Support Forum

 

graphics-welcome-859433
To all new visitors! Welcome!!
You have found a great group of supportive people who have all been through what you are going through and understand completely the devastation you are feeling.
You are NOT crazy and you are not to blame, you are in a relationship or just left a relationship with a narcissist/psychopath. You are not alone. Come as often as you like to vent, ask questions, cry, and get support and encouragement.
All I ask is that everyone is respectful of each other’s opinions and understands that most everyone here are at a heightened emotional state. While with the narcissist the victim lived with constant trauma, drama and were told constantly that they were wrong to feel what they were feeling and that they were flawed in some way; it makes sense they are very sensitive to criticism. 
Opinions are just that, if someone has a different opinion than you it doesn’t mean someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Everyone is entitled to voice an opinion.
I may have an opinion you don’t agree with and I am more than willing to back up whatever I say, so feel free to question me and I will explain why I feel the way I do. Not to convince you I am right but to explain why I feel the way I do and maybe I will give you some information you didn’t know before. Or maybe you will enlighten me. An exchange of ideas is healthy and how we learn. 
Just remember, narcissists are basically all the same but the victims are as different as people can be, we all have our own history and frame of reference. Please respect that!
Hugs
Carrie

7,127 thoughts on “Support Forum

  1. Nikki

    Yolanda,

    It sounds like he just did you a big favor. I haven’t even started “no contact” yet, but I wish my N would finally discard me. You’re doing the right thing by staying strong and staying NC. I guess the only council I can offer is to urge you to learn from my mistakes. I wish I would have RUN, as soon as the mask slipped. Instead, I thought I was going to beat him at his own game. I was more worried about the division of property. I should’ve been worried about my own sanity. I hadn’t learned enough about N’s when all hell broke loose. I should’ve cut my losses and completely disappeared. Please, please, please, don’t let him weasel his way back into your life. You can do it. You know his cruel abandonment has nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. If he is a narcissist, he’s not a human being. He will never give you closure. Stay strong!

    Like

    Reply
  2. Kim

    That guy is the devil himself. Don’t allow him near you in any way shape or form. Don’t block him! Change your number , get a new phone new SIM card, get a new computer and change your network router the entire system and all your email addresses. Move! I’m not kidding!!!!! Do not think for one minute you deserve that treatment ! It’s evil! It’s mean to cause you to not only feel isolated but to isolate yourself like you do in your room and to let what evil death to your spirit words he cast upon you swim in your head…………….. PLEASE. Read up on mind control. Read up on gang stalking, government/ criminal group terrorists. This guy isn’t even human. DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. Each time you do he is sucking the bright light from you. You are not in control. Only way to control it is to do the things I mentioned above. He knows what you are doing every minute of everyday. Through your phone and computer. He. Probably has listening or small wireless cameras in your house. I’m not crazy. Or paranoid. This happens way too much. It’s a war on good from the dark side . Look this stuff up on YouTube. I don’t believe everything I watch but I see truth in my situation. I journalise and eventually the puzzle pieces all fit. Sounds like you are dealing with a person who is wanting to destroy you. He knows how. DONT LET YOUR GUT FEELINGS GET IN THE WAY OF THE NICE PERSON YOU ARE HOPING HE WILL SOME HOW SEE THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS AND CHANGE. He won’t. You are just a pawn in a sick live game where you taking your life is the ultimate outcome he hopes for. What power he has if he can make you do that and he isn’t even physically there in front of you. But know he is watching. Technology is far more advanced than us common folk are aware of.
    Keep us posted. You matter. I could careless about how tall you are or how much you weigh. I care about you. You are meant to do great good things here. Close the door. Don’t look back.
    He is empty! You can do this. You are strong! That’s why he went after you in first place. Remember that.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Kim

    God I really am so tired of these empty lost souls going after the strong and good people on the planet. A friend of mines mom killed herself. But same thing. She had a dude just like above in and out of her life. It went on two years. This woman ran a entire city just ten years ago. Strong. She was very strong and had integrity! No one saw this and now her daughter sees it and knows she failed her mom. That’s a bit harsh. I don’t want her doing the same. But I see this happening a lot . Think about it. Think about normal people suddenly doing crazy things. Read up on it. Watch agenda 21.

    Sorry. If I come off too strong. I want us to all do a group hug get strong and battle these people all at once and show them who not to mess with! They prey upon the good when the pure at heart are hurting. Opportunists cowards and thieves. Bad people. I honestly am starting to wonder if they are even human. That sounds crazy. But lots of crazy stuff is going on. Wake up.

    Anyone else agree?

    Like

    Reply
  4. Cloripondia

    A person of my inmidiate family is involved with a “Text Book” narcissist. She has been married to him for 4 years so far and he started showing his true self after they tied the knot. I’m writing here in hopes of any ideas on how to approach her and make her realize that she needs helps. She’s no longer the person she used to be, he has turned her into a puppet that only exists to satisfy his needs and wants. He’a draining her emotionally and financially. She has been the provider since Day 1 and never had a real job. Last year, she started to open her eyes therefore they argue a lot and since he was losing control of her, he threated to leave her… Of course he blamed her… He’s such a manipulator, any problem in their marriage is her fault, she doesn’t support him enough, he is depressed, etc. They were going to a marriage counselor who diagnosed him as a narcissist and of course he pushed to change counselor because he wasn’t a christian… Was that really the motive? Or was it because he could see what he really was? Now they go to another counselor that he chosed and since then she only agrees to everything he wants to avoid confrontation… It’s a very sad situation to watch. There are more and more things that he has done to scared the hell out of us but it seems like she hasn’t had enough yet and still thinks she can change him. How can you help someone in that situation?? Any help will be greatly appreciated!

    Like

    Reply
  5. Bittersweet08

    So being in our different stages of recovery, I have noticed that my interactions with people are affected on a different level.
    I feel as though, now, after determining that my relationship was abusive on so many levels, I tend to not trust people at all. These are people I have known for years. I am constantly questioning their motives and always wondering if what they are saying is true!
    After all of the lies and games I put up with for so many years, it’s so hard to step out and actually trust again. I guess this all part of the recovery process.
    Much love and peace to all of you! Stay safe!

    Like

    Reply
  6. Bittersweet08

    Cloropondia, my family was screaming, pleading, begging me to leave my relationship. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen. I had not had enough. I hit my bottom after he physically hurt me.
    I hope your family member hits her limit before this happens to her. The only thing I can tell you, is please just be there for her when she does leave. Do not judge her, don’t tell her ‘she let it happen’ don’t say, ‘I told you so’…just simply be there as a loving force. Be her strength to stay away from him for good.
    Good luck!!!!!!

    Like

    Reply
  7. alexzangriles

    Hey guys,
    I have to vent for a minute because I feel like I have been kicked in the gut. I’ve told my story on here before but feel I need to give a little background to help explain how I am feeling right now. My ex-narc husband came to me a third time in two years (even after he married someone else) and convinced me to go back to him. It was the same song and dance, he sucked me in for 5 months with admiration, left his current wife, told our children we would be a family again, and made promises that I now know he would/could never keep. He then began to discard me in June (I could feel it in my gut and it has happened before). By July he was gas-lighting me with absurd accusation and I knew that he had gone back to her and was getting ready to exit…again. On July 13th I actually beat him to the punch by not asking by demanding to know how long he had been back with her/sleeping with her. After he tried to deny and I would not allow him to, he did admit it (but of course it was my fault…he couldn’t trust me…blah blah blah). I kicked him out and immediately started researching what the hell was wrong with him. That led me to this site and a couple others that have really helped give me insight, strength, and gear up for his next attack (positive or negative I know it will happen). Now, I know that Carrie’s approach is no contact in which I absolutely want to do but until I sell “our” house (the one that I have taken care of and paid for the past few years but he gets half..yes I am a little bitter) I unfortunately have to have minimal contact with him.
    I honestly have been pretty good about keeping text minimal (he has tried to get to me several times and I have not let him). He is not on fb but she (his current wife in which I told everything to but she is too blind to see right now). We have a few mutual friends but I have tried not to even go anywhere that she would be (I know I need to block her..not sure why I haven’t and can’t yet). Anyway, tonight I stumbled across a comment she posted on another friends and noticed that her cover pic was of her and my ex again (when he left her in May she changed her name, her pic, and even hopped on Tinder). While I does bother me a little seeing them publicly together again, I knew it was inevitable. What bothers me more than anything is the fact that he continues to mess with peoples minds, hearts, and lives and GETS AWAY WITH IT. When he left her, he told her it was over, he was in love with me, he didn’t love her. He even had me help him write her, her parents, and her brother “Dear John” letters. And now he can abandon myself, my kids, and get back into everyones good graces just like that?!?!?! WTF,???? I want to ask how stupid people really are but then again, I fell for it! It just makes me so angry!!!!!!!

    Like

    Reply
    1. MM Bee

      THE . MOST . GALLING . THING . is that ‘get away with it’ business – aaaaggghhh!! SO . NOT . RIGHT. SO, SO, NOT right. Your story is mind bending. It is a particularly debilitating anger – the anger of trauma – born of a powerlessness we did not choose. (and you did SO WELL with your ‘beating him to the punch’. SCORE!! By beginning to come together (us victims) we may be creating critical mass – making it less and less possible for societies to condone this type of behavior. We sure have earned it – joy, peace – safety – well being – a partner – love – and much, much, more, in no particular order. Sounds like a SERIOUS TRIANGULATOR that one. (Google: ‘S. Arabi Narcissist Nightmare’ for what I consider the first and possibly only definitive work of help – can’t say enough good about it.)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. alexzangriles

        Yes, he is (was) very good at playing the victim and making others look crazy, wrong, hurtful. I’m sure everything was blamed on me and he has them believing that I am at fault for everything. Thanks for the article…I will read it today.

        Like

        Reply
        1. helen

          Interesting how a lot come on here and say they make you sound like you are crazy and nut case. I can relate to that, mine said if I ever did this or that he will just say she was neurotic. Oh yes hurtful. Of course its all your fault..no way will they take blame. They are so selfish and its all about them. They make some thing that is nice turn it face about just rune the occasion.

          Like

          Reply
  8. Lori

    Hi all, I’m new here. I’m so glad I found this blog. The insight and advice is by far the best I have read.

    To sum up my situation, over a year ago we had a temp start at my work for the summer. He pursued me hard and we started to hang out. He texted me all the time, “claimed” all my free time (I had a fiancé but hardly saw him due to his work schedule). After a month of hardcore low bombing he got me into bed. I was basically having an affair after that, yet we never made it relationship official. After 2 months of hardcore LBing he started to push me away out of the blue. Less texting, less hang outs, flaking on plans. Since then that’s been cycle. He comes around for a while, until he gets sex from me, then disappears for days – weeks at a time. Last winter I broke up with my fiancé, he came around for a week and treated me like a girlfriend, then disappeared for a while. This after telling me he couldn’t “seal the deal” with me because I was with my fiancé. Anyway it’s been a year of my life, now. I’ve tried walking away a few times but he pursues me hard and always breaks down any walls I try to build.

    This summer I lost my cool. I told him 3 separate times since July that I felt I was only good for the benefits (we are and have only been FWB), that I liked him and got hurt, that I felt used. He side stepped all that and said he’s been a bad friend if I felt used and that the benefits needed to stop because they complicate an otherwise “simple and great” friendship. Not the first time he said we were “just friends then got me into bed. Well he did just that. The last freak out I had I told him I couldn’t be his friend, that this situation wasn’t working for me. Of course I back peddled and tried to take it back. But I have seen him ice since then and we spent a night together. But since my confronting him this summer I don’t hear much from him like I was before and have only seen him once in over a month, and that’s because I was mad at him and demanded we hook up, but he could have easily said no so I suspect he did it to keep his supply (me) happy and in his back pocket. Is he going to discard me because he knows I can see through his mask now? Am I too “dramatic” and “crazy” for him now?

    I know I need to go NC but I feel the only way I will walk away is if he does a final discard. I know it would be the best thing for him to do that to me but I can’t help but feel I ruined everything by speaking up for myself. They do discard you when you do that right? Or do they like the attention and he’s just giving me the silent treatment lately as punishment for my behaviour lately?

    Just trying to figure out what might be going on in his N mind.

    Also, after a discard last winter when he had a girlfriend (as soon as she broke up with him he came around again) I kept him at bay because I had over a month NC under my belt. It took him 2 weeks of pursuing me hard to break my walls down. He got me out one night and got me into bed. During sex, he slapped me in the face out of nowhere. I stopped and asked him why he did that and he wouldn’t answer me. It was dark so I couldn’t see his face. He also choked me real hard that night, and held my hands away while he did stuff to me while I said no and he hurt me, it wasn’t pleasurable. I don’t know if it’s because he was real drunk, or if that was his anger towards women (his gf breaking up with him and me avoiding him prior to this). He’s never gotten physical like this with me before or since. So I just excuse it as him being really wasted and out of it?

    Like

    Reply
  9. narcor just ass

    Hi all and MM Bee- me again. I’ve been with my company for 16 years and the doors are closing tomorrow. I’m 10 Months no contact as of 8/27, so in 4 days. But as I’m packing up to leave here I’ve been going through some serious memories and a lot of them are about the N. This is where we met and where it all happened… so I came here, to this site, and as always I get something here to help me. MM Bee – I googled “S. Arabi Narcissist Nightmare” and it is FABULOUS. It’s a book called “Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare”. I could not afford to purchase it, however all I did was look at the “look inside” where it gives you a sneak preview and right there in the preface answered a lot of my questions. It is a book explaining how to use the N’s tactics but in reverse and on yourself, yet it is not about revenge….so, for example how You can devalue the narcissist, or how YOU can discard the narcissist, or how you think of the narcissist as supply, only it is ROTTEN supply that you do not need anymore. it isn’t about revenge at all, it is all for you to internalize and put in place in your mind. It helps you to re-program your mind back to what is normal and clear and balanced. I recommend this book to anyone, even if you just go check out the preface page on the “look inside” sneak preview that amazon offers. Anyway thanks again. That helped.

    Like

    Reply
  10. alexzangriles

    Narcor and MMB,
    I purchased the book through my Kindle on my phone and will definitely give insight on this site. So far I am only to Chapter 1 but already feel confidant that there will be some good stuff in there! P.S I started my own blog and with clips, stories, poems, etc…that I am trying to launch so if anyone has suggestions (not sure what the hell I am doing really). It is titled Surviving the Dark Narc and my site address is narcissism118wordpress.com. Hope you don’t mind my plug on here Carrie!

    Thanks,
    Alex

    Like

    Reply
  11. Sandra Powrie

    I have a question….. My daughter’s husband, narcissist was put out of the home. Within a week he found a very nice 3 brm house, ($2,000). A month, furnished it with all brand new Ashley Furniture, plus 3 large tvs, Paid cash for a $50,000 car plus upgrades. And invested $20,000 in restoring another car.
    In the family home, fridge and stove broke down. In an attempt to bait my daughter he replaced them with brand new appliances. He is finally getting the water filter system for the house, and adding 4 more bedrooms …. So that the 7 children don’t have to continue living in a
    3 brm house. All of this that should have been done 10 yrs ago, and is all being done now Because…he will do and say anything to get back into the house. He is spending money like he thinks he is Donald Trump, though until now he has said…. I can’t do that….the business is slow. But we have a Big check coming in soon, then we will see what we can do. I’ve heard that story for years. My concern though is that, this mr nice guy act won’t last too long, it’s been 3 months already. He is the first narcissist we have ever known, and after 20 yrs, my daughter is as you might imagine, she was well loved and had close friends, but now she has none, I am the only thorn in his flesh and won’t go away, My son and I are not allowed in the house, and for now We have to go along with it..(15 yrs and 5 yrs respectively).. But I won’t stay away from my daughter and grandchildren.
    I have read a lot this past 5 yrs on the subject and learned so much about what they are, but I don’t know what to expect next, when he discovers that he very likely won’t get back into the house and he won’t control my daughter any more.
    I don’t give advice or butt in, though I have given my daughter sights like this one to look up, she has gone through understanding and denying what he is. She is not telling him NO at the moment, but when he figures it out and realizes he has lost every vestige of control…….what happens then? If anyone can help me understand the next phase, I will be glad to read all you have to say.

    Thank you.🌺

    Like

    Reply
  12. Kim

    It could get dangerous. They do the dumping not other way around. And he has spent a lot of money to get back in. They don’t like to be tricked. They fear exposure and losing their control. Expect that something will happen. And it won’t be good. She needs to get away and not let Him work her like he did with revamping the house. The house is a house. Lives can’t be replaced. I understand her thinking. Get it done now while he willing, she’s waited long enough. She won’t get it done after he learns he no longer has control. I get it!!! You say you won’t stay away from your daughter and grandchildren? Well you need to make sure she isn’t playing games with this man because the outcome could make seperation a permanent thing for you with regard to your daughter. Look up the facts on wives being killed by these kind of monsters.

    Like

    Reply

Don't be shy, add your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s