Support Forum

 

graphics-welcome-859433
To all new visitors! Welcome!!
You have found a great group of supportive people who have all been through what you are going through and understand completely the devastation you are feeling.
You are NOT crazy and you are not to blame, you are in a relationship or just left a relationship with a narcissist/psychopath. You are not alone. Come as often as you like to vent, ask questions, cry, and get support and encouragement.
All I ask is that everyone is respectful of each other’s opinions and understands that most everyone here are at a heightened emotional state. While with the narcissist the victim lived with constant trauma, drama and were told constantly that they were wrong to feel what they were feeling and that they were flawed in some way; it makes sense they are very sensitive to criticism. 
Opinions are just that, if someone has a different opinion than you it doesn’t mean someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Everyone is entitled to voice an opinion.
I may have an opinion you don’t agree with and I am more than willing to back up whatever I say, so feel free to question me and I will explain why I feel the way I do. Not to convince you I am right but to explain why I feel the way I do and maybe I will give you some information you didn’t know before. Or maybe you will enlighten me. An exchange of ideas is healthy and how we learn. 
Just remember, narcissists are basically all the same but the victims are as different as people can be, we all have our own history and frame of reference. Please respect that!
Hugs
Carrie

7,188 thoughts on “Support Forum

  1. Maggie B

    I can’t believe it’s taken me more than 50 years to recognise that my mother is a narcissist. The more I read about narcissism, the more it sounds like my mother’s behaviour.

    I always knew she was immature, even childish in her behaviours, but having lived away from my home town for more than 20 years, I didn’t realise how controlling she was of my stepfather.

    Not long after I moved back to my home town, my mother threw a huge hissy-fit and out of the blue accused my stepfather of having an affair. That is not something that my stepfather would even do. Besides, mum has manipulated him so much, that he can’t leave because he’s so emotionally messed up and still ‘loves’ her. I think that if he left he feels that his world will fall apart.

    I quickly realised that my mother’s accusation against my stepfather was another means of controlling him. She saw that my stepfather was helping me with a few things around my new home, and was jealous of the small amount of attention he was giving me. So she felt she had to regain full control of him which led to the ridiculous accusation of infidelity. She has been ranting at him for over a week now and he is not in good health, so I am very concerned for him. She won’t allow him to leave their home or to make telephone calls.

    When it began and her extreme behaviour was frankly, quite baffling, I talked to someone in the local mental health team, and initially the thought was that she was developing dementia. They said that if she made threats against anyone or there was concern that she would harm someone that I should phone the police and then the ambulance so the medical team could assess her. After she threatened to confront the woman she claims my stepfather is having the affair with, I heard her raging on the phone and told my stepfather that I’d already phoned the police and that I was going to phone the ambulance to have her assessed. He refused to allow the ambulance to be called, and said that she’d settle down.

    A few minutes later, my mother took off in the car still threatening to confront the woman. Later after she came home, I received a frantic telephone call from my stepfather asking me to phone the ambulance because her behaviour had escalated further. I spoke with the ambulance officer about what was happening as I was concerned about her behaviours and that she was possibly developing dementia. The police had already talked to her at home and then later the ambulance came and assessed her. She was able to act rationally enough so they couldn’t take her in. By that stage I had driven over, picking up my brother on the way. We talked to the ambulance officer who said that they couldn’t take her in because she was rational enough to pass their test, but he acknowledged that there was something very seriously wrong going on.

    Rather than allowing my mother to alienate the rest of my siblings, most of whom I had been speaking with about what was going on, I told her that it was all my decision to phone the police and the ambulance. So of course, I’m banned from ever going there again or phoning them.

    My brother and I went to see our mother’s general doctor and told him all about her behaviours and he thought that she was showing signs of dementia and made some notes on her chart. Unfortunately there’s not a lot more we can do unless we take out a court order to have her taken into the hospital mental health unit against her will, which my stepfather won’t allow.

    It’s now been over a week since this major hissy fit began. My mother won’t allow my stepfather out of the house, unless it’s to buy groceries and then she yells at him for buying something wrong (my sister is there at the moment, trying to act as a buffer.) My stepfather is not allowed to use the house-phone and my mother has taken his mobile phone from him. He’s basically a prisoner in his own home.

    I went over there today, not to be nasty to mum (because there’s no point), but to try and help my stepfather to see reason, to at least understand that everything she is doing is her way of manipulating and controlling him. He’s is so terribly distressed and distraught and confused. My heart aches for him, but there’s nothing more I can do now. I have to keep my distance.

    My stepfather insists that my mother just needs time to settle down and then it will all blow over, but my sister keeps reminding him, that it will never blow over because our mother wants to keep her control of him, and she’ll do anything to keep him under her thumb.

    My mother has been quite abusive towards my sister too, and telling her get out and that she’s not welcome and swearing at her. Thankfully my sister is stubborn like me, and won’t go, at least for a few more days. Once she goes, we all understand that my stepfather will be isolated with the monster who is our mother, and from that point on, who knows what will happen. I remain very concerned that my stepfather may take his own life.

    Like

    Reply
  2. MB

    Sorry about you stepfather. It does sound as though your Mother is a Narcissist. I really can’t think of a way you can help you stepfather . You need to get him some reading material on the subject. Hopefully he’ll read so he can change his understanding and just leave.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Peacekeeper

    Help please. He left me again for the third time. I keep thinking I know what he is but even his counsellor says he has traits but would not define him as a full blown narccissist. I am devastated again and confused all around but mostly exhausted from it all. The more I read the more I see I am not alone and although I think my story is so ironic I see now it isn’t. How am I going to get out of this? He left me the same day my sister moved to another province and at a time as I watch my mother slowly die from a lung disorder. He knows I have abandonment issues, his timing was iconic!!! He threatened to call the police if I wouldn’t leave his apartment when I was in a full blown panic attack over everything. Please shed some light on my upheaval. I am so very tired and am scared I will never be free.

    Like

    Reply
  4. MB

    Dear Peacekeeper, you need to do what I am trying so hard to do until I’m out of here……disconnect emotionalally. The thing they need the most from you is to see the pain, fear, and anguish they can cause you. It makes them feel in control. It is so hard There are many of us going through this so don’t feel alone. Your Dr saying that he is a certain degree of Narcissist doesn’t mean a whole lot. Basically we are all narcissistic or we’d never fix ourselves in a mirror or worry how nice we look. Narcissist have an out of control degree and they know how to be cunning with it in public. They could fool their own Mother if they wanted to. You know the real person and live with his cruelty. All your problems are meaningless to a Narcissist. They are the only one that matters to themself. THEY ARE WEAK. You are strong and you can do this. Success is the best revenge.

    Like

    Reply
  5. helen

    One thing that I have noticed going through all this, these men/women seem to pick the nice or co-dependent women. This people spend time working you out find all your weak spots and once they have you under their spell. They start changing playing games, twist and turn things so your mind starts getting confused. These people need to control you, manipulate you and once they get you they walk away. Leave you devastated because you have lost your self (unknowingly) because you have focused just on them. So when they leave you are empty so when they come back ( because they will) you will take them back and you go back to how you were and it will start all over again….They do this to control you.
    What you need to do now, that he has gone. Work on your self. you can do this now because he has left you now 3 times so you should know his pattern..don’t take him back either because you need to get your self healed, be strong and do things for you.

    Like

    Reply

Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s