Tag Archives: Aging

Excellent Article On “Why Didn’t You Just Leave?”

With all the publicity lately surrounding Ray Rice and Oscar Pistorius the topic of Domestic Violence has been brought to the forefront in the news; and the injustice we see happening when it comes to the abuser paying for his crimes of abuse. The obvious disregard for the rights of the victim is unbelievable and discouraging; it is almost enough to make a victim feel that there is no point in even trying to seek justice and she should quietly hide in a corner and pray he leaves her alone and doesn’t harm her any more.

To speak out can put the victim directly in harm’s way because the abuser never wants to be revealed for the person he really is, whether he is a football player or a mechanic at the local garage. There are two things a narcissist hates more than you, being opposed and being exposed.

But there is only one way to end domestic abuse and that is to keep speaking out, louder than ever, voices from all corners of the world united in a chorus of the truth exposing these toxic soul crushers for what they are; the more voices the louder it gets and sooner or later someone has to pay attention.

Society is starting to grumble, with Pistorius and Rice, people are realizing something is terribly wrong with our judicial system, that if a man that famous will do something like that then maybe there is more to this than just weak women who like to be slapped around.

Now, more than ever we have to ride the momentum and shout it out, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I hope we all are out there raising awareness any way we can.

I know some women (and men) don’t feel comfortable speaking out, or maybe they are just too afraid of their ex; i don’t want anyone to do anything that might jeopardize their safety, but there are ways you can speak out anonymously, put posters up raising awareness, post anonymously on the internet and  if you are in an abusive relationship take the steps you can to get out before it is too late.

Please do not excuse the abuse any more, don’t make excuses for him, stop dreaming about the day he morphs back into the man you fell in love with, it isn’t going to happen. Be prepared, admit, if only to yourself; that you are in danger and take notes, tell someone you trust, start journaling, and building your evidence against him; at least if he kills you there is a chance he will pay for his crimes.

The following Huffington Post article is something we should all pass along to as many people as we can, it is sobering and needs to be heard by society worldwide. Please share these true stories of abuse and why these women didn’t “just Leave” here is the link


Sorry for the screw up on the original post. I don’t know what happened.

Regret Is Best Served With Lots Of Ketchup


Here I am, on the night of my 56th birthday and I feel like an old sage, (or at the least old and saggy) like I should have some profound words of wisdom to have reached this age, after all it is more than 1/2 a century. I am definitely way more than 1/2 way through my life.

From the amount of grey hair I have, I should be so damn smart that people are lined up at my door waiting for me to impart them the meaning of life.

I looked, there’s no one out there.

I guess word got out that for all my life experience I am better at telling you what NOT to do, instead of what to do.

When my son got married, he said to me in that sweet-naive-know-it-all kinda way 20 year old’s have, “I am not going to be like you mom, I am only getting married once.”

My reply had been, “Look, maybe you won’t come to me for advice on how to make a marriage last, but if you ever want to know what not to do, I’m your gal.”

Sometimes I think knowing what NOT to do is more

important than knowing what to do.

There you go, that’s it, after over 50 years that is the extent of my profound wisdom. Make sure you pin it to your Pinterest!

btw, my son is now divorced. Maybe he should have come and asked what not to do. I would have said,

“Don’t marry her, she’s not right for you.” But would he have listened?, not likely.


That’s the way life is, you have to make your own mistakes and hopewaiter

to God when you screw up and you are choking on your own words

there is someone there to say,

“For dessert we have humble pie, it goes down better with ice cream.”


Do You Have Hope For The Future

If there is one thing I have learned over the past few years it is this; that even when you seem to have reached the end, even when you think you can not go on another day, or all your hopes and dreams have been dashed, when you hurt so bad you don’t think you can stand the pain, because of some thing from the past (after all if it happened yesterday it is from the past); it is never over, not as long as you are breathing. Every morning that you open your eyes is another chance to rewrite your life.

I listen to CBC radio everyday, I like the interviews they do and it keep me in touch with the outside world. Today they were talking about aging and referred to the poem below. I Googled Robert Frost “Do you have hope for the future” and the poem at the bottom of this post is what came up. Not only did the poem strike a cord with me, but the stories that followed. We never know what the future is going to do to our past.

It was very profound for me, I can relate so well. The  albatrosses I put on my son’s shoulders, one’s he never should have had to bear.

My son is moving back to BC and his friends took him out for a goodbye dinner on the weekend. This is the text message he sent me from the restaurant along with a picture of him with a man.  “this is Brian (not his real name) he has been my adoptive dad since I moved here, family dinners etc. he’s as amazing guy.” (funny how that happens where ever Kris goes, men step up and want to become his surrogate father)

My reply was, “That’s nice he’s there. He’s a brave man volunteering to be your dad. 🙂 Just kidding Hon.”

He said, “He is demanding I introduce you two lol”

Me “LOL why, to give me shit?”

Kris’s reply, “No, because I brag how amazing my mother is and he wants to meet that amazing lady” lol

Me, “Aaawwwwwwwww that’s so sweet. What a good kid you are.”

My point? It wasn’t that long ago I was so ashamed of myself and how I handled certain situations with JC and my boy and I was sure Kris would never forgive me and I had scarred him forever. For that matter I thought his father not being in his life when he was growing up was going to leave horrible scars. Yes he suffered from his father’s neglect, he suffered from my mistakes but life has a way of providing the means to heal, or God does. You never know what the future holds and it isn’t until you are in the future that the past makes sense and can take on a whole new meaning. What the future brings can turn a horrible event in your life into a blessed event. I know it to be true in so many areas of my life.

I struggle with believing that when I am going through whatever trauma but; God, the powers that be, karma, who ever is in control up, never let me down and they won’t let you down either.

You will survive and you will thrive, you just have to believe the future will heal the past.

Thanks, Robert Frost

by David Ray


Poem: “Thanks, Robert Frost” by David Ray, from Music of Time: Selected and New Poems. © The Backwaters Press. Reprinted with permission.
Thanks, Robert Frost

Do you have hope for the future?
someone asked Robert Frost, toward the end.
Yes, and even for the past, he replied,
that it will turn out to have been all right
for what it was, something we can accept,
mistakes made by the selves we had to be,
not able to be, perhaps, what we wished,
or what looking back half the time it seems
we could so easily have been, or ought…
The future, yes, and even for the past,
that it will become something we can bear.
And I too, and my children, so I hope,
will recall as not too heavy the tug
of those albatrosses I sadly placed
upon their tender necks. Hope for the past,
yes, old Frost, your words provide that courage,
and it brings strange peace that itself passes
into past, easier to bear because
you said it, rather casually, as snow
went on falling in Vermont years ago.

Literary and Historical Notes:

It’s the birthday of one of the most important folklorists in American history, Alan Lomax, (books by this author) born in Austin, Texas (1915). (Some sources give his birthday as January 15.) His father, John Lomax, was one of the first people ever to travel around the American South to write down the lyrics of folk songs sung by ordinary people in saloons and on back porches. It was John Lomax who discovered a folksong that became known as “Home on the Range.” By the time Alan Lomax was born, his father had taken a banking job to support the family. But he lost that job during the Great Depression, and in 1933, he applied for a grant to start collecting folk songs for the Library of Congress. Alan was 18 years old and the time, and he went along as an assistant.

They got in their beat-up old Ford with a tent and a 500-pound recording machine and went off to scour the prisons, plantations, and lumber camps, looking for songs. One of the stops they made on that first trip was Angola prison, and it was there that they first recorded a barrel-chested man with a beautiful deep voice, who went by the name of Leadbelly and introduced them to songs like “Goodnight Irene” and “Rock Island Line.”

Alan’s father would go on to become the first curator of the Archive of American Folk Song in the Library of Congress, but it was Alan would do most of the collecting. He traveled all over, recording everything from church singers to voodoo ceremonies. Unlike other musicologists, Lomax always tried to get the best recording equipment available. And even though he was recording on the fly in the field, he was careful about microphone placement and did everything he could to capture a high-quality sound.

He was one of the first people to record Woody Guthrie and helped get him a recording contract. In 1941, he went on a quest to try to find the legendary bluesman Robert Johnson, only to find that Johnson was already dead. But along the way, he made the first recording of a bluesman who called himself Muddy Waters. Waters later said that it was hearing the recording that Lomax had made that persuaded him to pursue a career in music.

Lomax also wrote numerous books about folk music and, in 1993, published a memoir of his early life called The Land Where the Blues Began.

It’s the birthday of Norman Mailer, (books by this author) born in Long Branch, New Jersey (1923). His novel The Naked and the Dead (1948) became the definitive literary novel about World War II, and it made Norman Mailer famous at the age of 25. His next two novels flopped, and critics said that he had failed to live up to his promise as a writer. He was depressed by the bad reviews he had gotten, and he decided that he would take a break from trying to write the great American novel. Instead he wrote one of the most confessional books that had been published up to that time, Advertisements for Myself (1959), about his own ambitions and fears.

Mailer became a regular and controversial guest on late-night talk shows, trying to stir people up against conformity. He also helped invent a new style of journalism, in which the journalist himself was a character in his own stories. He used that style in his bookThe Armies of the Night (1968), which won the Pulitzer Prize for non-fiction.