Category Archives: Narcissism

Welcome and Safety Plan Download

Welcome to my site, Lady Witha Truck!

You may be wondering why its called Lady Witha Truck. Well, when I started the blog I had no intention of writing about narcissists, I really didn’t know anything about narcissist or domestic abuse really. I started the blog because I was trying to promote my business and had planned on blogging about hauling scrap metal with my loyal companion, Kato, a Shar-pei. But I was so broken after leaving my narcissistic/psychopath ex that I couldn’t think of anything BUT him and my pain.

I hadn’t gone “no contact” so almost daily he did something to hurt me and he was already involved with the “new love of his life”. He encouraged me to just kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, psycho, nutcase like me. I had made his life hell for 10 years and his new woman was nothing like me.

My suicide attempt failed and even though I had called to tell him what I had done, he never even sent an ambulance or have a friend check on me.

When I woke up and didn’t have any more pills, no money, my truck in the repair shop because he had sabotaged it AGAIN, and no family or friends left, I made the conscious decision to fix myself. Not only would I survive but I would thrive and figure out what happened to me and warm other women so no one ever went through what I did. I thought I couldn’t be the only woman going through this and if even one woman was saved by me sharing, it would all be worth it.

Plus, I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and figured the blog would make me accountable. I couldn’t very well announce to the world I was going to thrive and then kill myself.

That was in November 2010. A lot has happened in the last 9 + years and most of it and my experiences while in a on and off 10 years long relationship with a narcissist are contained in this blog.

I found when I was looking for answers the forums I went into were the same women having a pity party and not fixing anything or were experts who shared some facts but nothing about their personal journey. I wanted to hear I was normal, not the only person feeling the way I was and that they did eventually heal and thrive. I decided I would be totally honest about what I was going through as I went through it and share my journey in hopes victims learned from mistakes and benefit from my struggles.

I accomplished that and more. I have helped hundreds of people, been published, interviewed on talk radio, quoted, and had many many people write to thank me for saving their life. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life, by far.

I only write a handful of posts these days, I have said it all before. Besides, if I was to really thrive I had to focus on something other than toxic narcissists and I had health issues to deal with, work, finding a place to call home.

I promised I would speak out and educate people about narcissists and domestic abuse until my dying breath and I plan to keep that promise so keep the blog up, pay my annual fees for my domain, and try to answer any comments or questions people have, so feel free to comment.

Dig around in some old posts, read, educate yourself it’s the first steps towards healing. Read the comments along with the posts to see what other people have gone through and the advice they were given. There is almost as much useful information in the comments as the actual post.

I have a free download for a Safety Plan link below. Please use the information if you are planning to leave a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qUkYvybgVMzC0f_6JIr5GGB3jXV8tZul/view?usp=drivesdk

You don’t think it will ever happen to you, 90% of women killed by their domestic partner didn’t believe it would happen to them. 1 out of every 3 women will end up being abused in some way in their life time. 75% of domestic homicides happen either just prior to or up to 2 yrs after the victim leaves the relationship. Stay Safe!

So…….here you are looking for answers and wondering if your partner is even a narcissist. Years ago I read somewhere that people in a healthy loving relationship don’t go looking on the internet trying to figure out “what the hell happened?”

Hugs Carrie. XXX000

His New Relationship Has Lasted-He Must Have Changed

A narcissist can be extremely dedicated to proving his last victim must have been the one at fault. If the relationship lasted 10 yrs he will make sure the next relationship lasts 10 years and one month.

Does this sound familiar? For how ever long you were together was there things you wanted to do, places you wanted to see, interests you had; that he simply would not do? And now with the new woman he is doing them all!! They are taking that trip you always wanted to take, he has started cooking when he couldn’t even boil water while with you. He never took your feelings into consideration but now he is mister empathy with her.

I recall one conversation we had after we had split and I wanted him to help me with something. He had NEVER worried about hurting My feelings with ex’s but all of a sudden he’s telling me that he doesn’t really think it would be right for him to spend time with me. He looked me in the eye with a concerned look on his face, “Imagine how you would feel if you were her in the same situation. You wouldn’t be happy.”

WTF!!?? Imagine how she feels?!!

There are things he has changed. I don’t know if he’s ever hit her but I kinda saved her from the physical abuse because she knows I accused him of physical abuse, he couldn’t be physical without her knowing it had happened before and is a pattern. There were alot of things he had to change just to prove I was a liar.

I know it hasn’t been a bed of roses and they’ve had problems, they never did get married and she doesn’t even wear her ring any more. But! It doesn’t matter.

Something I finally came to realize that helped me alot to move on was this:

How he treats her has nothing to do with me. I was miserably unhappy with him, he treated me like shit and it never got better, only worse. I was afraid he’d end up killing me and I was a shell of the person I used to be. I had compromised my values and standards to the point I didn’t even respect myself and nothing I had ever done had made it any better. I couldn’t change any more than I had and when I looked back at the way I had handled situations I couldn’t honestly say I would do anything different except I would have left sooner.

I had been angry he had personal ads, if that happened now I would just leave the relationship, not try to fix it. If a man didn’t show up for Christmas dinner with family without so much as a phone call, I wouldn’t listen to a bunch of excuses; I’d just say goodbye.

So if the new woman is able to tolerate him longer,if her standards are lower than mine, or if she has more money and can give him more things materially so he sticks around longer; that’s their relationship and good luck to her. I was not able to do that.

The secret to a happy relationship is not molding yourself into being what the other person wants it’s being with someone who values and cherishes you for who you are. Someone who isn’t constantly comparing you to someone else, finding fault, twisting your words, misunderstanding you, and thinks you are too anything.

And if he thinks you are too sensitive, then he should be with you if he can’t adjust his way of treating you. If you know something bothers the person you love, you stop doing it and if you can’t stop doing it, then obviously it is more important to you than the person and you need to walk away. Everyone has their own boundaries and deal breakers. One woman might not mind her man going to strippers, but a different woman might get enraged, it doesn’t mean one is right and one is wrong, but the man has to choose if strippers are more important than the woman, not lie about it.

So stop obsessing about the new woman and his new relationship. Reframe how you view it. Don’t think in terms of you weren’t/aren’t good enough, instead, is he good enough for you? was/is he capable of making you happy? Not his potential to make you happy if only he would………… (fill in the blank, but the truth.

In 2020, try to see the world around you honestly, with 20/20 vision and not through rose tinted glasses.

Ho Ho Ho Another F$cking Christmas!

Well, here we are again, but it’s Christmas 2019 and we are heading into 2020! Can you believe it? I certainly can’t.

I met my ex November 2000 and celebrated New Year’s 2001 with him. Oh I was smitten, but you know? I felt something wasn’t right even back then. Of course I chastised myself for being too picky, over analyzing, getting bored with the “nice guy”. And of course he had answers for any questions I asked.

I was struggling with getting back on my feet after a divorce and had just started a new job, had sold my big home at a loss and my ex husband was claiming bankruptcy and they were coming after me, my teenaged son had quit school and was defying all the rules and his father said, “You wanted him, you got him, deal with it”. I was ready for a little pampering, ready to give up the reins and let someone else steer this wagon train, being strong and independent hadn’t worked too well.

He was younger, handsome, made me laugh, he had a good education, no kids, never been married, so none of that baggage that comes with kids and an ex wife. AND he was nuts about me, he had never met a woman like me, he thought I was perfect just the way I was and, I believed him. I knew I was a good woman, I knew I was attractive, sexy and had always had a lot of male attention, the problem had been I hated love sick puppies and got bored with them. I didn’t need a man, I could take care of myself but always ended up taking care of the man too. This time I wasn’t going to blow it, this time I was going to let a man take care of me.

It’s been 19 years since I met him, it took 10 years for him to break and destroy me and it’s taken almost as long to fix myself.

Christmas 2010 he had already found the “love of his life” and she was nothing like me and I was a pile of misery drowning in my tears, trying to just forget to breath so I’d die. I felt totally broken, shattered and I was all alone, my mom had disowned me, my son had moved away, no friends, no job, no money, I was disillusioned, and had no idea how to be me any more.

This song pretty well covers it

How did I get from there to here? How did I find the strength, the courage to carry on and rebuild, reinvent myself, mend my relationships, love again, just live again?

I made a conscious decision I was not going to let him win. I would not grovel any more, I would fake it until I made it. It wasn’t easy because he stalked me for 5 years and sabotaged me at every angle. There were many times I wanted to give up but that would have given him exactly what he wanted. What an ego boost to have a woman kill herself because he didn’t want her any more. Oh I could see it, how he would cry because he would feel so guilty, he knew I was always unstable, he tries so hard to help me. Fucker. Nope, I would not give him what he wanted.

He said no one would want me, well, I would show him, I would learn to be a person who didn’t rely on the love and approval of others to feel I was good enough.

I had been a people pleaser my whole life and if I had rebuild myself I was going to rebuild myself into someone I liked, someone who only lived true to herself and to hell with anyone who told me who they thought I should be.

I didn’t have the energy to live for other people, I was going to do it for me and if people didn’t like me, so be it, you can’t please everyone, I had learned that lesson.

So that is how it started. I learned to trust my gut and not second guess it. I learned to say no when I really didn’t want to do something. I learned to ask for help. I learned to be honest about my feelings, but I also learned to analyze what I was feeling before I puked my feelings all over some innocent person. Many times anger comes from insecurity, insecurity can come from misunderstandings, or shame, I learned to peel back the layers of my anger until I got to the real issue and could talk to the person calmly and rationally. It almost always worked out and I almost always felt better because if I was open and honest people almost always responded with honesty and openly. Not every time, but that’s ok, because when you are living true to your core felt you don’t need everyone to agree with you. You can speak your truth without having to prove anything. You are entitled to your feelings, and so is everyone else. And people are entitled to not want to be honest.

Just the other day I was talking to my son about something I was concerned about that he was doing. I spoke honestly, praised him, but then told him I thought he had made a poor choice. I felt it was important for me as his mother to not condone something with my silence and I have a right as his mother to voice my concern. I also told him he did not have to reply to me, answer to me and I basically knew he would do as he pleased no matter what I said anyway.

He replied with, “I appreciate your concern”.

I replied with, “Enough said.”

And we talked about other things.

I am at peace with it. I am at peace with life.

I am not where I envisioned I would be at this age, not by a long shot. But who knows where I would have ended up had I not met my N-ex. There is no point in “if only”‘s, or focusing on what you lost. You have today, right now, and that is all that is guaranteed.

Sure I can go down the self pity rabbit hole sometimes, but it never makes me feel better.

I always wanted to paint but told myself I couldn’t. Now I call myself an artist. I always wanted to be a writer, but my dad laughed at my writings. Now I call myself a published writer.

I always wanted to be an activist, help people who couldn’t speak up for themselves but I told myself “who would listen?” “You don’t have anything intelligent to say”, “what if someone disagrees?” Now I research everything and say nothing I don’t know to be true either by personal experience or from research. And I am proud to say I am an activist and I am trying to make the world a better place.

I used to be afraid people wouldn’t like me, Now, I like myself.

You can too.

Take this holiday season as the first step to being all you can be. Look at this time of brokenness as an opportunity to rebuild yourself better and more authentic than you have ever been. Vow to live true to you and go into 2020 with 20/20 vision of who you are.

Hindsight is always 20/20 but that means you are always living in the past and looking back.

Look to the future with 20/20 vision by looking at and listening to your core self.

Merry Christmas and all the best in the new year to everyone.!!