Common Expressions of a Narcissist

Here are a few expressions commonly used by a narcissist. Please feel free to add any you might have in the comment section.

“I don’t know what to say about that”
When he knows he should be showing an emotion but because he doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.

“There are many types of love, the love I have for you is different”
When he is caught saying I love you to another woman.

“They can’t believe their good fortune to finally have someone there who knows what they are doing, it’s going to take me a while to straighten up the mess from the last guy”
(Every time he gets a new job)

“I had them eating out of my hands.”
(Believes in manipulating others to create results).

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
(After verbally maiming and then pretending there was more to say)

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
(A justification for receptively breaking promises)

“Just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear.”
(A justification for verbal abuse)

“You’re the only person who misunderstands what I say”

“You’re to sensitive, over-emotional, paranoid.”
(Same as above)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t repeat what I said 5 minutes ago”
(No matter what you say they said they will disagree)

“I’m sorry, what more do you want from me, I can never make you happy no matter what I do.”
(Followed by justifications for the behaviour with body language that is clearly not aligned with an apology)

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry.”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“Why do you have to live in the past?”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“What about your issues?”
(When failing to take responsibility for unacceptable behaviour)

“You make me behave like this, I am only reacting to your actions”
(Same applies for above)

“You’re the only person in the world I have these problems with.”
(Same applies for above)

“I can’t live with your dysfunctional perceptions”

“Why would I want to; come home, answer the phone, do something nice for you, (fill in the blank) when you act like this?”(Diverting blame)

Uses “loop hole” statements, such as:
“I *think* I’m falling in love with you” (he didn’t say he does love you)
“I *could* do this or that” (later he can say I said I could not that I would)
“*If* I asked you to marry me would you?” ( he didn’t ask)
“What size is your ring finger?”
(How you interpret that is not his fault)

“You act like my mother,” or, “You’re a control freak.”
(When asked for the truth or trustworthy / accountable behaviour)

“You know I hate conflict, but you continue to create it”
(When you confront him on something he’s done)

“This is exactly why I look elsewhere, you are always angry”
(When confronted about cheating)

“You should listen to yourself”

“If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be upset” when asked what is the truth then? Replies,”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway so why bother?”

“I’ve had enough, it’s over”
(When confronted on something like continued infidelity, rejecting you for being angry)

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person”
(While walking away from an argument)

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867 Replies to “Common Expressions of a Narcissist”

  1. Me and mine have been together 20 years. Married after the first 10 years. He wanted to keep our marriage a secret, saying his mother would make it all about her. It made sense, she was/is very self absorbed. Looking back at it all, I see everything so clearly. I had searched the internet for years to find reasons for his lies, flirtations, sneaky behavior, etc. One day only a few short months ago, I finally found a description that fit him to a tee. Narcissist. I never knew. I’m highly empathic. OMG what have I done. At one point he tried to convince me I was loosing my memory. I always had the ability to recall and quote things people would say. He diminished that ability and almost did have me believing my memory was going. And I’m working on regaining the rest of my mind and emotions.
    I’m stuck here with him. He makes sure we have no money. We always live in a room in someones house. He bought things for himself instead of meds for our cat of 17 years, and I was the only one that took care of her and watched her pass on as I petted her and told her how sorry I am. She was the only one I had to talk to. The only one that was here with me every day when I was home. I love and miss her. I can’t get away. He’s 17 years younger than me and I feel like he’s just bidding his time to off me in some alley when my mind really has gone. I’m not afraid, I’m very depressed and trapped. And even if I could get out, I have no money and nowhere to go. My teeth are all but gone. I work with him. I’m lost.
    LEA

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    1. Lea, believe me when I say, you are not alone. At all! So many of us survivors have endured horrific abuse at the hands of sociopaths/narcissists, to the point we have lost everything! No money, busted our careers, screwed with our kids, made a complete mess of our lives. But let me tell you. You have nothing to lose by leaving. The longer you stay, you’ve already lost everything because you remain subservient to the narc who has control over your life. Trust me, he is NOTHING without you. He needs you more than you need him. You can get your dignity back, by planning an exit strategy, that suits your purpose, not his.

      Don’t feel to proud to get some state or federal assistance. That’s a start, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. You can get free health care, food stamps, and even free career skills. Find a shelter, they will help you get all of those things to help you get back on your feet. Also, look into free legal aid to get a divorce. You have to start early with them because they may be backed up. If you don’t want any spousal support and just want to dissolve the marriage it’ll be easier. I did that because I just didn’t like having any connection to him, bad energy to me. His money wont last him anyway because he has no idea how to manage it. But I highly recommend getting started with a plan, and do not share the plan with anyone, just keep it to yourself, unless you have friends that can assist you. You dont have to stay being abused like this. You can leave as an option, staying just makes you as a person disappear or maybe even wind up like him. Don’t think your life is over. The fact that you see what is happening is proof positive that you are very well on your way. You’ve become enlightened

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      1. I’m trying, honestly. It seems every time I think I’m going forward, I end up with my face in a wall. Figurative. And my problems are many. I can’t get aid, and I don’t have friends or family. Acquaintances, are all. There was a man trying to befriend me on line. He said he could help me, but I can’t go from one bad man to possibly another. I have skills, I just need to get my dentures made so I’ll be presentable. I don’t want to stay with him. Even when he’s being “nice” I know it’s not real. It was never real. I’m 57 years old. I’ve never felt old. He is dragging me down though. I don’t put up with much anymore. If I need to I walk away. I consider everything he says to be a lie. All I can do is keep my eyes open for a way out. Slowly I may be able to save enough money to leave. I’m looking into options from there. I want therapy as soon as I get out of here too. Then i just want to be on my own, with my sons. They are with their dad. Well, one is.
        Thank you for your time and compassion. I know I have to do this, and I honestly look forward to being me again.
        Thank you.
        Lea

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        1. Lea,

          About the denture thing. I understand because the same thing happened to me. There’s a guy on Etsy that makes really good dentures, I mean really good aesthetically real looking for cheap. A complete set I think is $450 plus the price you have to pay for the molding material, he sends everything to you; the molding material, he will talk to you on Skype if need be, once you send the mold back to him you get your new dentures in a few weeks. Check out Etsy and search dentures. You’ll see what I mean once you get there, as all his reviews are 5 stars

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    2. Get a different job and escape as soon as you can . I have finally had the blinkers taken off after 22 years and it’s not pretty and they will not change

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    3. GO to a shelter. They will help you. They might even be able to set you up with some dental work to get false teeth. There is help out there don’t be afraid to get out. He is capable of anything at any time!!! Read about trauma bonding >>
      ://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/trauma-bonding-is-it-love-or-something-else/

      Liked by 1 person

  2. He argues with abt 90% of what I say. So I have learned to express basically no personal feelings to him. When he asks for my “thots” I know whatever I say will make him argue w me. So I avoid as much as possible sharing any personal opinion when he asks me. He makes comments like— why do you want that? That’s not what we talked about. We already covered that. Have you forgotten already? What did I say? I said it very clearly. It’s not difficult to figure out. Or, the biggest put down? The silent treatment. Especially when I did not hear him the first time because he likes to talk low.

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  3. Here’s a few of my ex’s favs…

    “It is what it is”

    “You make me feel like a bad person” when straighter asked my opinion of something he wants to do and my opinion differs from his

    “I hate you can’t see my side” when confronted because of dismissive behaviours

    “I love you like you love me” no specifics as to what that love is

    “I’m a very private person” after being confronted about lying and being asked for transparency

    “I hate that you can’t see I was trying” after repeatedly (and still) cheating on me

    “We want the same things” again, no specifics

    “What do you ever do for us?” After being confronted about not being an attentive partner

    “I think you’re overthinking things” about anything I feel

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  4. Still dealg w narc husband, one of his favorite things to say to me is “You’re not making sense” along with…”You’re not clear when you speak”,,….”We’ve already discussed it”,…”AGAIN, for the (3rd, 4th, 5th etc) time!”, ….”FINE, do whatever you want!”.

    My dad ws a narc, my husband is a narc, husbands dad is a narc, I never thought that out of all the guys I dated that i wld pick the wrong one, but i did. I am gonna leave him when i get my ducks in a row. OH and I know he cheated on me, cant prove it but I know he did. He has been sneaky, etc,

    SHAME ON ME FOR MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE

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  5. My ex broke up with me over text. We had an 10 second argument on the phone that was due to a misunderstanding of where we were meeting that night. She texts later to scold me for the mixup. I texted back 20 min later asking that we discuss how the mix up happened. Next day she says it’s over because I didn’t care enough to respond to her text and resolve things. I let her know I did, I even sent her a screen shot of my text, with timestamp. She ignored the evidence and continued over a week telling me I didn’t care to respond that night. I again sent her the screen shot. I also included the line item from my phone bill. She claimed I had somehow doctored them. I took a video of my phone scrolling through the texts between her and i. She claimed it was doctored. We went no contact after that. Evidence and facts don’t exist for a narcissists.

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  6. Here’s the text I got 8 days before she switched on me
    BAYBEE
    You’re magical
    You were amazing
    I really 😘 love you 😘
    I love you BAYBEE more than ever
    I love my brilliant secret fiancé
    Thanks again for dinner and wine
    And the intellectually stimulating conversation
    Smartest funniest kick ass guy I’ve had the pleasure of knowing
    I think we make my big tv room addition into a duplex
    Half bedroom half living room
    With a wall and door
    It has separate entrance
    Love you 😘
    Sweet sexy wet dreams
    BAYBEE I love you
    I love your 🍆
    It’s perfect

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  7. Wow. My N-mom has said at least nine of those statements!

    I also love “I’m willing to start over”, while saying you are to blame for their bad behavior.

    Plus “a relationship is a two-way street”, when they are trying to shift the blame back on to you.

    Also, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you need to know I feel”, or any such variation on the non-apology apology.

    Liked by 1 person

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