Warning to the New Girlfriend-Life With A Narcissist

Letter to the Next Victim

I want to offer some information so you don’t believe him when he tells you that you are crazy and he has about had it with YOUR theatrics. To find support and to confirm you are not crazy just google Malignant Narcissist, Psychopath; my ex is textbook.

I assume you are beginning to doubt he is everything he professes to be; so much what I am about to tell you should ring true to you, arm you with knowledge of things yet to come and hopefully you will run NOW, and not wait. I didn’t try to warn you because I know how charming he can be in the beginning, you were thinking he was the love of your life and you would never have believed me anyway. I’m sure he has made me sound like a psycho bitch (because that is what he told me about the ones before me) who made his life hell for 10 years. Plus you would have wanted to prove how loyal you were to him after  he had been treated so badly by me.

But by now things aren’t adding up, he has changed, even if you can’t put your finger on it or he is saying you are being too sensitive, you are doubting yourself and your gut instinct. I guarantee you he won’t change,  in fact;  the longer you are with him the weaker you get, the more control he gains and when you have nothing left to give he will leave you without a backwards glance, except to call you a psycho bitch and tell you he has found the love of his life.

Here are a few facts that might help you realize you are just one of many women who have been the “love of his life”. He is incapable of true love, has no conscience, feels entitled to do and take anything he desires without guilt and will blame you for your own pain.

Did you know that he and I had gone for dinner the night before he broke down in your driveway and he had walked me out to my truck and said I love you and kissed me ever so sweetly. Did you know that he was seeing 3 or 4 women at the same time, telling me he loved me and saying, “I don’t know why you get so upset, you know we always end up back together.” The day after we had dinner together the police called me and asked if I knew where my car was. (it was in my name and I was insuring it as a favor to him, according to his blog he had left your house to meet me so I could insure it for him, all the while leading me to believe he still loved me) The police told me where it was parked with the keys in it. It turns out he was seeing a married woman and her husband found out and thought by letting me know it would break it up. It did break it up but he went straight to your place. I found out on the blog he had at the time that he was thinking Peggy was going to be the last woman he ever loved.

He had told 6 women in 2 years that he loved them, but he means it with you, right? But that was a long time ago wasn’t it, maybe he was lying to you then, maybe he was lying to many people but your special love has changed him, right? Just because he has never been faithful in his life and he has physically abused every woman he has been with doesn’t mean he will abuse you, right? he just hasn’t had anyone love him like you love him, right? You can go ahead and believe that, I won’t try to change your mind but keep THIS in mind; past behavior predicts future behavior. I am going to do you a favor, give you an advantage I never had. Do with it what you will but you would be wise to not let him know you know. Knowledge is a powerful thing and it would serve you well to file this information.

– Within a month of us moving in together I accidentally found he had joined a dating site while I was at a family function he refused to attend at the last-minute. Of course I was being totally selfish when I got angry. When he realized my bags were packed he turned on the tears and begged me to stay, he made all kinds of empty promises.

– Remember this: If you decide you have had enough of his pathological lying, infidelity, and chronically being fired for stealing and kick him out; he will recite everything he ever did wrong to you, take total blame, give a tearful apology and one week later when you find out he hasn’t done anything to change and remind him of his promises he will look you straight in the eye and say, “I told you what I knew you wanted to hear.” and accuse you of living in the past.

– He has studied mind control, all the tricks on how to get any woman to go to bed with him, and he will look you right in the eye and lie! Even when you catch him red handed he will deny deny deny and then get angry, don’t push him, he will hit you. It’s called narcissistic rage. The worst thing you can do is tell a narcissist he/she is wrong or challenge their lies.

– At first sex was great, we slept wrapped together all night. He even made a point of mentioning how a couple sleep together is an indication of how “connected” they are and he’d never been able to sleep snuggled up all night with anyone like the way we slept. We would make love and he would want to fall asleep while he was still inside me, often waking up several times in the night to do it again. He couldn’t get enough of me; but soon he came to bed later and later, and would make it to bed just in time to get laid before I had to go to work. The last couple of years he was falling asleep anywhere but in bed with me.

– he was an attentive lover at first and every time we broke up, between those times it was all about him, I was taking too long to orgasm, oral sex was reserved for those times he was trying to win me back and in the end he wouldn’t even pull his jeans down and just undo his zipper. I never rejected him, because I loved him with all my heart and I didn’t want to give him any reason to go elsewhere. In 10 years, even when we were split I never so much as kissed another man.

He will eventually treat you with loathing. When I cried and offered to leave because it was obvious he didn’t love me he told me I was being too sensitive and paranoid.

He came to me after about 3 months of no contact, he had moved to Red Deer and I had gone on with my life: and begged me to come back to him, to give him “one last 2nd chance”. He was crying, telling me I was all the woman he would ever want or need, he proposed, he made love to me like never before and made me repeat over and over that I knew he loved me. He apologized for everything he ever did wrong without blaming me for anything. he acknowledged how hard I had worked and how I had put up with more than any woman should have to.He also told me he had been given 6 months to live. I found out over the course of 2 years that when he promised total honesty and faithfulness he was alternating living with two women in Alberta, had only hidden his profile on POF, and still writing a woman in Africa promising to bring her to Canada and marry her.

– He had many ads on many sites, looking for sex, love and any age was fair game.

– One time I counted 102 porn sites saved on the computer.

– Speaking of the internet, he has discovered all the ways to hide his activity on the net, if you are not computer savvy you have no idea the 2nd false life he leads on the net.

– Sounds weird I know, but he injured himself every time I thought I’d had enough and I’d have to take care of him. It happened for years until I casually mentioned what a coincidence it was that every time we had a fight he got injured, then it never happened again.

– Also, every vehicle I had for the 10 yrs I was with him developed a recurring problem that only he could fix or it was stolen. I had 3 cars stolen in 3 years, and numerous, more than I can count; broke down never to run again. That was how he controlled where I went, how much money I had and whether I could leave him or not. It is after all, all about control, him controlling you. You will not control him in any way.

With my last truck alone it was a constant string of truck repairs. He drove my truck until the last torque converter melted and destroyed the new tranny, why would a mechanic do something like that? I have to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t dealing with a normal person, there is no way of knowing why he does the things he does.

Just some of the issues with my truck:

1. He borrowed my truck to go get Tim Horton’s one night. While he was at Tim Horton’s some guys dropped off a car at Ralph’s across the street,he says the guys told him to help himself to the battery, rad etc out of it. So he did. The cops having coffee in Timmy’s of course checked out what he was doing and checked out my truck. They wrote him up for a bald tire and a broken wooden sideboard and gave him an inspection order; that he never told me about. Four months later I am driving through Surrey at 11 at night and get pulled over in a routine check. The police ask to see my inspection sheet, I give them my valid inspection sheet that doesn’t expire for another 6 months but they insist I had another inspection order. I don’t know what they are talking about, but they take the plate, put my truck “out of service”, fined me close to $2500 and call the tow truck. Now I can’t put it back on the road until it passes a full inspection, it can’t even be driven to the inspection facility it has to be towed. He still did not recall getting the inspection order. When I called the Department of Transport office she brought it up on the computer and said, “Does the name ____________ sound familiar?”Then, shortly there after he found the ticket in a coat pocket. That episode cost me $2500 in fines. Plus it meant that it had to be inspected and we knew it was needing brakes and power steering box. He kept saying he had a guy who would come to the house to inspect the truck, 3 weeks went by and nothing. So I drove it (yes I know it was illegal but I was desperate)to a shop, paid the $125 and had it inspected. He had fixed the steering box so I assumed he had fixed the brake line leak, but when the guy inspecting the truck looked, there was a pair of vice grips on the brake line!

2. I immediately bought the parts necessary for the brake job. The truck sat for another full month with him promising to do the brakes every weekend but never doing them.

3. The starter went on the truck, it was on warranty so it wasn’t going to cost anything but 3 weeks went by and it didn’t get done, so I paid to have the truck towed to a shop and repaired. I still owe for that repair.

4.His F250 was stuck in a friends muddy field, he was using my truck to try to pull it out. I could smell something burning but he wouldn’t stop. He is the one who told me a long time ago that you could burn out your tranny that way. I finally lost it and demanded he stop. When he did there was smoke coming from under the hood. But did he stop then? NO! He kept at it until there were flames. I was furious and told him he owed me a new tranny. But the next day when we pick it up it worked ok, but he told me I should change my tranny fluid. I didn’t know how, money was tight and after all he was the one who overworked it. I bought the tranny fluid, but it never got done. There’s more incidents like this but you get the idea. The tranny fluid ended up going into his transport truck.

– Keep detailed records of any money he gives you and what you spend, also keep a journal because he changes how and what happens to suit his agenda, if you haven’t kept track you probably won’t remember and even if you do it is his word against yours and he won’t back down.

Somehow you will always owe him money, it doesn’t matter if you make sure you pay for all your own expenses and most of his, out of the blue he will come up with a figure he thinks you owe him. I got in the habit of asking, “Is this a gift or will you expect me to pay for it later, because I can’t afford it so don’t want it, if it is a gift then thank you.”

Never assume anything!!

– He will bitch profusely about all the work and money he’s put into your vehicle and all of a sudden he will have an invoice for you in the thousands for work he’s done.

– He will be relentless about badgering you for payment.

– Eventually either the personal ads, his off and on affection for you (he used to say his love was cycleable) or his badgering you for money will get the better of you, you will explode and you will either be hit(punched) or strangled. He will NOT be sorry.

– If you are emotionally distraught about your child, or someone important to you other than him he will try to control that by not letting you leave or phone until you “calm down” and will resort to physical restraint. If you fight that he will hit you.

– You will discover he is writing love letters to at least one other woman but he will somehow blame you for driving him to it.

– Throughout all this he will have moments of seemingly genuine remorse and will make all sorts of promises, cry, write poetry, anything he thinks will win you over with his charms.

– In 10 yrs he was fired from every job he had, the longest he held a job was one year, most don’t last past the 3 month probationary period.

– He is always “falsely” accused of stealing.

– Rest assured he is lying to you, about how much money he makes, where he spends his money, that he didn’t call because his phone needed charging, that he was working late.

– Quite by accident his best buddy told me something he had told him and it was nowhere near the truth, after that we compared notes several times a week; he lies about everything, even things he has no reason to lie about.

– He will be late, always, whether you have Christmas dinner planned, its your birthday, you have a houseful of people coming, you are going to an event he’s known about for weeks, you WILL be left waiting for him and you WILL miss things that are very important to you.

– although he was generous in the beginning, he has kept track of every dime he has spent on you and after a while not only will you be paying your own way every where but his also. Whereas he used to leave little love notes for you to wake up to and he would buy you flowers for no occasion after a year or so you won’t get gifts any more, not for your birthday, Christmas, or Valentines. I stopped caring but he would make sure to ruin any celebration I had planned.

– he will stop caring if you are enjoying sex, you’ll be lucky if he uses lube let alone to get you aroused. But if you break up, be ready for some of the best sex you’ve ever had, until he’s got you back.

– all his friends either accuse him of stealing or screwing them on a deal, he has no long-term friends because he is not a friend to anyone unless he has something to gain from the friendship. When he does make a new friend he takes on their views and beliefs and calls them daily, gives them gifts and is almost obsessed with them (just like he was with you in the beginning)

– he is passive aggressive and he WILL get even. Something of sentimental value to you will disappear or get broken, by accident of course. By the time we split I had nothing of value left. He loaded my camper on my truck with a bobcat, drove over my possessions with the bobcat, threw my stuff in a muddy pasture and hosed it down. He promised to help me move and then never showed up so I lost my furniture. He stole mementos like my son’s baby teeth, a gold booty charm I got when my son was born and poured antifreeze on all my photos to name just a few things.

– what’s yours is his and what’s his is his and he will not treat your possessions with respect, nor you for that matter.

– Watching a TV show?, he’ll start playing the guitar. Gotta go to bed early he’ll find a way to keep you awake, sick? Forget it if you think he’s going to nurse you, you’ll be lucky if he’ll take you to the hospital when you are REALLY sick, in fact he’ll probably make sure to not be home at all if you are sick.

– He doesn’t do dishes, not if you have been sick for 2 weeks with pneumonia or away for a few days, the dishes will be waiting for you when you are well again or back home.

– He is a slob. He will stop showering daily, stop dressing nice and you will wonder where the clean well dressed guy you met disappeared to, yet when he is going out he will dress up. Where is he going? do you really know?

He has probably isolated you, somehow managed to move you to a remote location so he can control you easier and you don’ t have a support system of family and friends. He will make sure you don’t have a vehicle so when he is gone you can’t go look for him or leave without him. You will be reliant on him for everything, to take you to the doctor, to visit your family, to go grocery shopping; he wants you home but don’t expect him to be accountable for his activities.

I bet shortly after you met him he borrowed a small sum of money and paid you right back, so when he needed a large amount you felt confident he would pay you back. I bet he hasn’t has he? but he has acquired new guitars, motorcycles, and vehicles.

There is more but if that isn’t enough then look out, you are as big a sucker as I was and he WILL break you. After a while you won’t be able to do anything right, you can’t because he keeps changing the rules. When he has used you up he will say he can’t take it any more and he wants out, oh he’ll let you stay because he wouldn’t want to see you with nowhere to go, but its over for him. If it is your house he will refuse to leave. If you tell him to get out he will go away and come back like nothing ever happened. If you lock him out he will threaten to kick the door down so you will let him in for fear of what the neighbors think. If you put his stuff outside he will pretend he doesn’t notice and come in any way, he may be very loving and seem to have changed, if you let him in the house he will slowly bring his stuff back in the house. If you call the police they won’t help. If he has given you any money you will be told it is a rental  agreement and you must serve him with an eviction notice, if he hasn’t given you money then it is considered a domestic issue and the police won’t get involved unless there are signs of domestic violence. If he is driving your vehicle (because he owes the insurance company so much money he can’t afford the insurance) by law, if you didn’t tell him that if he did not return it by a certain date and time you would report it stolen; the police will not help you get it back. You can not cancel the insurance if you don’t have the license plates and anyway if you cancel the insurance he will just drive it without insurance and seeing as it is in your name if he has an accident they will come after you not him. PLUS depending on how long you have been together you may be considered to be married by law and if you don’t have a prenuptial agreement he is entitled to half of everything you own anyway.

You probably have so much money invested in the relationship you know that if you kick him out you will never see your money again. Face it, you are never going to see your money again anyway. You are best to cut your losses and kick him out now before he costs you any more money. If you haven’t figured it out by now, he does not live up to his obligations, he owes everyone and has an excuse why he doesn’t have to pay the debt and it is always someone else’s fault.

About now you just want the man you met back, you want to feel loved again, you try to be more loving because he says you are driving him away with your unreasonable demands for fidelity, accountability and honesty. You will say I love you and he will refuse to say it back because that is what you want. He will act like he loathes you and the times he is loving are fewer and farther between. You will grovel and beg him to please just tell you what he wants, he’ll say “I know I don’t want this” and walk away with a rolling of his eyes and a look of disgust You want that sweet loving man you met back and will do almost anything to revive him but you don’t know how to reach him. You try to discuss things rationally with him like you used to (remember  how when you first met he told you that you were different from all the rest, he could talk to you because you were so calm and rational not like his psycho exs?) so you choose your words carefully, try to pick a time when he isn’t angry and unapproachable and as non-confrontational as possible you try to talk to him about your concerns and how much you love him and just want to know if he still loves you and wants to be with you. But the man who cried the first time he said I love you, the sensitive guy who you talked to for hours in the beginning and told you that you were all the woman he would ever want is now cold and distant, annoyed with your emotional display.  Sorry, the man you met was an illusion, a figment of your imagination that he expertly brought to life in order to hook you. The joke’s on you and he is smug about being able to pull one over on you. To him your displays of emotion are nothing more than attempts to control him. You have been sucked into an elaborate game of strategy, he is continually planning his next move, he must “win” and you are now the enemy. He is a pathological liar, and cheater and assumes you are also. Life is a game where there are no loyalties, no compassion, no empathy, no commitments, only the world against him in his quest to find happiness by fulfilling his every desire any way he can. But he is empty, he has no soul, he was born disabled and can not feel love, empathy or compassion, he has no conscience so feels no guilt, in his mind you deserve to be treated with loathing because you were stupid enough to get sucked in by his lies. He is superior to you because he is smarter than that, to him emotions are a weakness or a weapon. in a normal relationship if you say, “Please stop doing that, it hurts me.” the person will stop, with a narcissist all he sees is you trying to control him and will do it again just to prove you can’t tell him what to do. If he hurts you and you break up with him he will stop at nothing to get you back, say anything, promise everything, admit to everything. if you take him back he isn’t happy to have you back, he sees you as weak and stupid for believing him and for that he will punish you with worse treatment. Every time you forgive him and he gets away with whatever transgression he sees it as a challenge. If he got away with that, what else can he get away with? He needs to hurt you, he gets off on your pain and he must increase the pain he inflicts because like with any addiction he needs more and more. At first the personal ads were good enough but you forgave that, so now he had to exchange pictures and write love letters, when you forgive that he has to date them.

You, you have compromised so many of your boundaries you don’t have any “deal breakers” any more, you don’t know what you believe any more, the lines between right and wrong are blurred. You are ashamed to tell your friends how the relationship really is because you know deep down it isn’t right or fair but he is so adamant that you are to blame, you don’t even know anymore. You just want the pain to stop.

How long the relationship lasts is dependent totally on when he finds your replacement.

If you leave him before he is ready he will stalk you, harass you and you will believe he could kill you. If you call the police he will be on the phone at the same time laying charges against you or whoever might come to your defense. He will forge your signature on legal documents, insurance papers or a bill of sale.

He will get you evicted time after time and if you move, once you are back on your feet he will be back and slowly but surely he will move in. In 10 yrs he paid the rent for 2 yrs and lived with me the other 8.

Do not doubt the depth of evil within this man,  if you have a gut feeling you are in danger do not doubt it! When ever he thought I was truly going to leave was when he got the scariest.

He taped us having sex, he had a hidden camera pointed at the chair I usually sat at, he would listen in on conversations and track me through my phone. He sabotaged my brakes, and power steering on my truck more than once and tampered with my tires resulting in me blowing a front tire going 110 km on the freeway. Your imagination is not playing tricks on you, you are not being too suspicious or paranoid.

don't look backThere is a reason he doesn’t want you to meet his ex’s and it isn’t because they are psycho bitches.

Think about it. Like I said to him once. “You must be concerned about yourself.” He said no why do you say that? I said, “Because all your ex’s are psycho bitches. Either you are attracted to psycho bitches or you turn women into psycho bitches, either way you have a real problem. I’d be concerned if I were you.”


309 thoughts on “Warning to the New Girlfriend-Life With A Narcissist

  1. WC Breeze

    I am experiencing this now and have been going through it for 3 years. The only exception is now I’m sick and tired of him. I don’t want to be a victim or his supply anymore and my attitude is changing. I’ve always walked on eggshells around him and made sure I filtered my conversation. Ha! Now I don’t care and I’m just as mean as he is. He pull that silent treatment cap and I pull it right back and as for that super star sec when he trying to prove he’s sorry…I don’t even want it. Truth is…the last time he left, I found the sweetest, kindest man ever and I’m not letting him go. If u want to know how to treat a narcissist, I say exactly the way he treat you and slowly and calmly leave the relationship emotionally. When you do that, leaving physically is easy. This man is on his way out the door and doesn’t even know it. He’s so darn proud, I’m sure once my new love is in play, he’s gonna cry like a little b!tch and I won’t care. Matter a fact I don’t care now. I already know I’ll be the one discarding his selfish behind. He will miss this supply contrary to popular belief.


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      WC Breeze, I have to say I never advise getting involved again too quickly, I hope it all works out well for you. So many times the victim gets involved with another narcissist because they forget how sweet the narc can be in the beginning and only remember how miserable and cruel he was in the end.
      Also, please be careful, with a true narc you never know how evil they will get, they don’t like to lose or be exposed. It is always best to just walk away with as little confrontation as possible. \Until you have truly left ad been no contact for a period of time can you give advice on how to handle narcissist. I have never known anyone to beat the narc at his own game.
      Good luck


      1. Bluegal

        I agree! I think its a good thing to debrief yourself, and distance your mind and emotions from the narc experience so you can see clearly. Jumping back in too soon, you may not be emotionally or psychologically ready and you may get “triggers” from things that may or may not be harmful. I think its better to get back to yourself, get back to rediscovering yourself again, knowing who you are with a new set of standards and boundaries in place. Then when its right, you wont have to look for the right partner, because you’ll just know when its right without question because it’ll feel right without question


        1. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

          I agree distance your emotions and yourself from the psychopathic narrissits because it will trigger them to stalk or call you at anytime. Than once you take them back more abuse and constant screaming when you ignore the psychopathic narrissit you are placing yourself in their boundaries that is what will cause them to suffer with narrissitic failed injury. The charm wears out as they get older.


      2. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

        I agree with WC never get involved with a guy who wants a fast relationship because it is a red flag and a trick. So many times we ladies fall for the future fakery why is that? well I will tell you why because it is the charm he only wants sex that is it. My ex was a sex addict as well. It takes guts to walk away from him. I wished that if I went back in time I would have broke it off when he followed me around all day, which was crazy I could have ran away and he gave me the creeps I placed him on a 90 day probation I felt like he betrayed my trust so he could never have it again. Please in the near future be very careful and do a thoroughly background check starting with psychological/behavioral background check and hire a private investigator to dig up the information. if you noticed red flags get out immediately the psychopathic narrissitists are experts at the cellphone game and hovering. they will appear back into your life one day acting like oh I never been in a relationship with you but they do know who you are. Scary thing is that they would stalk again. Be prepared for manipulations threats false accusations against you if he continues to stalk you file a retraining order.


      1. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

        that is wonderful break free from the psychopathic narrissitic abuser do not let him in because once he has you the abuse will happen to where he will email his ex and it would make you jealous. Mine went into a narrissitic rage and is aggressive very dangerous literally I blocked him from facebook and reported him on skype because I felt like my life could be in danger and who knows what he is capable of doing. He said you do not mention me to your therapist or everybody what we talk about and I said no but I did not let him control me. He is powerless and has no power against me that is what angers him the most. Ladies if you come across warning signs like blowing off priorities, cheating, ignoring your calls or texts does not meet to the actions. lies, deceit and uses religion abuse escape run from him. I had to run away from him because he would make threats and he would get a girl to beat me up cause he is not man enough to beat me up himself. However, Ladies when you fear for your life and he screamed at you embarrassed you infront of people let him make himself look like a fool. he knows how to play the victim clearly he is not the victim, he wants compassion and for you to tell off the ex by using the lies.


    2. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

      I know me too I have experienced the painful psychopathic narrissitic abuse I was with my ex-boyfriend for 7 months and he would be so charming at first than when the date began he blew hot and cold, was a big huge walking disappointment. He would pressure me into having sex with him but I preach to him about my religion being a Christian and what we believe in. I told him that I wait until marriage to have sex. He got ticked off like crazy there was a time when he did not respond to me at all he kept saying I am leaving for the military and the police academy, he was so eager to get rid of me. He told me that I could not bare my temper I admit that we had a blow out fight but he caused the fight and he won’t admit that he was at fault. He was a stalker after that he would get a girl to leave me a nasty message calling me a crazy bitch leave my man alone he is not interested in you and you need to leave us alone and that we don’t need any of your drama, seriously I am not afraid to tell you that your crazy I will meet up with you. Which he got rejected for the military and he is a nutcase my mother did not like him everybody hates him the only person that wants him is one ex who he kept calling her a dirty little slut. I was told by a guy that he and his ex-girlfriend are starting to date again. I asked myself what does he want with me? I know he was trying to get the onething he wanted than he would leave moreover, I remained true to my moral values and I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. I am sorry for everybody that is suffering with being victims of Psychopathic narrissitic abuser I know how it feels to think that he cares for you and you’d share common interest but in reality he was morphing into something he is not.


  2. Ali

    My head is pretty messed up after my ex. I’m now looking back at the 18 months and wondering wtf was even real. I kicked him out because I found out he was setting up with his new victim but I’ve also got his old phone which I can still see the idiots emails. While he was starting with her, still sleeping with me and messaging some other woman pretty graphic pics. He also stole my jewellery. His biggest thing when we were together was being talked about. He hated it. And now I’m so angry I want to send emails to his work, I want to humiliate him like I feel humiliated. I’m pretty sure he moved on from me cos I’m not that big of a sucker and called him out on his behaviour quite a bit. I’m 45 and a bit jaded after already being in a relationship for 22 years with an overt narcissist. I Swore blind I’d never get caught out again. I’d never heard of covert narcissist before, which this one was, so didn’t pick up on the red flags so well. Plus I have to admit my self esteem enjoyed the ‘love bombing’ of a 30 year old. His new girlfriend is only 24 and I don’t want her to have the shitty existence I had with my first partner. I know she won’t believe me as on his phone I’m labelled as the ‘crazy ass ex’. But I know that thinking is through what he’s fed her. But should I warn her parents? I have a 15 year old. I would truly want to be told. Plus I wish I’d been warned about both my exes. I know I need to make a decision and stop churning it over and over as it’s making me ill


    1. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

      Ali I am so sorry you have been through such a tragedy you should warn the 24 year old about who this guy really is and so that way a warning sign should be presented I remember when I dated the psychopathic narrissit. Nobody warned me after he walked out on me having sex with multiple women behind my back he has multiple one night stands. Here is a good tip if he showers before meeting up with you that indicates that he had sex with somebody and my ex was friends with benefits with his girlfriend. good idea I support you all the way warn her parents and come up with a plan by preventing her to go out with them.


  3. Beatriz Mendoza

    This sounded like something I went through twenty years ago; I met this guy when I was in college and he behaved in exactly the same ways you pointed out; he was condescending, cutting, made me feel I was nobody without him (but he was dead wrong) the day he stopped calling me, I was happy; I am free!


    1. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

      Beatriz I could definitely emphasized what you have been through I had been traumatized with his not wanting to hangout with me. I knew why he did not want me to come over to hangout with him it was cause he had multiple women over his house so he could have sex and before I came over he was showering and getting rid of the evidence. He still kept calling me on skype and facebook he did not email me so I blocked it the good news he deleted facebook but I reported his skype as a spam. My ex kept calling block unblock it is the same constant pattern but he stopped for now. Remember this he stopped calling cause he has a new source of supply and he feels like testing the waters by making sure that his narrissitic charm on you has not warn off but you could cause him to suffer with narrissitic failed injury by getting more women on his cellphone to rejected him and karma will come for him to where he would get somebody worser than him and she is going to beat the stuffings out of him. He will know how it feels, I am with you it is a good thing I have broken free from him at the sametime that he will call me eventually when he gets desperate for attention and he is powerless.


  4. Deborah Williams

    All the above describe my ex. After giving him a second chance, and realized he was getting only worse with the emotional, and verbal abuse was when I removed myself emotionally first, then physically last. He started too make me have a bad attitude with him due to his ways, and just not trying to listen to me or conform. I’m glad now he is gone. I don’t ever want to see him or be amongst his presence. He is the devil. He threatened me after telling him this last time to get out, “telling me how he was going to ruin my life”! Oh really! He can never come back.


    1. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

      Deborah this post has described about what our ex boyfriends done to us I was so forgiving multiple times to him but now I don’t forgive him because he broke it I don’t want him to contact me ever again. When he was with me he was texting a girl making me feel bad judgements he can come back it may take 5 or 8 years until he decides to walk in back in my life. Mine works for the devil and chooses to honor the devil and he is anti religion. Guess what he keeps telling me that he is leaving for the military and police academy and does not promise to wait for me. He is a horrible person but a day will come when he will regret it and karma will kick him and blow up in his face when he does not know what hit him.


  5. passengeroftheroadJane

    My narc was / is subtle, nothing traceable back to him. Highly controlling which got worse until I left. The damaging abuse were his rages, they were planned not heat of the moment or out of control. This frightened me which is why I ‘splipped’ away never to return.
    He immediately began a “wonderful new relationship” ignored me apart from a slanderous email. But three months into his new relationship the hoovering began with vigour.
    Luckily I was pointed to researching narc patterns of behaviour it’s him to a tee. He evades the truth about obvious cheating by saying it was better for me that he moved on. He claims he has no memory of the rages which is a lie in his toxic email he put the blame on my outfit being “disappointing” .
    He has a very strange logic, has rewritten his abuse out of the scenario & wont go away unless he is “sulking” his own words.
    I never provoke him, or feed his ego, but he finds a new angle to hoover me, illness, marriage, love & hate. None of which will work he is in a relationship anyway.

    Dangerous people with no empathy, you can’t get a straight answer about anything.


  6. Pingback: Warning to the New Girlfriend-Life With A Narcissist | Behind the Smile

  7. Kathleen

    I just ended my 2 yr engagement with my Narc, he is the typical come on strong, then after a year and a half he started to change, I helped him through a custody battle with his ex wife, and it ended up I was watching his daughter who herself is a Narc. I couldn’t stand her, I never thought I would dislike a child but she was awful, the reason being is that Daddy didn’t discipline her and she was allowed to do what she wanted in MY home. He would call it his house LOL. I finally had enough my son suffered the abuse of his daughter and I finally said you need to find another sitter, and you and her need to move out. It was ugly, but then after he left finally he dragged his feet, I found out he was cheating the whole time I was watching his demon child all summer long.. So I bagged him on it, he turned cold as ice when he was moving out but I don’t care anymore about him.. I am pretty sure he won’t contact me ever again, he is a little frightened by me lol I said you say I am crazy I will show you crazy! Anyway if he did come back I would laugh in his face and then spit in it, he makes me sick and I know that he will die alone so that is satisfaction enough for me and he doesn’t have a pot to piss in, there are so many men out there who are NORMAL, non Narcs.. Don’t dwell on someone like that, you are so much better than him, he is sick in the head, be thankful your not. He feels empty everyday, no feelings, no life, no friends, a LONER.. Once he is gone, and if you act like a victim you are one, be a survivor! Now we all know… Next time will never happen again! Kathleen Survivor!


    1. jacquelynnfaith2020@gmail.com

      Right on Kathleen I am a survivor of being a victim of a psychopathic narrissitic abuse accept my ex wanted a girl that could afford him. I would drive him around he demanded me that we would go to a shooting range and he told me that when we marry I want to carry a gun in a house and it is for protection you are going to have to learn how to tolerate my temper if I hit you or physically abuse you I could not live with myself. I stood there like ah ha a confession he admitted to me that he is suicidal and was bakeracted and institutionalized for rebelling in highschool. He literally needs help and there is no cure for him.


  8. Anna Nim

    Pray the new one deserves her or escapes her… Mine cried too when telling me she loved me for the first time. Actually she cried when *almost* saying it, then when I left a bit later she let it slip, ’cause she had been holding it in so long’…FUNNY, she did the Exact same thing with my replacement… Literally! Mine was covert, cerebral and highly manipulative. A certain way real bad, because it wasn’t obvious, but I never, ever felt relaxed.I thought it was ME. She also tracked me a lot, which I felt was loving connection in the new modern era (text all the time, etc). No.. She also told me about the connection/snuggle thing too! Like word for your word. She also had a bad high fall years prior (verified) and claimed that because of it she was in constant pain (unlikely), but hugged me because of our connection. Even claimed how surprised her friends would be that we touched so much. I thought I was that special. I almost drowned in the River. It was ALL For Naught.


  9. Jeanne

    WOW I just left my husband, it has been a nightmare! and this blog has so helped me find some clarity…your man is nearly a exact duplicate of my charming, adorable musician husband. Incredible similarities…thank you, invaluable information here.❤️💜💚


    1. Carrie Reimer Post author

      Jeanne, I took the liberty of removing your last name for your own privacy and safety. You never know if you ex is stalking you on the net.
      So glad my blog was some help to you and that you have broken away from your abusive ex.
      We are here for you if you need a shoulder or an ear to listen.



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