I always advise waiting at least a year, or more, before even thinking about dating again, and the victim of narc abuse should take time to heal before they jump back into the dating pool.
The saying, “The best way to get over a guy, is to get under another guy” may work with some relationships but a break up with a narc is a totally different ball game.
If you don’t take the time to heal, you end up carrying a bunch of baggage into the next relationship. Packing alot of painful baggage, which includes; low self esteem, suspicion, paranoia, defensiveness, sensitivity, and anger, is a guarantee you will either:
A. Scare away a decent guy
B. Attract another narcissist
This Mathew Hussey video explains it in a way that makes sense.
You think you are just “being honest”, “protecting yourself”, being proactive, and taking control of your life and happiness. When in actual fact, advertising you have been hurt in the past is not going to make an asshole think, “Oh gee, this girls been hurt in the past, I better not date her because I don’t want to hurt her” , she’s been hurt too much already.”
Narcissists get off deception, hooking the victim, destroying their victim and discarding her.
A good guy doesn’t want to pay for the sins of the last half dozen guys who hurt you. He doesn’t want to deal with your fears, suspicions, jealousy, and anger. And why should he have to tolerate your baggage and insecurities. No one likes drama, narcissists thrive on it, you have gotten so accustomed to drama in your life, until you are healed, you will create drama just because it’s been part of your life for so long and you have come to expect it. The narcissist was so deceptive, a pathological liar, cheater, and manipulative; you didn’t know what to trust. So the next guy acts totally normal and is being honest, yet ends up defending himself, jumping through hoops and dealing with drama trying to prove he is not like your ex. Hardly fair, right?
Watch this video before heading back into the world of dating.