Author Archives: Carrie Reimer

About Carrie Reimer

I think everyone at one time or another thinks, "If I only knew then what I know now." I share my life experiences in hopes a few less people have to look back and want a "do over". Through my Lady Witha Truck blog I have spent 9 years sharing my experiences while being in an abusive relationship with a man I consider to be a narcissist/psychopath and through my other blog, Reimer Reason I share lessons learned throughout the 60 years of my life. No experience is a waste as long as you learn from it and if I can save someone else from making the same mistakes I made, then it makes it all worth while. I am an expert on my life, not yours, my opinions are my own, not yours, and I enjoy open respectful communication on most topics. If I don't have an answer I will research it until I do. I have a sweetheart of a dog named Stella, a 7 year old Pitbull, Mastiff cross. I am artistic, enjoy bringing new life to antiques, gardening, refurbishing and repurposing other people's "garbage", reading, writing and being outside in nature. I have a 36 year old son who I am extremely proud of and a 9 yr old granddaughter I don't see near enough. I live on welfare disability after a lifetime of working full time because I have heart failure. I have gone from being a homeowner and landlord to being homeless and living in my car and now live in an old 30' RV trailer that I bought off of Bidding Wars cheap and fixed up. I believe life would be far less stressful, and drama filled if we all just lived honest to our core self and listened to our gut. I have found inner peace, something I didn't think truly existed. It isn't what most people think it is.

The Number One Way Society Sabotages Women

From the time women are little girls society teaches them that they need a man in order to be happy.

I was recently watching a Hallmark movie, which, as all women know; are sappy romance movies where the female heroine is searching for a man to love. In this movie the woman’s sister is playing match maker and is angry with her own boyfriend for not helping her, because her sister “deserves to find happiness”. Why does society feel a woman can’t be happy without a man, we don’t think a man needs a woman to be happy, in fact we subliminally send the message that men are somehow the losers in a relationship.

Women grow up preparing to “catch” a man and men grow up having all their fun, screwing random women, “sowing their wild oats” before they get “caught”. It’s basically a free for all for men until they get married to the ball and chain.

For generations we have fought for and won; equal rights for women to earn as much as a man for equal work, to do “man’s work”, and to be treated as equal human beings deserving of equal respect and autonomy. But we haven’t changed how we raise little girls, we tell them they can succeed at anything they want to do, except be happy. She can run a business, have children, be president!, But they can only find elusive happiness with a man.

After years of listening to heart broken women coming into this blog, it makes me sad that their top concern is, “how will I ever, find another man , trust another man”, and that they are going to spend the rest of their lives alone, instead of healing themselves.

Women sacrifice everything, even their children, in the name of “love” and having a man in their life. Ironically, they forfeit true happiness in pursuit of happiness. They profess to love their children, and yet continue to live with an abusive man that is causing life long damage to their children’s self esteem and ultimately setting them up to repeat history.

In my own family, going back to my grandmother, who married an abusive asshole who belittled her, beat her, raped her and used her as slave labor. I can understand why she felt she had no choice but to stay because there were no resources for abused women. She had something like a grade 3 education, didn’t drive, had never held a job, but she was good looking and willing to use her looks to catch a man who would pay her way, whatever the cost. While her husband, my mother’s father; was away during the war, she had a love affair with a man. He came back after 6 years, raped her, and the marriage picked up where it had left off. She had a nervous breakdown, her brothers came and took her away but she went back. She eventually met another single man who was willing to take her in and she left my grandfather. I suppose life with him was better than it had been, he was a drunk and womanizer but he wasn’t physically abusive and a good provider. My mother remembers being left in a vehicle while grandma went to the bar for hours. I remember my cousin and I being left in a car for hours while she and her 2nd husband went to the bar. It wouldn’t happen today, child services would be called and the kids taken away, but back then it was acceptable to sacrifice the safety of the children to keep the man “happy”.

Is it any wonder my mother was willing to sacrifice the safety and well-being of her children in order to keep the man?

My whole life was a mixed message of infidelity, my father controlling everyone, either you complied or be rejected, conditional love at its best, secrets behind my dad’s back in order to avoid his wrath. My mother had an affair, my dad had multiple affairs, but appearances were everything and to the outside world, we were the “happy” well adjusted family. The effects of being raised in a home based on lies, secrets, and appearances ended up with my brother being a drug addict, never able to find happiness because he never found inner peace. Me? 3 failed marriages and an abusive common-in-law relationship. My biggest regret in life is how much time I wasted trying to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be, what men wanted me to be, and not living true to myself. I shake my head when I look back at years of having an eating disorder, cooking, cleaning, contorting myself into the perfect woman in order to have a man in my life. I wish I would have listened to my gut, followed my dreams, developed my natural talents, believed in myself sooner. Mind you, we all do the best we can with what we’ve got and when we know better, we do better.

My dream for the future would be for society to raise girls to believe in themselves and their ability to create their own happiness.

Welcome and Safety Plan Download

Welcome to my site, Lady Witha Truck!

You may be wondering why its called Lady Witha Truck. Well, when I started the blog I had no intention of writing about narcissists, I really didn’t know anything about narcissist or domestic abuse really. I started the blog because I was trying to promote my business and had planned on blogging about hauling scrap metal with my loyal companion, Kato, a Shar-pei. But I was so broken after leaving my narcissistic/psychopath ex that I couldn’t think of anything BUT him and my pain.

I hadn’t gone “no contact” so almost daily he did something to hurt me and he was already involved with the “new love of his life”. He encouraged me to just kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, psycho, nutcase like me. I had made his life hell for 10 years and his new woman was nothing like me.

My suicide attempt failed and even though I had called to tell him what I had done, he never even sent an ambulance or have a friend check on me.

When I woke up and didn’t have any more pills, no money, my truck in the repair shop because he had sabotaged it AGAIN, and no family or friends left, I made the conscious decision to fix myself. Not only would I survive but I would thrive and figure out what happened to me and warm other women so no one ever went through what I did. I thought I couldn’t be the only woman going through this and if even one woman was saved by me sharing, it would all be worth it.

Plus, I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and figured the blog would make me accountable. I couldn’t very well announce to the world I was going to thrive and then kill myself.

That was in November 2010. A lot has happened in the last 9 + years and most of it and my experiences while in a on and off 10 years long relationship with a narcissist are contained in this blog.

I found when I was looking for answers the forums I went into were the same women having a pity party and not fixing anything or were experts who shared some facts but nothing about their personal journey. I wanted to hear I was normal, not the only person feeling the way I was and that they did eventually heal and thrive. I decided I would be totally honest about what I was going through as I went through it and share my journey in hopes victims learned from mistakes and benefit from my struggles.

I accomplished that and more. I have helped hundreds of people, been published, interviewed on talk radio, quoted, and had many many people write to thank me for saving their life. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life, by far.

I only write a handful of posts these days, I have said it all before. Besides, if I was to really thrive I had to focus on something other than toxic narcissists and I had health issues to deal with, work, finding a place to call home.

I promised I would speak out and educate people about narcissists and domestic abuse until my dying breath and I plan to keep that promise so keep the blog up, pay my annual fees for my domain, and try to answer any comments or questions people have, so feel free to comment.

Dig around in some old posts, read, educate yourself it’s the first steps towards healing. Read the comments along with the posts to see what other people have gone through and the advice they were given. There is almost as much useful information in the comments as the actual post.

I have a free download for a Safety Plan link below. Please use the information if you are planning to leave a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.

You don’t think it will ever happen to you, 90% of women killed by their domestic partner didn’t believe it would happen to them. 1 out of every 3 women will end up being abused in some way in their life time. 75% of domestic homicides happen either just prior to or up to 2 yrs after the victim leaves the relationship. Stay Safe!

So…….here you are looking for answers and wondering if your partner is even a narcissist. Years ago I read somewhere that people in a healthy loving relationship don’t go looking on the internet trying to figure out “what the hell happened?”

Hugs Carrie. XXX000

His New Relationship Has Lasted-He Must Have Changed

A narcissist can be extremely dedicated to proving his last victim must have been the one at fault. If the relationship lasted 10 yrs he will make sure the next relationship lasts 10 years and one month.

Does this sound familiar? For how ever long you were together was there things you wanted to do, places you wanted to see, interests you had; that he simply would not do? And now with the new woman he is doing them all!! They are taking that trip you always wanted to take, he has started cooking when he couldn’t even boil water while with you. He never took your feelings into consideration but now he is mister empathy with her.

I recall one conversation we had after we had split and I wanted him to help me with something. He had NEVER worried about hurting My feelings with ex’s but all of a sudden he’s telling me that he doesn’t really think it would be right for him to spend time with me. He looked me in the eye with a concerned look on his face, “Imagine how you would feel if you were her in the same situation. You wouldn’t be happy.”

WTF!!?? Imagine how she feels?!!

There are things he has changed. I don’t know if he’s ever hit her but I kinda saved her from the physical abuse because she knows I accused him of physical abuse, he couldn’t be physical without her knowing it had happened before and is a pattern. There were alot of things he had to change just to prove I was a liar.

I know it hasn’t been a bed of roses and they’ve had problems, they never did get married and she doesn’t even wear her ring any more. But! It doesn’t matter.

Something I finally came to realize that helped me alot to move on was this:

How he treats her has nothing to do with me. I was miserably unhappy with him, he treated me like shit and it never got better, only worse. I was afraid he’d end up killing me and I was a shell of the person I used to be. I had compromised my values and standards to the point I didn’t even respect myself and nothing I had ever done had made it any better. I couldn’t change any more than I had and when I looked back at the way I had handled situations I couldn’t honestly say I would do anything different except I would have left sooner.

I had been angry he had personal ads, if that happened now I would just leave the relationship, not try to fix it. If a man didn’t show up for Christmas dinner with family without so much as a phone call, I wouldn’t listen to a bunch of excuses; I’d just say goodbye.

So if the new woman is able to tolerate him longer,if her standards are lower than mine, or if she has more money and can give him more things materially so he sticks around longer; that’s their relationship and good luck to her. I was not able to do that.

The secret to a happy relationship is not molding yourself into being what the other person wants it’s being with someone who values and cherishes you for who you are. Someone who isn’t constantly comparing you to someone else, finding fault, twisting your words, misunderstanding you, and thinks you are too anything.

And if he thinks you are too sensitive, then he should be with you if he can’t adjust his way of treating you. If you know something bothers the person you love, you stop doing it and if you can’t stop doing it, then obviously it is more important to you than the person and you need to walk away. Everyone has their own boundaries and deal breakers. One woman might not mind her man going to strippers, but a different woman might get enraged, it doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong, but the man has to choose if strippers are more important than the woman, not lie about it.

So stop obsessing about the new woman and his new relationship. Reframe how you view it. Don’t think in terms of you weren’t/aren’t good enough, instead, is he good enough for you? was/is he capable of making you happy? Not his potential to make you happy if only he would………… (fill in the blank, but the truth.

In 2020, try to see the world around you honestly, with 20/20 vision and not through rose tinted glasses.