30 Red Flags You Might Be Dating A Narcissist


How many red flags do you need in order to run away and save yourself?

1 red flagOne red flag? Ten red flags? How about an army of red flags?


100 red flags




Well, let me give you a few, 30 to be exact; dead give-aways you are dating a Narcissist.  By themselves they don’t scream “Run for cover” , especially if you have no experience with a narcissist, but if you have half a dozen of these red flags you need to run away as fast as you can and if you can’t bring yourself to dump him because you think he is an exception to the rule and you don’t believe me; at least slow things down. Time will tell, his mask will drop, that is why he is pushing for commitment, he wants to hook you before you see the real person under the facade. If he is what he says he is, it will show over time and he won’t mind waiting. True love does not fade the longer you date, it grows stronger. Do not move in because you don’t want to lose him, if he is as sweet as he pretends to be waiting will not be a problem.

* disclaimer: Once again I refer to the narcissist as “he” but these red flags hold true for women also.

So here they are……. 30 Red Flags You Are Dating a Narcissist

1.red flag The biggest number one without fail sign of a narcissist is how they sweep you off your feet at the beginning of the relationship. They fall in love very quickly, they have never loved anyone like they love you, and you are perfect in their eyes. They have so many of the same interests, love everything you love, wine and dine you, they can’t get enough of you, more than likely it is the most romantic relationship you have ever had.

red flag2. He seems too good to be true. A narcissist is a con artist and when he finds his “target” he morphs into his “Good Self” and becomes the epitome of the perfect lover/partner.

red flag3. He wants to know everything about you, is very interested in learning about your childhood, your hopes and dreams, your past relationships. He will reveal a few of his indiscretions and weaknesses so you feel safe being open and honest with him. He wants to get to know you alright, just not for the reason you think. He is arming his arsenal with ammo for later down the road to use against you. By sharing some of his faults he makes you think he is honest, why would he lie about something insignificant when he was so honest about that?

red flag4.  They are seldom alone for long, and will still be in a relationship or just leaving one, they will say the relationship was over long ago but their ex won’t let go, they feel responsible for them etc. My ex said that when he left one of his ex’s she shouldn’t have been surprised because they hadn’t slept together for months prior. I thought yeah, who wouldn’t know the relationship was over if you aren’t sleeping together. (That is until he stopped sleeping with me a year or 2 into the relationship and kept telling me he loved me and I was being overly sensitive and paranoid)

red flag5. Appears to make friends easily, but doesn’t have any long time friends.

red flag6. “Shows you off” to everyone he knows. Taking you to mutual friends of his ex’s, (if possible he will use you are a pawn to hurt his ex.) Quickly takes you to meet the family. Plasters pictures of the two of you all over his Facebook (he knows his ex will be checking his FB and he wants twist the knife in her heart). It is one thing if a guy introduces you to his friends but it is another thing if he purposely shows you off in ways that it will get back to his ex. A decent person does not purposely hurt their ex and if he expects you to participate in vengeful acts against his ex it is a dead give-away that someday you will find yourself in the same boat.

red flag7. Very forceful sexually and wants sex within the first date or two, barely taking no for an answer. I remember our 3rd date and I walked through the door at his place and he immediately tried to get me into bed, I almost walked out but I didn’t listen to my “gut” and stayed and we did make love. In the beginning he was highly sexual, wanting sex often, 2-3 times a day everyday.

red flag8. They are either between jobs or just started a new job and quite possibly new to town. They tend to move around a lot, that way they don’t have to worry about their past biting them in the ass.

red flag9. They have nothing, except excuses why they have nothing (it is always someone else’s fault, i.e.: they left it all with the ex, the ex took it all, or some other hard luck story.

red flag10. Their ex’s are all paranoid, psycho bitches who falsely accused them of cheating, called him cheap, didn’t appreciate all he did for them and even were physically abusive to them. If he has an ex who is calling and distraught over their breakup and he tells you she has fatal attraction, he is trying to get rid of her and you witness him not answering his phone, not returning texts, and he says he is afraid of what she will do, that she is spreading lies about him and stalking him and he is afraid she will tell you lies about him; do NOT assume she is a psycho and sorry she lost him. If all his ex’s are psycho bitches think about this, ” He is attracted to psycho bitches or he turns women into psycho bitches, either way HE has a problem.”

red flag11. In his past relationships, at work, even with his family he is always doing all the work, the only one putting in an effort, he is holding the company together or the relationship.

red flag12. Changes jobs many times, gets bored easily, accused of stealing, someone at work is jealous of him and lying about him. It. Is. Always. Someone. else’s. fault. Always!

red flag13. Past accomplishments or experiences that are just a little too far-fetched or too good to be true. To read his resume or hear about his life it all sounds just a little (or a lot) far-fetched. He is larger than life, done so much.

red flag14. If you discuss past relationships and he is asked about fidelity he will tearfully admit to having ONE indiscretion, and it was only because his ex was so jealous and was always “falsely” accusing him anyway and he did it and then felt so bad. (Leaving you to believe he will be faithful with YOU as long as you don’t falsely accuse him) Whatever went wrong was not his fault, he was the victim, misunderstood. He might even tearfully admit to hitting his ex, but once again it will be tearfully and he was driven to it by her psychotic rages.

red flag15. He is so good-natured you can’t imagine him getting angry about anything and he will tell you how much he hates conflict. (Of course his ex was always causing conflict, she bitched at him incessantly about small stuff and brought up things from the past and that is what drove him away, he is planting the seed; he might as well come right out and say; don’t confront me on anything I do because I hate conflict and I will leave you or hit you and some day down the road he will accuse you of being “just like the rest of them”)

red flag16. More than likely he appears almost naive and helpless, and makes you feel like you want to take care of him.

red flag17. I felt that he loved me more than I loved him, I almost felt at an unfair advantage.

red flag18. He insisted he wanted to “take care” of me; I made a conscious effort to let my guard down, not be so independent and let him do things for me. It is a HUGE boost to his ego to take an independent self-sufficient woman and make her dependent on him. DO NOT give up your independence, it starts slowly, he will sabotage your vehicle, get you fired, ask you to quit work or go into business with him. Once you lose your job you are dependent on him and it is so much harder to get away.

red flag19. Very early in the relationship he talks in “we” terms, saying things like are “we” going to take the car or the truck (not your car or mine), or let’s go back to “our” place, subtle little things that make you a “couple”. He talks about the future with you in it, in subtle ways, he might even propose early, but whether or not he proposes he makes it clear that he wants you in his life in the future and is not afraid of commitment.

red flag20. Very early he will do things for you that secure his position in your life, fixing your car, buying memory for your computer, giving you something expensive of his to keep for him, somehow making you indebted to him or get you pregnant, ensuring that you can’t just walk away.

red flag21. They will often let a little tid bit of truth slip out but you may miss it if you are not aware. Almost like he is giving you a warning. He was a very attentive lover but told me in past relationships he hadn’t worried about the woman and just basically climbed on top and worried about his own satisfaction. (that is the way it became after time with us also, and he only was attentive to my needs if he was trying to win me back)His ex’s thought he was unfaithful but he was always faithful, his ex’s said he was moody but he seems so easy-going, His ex’s called him cheap but he seems so generous.

red flag22. Early in the relationship he will ask you to do a “favor” for him or run an errand, maybe even pick up his paycheck for him, something that puts you in the position of his partner or significant other and it makes you feel special that he would ask you. (BIG HOOK, he is testing you)

red flag23. Insists on sleeping snuggled up all night and points it out to you, how he has never been able to sleep wrapped up with someone like that before. In his past relationships they would roll over and go to sleep but with you it is different. He will point out that how people sleep is an indication of how “connected” they are. (He is setting you up for when down the road he punishes you by refusing to come to bed or sleeps on the other side of the bed not touching you all night)

red flag24. He will borrow a small sum of money and pay you right back (proving you can trust him so when he goes for the BIG bucks you won’t doubt that he’ll pay you back) Usually they are in financial trouble of some kind, all he needs is a little help to get back on his feet. It is always someone else’s fault he is broke, he is always on the verge of a windfall.

red flag25. Tests your reaction to situations. ie: We met at the end of November so were entering a very social time of year. Our staff parties were on the same night and we agreed to go to my dinner and then his for the dancing and partying, but we never made it to my party. In fact the weather had turned really bad, a snow storm, and he said he didn’t want to drive in it so I called and told work I wouldn’t be able to make it. Shortly after I made the call he wanted to drive to the store, but once we were on the road he drove directly to his staff party making it sound like he was surprised the roads weren’t as bad as he thought and we might as well drop by his staff party seeing as we were out anyway. (I was not impressed; I was in jeans because I hadn’t gotten my party clothes on or any makeup, because I wasn’t supposed to be going to a party! He on the other hand was freshly showered, always wore jeans anyway and had a nice shirt on) I told him I didn’t want to go, I wasn’t dressed for it and he just said I was beautiful as I was and that we wouldn’t stay long he just wanted to say hi to a few buddies. We ended up staying most of the night and I felt uncomfortable because I was under dressed and he was the life of the party.

red flag26. His description of relationships with family or friends don’t fit what you experience. For example he would say he was really close friends with someone but when I met them they seemed to barely know him. Then we went to his family for New Years Eve, (he had told me he was adopted and had just met his biological family a few years earlier and moved from Sask. To BC to be with them) he had told me how great they were, welcoming, warm and fun-loving people and how much they all loved him. But we got there and I immediately felt an undercurrent, an elephant in the room that no one was really talking about but every one was walking around. There seemed to be distrust of my ex, animosity that I couldn’t put my finger on; later he told me that his mother had thought I was too clingy and had been jealous. He told me that he used to visit the family every weekend and call his mom several times a day and since meeting me he had stopped and it bothered his mom, but she would get over it. His one full blood sister got drunk and started telling me that my ex was a real asshole. I didn’t want to hear it, I have never taken what someone says to heart when they are drinking, but I suppose I should have listened.

red flag27. You catch him in lies but he says you “misunderstood” what he said example: During our first few dates he had told me he had a house in Sechelt full of furniture and that is why he had no furniture in his apartment in Ladner. Our first conversation was over the phone and he had told me he was looking at the ocean as we spoke, making it sound like he was in his house. So when we went for New Years I was surprised we were staying at his mother’s house. When I said I thought you told me you owed a house in Sechelt he told me that I had misunderstood, that he HAD a rent to own agreement on a house but when he moved to Ladner he gave it up and his furniture was stored in his step-dad’s shop. I found out the truth much later; he had rented a house in Sechelt with a couple of other guys and got evicted because he didn’t pay the rent, and he had no furniture. He had gotten heavily into Coke, been stealing from the family, was involved with a local married woman who was the town slut and every one in town was talking about it, he was in trouble with the police for excessive noise and racing in town and got his sister into drugs, got fired from the job his step-dad had gotten him and been kicked out of mother and step-dad’s house. He had gone to the mainland to a drug rehab and was just starting to rebuild the family relationship. I never would have gone if I would have known all the sordid details, no wonder I felt uncomfortable! I never did see any furniture and later he said it got stolen or something feeble like that.

red flag28. Very early in the relationship he calls you by a pet name, Babe or Baby seems to be a popular choice. My ex called me Babe on our second date and I thought it sounded cheesy, but it didn’t take long and I loved being called Babe, he said it with a softness to his voice, it gave me butterflies. This has a dual purpose for him, one he doesn’t have to remember your name or worry about calling you by the wrong name and two, later in the relationship he will stop calling you Babe and it will cut like a knife and plant insecurity in your heart.

red flag29. If you find yourself thinking, “He has so much potential. All he needs is a good woman to believe in him.” RUN!!!!

red flag30. He will say he loves you early in the relationship, he has never met a woman like you, you are different from any woman he has ever known, you are special, he can be himself with you, he thought he was in love before but now he knows what real love feels like. You are soul mates, the ying to his yang. You feel he is your soul mate, you have never felt this kind of connection with someone, no one has ever loved you so completely just the way you are, unconditionally and you are determined to show him how much you love and appreciate him. You cannot believe your good fortune to have met this wonderful man.

Hindsight is always 20/20 and he was being so sweet and I really honestly trusted him implicitly, he had been “honest” about some pretty unflattering things about himself, why would he be honest about that and lie about some other things? So I accepted that I had misunderstood what he had said, or accepted his feeble explanations for discrepancies in his story.



217 Replies to “30 Red Flags You Might Be Dating A Narcissist”

  1. Narcs have physical characteristics as well. If you look closely they look at everyone one else in the room to know how to respond. They also have full on conversations with themselves. My ex moved his mouth, face, and body, to practice possible out comes. You do that for a job interview. Not for ordinary conversations with people. One other thing is their stare. Their eyes are always piercing and flat. Void of genuine emotion.


    1. A lot of these characteristics apply to my ex love, who ended up leaving me for a gal who pursued him at work. He married her, and though I was heartbroken, I’ve come to realize she is the loser, not me. Especially about the sex part! She’s educated and in upper management, while he has only a GED after quitting school at age 17. He’s not the super-hot 35 year old I met, who ran, mountain biked and lifted weights. he’s a paunchy 62 year old now who only rides a motorcycle. Their marriage has endured for 20’years, to my surprise, so her career and pride (she’s Asian) must keep her married to him because he’s no prize now.


  2. I just read this blog because I suspected I was saying and living with a narcs.About 10 of these things were true.I could feel it I just felt so tired drained of energy from my narc.He would disappear and disappoint me regularly. It was hard to get him out my apartment till I had to call the police to have him removed. Now he’s homeless in a shelter and he blames me. I told if he hadnt raised his fist to me I wouldn’t have called the police. Now it’s been a week of no contact and I feel sad but I also feel relieved. I thank God I only spent 7months with this person. I would tell anyone dealing with a narc have minimum contact with them.Don’t move in with them,do everything slow .And don’t feel sorry for them they are users of people.


  3. Almost all the flags were there … I left after living together for two years and I raising his there children. All the lies and deception is horrendous. Moved from his wife directly to me not even told the kids. So many lies and horrible hidden secrets. I ended up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… still not completely well.
    Silent treatment, hoovers, and trying to get in contact again. He refuses to give me my belongings, refuses to acknowledge any of his faults.
    Now I found out while he has stepped up his hoovers and trying to get a crack in the door … he has a new woman!!! Seriously!!!
    So I found out about the several bankruptcies, all the crazy ex not so crazy…
    I’m still suffering and have to rebuild my life again.
    His business is now close to bankruptcy again and this time the IRA is on him … thanks to me! I had to come clean due to my bad financial situation for my new job and had to get him checked… WOW from now on If I ever meet someone new I will have them cleared before the first date. A huge red flag … all the designer clothes, on top of the line gadgets and the car…. 53 yrs and not a single cent in the bank. Three teenagers to pay for, massive tax debts with the company and… yet he could sit down in Mexico for a month with his new woman!!!!
    Horrible and still I’m hooked … I want more revenge but meditation and mindfulness will sort me out. The collectors are coming soon to get his house and his company again will fail!
    Revenge not necessary since he does all the bad things by him self.
    I’m out and soon free… thank GOD!
    Still miss the kids every day! Hope they will have a place to live when he’ll loose his house. So wish his new woman would know ..


  4. I just read this article and quite a bit of it applies to the guy I was dating. He’s very attractive, 6’3, with a nice physique. He shared private things with me soon after we met; things I thought were far too personal to share in the first 4-6 weeks. I remember how safe he made me feel and how much I trusted him, which is difficult for me. I felt such a connection because of all that he shared. He asked me very personal questions and I shared my private thoughts and some very personal experiences. I thought he truly wanted to get to know me. He called me babe or baby all the time. He did and said all the right things to get my attention and to bring me closer to him. He told me so much about his ex-wife and he told me she suffered from NPD-narcissistic personality disorder. All I can say now is he’s a narcissist too and he should never talk about his ex-wife. He is financially secure and he never tried to take advantage of me in that way. He’s 55 years old, retired, and lives a comfortable life. I’m 43 and in management in the medical field. I’m financially secure as well. I recall feeling like I wanted to save him so he could move beyond the way his ex treated him. I was so stupid and that was my first mistake. Once I put my guard down and I was walking around feeling good about him and feeling like he could be my partner in crime, my soulmate because we had such a connection and some commonalities that made us a good match, he flipped the script. He didn’t come forward and alert me he was flipping the script either. He gradually and then suddenly STOPPED. He stopped calling me babe or baby. He stopped taking me out. His level of contact diminished. He stopped being really affectionate. He stopped trying to get to know me. He stopped sharing things about his life. His conversation and even text messages were colorless. I was so hurt and disappointed. I’ve even been angry with myself for letting my guard down. I’ve been angry with him for presenting himself to be one way or to feel a certain way about me and then discard me like trash. From my perspective, feelings can be like the wind sometimes and people have a right to change their mind but it’s the manner that it’s done that makes me believe he misrepresented himself. Ive questioned whether he ever liked me or cared about me merely as a person. I’ve also wondered how could I be so sure and so wrong at the same time. Thankfully, for me, I called him one day and said all I needed to say and I ended the conversation by telling him not to ever talk about his ex-wife because he was lying about her or he was just like her. Our relationship lasted 7 months and I’m so grateful I left before continuing to invest in a useless relationship.


  5. My ex was all of these and more. He was to good to be true. He never loved me but, only himself. He’s now has a girlfriend that is an alcoholic, meth addict. He also is an addict. His new girlfriend calls him pee wee. Making fun of his size. He worked with this girl. She was in a relationship with his friend Scott. She’s now on probation and he is her boss. Poor thing trapped. She will see the real Kelly soon enough. He will do anything for her. Tell her he will take care of everything. No worries. 6 months until he shows his true colors. He tells people that I was the narcissist. Trying to make me look bad. Everyone around him is seeing his true colors. He has worked hard to make friends. You will always owe them.


    1. how awesome to hear women are sharing about this together on here! I ( as I’m sure others) just wish there were ex’s to literally warn us in the begining – before we fall too far in. Ive been dating someone for only 8 weeks and he’s already done 17 of the things on the list! I have a cousin that went through a divorce from being married to an N for 7 years and finally couldn’t take it anymore, even though they have small kids. He is now ( after yrs of divorce) still constantly playing games to get her upset and push buttons and then makes her look like crazy one. She just told me a few weeks ago that she’s watched him do the same things to a bunch of women after the divorce and has decided to now mail the newest GF a packet containing everything she should know right down to printed out text conversations about him and including him ,before this new gf comes into his and the KIDS life. My cousin said she doesn’t care what it makes her look like or what he does to her in court she says its for the kids sake and well a little for the poor woman he’s about to try and reel in again 😦 . I find it appropriate and if it makes sense and is all true what she sends them she is saving another woman from his destructive path. What a great idea. I kind of wish I was warned . I fell for my N hard this past month .


  6. It’s unfortunate we all share the same experience. However I am relieved to know I’m not crazy. I met a man well over 2 years ago, friends in the beginning, then dated, now have lived together 6 months. It is nothing short of hell on earth. This monster is a narcissit. I had no idea someone like this could even walk among us. I am so disgusted that I didn’t see this coming. But after reading and reading about Narcissistic Personality Disorder I’ve realized this is what I’m dealing with. The nice loving caring man that would do everything and anything for me is in reality a parasite on humanity. His own mother said he should live in a cave and not be among the rest of us.
    The lies. The level of deception. Everything is everyone else’s fault. He’s always the victim. If and when confronted or a discussion about something extremely minor arises he gets enraged and takes everything as criticism. Then goes into days leading to a week or more of complete silence. No communication whatsoever. I must always be the one to apologize for something I didn’t do or was unaware of. He blames everyone for his misery. My birthday was August 12, that’s the last day he spoke to me. I am attempting to take back my life. I am desperate and looking for an apartment. He is a monster.


  7. My n is the same. Ive been gone from him for over a year but we live in the same building so he waves his new woman in my face but only after he wanted to get back together and try again. I got sick and ended up in the hospital for a week and everyday he came for an hour telling me how much he loved me and to my surprise I caught the bus and he was on it fooling around with his new love. I knew nothing about this and when I got off the bus I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Had to find a bathroom and puked for what seemed like forever. It was just another ploy to hurt me again! How could I have been so dumb. He did the same to me that you all are talking about and what a liar omg! He took everything I owned and sold or pawned it as he went from job to job and like you all said he said I took everything from him. And im psycho like. That’s what he tells people. You know he never ever bought me a gift for anything in 7 yrs. That’s how long I was suckered in. Karma sucks though and I can’t wait to watch it.


    1. I am currently in a relationship with a man who I think is a Narc, we’ve been together for 5 months, he’s fixed my car, met my kids, taken us out and even comes to church with me and showers me with love and affection but lately he seems different. doesn’t wanna spend time with me, gets very moody and mean and when I pull away he comes back needing my love. He gets angry with me all the time, he is never wrong and I don’t know how to leave him. Im still so inlove with him. eish


  8. Many red flags on the guy im dating rn. Just a few weeks in but things are moving very quickly. We are having a long distance relationship and I cant tell if Im just being paranoid. He has a difficult past but shows alot of empathy to others and doesnt seem to have a big ego (apart from the vanity that he confessed to me pretty early)
    He is a close friend to an amazing friend of mine, and they have known eachother for long.
    Is there ANY way to test this N-thingy? Im meeting him tomorrow and Im thinking if there are any questions or something I could ask that would tell?
    Please help! And thank you for this amazing post.


    1. B-

      I fell for a N…..hard. Things progressed fast also. If this guy feels “too good to be true”, then take a step back and SLOW DOWN.

      There is no need to rush a relationship. Upon meeting this person, If there is anything that triggers your sixth sense, by all means, listen to that. I didn’t. There were “triggers” that something was not right with my N, but I didn’t listen. He showed a lot of empathy towards me and my family, wined and dined, traveled, loved everything about me, gave me elaborate gifts, etc. He then told me of his difficult past with his family and how they walked out on him (turns out he was the one who severed the ties) and his terrible divorce where his wife took him for everything and left him for broke and destitute, how he loaned a lot of money to his friend to start up a business only to not get any of it back, etc.

      I fell head over heals for him and thought he felt the same way.

      We got married, very quickly after my 1st divorce and then the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde came out. It was night and day. Out in public he was the happy go lucky guy that had it all, but at home, it was a different story. The mind games started, everything was my fault, I couldn’t do anything right (cleaning, doing things, etc).

      After three years of this, I did divorce him and ended up in counseling for a while.

      My best advice to you, if your HEAD, HEART, AND GUT are not in sync together, take a step back and put on the brakes and pray.

      I wish you the best…



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