Common Expressions of a Narcissist

Here are a few expressions commonly used by a narcissist. Please feel free to add any you might have in the comment section.

“I don’t know what to say about that”
When he knows he should be showing an emotion but because he doesn’t feel the same as everyone else.

“There are many types of love, the love I have for you is different”
When he is caught saying I love you to another woman.

“They can’t believe their good fortune to finally have someone there who knows what they are doing, it’s going to take me a while to straighten up the mess from the last guy”
(Every time he gets a new job)

“I had them eating out of my hands.”
(Believes in manipulating others to create results).

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.”
(After verbally maiming and then pretending there was more to say)

“Just because I didn’t do what you wanted when you wanted it.”
(A justification for receptively breaking promises)

“Just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear.”
(A justification for verbal abuse)

“You’re the only person who misunderstands what I say”

“You’re to sensitive, over-emotional, paranoid.”
(Same as above)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, you can’t repeat what I said 5 minutes ago”
(No matter what you say they said they will disagree)

“I’m sorry, what more do you want from me, I can never make you happy no matter what I do.”
(Followed by justifications for the behaviour with body language that is clearly not aligned with an apology)

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry.”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“Why do you have to live in the past?”
(Followed by repetitive unacceptable behaviour)

“What about your issues?”
(When failing to take responsibility for unacceptable behaviour)

“You make me behave like this, I am only reacting to your actions”
(Same applies for above)

“You’re the only person in the world I have these problems with.”
(Same applies for above)

“I can’t live with your dysfunctional perceptions”

“Why would I want to; come home, answer the phone, do something nice for you, (fill in the blank) when you act like this?”(Diverting blame)

Uses “loop hole” statements, such as:
“I *think* I’m falling in love with you” (he didn’t say he does love you)
“I *could* do this or that” (later he can say I said I could not that I would)
“*If* I asked you to marry me would you?” ( he didn’t ask)
“What size is your ring finger?”
(How you interpret that is not his fault)

“You act like my mother,” or, “You’re a control freak.”
(When asked for the truth or trustworthy / accountable behaviour)

“You know I hate conflict, but you continue to create it”
(When you confront him on something he’s done)

“This is exactly why I look elsewhere, you are always angry”
(When confronted about cheating)

“You should listen to yourself”

“If you knew the truth you wouldn’t be upset” when asked what is the truth then? Replies,”You wouldn’t believe me if I told you anyway so why bother?”

“I’ve had enough, it’s over”
(When confronted on something like continued infidelity, rejecting you for being angry)

“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person”
(While walking away from an argument)

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868 thoughts on “Common Expressions of a Narcissist

  1. Human

    “Do narcissists acknowledge that they’re narcissists?”

    I think they typically believe they are very special individuals; superior, smarter, not realizing that there is nothing unique or remarkable about their devious schemes and deceptive behaviors, which are nothing but standard, routine practice for millions of run-of-the-mill narcissists, attestable by millions of victims who are making this discovery as they share their experiences.

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  2. Carrie Reimer Post author

    Leigh, I am glad it worked out for you but I would not recommend victims of narcissists do the same thing. These people are VERY dangerous and extremely vindictive and can hold grudges an extraordinarily long time. You may think you got the better of them but I would be very careful because they will hit when you aren’t looking, even years down the road. There is no way a normal person can ever anticipate the depth of evil and how far they will go to exact revenge.

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Leigh, I just came back from your FB page and I really do not recommend anyone do what you are doing. It may feel good right now but you could very well live to regret it and it could all backfire on you and make you look like the bitter jealous ex. I advise that you go no contact, that says so much more than all the slander you can do on FB. You really need to read up some more on narcissists, all this attention on FB is feeding his ego, he loves it!!! and it is driving the other woman into his arms. You are not getting the desired results. If you were to go no contact it would tell him you don’t care what the hell he does, as long as you are ranting on FB he knows he care. I know you are hurting and I feel for you, big hugs

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  3. Yvonne

    Is there such thing as a insanely insecure narsissist? Or is that the same thing? I think my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is. I researched narsissist and he has 28 out of the 30 signs and 9 out of 12 signs of misogynist and all 15 of an insecure man. I researched insecure men and it’s like I was reading about the narsassist. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Now I know his insecurity is mostly to blame and that’s why he munipilates everything I can actually feel myself fading away from him. I’m not as scared as I was before. Wonder why? Is it finally SINKING in my mind that I can beat this mental and verbal abuse?!

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  4. courtney

    I noticed my narcissists manipulation never ever ends.
    Every word is never just a word it always has an agenda.
    She will use good qualities i have, and criticize me for them..make them a negative in me..then use my good qualities to talk about someone else.
    So my honesty she will use as a negative to put me down..then talk about someone ams say I love how honest she is …
    It’s constant i mean it never ever stops for a second. .

    Is my narcissist extreme or are they all this bad 24 7?

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    1. Yvonne

      Yeah I was sucked in by his charming ways and felt comfortable to be honest and up front with him with my faults and weaknesses. Now only to find out what he really is and uses that information to his advantage to put me down, degrade me, make me feel 2 inches tall. He munipilates everything. Even when i catch him in a lie he will reverse it and bring up something I did do the finger is pointed at me not him. There’s something psychologically wrong with this man. Exhausted from trying to figure his immature ass out. Insecure and immature narsissistic bullshit!!!!

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    2. Julie

      No it is constant. Never doubt that what they are saying really good/really bad isnt a tatic to get what they ultimately desire your misery, distruction and redusing u to someone u no longer recognize. Period. It is the only way for them to register any feel good emotions about themselves. If their lips are moving…then its lies, lies, lies.

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  5. Julie

    Here’s only a handful of the comments i experienced while married
    When commenting on himself…
    “I’m an excellent lier.” Like was proud. It was the oddest thing i have ever seen in someone. Telling you a negitive quality about themselves but they seem to relish im the fact. By the way, he isnt.
    “You are crazy/dillusional/ your imagination is getting away with you.”
    After telling him he was wonderful..
    “Actually I’m an as%ho@%”
    After saying he was handsome, smart etc
    “No I’m not.”
    He could never just say thank u honey for a compliment. He either doubted my sincerity or completely rejected it. To get futher compliments as well as truely not believing. Many are the most insecure people u will ever meet but hide it well.
    Attacks included but not limited to
    “You are worthless/useless/stupid”
    “You have a mental disorder.”
    “You are selfish.”
    Pretty much anyway thay they actually see themselves.
    What a nightmare glad im waking up after only 2 years of this abusive rollercoater only to now have to handle coparenting our son…at least i have a name for this insainity and know there are people who understand this maddening disorder

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  6. Julie

    Oh I had to add his most favorite line,
    “It’s over.”
    And, of course, it was always my fault because i wanted to discuss something that made him uncofortable.
    He also liked calling me “victim”
    As an insult for trying to communicate about what hurt me.
    His mother now hates me for nothing i have done just because of believing all his lies. She is as bad as him now when she always thought i was the best woman in the world for him before. One time he tried to convience me i was crazy by saying i had literally imagined a woman’s contact in his phone. That i had literally seen something that was not there. He was crying, believe it or not, and got his parents into the fight and made me leave without my son that night because i was a danger to him. It is amazing the lenghts he will go to. Even his mother claims i said i hated my son that night. It is complete insainity that i only wish for his mistresses now;) not really thou i wouldnt want this for anyone…even all of them.
    I think the craziest part of this whole mess was him trying to convience my family that i was literally crazy and convience me that they hated me when they all hated him and tried again and again to help me leave him. That is my biggest regret is how i ended up hurting the people i loved the most by my constant back and forth when everyone knew (even me really if i could have admitted to the reality then that was so clear) that he was abusive, distructive and never really loved me. Thank you Jesus for allowing my eyes to be open and helping me see the truth always

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  7. Sheila

    Sorry to you too –// . I did everything I can to work our relationship but I think staying is not the solution right now. We both need to accept the fact that the thing between us is irrepairable and it comes to the point that it is broken and it’s over!

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  8. Yvonne

    I keep practicing on how and what to say When I finally get the courage to let go of the familiar…. Should I act enraged cuz that’s how I feel it should I kill him with kindness and be calm? Should I say I don’t know what your intentions are but I can’t be with someone who has a porn addiction and has other girls on his phone and someone who stalks girls fb pics to pleasure to and crops me out of a picture with another one of my close girlfriends. I can’t trust him and sick of the attitude when I question him about a simple thing. And ABSOLUTELY can not stand his insecurity issues. It’s exhausting. This is a toxic relationship and I’m obviously not the right one for him. There’s really no difference between the relationship he had with me than he has with his mommy. It’s hard cuz it’s Xmas is next week and his mom adores me and it’s not her fault her sons an ass. Idk. Decisions decisions.

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  9. Tom

    Man, I am so glad I found this post. I was with one for 10 years. I met her in 2005 I was 48 years old. Now after 10 years and a divorce this past June I am 93 lol. Just to know others have experienced it themselves I don’t feel quite as hopeless as I did 2 hours ago but, very remorseful for the abuse we have all suffered through being tied to one of them. The narcissist I was married to was like a vampire. I thank God I am starting to recover. I know it will be slow but, I am thankful..

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  10. Tom

    Wow! Coincidence indeed but, for me I would call it catastrophe. I had never realized how much I had become programed to such a disfunctioned human being. Since finding this post I feel like there is hope for me. Just got to be productive in a humorous way to move on.
    Here is my humor approach. I never realized in living with her for so long that she always stayed nacade in the bathroom in front of the mirror lol. Not to be cruel but this woman had most of her colon removed before we met. A huge scar on her abdomen and her left nipple was cauliflowered “strange” I never looked at it as a flaw. The key thing here is the mirror!
    Vanity! oh man so vain. It makes since that the only person she ever saw that made sense to her was her on reflection in the mirror. Will write more later. If you are like me I don’t like the feeling of bitterness. It is like letting her live in my head. More later! Nice to meet you!!

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    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Leigh, I am not sure why you are attacking Tom but your bitterness is palatable. I understand you being hurt and bitter but your insistence on seeking revenge and retribution is going to bite you in the ass I am afraid. And quite frankly you are making his case for him. Leaving messages on his voice mail threatening him and his family could land you in jail and I hope to God for your sake he has not been smart enough to save them. Uttering death threats is not taken lightly by the police and is making you look like the abusive ex out for revenge and that he needs protection from you.
      From your own mouth you have made quite a nasty case against yourself and given him lots to arm himself with in court. If you truly do have feeling of harming him, his family or yourself I hope you will seek counselling. Most victims of a N end up in financial ruins and from the sounds of it you have managed to save some of your investment, try to not lose it all by being a loose cannon and burying yourself, you will regret it later.
      To be honest you are making a fool of yourself and you really need to stop and think about what you are doing. I am telling you this for your own good. I can not have you talking about killing people on my site without reporting it to the police and I would not want anyone coming here to think I in anyway advocate the actions you are professing to be taking. I am totally against all of it.

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      1. Carrie Reimer Post author

        Leigh, you don’t have to justify your actions to me; we are on the same team. When I say it could bite you in the ass, I say it from experience. I learned the hard way that there is no end to the depth these assholes will go to exact revenge or make you look like the psycho, ruin any chance you have of ever having a life after them. You will not always feel this way, the bitterness will leave you if you let it and I would hate to see you paying the price for it years down the road.
        The way you talk it is as if you feel somehow you went through worse abuse, suffered more severe deception and gave up so much more than most of the other victims here. Believe me, 90% of victims of a narcissist have lost way more than you and invested as much and lost as much as you, were deceived as much as you.
        But we don’t go around announcing to the world that we are going to kill the narc and his whole family. We do not announce to the world that we will simply plead temporary insanity, because THAT would prove premeditated murder.
        I have been where you are, thinking I had “given him what he deserved” taught him that he couldn’t mess with me, that I was not the push over he thought I was; and I have paid the price for that for the last 4 years.
        I too had realms of evidence of his infidelity, I had read his journals going back 6 years, I too could put all the puzzle pieces together and prove he was seeing 6 women and telling each one that they were the love of his life. He destroyed my business by sabotaging my truck, he tried to kill me by sabotaging my truck, he stole or destroyed everything of value I had. He attempted to destroy my reputation and I felt really cocky about the fact that I led such an exemplary life no one would believe his lies. I was right to a point, no one did believe his lies at first but as time went on I found myself working for someone who didn’t know me, who didn’t know how moral and upright I was and who was susceptible to my ex’s exceptional ability to play the victim. I never imagined having several heart attacks and ending up on welfare and him sabotaging me to the point of being cut off welfare. I never imagined he could be THAT cruel.
        What did I do to him that was so bad? I simply refused to lay down and be a doormat any more. I don’t know how I could have done it an other way.
        In a nutshell this is the story. I was able to get cheap car insurance because I was accident free so we always insured the vehicles in my name. When we got back together in 2009 he was an owner operator out of Alberta and had a Alberta drivers license. When you move to another province you have 30 days to change your driver’s license to the new province. When he moved to BC, unbeknownst to me he never changed his driver’s license to BC and continued to drive on his Alberta DL. I assumed he had gotten his BC license because he was working for a company in BC, living in BC and I assumed the company would have insisted he have a BC DL. It is illegal to drive on a license from another province after 30 days. He was a heavy duty mechanic and driving the semi’s for a BC company on his Alta license for over a year.
        He had a buddy in Alberta who he was going to start a business with and was talking about us moving to Alberta for months before we split, then we split in Dec. and he kept saying he was moving to Alberta in the spring. When we split I signed a transfer form putting the car into his name so he could insure it himself (why should I continue to insure his car if we were split) It was when the insurance needed to be renewed in December that I found out he didn’t have a BC DL. BUT again he took me for dinner, told me he loved me yada yada yada and he was moving to Alberta in a few months and asked me nicely to keep the car insured in my name until he left because he was getting a new truck when he got to Alberta and leaving me the car anyway. I made sense to me.
        In January he told me he had to fly to Alberta to renew his driver’s license because it had expired in Sept on his birthday. He had been driving for 3 1/2 months without any license!!
        I drove him to the airport and told myself that he was moving there in a couple of months so really what was the harm? and again he said I would be getting the car when he left.
        Feb rolls around and the insurance needs to be renewed again and he is still in BC, he asks me to insure it one more time for 3 months, for sure he will be gone before that and I would be getting the car when he left. So I did.
        He took me for dinner, told me he loved me etc and against my better judgement I had “hope” again, that is until the police called to ask me if I knew where my car was. They told me where it was parked and that they had seen it there many nights (I believe the husband of the married woman he was screwing found out about the affair and thought if I knew it would put an end to it and had someone call me saying they were the cops). I caught him at the woman’s house, he did break it off with her that day and that night he moved in with a different woman, the love of his life and took great pleasure in rubbing my nose in his happiness. She was wonderful, he didn’t have to lie to her, she was calm and rational, nothing like me; she was the love of his life and I should kill myself because no man would ever want a psycho demanding, ungrateful bitch like me anyway. I had made his life hell for 10 years.
        Well, I was indignant, he could just get his new woman to insure his car if I was such a bitch, why should I take the chance of him having an accident and it ruining MY good standing. He refused and laughed at me. He kept losing the transfer forms I kept signing. I threatened to report it stolen and he laughed at me. I tried to cancel the insurance on the car and couldn’t without the license plates. I tried to report it stolen and was told by the cops “possession is 9/10th of the law” and if I went and got the car I would be charged with theft. Then the insurance ran out and he was driving it without insurance, refusing to take it out of my name and still did not have a legal driver’s license in BC. He was obviously never moving to Alberta and if he had an accident in that car while it was in my name I would be liable, he had the power to destroy me. It went on for 6 months, my hands were tied and he was just laughing.
        Well, I was not as stupid as he thought I was. I had taken photocopies of his Alberta DL and his BC DL months before we split, just in case and tucked it away.
        I wrote a long letter to the insurance company of BC and one to the Alberta Driver’s services explaining that he was and had been living in BC for over 2 years and driving commercially in BC on an Alberta license (VERY illegal) I was able to provide the photo copies and I told them that I wanted my name off that car, that they were enabling him to continue to control and abuse me and it was totally unfair. If something was not done immediately I would begin legal proceeding against him and ICBC.
        Take that James! I tried to be fair, I tried to be reasonable and he forced me to take drastic steps, I felt totally justified and I admit quite smug. I was not the push over he thought I was!!
        Within a week Alberta had pulled his DL, he had to pay $20,000 in fines before he could get his BC driver’s license and he lost his job because he didn’t have a driver’s license. Not my problem, right? he is the one who broke the law, I gave him plenty of chances to do the right thing. No one told it was me who ratted him out but he figured it was me.
        Well, his new sweetie paid his fines for him; some how I was the unreasonable vindictive bitch in the whole thing and I thought it was over.
        How naive I was!! He has made it his mission in life to destroy every job I get, has made anonymous complaints against me to bosses, landlords, the people who held my mortgage. For almost 5 years he has done everything within his power to destroy any hope of me ever having a job or a place to live. Filed anonymous complaints with welfare so I can not even get that. He will not be happy until I am living under a bridge. He has put tracking devices on my vehicles, I have had a drone outside my window, tapped my phone, hacked my email, and the stress of it all brought on my heart condition.
        I am SO over him, my broken heart is healed, I truly do not give a shit what he is doing, who he is doing, or what he did to me. I just want to get on with my life, but I live in constant fear of what he will do next. And he is smart, there is no way I can prove what he is doing it is his word against mine and he has told everyone what a psycho vindictive bitch I am.
        That is why I am advising you to stop advertising that you are going to “make him pay” and focus on getting well yourself. You will not win with a psychopath/narcissist and why would you want to? NO you can not just let him break the law, and you have to protect your best interest but you do not have to go for blood. You do not have to prove yourself to be a psycho bitch out to make him pay. He is loving the attention, you keep showing him how much he hurt you, how he had the power to get to you. If you truly want to make him “pay” the best way to do that is to take control of YOUR life and flourish! Succeed without him, without giving one shit who he is with or what he is doing. You are strong, amazing, and very able to be happy, successful and respected in the business world without his sorry ass. THAT is all you have to prove, let him hang himself, he will, without any help from you. In fact he is much more likely to show his true colors if he thinks you aren’t looking. As long as you are trying to “out him” he has to keep acting like the nice guy and playing the victim. You are enabling him to continue with his lies and false image.
        I know you want revenge but believe me, it offers only a fleeting feeling of self satisfaction and redemption and then the hatred and heart ache creeps back in. There are people who cling to their pain like a life preserver, they want to stay a victim, a long as they are the victim they are still part of the narcissist’s life. The pain becomes who they are and they don’t know how to act or who they are without the pain. One of James’s ex’s went to her grave a sad, angry, bitter lonely victim hell bent on destroying every relationship he ever had. She called me and I had never heard anyone so full of hatred and vindictiveness. Even though we were split at the time and everything she said I knew to be true; I felt sorry for him. I thought if that was what he had to deal with it was no wonder he was the way he was. She actually pushed me into his arms and proved what he had always told me about her; that she was a vindictive drunk who made his life hell.
        I am not against you, I am trying to help you. The bitterness will destroy you, not him; you will destroy yourself.

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