Category Archives: Self Improvement

One Day Into Living Your Wholehearted Life

You may not feel it right now, but today is the first day you start living your life on your terms, honestly, without apology. Doesn’t that sound lovely? To just live true to your core self, with your whole heart and be loved for exactly who you are. Have you ever been loved for being exactly who you are? Just the way you are without having to change anything?

I watched Jane Fonda interviews for hours yesterday, if you don’t have anything to do today I highly recommend watching a few. I’ve always admired her because she was radical, brave, and appeared so confident, an activist, speaking out for the underdog, using her celebrity to do good and as a platform to speak for those without a voice.

Then I find out she was terribly insecure, bulemic, a people pleaser who at the age of 60 decided to find her true self and be the person she was always meant to be and not the person she was told she “should” be.

I love this quote from her, it goes something like this;

“we aren’t meant to be perfect,

we are meant to be whole.”

I won’t go into her whole story, it took several interviews to get the full scope of her life, but I found myself feeling a kinship with her. She is this huge star, raised with extreme privilege, constantly surrounded by famous people and money and she had the same insecurities I did growing up. She was bulemic, like I was, well into her adulthood. Her identity came from the man she was with. She’s been married 3 times like me, and isn’t embarrassed to admit it. She is so down to earth, so giving, and speaks honestly about her mistakes, personal growth and her journey to living true to her core self.

She shared that she left her 3rd husband even though she really loved him, and still does; because she knew if she stayed she would never find out who she was meant to be. She moved in with her son and said she was the most broken she had ever been, in unimaginable pain, and it propelled her on a search to find out who she was.

She researched her parents and their baggage which helped her understand why they parented the way they did. She discovered she had been living her whole life trying to be the person she was told she should be and always feeling she was failing.

That is the same thing I have discovered. When you keep trying to be someone you are not, you live in fear of people seeing through the facade and finding out you’re a fake. You rely on the approval of others for your self worth.

I remember thinking after leaving my ex that I had never been Carrie. I had been somebody’s daughter, somebody’s wife, Kristofer’s mother, even the Lady Witha Truck, the daycare lady, but I didn’t know who Carrie was.

It is such a freeing feeling to figure out who you are and that you like her. I am not perfect, and I hope people love me but I don’t really care if they don’t. I can’t go back to pretending, I want to keep discovering myself, growing and become my best self. I plan on continuing to grow until I die.

Jane Fonda said she thinks, as I do; that a person has to be broken and in extreme pain before they try to fix themselves by finding their core self.

I implore you to take this rare opportunity to explore your inner true self and vow to make 2021 you year to become Wholehearted. Some powerful women are speaking out about finding inner peace by discovering who they were meant to be. It is the only way you can ever reach your full potential, be loved for being you, and find inner peace.

When you live a Wholehearted life you automatically become a better parent, find your perfect job, more confident, shed guilt and shame, eat healthier, sleep better and attract good authentic people into your life.

Try it, what have you got to lose?

Happy Day one of 2021.

Hugs❤️

Breaking Up Can Be Like A Bad Hangover

Those of you who have ever done alot of partying will be able to relate to waking up in the morning with a hangover. You aren’t sure what you did, you thought you were having fun at the time but you wake up full of regret, self doubt, and generally feeling physically ill, shame filled and drained.

To make yourself feel better you eat a big greasy breakfast, maybe you call friends for reassurance, and you curl up on the couch and watch cartoons. Another “cure” for a hangover is to have the “hair of the dog” or have another drink. Having another drink WILL make you feel better, for awhile, but eventually, you are going to have to sober up and deal with the hang over. If you don’t sober up, you are setting yourself on a destructive path that will only get worse.

A smart person, goes out for a walk, gets some fresh air and exercise, eats healthy food, and surrounds themselves with healthy people.

When you break up with a narcissist you need to do things that are good for you. To call him, see him, have any contact whatsoever, is like having the hair of the dog; you’ll feel better for awhile but eventually you are going to have to go through the pain, you are just reopening the wound over and over again.

An alcoholic gravitates to other drinkers and feels uncomfortable with nondrinkers. When you are involved with a toxic person you gravitate to other toxic people and victims of toxic people because you feel too uncomfortable in the company of healthy people.

Your mind, values, morals, and boundaries have become blurred and you have to keep reminding yourself that right now you need to heal your heart, mind and soul before you make any decisions.

To start dating again right away is not going to help you heal, it’s like a drinker who quits drinking beer and only drinks wine. You’re just switching crutches and not fixing the problem. It will be a problem down the road.

You have a choice to make once you make the decision to leave and that is; how do you want to go forward? Do you want to heal and find happiness or by are you wanting to continue with these type of relationships, from toxic man to toxic man? If you don’t take the time to be grow and get better you take a very big chance you will meet someone the same or worse.

The damage compiles, it doesn’t go away, you end up taking the baggage from one toxic relationship into the next relationship. If the next relationship isn’t toxic, your baggage just may turn it toxic for you and the other person.

Healing takes time. Make 2021 your year to heal and get healthy. With Covid restrictions it’s not the time to be meeting too many people but it’s the perfect time to work on becoming a better you.

Number One Tip For Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Here we are, Christmas behind us, and we all survived; many of you didn’t think you would, but you did it, you got through it one way or another.

Some people set themselves up to be miserable, projecting how sad they were going to be, which in all honesty, made the weeks leading up to one day of the year; miserable. So instead of being miserable for a day they were miserable for weeks.

In a week we will be bringing in a new year and we have choices to make with regards to how we are going to face New Year’s Eve and 2021. Will you set yourself up for misery, or take responsibility for your own happiness or pain.

I will share in this post one simple step that will help you more than anything else, to heal and find inner peace and happiness. I have one caveat.

You must have gone no contact with the narcissist. That is the one engraved in stone, must do, requirement for healing. For those of you who share children with the narcissist, I’m sorry, it’s going to be more difficult for you, but you have to reduce contact to the bare minimum and if possible communicate through someone else.

So, once you are no contact, have grieved and accepted that you were with a narcissist; and all that other crap a person goes through trying to figure out what happened to them; you are ready to start healing.

And healing starts with you. Changing what you think about, your values, false beliefs, past trauma, past brainwashing. Learning to, live in the now, follow your instincts, protect your bounwaadaries, set your boundaries, figure out what your boundaries even ARE!!

Some people who can help you and made a huge difference in my life are;

Brene Brown – Daring Greatly, Gifts of perfection, Braving the Wilderness. The power of being vulnerable and the effects of shame.

Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now. Finding inner peace by living in the present with gratitude

Bob Proctor – The Secret among so many other books and videos on the laws of attraction

Oprah Winfrey – Soul Sunday videos on you tube. Being your best self and living an authentic life.

I am 10 years out by and go through spurts of studying self awareness. I am no longer pursuing it in order to heal, I just find I need a refresher once in a while and it is my personal beliefs that we should always strive to be better and it would be a life long journey.

The bonus of concentrating on self awareness is not just healing, but preventing ever going through it again and being a better more authentic you.

You will never be the person you were before the abuse so you might as well be a new improved, more authentic you.

Make 2021 your year to invest in yourself, heal old wounds, and reach your potential. What have you got to lose??!

Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year’s to you all.

Hugs Carrie