Category Archives: Traits of a narcissist

The Narcissist And The Pandemic

I have to admit I have no idea how a narcissist acts during a pandemic. It’s rather uncharted territory for everyone.

I can guess at how he will act. I can imagine my ex thinking he’s invincible, immune to anything that could kill him, using it as a venue to play the hero, rescue some lonely scared woman and also to scare his present victim into staying.

One thing I am certain of is that a narcissist never changes and never has an epiphany that turns him into a loving caring person. Even a pandemic will not make him realize what he has to lose and motivate him to change his ways.

What about the victims how does it affect them? It adds to their fear and uncertainty. If you were planning on leaving, it throws your plans all to hell. How can you leave when you have to socially distance or are on lockdown? Unfortunately it makes leaving all but impossible, so it means riding it out for awhile and staying as safe as you can. It means digging deep inside for strength to fight the fear and panic that keeps a person from acting logically and thinking rationally.

A narcissist feeds off of the emotions of others, maybe because he doesn’t have feelings of his own; playing with the emotions of others somehow gives him the next best thing.

I didn’t even have ID or a bank account and had to literally start all over from nothing at 52 years old. As if I woke up after being in a coma for 10 years, nothing was the same as it had been and I couldn’t remember who I was before the coma.

I will tell you this; I was always able to find a reason to stay. At first it was my brother’s addiction and my family being so worried about him. Then it was my son, then I had lost my job, I had to save enough for rent, there was always some plausible reason to stay. The first time I packed my bags and had my hand on the door knob about to leave was 2 weeks after I had moved in, and he cried and begged me to stay. I remember thinking, what have I got to lose? 9 years later I left with absolutely nothing, less than nothing, because I had sacrificed my pride, self esteem, confidence, the respect of my family and more importantly my self respect.

We split in November 2010 but had actually split many times during the relationship, like almost every 6 months. In 2008 we had split when my mother offered to buy me a mobile home as my early inheritance. Having the security of my own home again had motivated me to end it for good. I didn’t let him stay even one night in my new home and it wasn’t long before he moved away and we didn’t talk for 3 months.

My business was going wonderfully, I had been written up on the front page of the financial section of a prominent newspaper and couldn’t keep up with the calls for my services. I had started to date again, actually flirting with a guy who had been after me for over a year.

Then the economy tanked, but it only meant more work for me as companies shut down left and right. My mom and her second husband started pressuring me to sell my truck and “get a real job”, which was insanity, seeing as everyone was being laid off and I couldn’t keep up with all the work. I made $7500 in February 2009 alone. I was making my payments, my confidence was coming back, life was good except the pressure every morning from my folks. In November they had told me they had to sell my mobile home because of the market crashing, yet they went on an 8 week vacation. Telling me to find a place to move before they got back. They returned early March and true to their word they put my home up for sale.

When my ex called out of the blue I felt I had nothing to lose by talking to him. Take my advice; when ever you find yourself thinking, “what have I got to lose?” Think again! You always have more to lose, even when you think you’ve lost it all, a narcissist will take your soul and if you give him the chance, your life.

Had I done ANYTHING other than go back to him, I would be in better shape now. His whole purpose of coming back was to destroy me completely. The mind is a funny thing, it blocks out painful memories after a while. Like when you give birth and decide to have another child. I forgot how bad it had been and thought I knew how to handle him and avoid fights, protect myself financially and emotionally. But I had not seen what he was capable of yet, not even close. The pure evil that appeared once he had me back was, well, something out of a horror, thriller movie. Or Dirty John, the true story about a woman involved with a narcissist/psychopath.

You may be thinking you can’t afford to leave, but believe me, you can’t afford NOT to leave, even if you have no support. It will be the scariest thing you have ever done, but take that first step and don’t look back, you are stronger than you think.

Each person facing their own unique set of circumstances so I can’t advise you on exactly how you’ll do it but trust that you can.

I have the free download for a Safety Plan on how to leave a narcissist in the drop down menu at the top of the page. Make sure the narcissist doesn’t know you have it, (erase the history on the computer) but start preparing for your exit bit by bit.

If you have recently left the narcissist you are probably thinking you need him, you’re thinking about the new woman he’s isolating with, how you need someone to help you cope with the kids, the finances, and to just put his arms around you so you don’t feel so alone. This is not the time for “if onlys”, it is time to do some major self counsel and keep your head in reality. Who you thought he was, was a lie, an act and you know deep down that he wouldn’t have been there to support you through this or any other disaster, nature or one he created. The narcissist never made your life better, he created trauma and drama and caused you more worry and stress; especially when you needed him most.

Don’t let him sweet talk you into taking him back and don’t think the new woman is getting all the wonderful things about him. Maybe he is making sure you think he’s changed by putting on a good act but believe me history WILL repeat itself.

This is not the time to cave. You can do this.

You never know how strong you are until you get through what you didn’t think you could.

If it didn’t scare the hell out of you, if you knew you could do it; it wouldn’t take strength.

I used to tell myself;

“I can do anything for 24 hours. I just have to get through until tomorrow.” Sometimes it was hour by hour. Often times we look at what’s happening and think I can’t do this forever. It never is forever. Things change, they always get better. Don’t worry about what might never come to be. Keep your head in the here and now, just get through the next 24 hours.

My thoughts are with you all and I want to hear about your challenges and victories. Let’s pull each other close and support each other. I am going to check everyday to make sure you are all ok. Let’s talk.

Hugs❤️❤️❤️

Welcome and Safety Plan Download

Welcome to my site, Lady Witha Truck!

You may be wondering why its called Lady Witha Truck. Well, when I started the blog I had no intention of writing about narcissists, I really didn’t know anything about narcissist or domestic abuse really. I started the blog because I was trying to promote my business and had planned on blogging about hauling scrap metal with my loyal companion, Kato, a Shar-pei. But I was so broken after leaving my narcissistic/psychopath ex that I couldn’t think of anything BUT him and my pain.

I hadn’t gone “no contact” so almost daily he did something to hurt me and he was already involved with the “new love of his life”. He encouraged me to just kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, psycho, nutcase like me. I had made his life hell for 10 years and his new woman was nothing like me.

My suicide attempt failed and even though I had called to tell him what I had done, he never even sent an ambulance or have a friend check on me.

When I woke up and didn’t have any more pills, no money, my truck in the repair shop because he had sabotaged it AGAIN, and no family or friends left, I made the conscious decision to fix myself. Not only would I survive but I would thrive and figure out what happened to me and warm other women so no one ever went through what I did. I thought I couldn’t be the only woman going through this and if even one woman was saved by me sharing, it would all be worth it.

Plus, I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and figured the blog would make me accountable. I couldn’t very well announce to the world I was going to thrive and then kill myself.

That was in November 2010. A lot has happened in the last 9 + years and most of it and my experiences while in a on and off 10 years long relationship with a narcissist are contained in this blog.

I found when I was looking for answers the forums I went into were the same women having a pity party and not fixing anything or were experts who shared some facts but nothing about their personal journey. I wanted to hear I was normal, not the only person feeling the way I was and that they did eventually heal and thrive. I decided I would be totally honest about what I was going through as I went through it and share my journey in hopes victims learned from mistakes and benefit from my struggles.

I accomplished that and more. I have helped hundreds of people, been published, interviewed on talk radio, quoted, and had many many people write to thank me for saving their life. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life, by far.

I only write a handful of posts these days, I have said it all before. Besides, if I was to really thrive I had to focus on something other than toxic narcissists and I had health issues to deal with, work, finding a place to call home.

I promised I would speak out and educate people about narcissists and domestic abuse until my dying breath and I plan to keep that promise so keep the blog up, pay my annual fees for my domain, and try to answer any comments or questions people have, so feel free to comment.

Dig around in some old posts, read, educate yourself it’s the first steps towards healing. Read the comments along with the posts to see what other people have gone through and the advice they were given. There is almost as much useful information in the comments as the actual post.

I have a free download for a Safety Plan link below. Please use the information if you are planning to leave a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qUkYvybgVMzC0f_6JIr5GGB3jXV8tZul/view?usp=drivesdk

You don’t think it will ever happen to you, 90% of women killed by their domestic partner didn’t believe it would happen to them. 1 out of every 3 women will end up being abused in some way in their life time. 75% of domestic homicides happen either just prior to or up to 2 yrs after the victim leaves the relationship. Stay Safe!

So…….here you are looking for answers and wondering if your partner is even a narcissist. Years ago I read somewhere that people in a healthy loving relationship don’t go looking on the internet trying to figure out “what the hell happened?”

Hugs Carrie. XXX000

The Happy Narcissist

https://www.bbc.com/news/education-50184281

The above article was shared with me by a good friend, Peter, who I originally met through the blog almost 8 years ago.

It’s serendipitous that he should send it at this time in my life as I am in another period of struggling to keep my head above water.

We are only a few days away from the 9 year anniversary of me leaving my ex. Up until a few days ago I was feeling very positive about my life and how far I have come in those 9 years, against some pretty formidable odds.

When I first met Peter I was living in a small holiday trailer lent to me by a so called friend who felt the favor should be paid back with sex whenever he wanted. The trailer was cold, tiny, and felt nothing like “home”. I was miserable, sick, and probably at my lowest point ever.

In the past 8 years I have bought and lost a cabin on a lake because I had another heart attack and my ex managed to get me fired, by making anonymous calls to my employer telling him lies, anonymous complaint calls to the strata counsel and tampering with my work truck.

I lost my furniture due to mice where I had it stored. I moved onto my brother’s boat which I fixed up and he sold. Then I moved to live with my son and 4 other people in a hellhole small town, who after 6 months got a job in another province and I ended up living in my car.

I buried my two dogs within months of each other.

I tried to get funding to re-educate and was denied 3 times. I fought for disability benefits for 3 years with my ex calling welfare making false allegations against me and getting me cut off of the $600/month I was getting to live on.

For 5 years my ex was in the back ground stirring up trouble, calling landlords, the police, hacking my laptop, spying on me with a drone, slashing my tires, anything he could think of to make my life hell, while he lived off of the avails of his new woman, bought a home with her money, paid off his debt with her money and started his own business with her money. In fact it wasn’t even money she herself earned, it was money from life insurance she received when her husband died. Her husband had ensured she would never have to struggle or work after he died. He must have been rolling over in his grave watching how his money was spent.

Anyway, back to the article and my friend’s impeccable timing.

Nine years after leaving my ex, with 3 heart attacks under my belt, years of struggling find the right doctors and meds, having a defibrillator implanted and having it save my life several times. Feeling like I was dying, being told I could drop dead any minute, wanting to die and feeling the defibrillator saving my life was a cruel joke.

Living in my car on a couple occassions for a month or two, sleeping in my mother’s carport and then her floor, living in the basement of a friend’s with no kitchen or privacy. Never, since I lost my house at the lake, did I feel “at home”. Every time I had to “go home” I would walk through the door and a little piece of my soul would die……… But.

I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel, not a huge bright light, but a small glimmer light, teasing me to keep going forward.

I got offered a part time job, gardening and cleaning at a golf course, working when I chose, when my health permitted. I finally got my disability benefits which doubled how much I get every month.

Then last year I managed to save enough to buy a water damaged 30′ rv trailer off of a bidding site for $1100. Over the course of the year I have put every spare dime into fixing it up. I gutted it, made my own couch, painted the whole thing, redid the bathroom, hand painted my own tiles for the back splash, hand sewed curtains.

Walking into my little trailer feeds my soul. It surrounds me, envelops me and loves me back, it says, “You can do this, you are a survivor.”

It isn’t much but it is mine and I didn’t realize exactly how much I need it until I was faced with the idea of giving it up. You see, try as I might I never did get all the leaks fixed, there are rotten boards in the ceiling and the roof is rotten at the back end. My son says a dump of snow could bring the roof crashing down.

I thought the easy solution was to build a roof over it. I got permission from the RV park manager to build a roof. My brother paid for supplies, my son came to build it. The neighbor complained and the owner of the park squashed my plans of a roof.

Long story short, my son knew of a 23′ trailer for sale, my brother bought it, even though I told them both I can’t live in that small a trailer. My son brought it to me yesterday and a piece of my soul broke at the thought of living in it. It’s a great little trailer, clean, but oh so tiny, no counter space, no closet space, and no chance of changing it without major renovations.

Moving into it would mean getting rid of the few things I have acquired, and yes I would be dry, safe and warm but my soul would die.

My son is mad at me, but I refuse to move into it. I will take my chances doing what I can to fix my roof and pray we don’t have too much snow this winter.

What does this have to do with the article?

A narcissist would not be going through this, he/she wouldn’t worry about their soul because they don’t have one. They live in a make believe world, it’s easy to be happy when you fabricate your whole life and never worry about hurting other people.

The narcissist has nothing he isn’t willing to give up if doing so will get him what he wants. Let me explain what I mean.

My ex and I lost so much, we lived in dumps, I would be distraught, worried, panicked and he seemed unfazed. His mother was amazed by his “adaptability”, his “resilience”.

He was in denial is what he was. I over heard him on the phone talking to someone describing where we were living. I thought to myself, are we even on the same planet? He was describing his great shop, the many project antique cars he was working on the beautiful home we lived in and the facts were, it was a rat infested, one room shack that didn’t have a bathroom or kitchen. The yard was over grown and had derelict cars every where.

It didn’t bother him and he didn’t strive for better because it didn’t matter as long as he could lie about it. The fantasy was as good as the truth as long as no one challenged his lies.

I used to think his guitars were important to him but he could pawn them, lose them, have them stolen and just move on. Eventually he’d find a way to buy more. He had vehicles I thought he really loved, but if need be he could give them up in a heart beat for money or to attain a goal. For instance; he had a really nice 1970 something or other. He sold it to replace the tranny in my truck (which he burned out to begin with). Then he tampered with my truck and wrecked the new tranny. I told his stepdad and he said, “That doesn’t even make sense. He wouldn’t do that, he’s invested so much into fixing your truck, why on earth would he purposely wreck it?

Because he didn’t like me having a nicer truck, doing better at the job he hadn’t done well at and systematically sabotaged my truck until I was out of money and couldn’t afford to fix it. I had managed to last a lot longer than he had anticipated. But in the end, when he revealed his hand, I thwarted his plan and he never got my truck.

It was in the repair shop with tow charges owing, he told me he had a buddy who would take it off my hands for the amount owing. Something like $900. I knew there was no “buddy” he had planned all along to get my $10,000 truck for nothing. I told him I would give the truck away to a stranger before any “buddy” got his hands on it and he could tell his “buddy” to go fuck himself.

Within a year he had an old Chevy pickup truck he was fixing up. The new woman no doubt financed that for him.

The narcissist will play the role of victim and cry for all he’s had taken from him if it will garner him sympathy or guilt someone into giving him something. But the tears are an act. Watch closely, he’ll have his face in his hands crying real tears but peaking through his fingers to see if everyone is falling for it.

The biggest mistake everyone makes when dealing with a narcissist is to assume they have feelings like a normal person. You would be much more accurate to think of them as a robot, programed to function in every day society. But robots have their limitations.