Category Archives: Loving a Narcissist

The Narcissist And The Pandemic

I have to admit I have no idea how a narcissist acts during a pandemic. It’s rather uncharted territory for everyone.

I can guess at how he will act. I can imagine my ex thinking he’s invincible, immune to anything that could kill him, using it as a venue to play the hero, rescue some lonely scared woman and also to scare his present victim into staying.

One thing I am certain of is that a narcissist never changes and never has an epiphany that turns him into a loving caring person. Even a pandemic will not make him realize what he has to lose and motivate him to change his ways.

What about the victims how does it affect them? It adds to their fear and uncertainty. If you were planning on leaving, it throws your plans all to hell. How can you leave when you have to socially distance or are on lockdown? Unfortunately it makes leaving all but impossible, so it means riding it out for awhile and staying as safe as you can. It means digging deep inside for strength to fight the fear and panic that keeps a person from acting logically and thinking rationally.

A narcissist feeds off of the emotions of others, maybe because he doesn’t have feelings of his own; playing with the emotions of others somehow gives him the next best thing.

I didn’t even have ID or a bank account and had to literally start all over from nothing at 52 years old. As if I woke up after being in a coma for 10 years, nothing was the same as it had been and I couldn’t remember who I was before the coma.

I will tell you this; I was always able to find a reason to stay. At first it was my brother’s addiction and my family being so worried about him. Then it was my son, then I had lost my job, I had to save enough for rent, there was always some plausible reason to stay. The first time I packed my bags and had my hand on the door knob about to leave was 2 weeks after I had moved in, and he cried and begged me to stay. I remember thinking, what have I got to lose? 9 years later I left with absolutely nothing, less than nothing, because I had sacrificed my pride, self esteem, confidence, the respect of my family and more importantly my self respect.

We split in November 2010 but had actually split many times during the relationship, like almost every 6 months. In 2008 we had split when my mother offered to buy me a mobile home as my early inheritance. Having the security of my own home again had motivated me to end it for good. I didn’t let him stay even one night in my new home and it wasn’t long before he moved away and we didn’t talk for 3 months.

My business was going wonderfully, I had been written up on the front page of the financial section of a prominent newspaper and couldn’t keep up with the calls for my services. I had started to date again, actually flirting with a guy who had been after me for over a year.

Then the economy tanked, but it only meant more work for me as companies shut down left and right. My mom and her second husband started pressuring me to sell my truck and “get a real job”, which was insanity, seeing as everyone was being laid off and I couldn’t keep up with all the work. I made $7500 in February 2009 alone. I was making my payments, my confidence was coming back, life was good except the pressure every morning from my folks. In November they had told me they had to sell my mobile home because of the market crashing, yet they went on an 8 week vacation. Telling me to find a place to move before they got back. They returned early March and true to their word they put my home up for sale.

When my ex called out of the blue I felt I had nothing to lose by talking to him. Take my advice; when ever you find yourself thinking, “what have I got to lose?” Think again! You always have more to lose, even when you think you’ve lost it all, a narcissist will take your soul and if you give him the chance, your life.

Had I done ANYTHING other than go back to him, I would be in better shape now. His whole purpose of coming back was to destroy me completely. The mind is a funny thing, it blocks out painful memories after a while. Like when you give birth and decide to have another child. I forgot how bad it had been and thought I knew how to handle him and avoid fights, protect myself financially and emotionally. But I had not seen what he was capable of yet, not even close. The pure evil that appeared once he had me back was, well, something out of a horror, thriller movie. Or Dirty John, the true story about a woman involved with a narcissist/psychopath.

You may be thinking you can’t afford to leave, but believe me, you can’t afford NOT to leave, even if you have no support. It will be the scariest thing you have ever done, but take that first step and don’t look back, you are stronger than you think.

Each person facing their own unique set of circumstances so I can’t advise you on exactly how you’ll do it but trust that you can.

I have the free download for a Safety Plan on how to leave a narcissist in the drop down menu at the top of the page. Make sure the narcissist doesn’t know you have it, (erase the history on the computer) but start preparing for your exit bit by bit.

If you have recently left the narcissist you are probably thinking you need him, you’re thinking about the new woman he’s isolating with, how you need someone to help you cope with the kids, the finances, and to just put his arms around you so you don’t feel so alone. This is not the time for “if onlys”, it is time to do some major self counsel and keep your head in reality. Who you thought he was, was a lie, an act and you know deep down that he wouldn’t have been there to support you through this or any other disaster, nature or one he created. The narcissist never made your life better, he created trauma and drama and caused you more worry and stress; especially when you needed him most.

Don’t let him sweet talk you into taking him back and don’t think the new woman is getting all the wonderful things about him. Maybe he is making sure you think he’s changed by putting on a good act but believe me history WILL repeat itself.

This is not the time to cave. You can do this.

You never know how strong you are until you get through what you didn’t think you could.

If it didn’t scare the hell out of you, if you knew you could do it; it wouldn’t take strength.

I used to tell myself;

“I can do anything for 24 hours. I just have to get through until tomorrow.” Sometimes it was hour by hour. Often times we look at what’s happening and think I can’t do this forever. It never is forever. Things change, they always get better. Don’t worry about what might never come to be. Keep your head in the here and now, just get through the next 24 hours.

My thoughts are with you all and I want to hear about your challenges and victories. Let’s pull each other close and support each other. I am going to check everyday to make sure you are all ok. Let’s talk.

Hugs❤️❤️❤️

Welcome and Safety Plan Download

Welcome to my site, Lady Witha Truck!

You may be wondering why its called Lady Witha Truck. Well, when I started the blog I had no intention of writing about narcissists, I really didn’t know anything about narcissist or domestic abuse really. I started the blog because I was trying to promote my business and had planned on blogging about hauling scrap metal with my loyal companion, Kato, a Shar-pei. But I was so broken after leaving my narcissistic/psychopath ex that I couldn’t think of anything BUT him and my pain.

I hadn’t gone “no contact” so almost daily he did something to hurt me and he was already involved with the “new love of his life”. He encouraged me to just kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, psycho, nutcase like me. I had made his life hell for 10 years and his new woman was nothing like me.

My suicide attempt failed and even though I had called to tell him what I had done, he never even sent an ambulance or have a friend check on me.

When I woke up and didn’t have any more pills, no money, my truck in the repair shop because he had sabotaged it AGAIN, and no family or friends left, I made the conscious decision to fix myself. Not only would I survive but I would thrive and figure out what happened to me and warm other women so no one ever went through what I did. I thought I couldn’t be the only woman going through this and if even one woman was saved by me sharing, it would all be worth it.

Plus, I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and figured the blog would make me accountable. I couldn’t very well announce to the world I was going to thrive and then kill myself.

That was in November 2010. A lot has happened in the last 9 + years and most of it and my experiences while in a on and off 10 years long relationship with a narcissist are contained in this blog.

I found when I was looking for answers the forums I went into were the same women having a pity party and not fixing anything or were experts who shared some facts but nothing about their personal journey. I wanted to hear I was normal, not the only person feeling the way I was and that they did eventually heal and thrive. I decided I would be totally honest about what I was going through as I went through it and share my journey in hopes victims learned from mistakes and benefit from my struggles.

I accomplished that and more. I have helped hundreds of people, been published, interviewed on talk radio, quoted, and had many many people write to thank me for saving their life. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life, by far.

I only write a handful of posts these days, I have said it all before. Besides, if I was to really thrive I had to focus on something other than toxic narcissists and I had health issues to deal with, work, finding a place to call home.

I promised I would speak out and educate people about narcissists and domestic abuse until my dying breath and I plan to keep that promise so keep the blog up, pay my annual fees for my domain, and try to answer any comments or questions people have, so feel free to comment.

Dig around in some old posts, read, educate yourself it’s the first steps towards healing. Read the comments along with the posts to see what other people have gone through and the advice they were given. There is almost as much useful information in the comments as the actual post.

I have a free download for a Safety Plan link below. Please use the information if you are planning to leave a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qUkYvybgVMzC0f_6JIr5GGB3jXV8tZul/view?usp=drivesdk

You don’t think it will ever happen to you, 90% of women killed by their domestic partner didn’t believe it would happen to them. 1 out of every 3 women will end up being abused in some way in their life time. 75% of domestic homicides happen either just prior to or up to 2 yrs after the victim leaves the relationship. Stay Safe!

So…….here you are looking for answers and wondering if your partner is even a narcissist. Years ago I read somewhere that people in a healthy loving relationship don’t go looking on the internet trying to figure out “what the hell happened?”

Hugs Carrie. XXX000

His New Relationship Has Lasted-He Must Have Changed

A narcissist can be extremely dedicated to proving his last victim must have been the one at fault. If the relationship lasted 10 yrs he will make sure the next relationship lasts 10 years and one month.

Does this sound familiar? For how ever long you were together was there things you wanted to do, places you wanted to see, interests you had; that he simply would not do? And now with the new woman he is doing them all!! They are taking that trip you always wanted to take, he has started cooking when he couldn’t even boil water while with you. He never took your feelings into consideration but now he is mister empathy with her.

I recall one conversation we had after we had split and I wanted him to help me with something. He had NEVER worried about hurting My feelings with ex’s but all of a sudden he’s telling me that he doesn’t really think it would be right for him to spend time with me. He looked me in the eye with a concerned look on his face, “Imagine how you would feel if you were her in the same situation. You wouldn’t be happy.”

WTF!!?? Imagine how she feels?!!

There are things he has changed. I don’t know if he’s ever hit her but I kinda saved her from the physical abuse because she knows I accused him of physical abuse, he couldn’t be physical without her knowing it had happened before and is a pattern. There were alot of things he had to change just to prove I was a liar.

I know it hasn’t been a bed of roses and they’ve had problems, they never did get married and she doesn’t even wear her ring any more. But! It doesn’t matter.

Something I finally came to realize that helped me alot to move on was this:

How he treats her has nothing to do with me. I was miserably unhappy with him, he treated me like shit and it never got better, only worse. I was afraid he’d end up killing me and I was a shell of the person I used to be. I had compromised my values and standards to the point I didn’t even respect myself and nothing I had ever done had made it any better. I couldn’t change any more than I had and when I looked back at the way I had handled situations I couldn’t honestly say I would do anything different except I would have left sooner.

I had been angry he had personal ads, if that happened now I would just leave the relationship, not try to fix it. If a man didn’t show up for Christmas dinner with family without so much as a phone call, I wouldn’t listen to a bunch of excuses; I’d just say goodbye.

So if the new woman is able to tolerate him longer,if her standards are lower than mine, or if she has more money and can give him more things materially so he sticks around longer; that’s their relationship and good luck to her. I was not able to do that.

The secret to a happy relationship is not molding yourself into being what the other person wants it’s being with someone who values and cherishes you for who you are. Someone who isn’t constantly comparing you to someone else, finding fault, twisting your words, misunderstanding you, and thinks you are too anything.

And if he thinks you are too sensitive, then he should be with you if he can’t adjust his way of treating you. If you know something bothers the person you love, you stop doing it and if you can’t stop doing it, then obviously it is more important to you than the person and you need to walk away. Everyone has their own boundaries and deal breakers. One woman might not mind her man going to strippers, but a different woman might get enraged, it doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong, but the man has to choose if strippers are more important than the woman, not lie about it.

So stop obsessing about the new woman and his new relationship. Reframe how you view it. Don’t think in terms of you weren’t/aren’t good enough, instead, is he good enough for you? was/is he capable of making you happy? Not his potential to make you happy if only he would………… (fill in the blank, but the truth.

In 2020, try to see the world around you honestly, with 20/20 vision and not through rose tinted glasses.