Gabby Petito-We All Know Her Story

I have been having a whole whack of mixed emotions since first hearing Gabby was missing. I try to not be a pessimist, I try to not automatically assume the worst but the first thought that always comes to mind when a woman is missing is; where is her boyfriend/husband/ex?

It is tragic that 9.5 out of 10 times, I am right; it is her significant other or ex.

When I saw the video of the police talking to Gabby and Brian Laundrie, I immediately flashed back to similar situations with my ex. Like me, Gabby was crying, emotional, almost incoherent when asked to explain what was going on. And Brian, like my ex, was calm, cool, unemotional, concerned, apologetic, subtly blaming Gabby for causing the problems. “We were having a good morning but she gets OCD, my feet were dirty, she was cleaning and working on her little blog.” “I was trying to remove myself until she calmed down. I shouldn’t have pushed her, but I just wanted some space.” Aaww poor Brian, the victim of her erratic emotions.

The victim is a good person who self reflects, doesn’t want to get anyone into trouble and she always believes things will get better.

I can imagine how things had gone that morning because the narcissist always gives subtle clues.

Gabby wanted to work on the travel blog but Brian resented her not giving him her whole attention. She mentions to the police that he doesn’t think she is capable of doing it and he tells the police she was working on her “little blog”.

I imagine he had a good rant devaluing her blog and her efforts.

She probably had cleaned the van that morning, perhaps because he had bitched because it was a mess. Then he walked in with dirty feet and she mentioned that she had just cleaned. I remember being on my hands and knees washing the floor when my ex walked right through the house with his muddy boots on. When I asked him to please take his shoes off because I was washing the floors, he went into a tirade about something totally unrelated that I had done. I ended up in tears and apologizing to him.

He locks her out of the van. I had to walk home several times because my ex locked me out of the vehicle and drove off, (with my purse and phone in the vehicle). Now, consider being in a strange town, alone, crying, and having your significant other lock you out of your van and threaten to leave you.

And Laundrie mentioned too the police that he was afraid she would abandon him and take the van.

My ex used to take my phone so I couldn’t phone anyone. He had her phone and in the process of trying to get her phone, her life line, back, she accidentally scratched his face.

What was she supposed to do? where could she go? In a town where she didn’t know anyone, and is reliant on him for everything. She had quit her job, and was being belittled about her efforts with the blog.

The video I saw I am sure I heard the cop say, “I’ll let you get back to your call with your parents”. What did she tell her parents? She must have been crying. Were they not worried? Or was it like when I called my mother in tears and she said, “It doesn’t sound like things are going very well right now. I can’t handle it. Maybe call back when things get better. Call collect if you have to.” *click*

I would like to know about both their lives prior to meeting each other. Most victims of a narcissist had plenty of training in the art of giving and putting themselves behind the needs of others.

And narcissists, by the time they hit their 20’s have caused some sort of chaos in their lives, they are seldom model children and teens and were in trouble at school or with the law at some point. Their parents may have done double time covering the narcissists tracks, doing damage control or believing his lies.

You can’t convince me the Laundries didn’t help Laundrie escape. I think they have led the police on a wild goose chase and Laundrie isn’t anywhere near that nature reserve. What lie did he tell them? My friend asked me last night if I would help my son get away or turn him in. I love my son more than life itself but I would want him to be honest and I wouldn’t want him to spend his life as a fugitive.

Terribly sad, because Gabby would be alive now if the police had recognized the tell tale signs of narcissistic abuse.

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4 thoughts on “Gabby Petito-We All Know Her Story

  1. Tom Campbell

    Interesting. I never thought of any of this, but it makes sense. I guess I figured a narcissist “becomes” one in later years- 30s or 40s, and the media has told us so little about what Gabby was like, or Brian Laundrie. He looked very introspective and quiet, kind of like a friend of mine who’s about the polar opposite of a narcissist. But why leave her way out west? Why take her van back and not her? And talking about her OCD was odd. Why flee? (Yes, I know.) As a gay male, I remember the belittling and blaming, guilt-throwing from one relationship, lasting five years. I even wrote about that, giving it to two characters in my first book. I still do hope they find Brian, and he is OK. Sounds bad, but I thought he might end up a suicide- but narcissists don’t do that much, it seems.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Initially I thought they would find him dead from suicide but as time as gone on, and knowing his parents helped him escape, I believe he is just hiding somewhere.
      I think eventually they will find him and he will have some wild story about what happened. A narcissist doesn’t usually commit suicide because they feel they are too “special” to die and too smart to get caught.

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  2. Ellebelle2015

    Carrie, I translated this through Google translate. I wanted to share this with you.Hope you receive this. Greetings, Elisabeth TekstvertalingNEDERLANDS GEDETECTEERDswap_horizENGELSBrontekstclearvolume_up4093 / 5000Vertaalresultatenquicksand Narcissists and psychopaths blow the foundations of human intercourse (how we interact with each other). It is precisely this dynamic that makes it so difficult for many people to understand this form of abuse.

    As a person you want certainty, everyone wants that. "I greet the other, the other greets back," and if the other doesn’t greet back properly, you lose your balance. You check the reasons why the other person might not be able to say hello back, and one of those reasons is “Did I do something wrong?” If so, you can fix it. Then the other person will say hello and everything will be normal again.

    You cannot live as a human being if things that are normally taken for granted suddenly become unsettled. You do everything; work, maybe raising children, housework, hobbies, and if that were to be added to the fact that you can expect the opposite of what is normal with every interaction with that other person, well… that will be debilitating.

    And it’s also grueling, dealing with narcissistic or psychopathic people. But why do so many people try it for so long? Because of that crippling dynamic, which means that you will always look at yourself first, because you try to get a grip on the situation. After all, a narcissist or psychopath does not hold up a sign on a first meeting with "I have (traits of) a disorder so everything goes differently with me than you would expect".

    The flow of "it’s stuck with me" is a nice flow somewhere, because it holds a promise. The promise that nothing is wrong, that things can turn out all right, that you can save the interaction again and thus return to the order of the day. And this is precisely why victims go to great lengths in trying to save the relationship. After all, the realization “something is fundamentally wrong here” knocks the bottom out of your existence. While it had actually already gone away, but you couldn’t see it.

    So you are standing on quicksand. It looks like you have a bottom underneath you, but that’s just the top layer. Underneath is a muddy substance that pulls you down every time.

    When you have been able to recognize the dynamics as destructive, when you have got solid ground under your feet again, then comes the phase of distancing. You now know where the cause is, so you should distance yourself as much as possible from the person in question. During this phase it becomes increasingly clear what happened to you; all the absurd interactions that you always saw as "coincidental" appear to relate to each other. There is a clear pattern. You see it before you as if you were watching the script of a bad movie, even if that movie wasn’t fiction but your life.

    Now comes the need for recognition. To support from others. And you are not prepared for the fact that, even though this is a fairly normal expectation, this too will often turn out to be abnormal. If you tell him how he hissed through his teeth, "Honey, clean up that mess first," your audience might say, "He said, honey? Didn’t he just ask?” Or if another victim describes a situation where his ex-wife said very calmly and composedly that she was worried about him because he was so confused, then his listener might say “But it’s okay if your wife cares about your well-being? What else do you want?"

    Remember that these people are standing on the same quicksand. They want everything to run within normal frameworks. There will be people who want to hear the unspeakable, who will gradually open up. Perhaps because their own repressed experiences are touched and they discover that they know it themselves. But there will also be many people who will take your stories as an attack. An attack on their idea of ​​peace and security. Then you will have to withdraw, because the last thing you can expect here is support.

    Each person is responsible for his own foundation, and if you do not have that basis enough, you can always seek help to help strengthen the foundation. So that you never sink into the quicksand again and get real ground under your feet. volume_upcontent_copysharestar_borderMeer over deze brontekstBrontekst vereist voor aanvullende vertaalinformatieFeedback sturenZijvenstersGeschiedenisOpgeslagenBijdragenOp 4 okt. 2021 22:29 schreef Ladywithatruck’s Blog <comment-reply@wordpress.com>:

    Carrie Reimer posted: " I have been having a whole whack of mixed emotions since first hearing Gabby was missing. I try to not be a pessimist, I try to not automatically assume the worst but the first thought that always comes to mind when a woman is missing is; where is her b"

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Very good!! Exactly right. It’s human nature to want to be liked and it’s a proven fact, people will try harder to please people who reject them intermittently.
      The narcissist is an expert at dishing out just enough “love” at the exact time the victim has had their fill. When the narcissist realizes he’s pushed too far he will love bomb the victim back into the relationship and under his control.
      Every time the honeymoon stage is shorter and the abuse gets worse.
      The victim ends up accepting worse and worse abuse, thinking “he can’t hurt me any worse than he already has”. But he ramps up the abuse little by little. You would think the victim would get their fill and leave because they are sick of the abuse. But the opposite happens , they get accustomed to it. Always trying harder and thinking this time they know what will finally make the N happy, but it never is.
      It’s a vicious cycle, and often ends when someone dies.

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