Looking back I can see many red flags that I ignored very early in the relationship. If I were to see them again I would run to the highest hill wearing a clove of garlic, carrying a wooden stake and waving a cross.
I don’t know if these would be for all nacissists, feel free to add your own red flags.
1. Both our staff Christmas parties were on the same night and we agreed to have dinner at mine and party at his. We only went to his. Translation : You don’t matter, it is all about me.
2. Really quite early in the relationship he asked to borrow money to buy a car he said he could flip and make money on. I refused. He didn’t get angry but did borrow a little bit of money later and paid me back.
Translation : I paid you back so you will trust me later when I ask for alot of money and have no intention of paying you back because its all about my needs, get used to it.
3. He didn’t have a house in Sechelt and when I mentioned that he had said he did he said I must have misunderstood, he HAD been renting a house there before he met me.
Translation : I lie about even insignificant things but will never admit it and blame you by saying you misunderstood me.
4. He started calling me “babe/baby” on the 2nd date. Then I overheard him on the phone call someone babe. I asked him about it and he said he hadn’t realized he said it, he had been talking to his sister
Translation : I call every woman “babe” because I have numerous women on the hook and this way I never call them by the wrong name.
5. All his exs were psycho bitches and that is why he had nothing. Translation : I drive women insane.
6. He talked me into buying a used car from a friend of his because he said my car was unsafe and he was worried about me. Apparently the guy owed him $500 and I was to give JC the $500 and the guy the rest. Now I seriously doubt the guy owed JC any money.
Translation : no matter what happens to him you will be expected to bail him out after all ….
Come on you know what comes next …..
That’s right! Its all about him!
Very good class! You’re picking this up quite quickly!
7. He put fancy wheels and tires and a honking big stereo in my car. I didn’t want him to and told him what if we break up then I will owe for them and he insisted he would never take them back. I heard about those frickin wheels and tires for the whole next 2yrs until I sold the car and paid him for them.
Translation : He wants to look like a good guy but is really cheap, he had the wheels and tires just sitting there. He figures he’ll get brownie points and its something to hang over your head later when he wants to borrow money.
8. He was fired twice in the first 4 months. Of course he had a good excuse both times.
Translation : I can’t keep a job to save my life, that’s why its so important you get used to lending me money and that you owe me for being so nice to you in the beginning.
9. Someone beat him up bad. Some misunderstanding about money he owed them.
Translation : My life is one crisis after another, people are always angry with me and you are going to have to pick up the pieces for me because; after all……its all about me
10. He called me often and dropped by my work.
Translation : I am insecure, jealous and controlling. Once I have you I will control every where you go who you see and when you do it. But you will never know where I am or when I am going to be home. You are supposed to be waiting for me at all times because………fill in the blanks.
11. Even though I told him I wanted to just stay home and not see him that night he would call me and pressure me into meeting for dinner or something.
Translation: I can’t stand being alone, I need a constant supply of NS. Besides I don’t know what you are doing if you aren’t with me.
12. He said he loved me after only a couple of weeks. But I was feeling it too so it didn’t concern me.
Translation : lets speed this thing up I feel my mask slipping and don’t think I can keep up this charade much longer.
13. I was perfect. Even when I said I can’t keep up the late nights, the long commute, and doing all the cooking, cleaning etc. He would say, don’t be so hard on yourself, I love you just the way you are. I never felt he heard me.
Translation : I love you until you get tired of catering to me so don’t ever change by getting tired, sick, angry, or have any problems because it’s all about me not you so don’t expect sympathy: I don’t care what is happening in your life unless it affects me then I’ll get angry because your so demanding.
14. If I got upset about anything he would take me to bed and hold
me while I talked, we would end up making love and I would feel better but nothing ever got resolved.
Translation : I had to get your mind off whatever was bothering you and back onto me.
15. He wanted me to pay his cell phone bill because most of the calls were to me. I told him to quit calling me so much and I had my own bills to pay.
Translation : This is a trick question, we’ve already covered this topic in questions 2,6,7, and 8. and the number one answer is just because its all about him and you love him so much you will do anything to keep him happy.
16. He doesn’t want you to meet his ex because he is trying to protect you from her. She is such a psycho bitch he doesn’t know what she will say or do and he loves you so much he doesn’t want you to get hurt.
Translation : I am afraid she will tell you the truth about me and then you will be on to me and I won’t get away with all the shit I pull and blaming you.
That’s all the early red flags I could think of but if you have some red flags that you dismissed in the beginning please feel free to add them in the comments.
- How to Spot a Potential Abuser (asubmissivesinitiative.wordpress.com)
- First Date Red Flags (kellerdating.com)
- Red Flags: Readers Share Signs That Their Marriage Was Doomed (huffingtonpost.com)