Category Archives: Psychopaths

You May Not Remember Me

…………. You May Not Remember Me

He laughed, “I remember you, Carrie right?”

✓ He remembered me

Me, “I hope it’s not too late to call.”

Him with a chuckle, “ummm no, it’s not too late, (I looked at the clock, it was 10 pm) I was just playing my guitar. How did your date go, it didn’t last very long?”

“He was a pompous ass lawyer.”

Him laughing, “Pompous ass lawyer eh?! That’s funny. I like you.”

✓ He liked me and I liked that

We talked for a couple of hours. I said, “So you play the guitar?” (My dad had played the guitar and I had taken lessons when I was a teenager) He explained he played lead guitar but had a headset he could wear so as not to disturb the neighbors.

✓ Considerate

I couldn’t believe how much we had in common, he had just found his birth mom, I had given a child up for adoption when I was 16.

He lived on the coast, I love the ocean, water of any kind really. I was buying a cabin on a lake and he told me he was buying a house on the ocean.

He was recovering from a bad motorcycle accident, (my first husband had almost died in a motorcycle accident). He was attending school and living temporarily about an hour from me, to retrain in a new profession because of his accident.

He asked me if he could buy me dinner sometime and I said I thought we had quite an age difference. He laughed and asked how old I thought he was, I guessed him to be in his late 20’s maybe 30, and I was 41.

He told me he was 34 and he had dated women much older than me. I was hesitant but he said he preferred a women a bit older because they weren’t into games, knew what they wanted, and maybe they could teach him something.

We laughed.

✓ He “got” my sense of humor

On a hunch I asked him when his birthday was. He told me the date and said, “I’m a libra.”

Me: “I knew it! I can’t date you, sorry.”

Him: “You don’t like Libra’s?”

Me: “No actually, I like them too much. I always end up falling in love with them and it’s never a good thing.

Him: “What horoscope sign do you like? I can be any sign you want?”

✓ Charming – a Libra trait.

I agreed to go out with him the next night after work.

I liked him, I really liked him.

Conversation had been easy, we laughed alot! We had alot in common, he was polite, like a boy who was raised in a good family to be respectful and polite,and I could tell he was into me.

He had told me he was raised by older, very religious adoptive parents on a farm in Saskatchewan. I have a lot of relatives in Saskatchewan and know people from Sask are different, in a good way. They tend to be neighborly, honest, and hard working.
He had found his birth mother only a few months earlier and flown to Vancouver to meet her, a full blood sister and two 1/2 siblings. He had been so nervous the whole plane had cheered him on and wished him well when they landed. He had bought champagne and flowers. The meeting had been better than anything he had imagined and they had such a connection he had stayed for 2 weeks. When he flew home he immediately quit his job, packed up his stuff and drove back to BC so he could get to know his birth family.

He said his family and friends in Saskatchewan had been worried he would be lead astray in the big city but he was loving the city, the ocean, his family. He was so thankful and blessed.

His birth mom and him were close immediately and talked daily.
He sounded very sweet, again I thought maybe he was too young for me, too niave.

I didn’t want a love sick puppy hanging around, I hate love sick puppies.

But he lived far enough away to not be a nuisance yet close enough to see on weekends.

Besides, I was a grown adult, he was extremely good looking, and if I wanted casual sex, I could have casual sex. Everyone kept telling me I didn’t have to marry every guy I had sex with!

Finding Love When You Least Expect It.

Haven’t you had a friend tell you that they met the love of their life when they had given up on it. “When you stop looking for it and least expect it, that is when you’ll meet “the one”.

I recently watched Dirty John on Netflix and was blown away by how it paralleled my relationship with my ex at every turn. The same instant attraction, the same miscommunications, the same misunderstandings.

Like Debra, I was sick of the losers I was meeting on Plenty Of Fish. They were never what they professed to be. I had even removed my ad and vowed I was done with men, at least internet men. There was one lawyer I had already started talking to over the phone and when I told him I was done with meeting men. He argued that seeing as we had already started talking we should at least meet.

We lived about an hour and a half apart but I was going to be in a small village, about half way between our houses; to book my staff xmas party. If he could meet me there I was willing. He agreed.

I was to meet him at a bar across the street from the restaurant at 5 pm that Wednesday evening.

I was too embarrassed to admit I had already deleted his pics off my computer and didn’t remember what he looked like.
I figured it would be easy enough to pick him out. How many guys could there be by himself, in the bar on a Wednesday night looking like he is looking for someone?!

I got to the bar early, ordered myself a glass of dry white wine and messaged him I was there. He said he was running late and just leaving the office. A quick calculation of rush hour traffic x distance, told me, best case scenario, I had at least an hour to kill. “Great! I already regret agreeing to meet him. I know I don’t like him from talking on the phone, meeting in person isn’t going to change that.

I finished my wine, checked the time, “He shouldn’t be much longer“, ordered another wine and decided to go for a smoke on the outside patio. I got a few cat calls and offers of a place to sit from a few guys.

It was not unusual for me to draw attention from men. I knew I was looking good that night, (in my younger days I could turn heads) 😉 I had on a short jumper dress that made my legs look 5 feet long, 3 inch heels, dark hose, and my shoulder length sun bleached hair was in my usual “freshly fucked” look. (My brother’s description)

I was keeping my eye on the door in case he walked in. Just as I was heading back to my table I saw a guy come through the door. He was very handsome, curly short black hair, glasses, worn jeans, cowboy boots, a crisp white shirt undone just enough to show a little chest hair and stylish black leather bomber type jacket. He looked like he smelled good. He stopped and casually scanned the bar.

Hmmm he’s better looking than I remember. This might work out better than I expected” He was still looking around when I start to walk towards him. Our eyes connected, he smiled, dimples, chiselled chin, clean shaven, nice!
It must be him“.

I gave him a huge smile and started to raise my arms as if to give him a hug as I walked towards him. I could tell he was prepared to hug me back.

At the last moment it hit me, he can’t possibly be my date!
Abort! Abort! He’s much too young! too tall, too handsome….. abort!!”

My first impression was that he was a preppy, university, rich kid trying to look like a bad boy, not a 40 something lawyer.

I took a sharp turn to the left and sat at my table against the window. “Thank God my wine had arrived while I was making a fool out of myself.”

I was sitting there staring out the window, wishing Scotty would just beam me up. “You idiot! That guy must think you are crazy! You almost hugged a complete stranger!! Oh God!! Where is that asshole lawyer??! When I finish this glass of wine I am leaving!!
I was so deep into berating myself I was startled when I heard a soft, sexy male voice ask if he could buy me a drink.

I looked to my right and saw his faded jeans, looking up I got a closer look at the chiseled chin and dimpled smile, smiling blue eyes, and

I stuttered, “Excuse me?”
He laughed and said, “I was asking if I could buy you a drink or are you waiting for someone.”

I could feel my face getting hot as I smiled and said I was waiting for someone, thanks anyway.

He shrugged and said, “I figured you probably were but would have never forgiven myself if I hadn’t asked. You can’t blame a guy for trying. Have a good night.”
I watched him walk back to his table, he had an easy confident stride, cowboy boots type of stride, nice! Yes! I shamelessly checked out his butt, don’t even try to tell me you wouldn’t! No slack in the ass jeans there! His jeans fit perfectly! I loves me a man with jeans that fit or more to the point; an ass that fits his jeans. “Shit!”

I had to use the washroom which required walking right past the handsome stranger’s table.
He was on his phone when I went past the first time but he gave me a little wave and smile. When I came out he was off his phone, I walked past but stopped and went back.

“I feel I owe you an explanation for almost hugging you earlier. I’m not crazy, really.”

He laughed and admitted he was curious.
I explained I was waiting for a blind date and had mistaken him for my date but realized he couldn’t possibly be him at the last moment. He laughed and asked why I didn’t know what the guy looked like so I explained about having a personal ad and taking it down, deleting the pics etc. He asked what I thought of internet dating, he had been thinking about trying it but never had. I told him I wasn’t impressed and would stick to the old fashioned way of meeting men.

I went back to my table but decided to go for another smoke, again walking past his table. We smiled and said Hi as I passed. “He must think I am stalking him I keep walking past him.”

While having my smoke I decided that I was just going to leave, this was rediculous. On my way past the handsome stranger’s table he handed me a folded slip of paper, “If your date doesn’t work out I hope you’ll call me.”

Just as I took the note from him, he said, “I think your date is here.”

I looked up at the exact time I was taking the slip and my date’s eyes and mine met as I quickly stuffed the note in my pocket.

I went up to him and introduced myself, he said, “A friend of yours?”

“No.”

There was NO chemistry with lawyer dude. I took an immediate dislike to him. He was loud, obnoxious, and made sure the whole bar heard how much his car cost, that he was a lawyer, how much he spent at the last restaurant he went to etc etc. I was embarrassed to have anyone think I would like someone like that or have the handsome stranger think I would be attracted to anyone that shallow. I hadn’t heard of narcissists yet so I would later describe him as a pompous ass lawyer.

Handsome stranger joked easily with the waitress, paid his bill, went back to his table and slipped a $5 tip under his empty beer bottle, and left, smiling and waving discreetly from behind my dates back. I felt like yelling, “Come back!”

My date droned on and on about himself. “Does he even notice I am not listening to him?” I had to purposely keep my mind from drifting.

The handsome stranger came back in. He caught my eye and smiled, I rolled my eyes, he laughed, got some matches from the waitress and walked out.

I interrupted my date, “I’ve got to go. Sorry. I have an hour drive home and have work tomorrow.”
He was angry. He had just got here.
I said, “Exactly. I’ve been waiting for almost 2 hours. I’m going home.”

He asked if he could see me again and I said, “I don’t think we have much in common, I don’t think another date is a good idea.” I put a $20 on the table and walked out.

In the car I unfolded the slip of paper, the stranger’s name was scrawled across it with his phone number.

My teenaged son had been bugging me to start dating, I had been single a year and a half since my 3rd marriage ended. He was anxious to know how my date went when I walked through the door. I told him about the night, the lawyer and the handsome stranger.

My son said, “Call him Mom!!”

I never called men, “Really? You think I should call? Now?”

My son, “Sure Mom. He gave you his number, call him. What have you got to lose?”

“You’re sure?”

“Call!!”

And so my Harlequin Romance began.

Heart Breaks Do Heal

When the victim is leaving or has been dumped for the umpteenth time by the narcissist they feel like they can’t go on, won’t survive the pain.

I know I am not alone when I say I felt like I just wanted to die, life was not worth living. I literally had nothing to live for and no hope of ever changing my bleak future.

As my ex had told me, “No man is ever going to want a psycho, paranoid, whining, suicidal bitch like you anyway”

And I don’t share this video in order to make you think your happiness resides in meeting another man and falling in love.

My point in sharing is to say, what seems hopeless, and what feels like the end to you ever being happy again is just one door closing, a door that needed to close in order for you to find your true self and real happiness.

What you think is a perfect fit and what you thought was your future will seem rediculous a few years from now.

So many victims lament that they want to be their “old self”, happy go lucky, niave, innocent, confident, but don’t know how now that they have known true evil.

You can’t go back, nor should you. You wouldn’t have even gotten into that mess, or stayed if there wasn’t something in you that needed fixing.

I believe we should all spend our whole life learning, growing and trying to be our best selves. I don’t think it is a goal we can ever attain.

Anyway, this woman tells a great story I think any divorcing woman can relate to or anyone who can look back to a time they had lost all hope. We never know what the future holds.