of life.

Once again, I had the opportunity to ponder this belief, as I lay on the floor of my living room, with the 911 operator telling me help was on the way and I was telling him I didn’t think I was going to live much longer.

You see, ever since I got the vaccine I have not felt well and exactly two weeks after getting the Pfizer vaccine, I collapsed, breaking my ankle in the process. My implanted defibrillator jump started my heart, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breath, I was barely able to crawl to my phone and call 911.

It turns out the Pfizer vaccine has been causing heart failure in mostly young men. In my mind, if it causes heart inflammation and failure in young men; what does it do to the heart of middle aged woman who already has heart failure? I was feeling great, I get the vaccine; against my better judgement, and almost immediately felt like crap and like my heart was failing again.

The only thing I could think of while laying on my floor was telling my son I love him and then to call my dog to my side, so the EMT could get in and to keep her calm. I wasn’t afraid of dying at all, I could die tomorrow with no regrets. What scares me, is not having any quality of life.

What really pisses me off is; a few years ago I was at the lowest point in my life. I can’t imagine getting much lower, sick with heart failure and given no more than 6 months to live, living in my car, struggling to survive on $600/month welfare, my ex stalking me and trying to get me evicted, arrested and fired.

I had over come all of it!!

My life was going great. No big ups, but no big downs, I love my trailer. I was making enough money to do the things I wanted, maintain my car and home, never worried about where I was going to get groceries. I was able to buy gifts for loved ones, and give to those in need. I had my dream job and got accolades daily at work. I had free reign over all the garden design of a 55 acres golf course, and had completed all the design and planting, and was doing the final finishing touches just as the 2021 season begins.

I have committed to having my grand daughter come to stay with me in less than 2 weeks. I have a standard transmission on my car, I live in a rather remote area. I was planning on having money to entertain her with. Hell, I was going to have enough money to skirt my trailer before winter, I need a new phone. I had spent money I haven’t made yet.

What really pisses me off is having my whole life ripped out from under me again and being totally helpless to do a damn thing about it, and my gut had been screaming at me to not get the fucking vaccine!

So, what does this have to do with a narcissist and living my best life? When you are looking at the end of your life and have very precious limited time on this earth, you don’t want to waste the time you have on things that don’t really matter.

Near death puts things into perspective. I regret all the hours, days, weeks and years I wasted trying to be what some man wanted. How many tears have I wasted on men who didn’t give a shit?

I wasted years after I left the narcissist just obsessing about what he was doing and with who. Years being angry.

It has taken me literally years to put my life back together. I have worked SO hard on myself, on being the best version of me that I can be.

This triggers me back 10 years to when my ex was promising to fix my work truck (that he had broken to begin with) and he played this sadistic power game of promising to fix it over and over again, only to not do it. Or when I would get up for work and he would have done something to my truck and this feeling of defeat would envelop me. I had to turn my feelings off completely in order to not have a complete break down. I feel that now. I have to surrender, throw up my hands and give up the battle, or have a complete break down.

I get pissed off at women who are so wrapped up in their relationship with a narcissist that they are wasting their lives. I want to grab them and shake them; scream at them, “Time is so precious! Wake up and appreciate all that you have, before it’s gone!”

I know a 24 yr old single mom who recently left a narcissist, she is already dating a sweetheart of a guy. But she’s going to lose him, because he IS healthy and has no desire to fix anyone. He is encouraging her to pursuit her education, better herself, be independent, and expects nothing from her. And she expects nothing from herself. She relies on him to make her feel good about herself. She isn’t ready to grow up and do what needs to be done to grow as a person and protect herself, better herself and have a healthy relationship.

She is relying on the sweetheart of a guy to play the daddy role already, and he has kids of his own. She is more focussed on getting her ego boosted with seductive photos and duck-faced selfies, instead of self reflection and getting to know herself and being the best version of herself.

Plus she is trying to make her ex feel bad, jealous, or realize he made a mistake. What she doesn’t realize is, he does.not.care, and her plastering that her new boyfriend is “daddy” is only making her look bad and proving what he claims; she is being a vindictive bitch alienating his daughter from him. She is making his court case for him.

Like it or not, it’s time to put her big girl panties on and face reality. She is in control of her destiny, no one else, and she is in danger of repeating history.

Maybe 24 is simply to young to “get” it. Maybe she has to repeat history a few more times before the light goes on. It’s sad.

5 thoughts on “Learning To Live A Life Worth Living

  1. ForgeOn!

    Wow, Precious Carrie! What a powerful post!

    I am so angry you were coerced to get the ‘injection’ & had such an adverse reaction. Happens far more often than most people realize.

    That you survived speaks volumes to your tenacity & desire to ‘make up for wasted time’. Just wish the young lady of which you speak would be willing to learn from your hard experiences. Truth is, she likely won’t……And most others like her don’t want to hear it, either.

    So, so sad……

    Love to you……

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  2. Bluegal62

    Omg, Carrie, this breaks my heart so much. Im praying for you girl. You and your blog, and many many survivors understand BOTH fronts you’re speaking of in this post today. The day the pandemic was announced, I smelled a rat! I did not see any Walking Dead zombies walking around and dead bodies on every corner. It didnt make sense to me. I gave them the 2 weeks they claimed to flatten the curve. When I saw they kept moving the goal post, so did I. It smelled of control to me, so I took my own control, I started going back to regular living as if nothing occurred. I drove where I wanted to drive and took public transportation, I shopped and went out. My thinking was we have an immune system, and if I got sick, I’d fight with the natural remedies I always fought illness with. Just a disclaimer; in November 2018, I got really sick with ‘a flu like virus while taking a biologic medicine’ I was really sick to the point I felt as though I was dying. I refused, so I soaked in a hot tub of hydrogen peroxide and took Colloidal Silver every 2 hours. It took a week and then I was back to normal. Fast forward to the end of 2019, this ‘pandemic’ occurs. Yeah, I smelled a rat! Always listen carefully to buzz words: contagious does not mean deadly, a cold is contagious. Listen to words like variant, variant does not mean mutation because they and science knows variants are weaker strains of the same thing and mutations gain strength but take many many hundreds of thousands of years to mutate. Viruses are living organisms just like human beings, and we havent mutated yet, so neither will a virus in a few months. Your immune system knows what to do, and keeping a healthy lifestyle helps you fight better than any jab will. And considering all the fluent information coming out about this virus and the jabs, it appears more daily that the whole thing was planned and orchestrated. I refuse to take it and I will not take it. The one thing I learned from old school people, never vaccinate for a disease that has a treatment, NEVER!

    Godspeed to you Lady, you and your blog are a blessing to all survivors, and we need your constant words of wisdom. My prayers of strength and healing are with you ❤🙏🏽❤

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Bluegal, I went against my own advice. I regret it now, but what’s done is done. I always preach to follow your gut. I know that the only decisions I regret are those that I made when I didn’t follow my gut. When I let someone pressure me into doing something.
      It was my nurse practitioner saying I needed to get the vaccine that finally made me do it. She is the only one I trust with my health because she saved my life. But no one knows your body better than you do.
      So many people blindly believe anything a doctor or the government tells them.
      I tend to, like you; to look at the facts and make my own intelligent assessment and decisions.
      I was really sick with a flu a couple of years prior to Covid and thought I would die. I road it out and from that point on I took steps to protect myself from anyone who was sick, right down to wearing a mask and rubber gloves when I took care of my grand daughter and she had a head cold. When Covid hit, my lifestyle didn’t change much because I was already taking precautions.
      I think more side effects will surface as time goes on. No one knows the long term effects, how can they?
      I am old and have a pre-existing heart condition, but it’s really scary when young healthy people are developing heart problems so severe they have to be hospitalized for 6 days. I love how they say “most” had a full recovery. “most” were given heart medication. Are they still having to take heart meds!? Why aren’t the parents raising hell? Why are they still advising to vaccinate young people? I think it’s total bullshit!

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      1. bluegal62

        Carrie Reimer said, “I was really sick with a flu a couple of years prior to Covid and thought I would die. ”
        When I read that, my mind was BLOWN! In November 2018, I came down with a ‘flu’ so bad I thought same as you, I would die. And I was taking a biologic for RA at the time. I called my doctor and she told me to continue taking my injections. I had a fever, chills, body aches, vomiting, and headaches worse than you could imagine. I have asthma but I didnt have breathing problems at the time, but I continued to pump up just in case. I use my own natural remedies to help myself such as Colloidal Silver, hydrogen peroxide baths, tons of vitamin C, staying hydrated and forcing myself to eat something even if I didnt want to, even if it was just a few sips of soup and a bite of a cracker. I felt better in about a week and then I was fine. fast forward over a year later, this virus comes out. I smelled a rat! Everything they claimed the virus did, I had the previous year, so I knew I had antibodies. I didnt change my lifestyle much, except I gave them the 2 weeks they said they needed to so-call flatten this curve. After that, I went out, business as usual, riding mass transportation. I figured if I was to get it, I’d fight it. No jabs for me, never!

        I follow a few sites that publish side affects reported by actual victims through video world wide. They are too numerous to mention, but word is spreading, this did not happen organically, and the cure for it grew out of the need to create a mass vaccination campaign world wide. When you have the person who helped create gain of function, who also helped create the cure, I would highly suggest to anyone, be suspicious. Godspeed to you Carrie, I will keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted to how you’re doing and feeling.

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